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Two goats are eating old movie film. The first goat says, "Pretty tasty, huh?" Says the second goat, "The book was better."
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1399482033 |
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Just a few *drive bys*...
HONK, IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.
HONK ALL YOU WANT – I’M DEAF. IF YOU CAN READ THIS, I CAN SLAM ON MY BRAKES AND SUE YOU. |
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what did the french fries say to the chicken nuggets? Let's make a Happy Meal.
hahahahaha corny as they get. |
What did the horse say when he fell? "Help, I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"
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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open." |
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.
Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire. "Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?" I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want." So here I am. |
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence beginning with "I".
Johnny: I is... Teacher: No, no! Always say "I am". Johnny: Okay. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1399550114 The teacher sends Johnny (yes, the very same Johnny from the above joke...he`s a bit of a keener) to the map to find North America. He finds it. Teacher: Very good. Now, class, who discovered North America? Class: Johnny!!! |
Corny jokes by Sheldon Cooper
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What do you call a musician who doesn't have a girlfriend? Homeless.
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1399559279 |
.....not to be confused with Fussilli Jerry......
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why did the cowboy get a dachshund?
he wanted to get a long little doggie.... :P |
The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no. I knew a woman who owned a taser, wow was she stunning! |
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