Caregivers
 

A lot of my dear friends are posting on FB about their broken hearts and missing their mother's. I still have mom. So I will shut up now and take care of mom. May be a while from here but mom comes first.

Burnout
 

The past five years I have went from caring for my grandmother, my mom and now my spouse. 6 months ago our lives as we knew them flipped upside down and sideways. Life is truly put into a different perspective when your told your spouse has a terminal diagnosis. Roles changed and new routines are our new normal. My love is fighting hard and and trying to beat the odds. I however am exhausted. I was in the process of dealing with my own health issues both mental and physical and most has been put on hold. But thru it all we're doing our best to try and push forward.

I so understand the stress of being a caregiver. My father passed Christmas of 2016 and within 3 months my mom was fighting for her life. She spent almost a month in the hospital. I made the decision to move from TX back to GA to care for her. My job let me work from home during that time. I also found another job, so I was working 3 jobs at the time. Mom started getting better and I got promoted which meant I had to move to be in an office she refused to go. My brothers, her and I came up with a plan where she would be with one of the three of us for 6 months at the time. She went to live with one brother and within 2 weeks she was with the other. In June of 18 he took her back to her house and dropped her off without telling anyone. She didnt tell us for over a month.

She has been there by herself for over a year and half. All of us check on her daily.

I would move back however I have since been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and I am unable to. She would be more of my caregiver and I won't let that happen. My wife and I are doing fine.

My job lets me work from home with only a couple of trips to an office.

Buddy, you are the best. Thank you for hearing me. Yes, I am alone. My dad and brother left years ago. It is a struggle, sometimes I win and sometimes I fail but I keep fighting every day. This year mom will be 89 years old.

I think my personal life is mostly gone now.

I am here, only 6 hours away. If you need a buddy. I will make that drive. Take care buddy.

Caregivers
 

This life experience is harder than I could have imagined. I spent my life making a great career and now that is a burden instead of a celebration. Being a full time caregiver to my mom and having a career has become too stressful. I have made a lot of mistakes by leaking my misery out loud in many directions.

Folks say get help with mom and enjoy your time with her. Those are good ideas but not the reality. I have no time and no help. The cost of taking care of mom will put me in the poor house. Unfortunately, there is no viable answer. I plan to suck it up and make mom's life the best that I can and figure out the rest later.

Caregivers
 

Seems like I live in this thread now. I am struggling. I work and travel for business a lot. And when I come home there is more work.

I used to be happy. I dated and had fun. Now life is work every day. No fun and no dating.

I can honestly say that I am very unhappy these days.

I owe this to mom she saved me by adopting me but this is a hard debt to pay.

So I put the happy stuff in the zombie thread. Here is the other side of the coin.

I am very worried about my mother. She is in Washington state. She is 88 and frail. On the up side, she is in the eastern half of the state well away from the virus outbreak area, the place where she lives is a private home with only 5 residents and there are 5 caregivers too, though they staff 24/7 with those 5 and backup is pretty much non-existent. On the lesser side of things it is a fairly rural town of 90k that had two decent hospitals until two years ago when the big hospital chain in Seattle bought the good one and gutted the staff. I also just found out the not-so-good regional hospital closed last month, so scarcer that usual resources. Mom is in goodish health with no diseases but she has dementia and can't remember things like no face touching. Did I mention that she is 88 and frail?

There is also all the worry/planning around what to do if she needs me there? I'm 1200 miles away, two international and one regional airports away, plus hotel etc to do what? Bring germs? Make things worse?

The state hospital association has told families not to visit any nursing homes anyway. While this is a private residence, it is also a licensed medical facility and they have to comply with all guidelines.

All I can do right now is to continue to worry myself sick and call her every morning to pretend there is nothing going on in the world and talk about the weather and what was for breakfast... Which she can't remember anyway. :seconddoh:

Caregivers
 

I have been home with mom for over a month. I have noticed that she wants three meals a day. My batchelor life was never like that so I am cooking a bunch. I also noticed that she gets winded walking from her bedroom to the living room and that concerns me. Maybe I can get her to walk more.

My number one job is to keep her safe and healthy.

We are good so far. My germaphobe brain has worked so far.

Be safe friends.

Good hearing from you Chad. Likewise stay safe!

Caregivers and Stress
 

I cared for my mom till she passed and it was a lot of worry but I would not have had it any other way.

I think all you care givers out there who give up a good part of their lives to look after loved ones should have a special blessing placed on each and every one of you. Keep well, the world needs folks like you.

You know how to reach me. Not checking email but the phone is good. I love you too buddy. Stay safe.

I am sorry that you lost your mom. I know how hard this is.

~
 

[QUOTE=Stone-Butch;1265971]I cared for my mom till she passed and it was a lot of worry but I would not have had it any other way.

I think all you care givers out there who give up a good part of their lives to look after loved ones should have a special blessing placed on each and every one of you. Keep well, the world needs folks like you.[/QUOTE

~ being their strength ~ strengthens our own soul ~

Caregivers
 

Mom rarely goes outside anymore eventhough I have planted pretty flowers around the house. After mowing yesterday I had an idea to drive her around my land to see the wildflowers. She really perked up. I drove her to see my neighbor's wildflowers too and he was out so we stopped for a chat. I think that made her day. Sometimes it is the small things that make a difference.

Today I went ahead and canceled my hotel and car reservations to visit my mother over Mother’s Day, she can’t have any visitors anyway, never mind the fact that I would have to quarantine for two weeks after entering the state. Just out of curiosity I wondered how cheap the airfare had gotten and took a look. Alaska airlines is the only company that serves passengers in her town with a small turbo prop plane. There is no longer passenger service in her town or anywhere closer than a 4 Hour drive. I really didn’t see that one coming, of course I should have, but it was a surprise nonetheless. Another hurdle between us.

Beyond that where she is staying is working out very well for being on lockdown. It is a small private home with only four residents and half a dozen permanent caregivers. They also have a large deck which at this time of year provides very nice outdoor space and they are also eating lunch outside weather permitting each with their own table about 8 feet away from each other. Given what I have seen about these large crowded nursing and care homes I am extremely grateful for having found this place. I can only imagine how incredibly isolating it would be for these folks to be literally locked into their room or apartment. At least mom has freedom of movement within the various rooms of the house as well as the deck. All things considered, I don’t think she could be in a better place.

I still wish I could go be with her for Mother’s Day. (w)

Looks like I spoke too soon and jinxed it.

Last night my mother had a fall and was taken to the hospital for assessment, no choice, likely a virus exposure. She is now back home.

Her shoulder is broken and now we are trying to figure out video conferencing with an orthotics office that is shut down. They say maybe Friday. My first reaction is to just get on an airplane and go be with her to fix things which is what I do and now I can’t.

I have never felt more helpless.

~
 

((((( kelt )))))) so sorry ~

Caregivers
 

Sometimes I just need a break but there is no break. No help and no back up. I am alone in this and somedays I just need a day off.

Caregivers
 

It has come to my attention that I may not be specific sometimes. I am working from home these days. At 6:30 am I make mom and I breakfast then I work. At noon I make mom and I lunch, then I work. At 4:30 I make dinner. After that everything else. Cleaning, laundry, yardwork, groceries, cats, and anything else. Nothing here gets done if I don't do it. Sometimes I want to take the I out of all this work. Maybe go dancing for a change. :)

Not to make light of your situation Chad but wait until after the social distancing thing for dancing! How much "fun" can be had when we have to hold our dancing partner 6 feet away..:|

Funny, my lady will have a big laugh about that.
:). Stay safe my friend I heart you.

OMG I've heard of romance budding while being incarcerated, but finding romance and a loved one during a pandemic, you my friend ROCK.....:hangloose:

Buddy, I love life. The we in my mentions represents so many of my loved ones. Stay home and stay safe.

My heart hurts and sympathizes with both of you. It's difficult to be in this stage of life. My beautiful, vibrant Mom has Alzheimer's and she doesn't understand why we can't hug and must visit on the porch. I met my kids there last week so they could tell her and my Dad that they would be great-grandparents and it was so bittersweet; all of us sitting there with masks on and my Dad fussing at my Mom to keep hers in place. Their roles have reversed and I'm ensuring they both have all they need. I'm becoming the parent and I've lost part of who I am as she loses herself. Keep your chins up both and gentle hugs to you. Be good to yourselves.

Caregivers
 

Caring for mom. I think that I am getting used to this now. It is hard work but we have a routine.

Thank goodness for my friends and chosen family. I think we are making progress. I sang today that is a great sign that I feel happy.

My mother is experiencing “complications from a fall“, many tests and meds over the last couple of weeks, a trip to the ER yesterday. This is not going well.

And I can’t do a damn thing to help her.

~
 

((((( you & your mom ))))))

Tired and sad
 

Last summer "Justin" my spouse was diagnosed with end stage liver failure considered terminal. We have spent the last 9 months learning how to live our new normal. I am doing my best to keep her alive, healthy as I can and keep her comfortable. She is doing better just battling serious weight loss and fluid buildup from the liver not working well which is causing severe pain. She also was diagnosed with kidney failure. I have developed lists for all appointments with all her updated info and any changes. I have become a fierce advocate and voice for her as some Drs like to ignore needed treatments or act like I haven't done extensive research. It's one of the hardest things I have ever experienced watching the one I love with everything slowly lose more and more of their independence, but also hopeful watching how hard she's fighting to keep somewhat of a normal life. She was able to return to work from home and that has helped her so much. Much love and support to all the caregivers out there. sorry for the rambling

New adventure in the life of Jenn as a caregiver... I am spending part of the summer in Utah, helping my cousin who has stage four metastatic breast cancer. She is on her THIRD run of chemo... and its kicking her ass. I am doing my best to just make sure she has what she needs and leave her alone to rest... but this is defiantly a new experience for me. While taking care of my kiddo is demanding, there are things I can do, things that help, structure to follow. Taking care of my mother when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, was a challenge, but it was new, and it was early, and the prognosis was easy. No chemo, radiation only, take the lump, eat healthy take your meds and go back to your life. Seeing everything my cousin is dealing with is hard. She knows this is not getting better. She knows we are just prolonging things as long as possible... hoping she makes it to her daughters high school graduation, her college graduation, her wedding, her first grandbabies birth. But, we dont know if any of that will happen. And I can see it in her, and it hurts my heart.

Caregivers
 

Hi, mom and I are good and we are safe here in no where Texas. Her mobility has diminished to about 10 %. I think it is time for a scooter.

I hope friends are safe in this pandemic.

hey chad, can i come and live with you and your mom? i'd love to live safely in nowhere somewhere.

Ha! My heart says yes but you would have to pass a ton of medical tests first.

As long as none of them deal with my mental health I should do fine.

Caregivers
 

We are okay. A scientist being a caregiver is hard but I am trying to make peace with it. Mom is at about 10% mobility now so that makes everything a little harder. She eats and sleeps I think she sleeps about 20 hours a day.

My life is upside down. I am day dreaming of a villa in Italy for retirement. :)