It has become a bore. I hate explaining that I am not who you think I am when I share the ID.

aurgh. you know people say shit like "oh ha ha ha, where's your purse?"
"oh but darlin, *you're* my purse." is how I sometimes gracefully step out of that while I silently judge the hell out the person for being a fucking moron.

you know... I may be pretty large city urban in my visual presentation of femininity but

1) fucking haaaaaaaaaaaate clothes shopping but I love scavanging for junk on the beach or the shores or the Thames
2) I never ever wanted to plan my own wedding. when my mother in law and sister in law wanted to "make suggestions" and "get involved" I said "you want it? take it. Please. I don't care what you do, I'm sure it will be beautiful. just leave me to make the cake and pick my dress, that's it." I was so happy to not have to deal with "a girls dream of planning their wedding." No way, thanks, I'll go piddle about with my mates and glue weird stuff into a lump that lights up.
3) I don't carry a purse if I can help it. If I do, it better have a mail bag type strap on it.
4) I am the one saving people from bugs.
5) you can do your own house work or get a house cleaner, I don't hoover and I'm not touching your dirty clothes.
6) I have always been the person in charge of the house finances, bills, contracts, repairs etc. I call the repair people, negotiate prices, argue with the phone company, keep the files and ensure the banking is done on time.
7) I am the one that sets up camp. The vast majority of my exes have never even put up a tent before. bugger off and quit hovering. Go get firewood (that's the dead stuff on the ground, yeah? Put that fucking hatchet down before you take your ankle off) or roll in some mud or carve your name into a tree or something.
8) I've been an apprentice white water guide, I've tramped through mangrove swamps chasing monkeys and getting shat on, AND I can open a beer bottle with my teeth. so ner, big boy.

:D I'm super pleasant. This is also why my exes have also been the type to roll their eyes and groan and tell me I love you babe but shut the fuck up. HAHAhahaha....

So just like any other gender, it does not dictate anything but an accent through which my body speaks.

I don't know if femme really is a useful term for me anymore. I wish it was, it's part of my history and my coming out, but I find it far more restrictive in other people's points of view. And it's really hard to keep telling people I'm an elephant when everyone on this side of the atlantic thinks that means I have fur and whiskers.

I don't know, I'm just having real doubts about using an ID in a way most people don't understand. there isn't much point.

I happen to find jeans as sexy as heels and a dress. Throw in a jigger of sassy with a beautiful smile and the skies the limit.

One of the reasons I enjoy being in the company of butches, and there are many, many reasons, is that I'm immediately identifiable as not-straight. I've been out to everyone I know except to one medical director I worked with who was an active rabid-church goer. People ask why we're so concerned with being out and Pride, etc. Part of it is that without that I will always be assumed to be straight.
I could be dressed head to toe in rainbow colors and all things identified as dyke/queer/butch even and I'm still read as straight. Holding a butch's hand immediately changes that. ~I wanna hold your hand.~

A femme in jeans and heels is twice as sexy.......although not being a slave to fashion, I don't know if that's a fashion do or don't :police:

I prefer to take the advice offered by Sophia Loren:

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/2c/a1/cc/2...hes-quotes.jpg

Yes, that's nice too.............

I like a femme in jeans that hang low on her hips paired with a white tank top with spaghetti straps. It is just my thing for some reason.

I love a femme dressed up, as well. I like tasteful, sophisticated shoes with a bit of a heel paired with a dress.

I am always open to wearing what my partner finds attractive on me. In fact, I prefer to wear something they like (assuming I like it, as well).

As a femme, I am invisible until I am out with my Kasey.

The lows for me are the times I see family and would like to acknowledge them, but instead if I nod and smile I just come off as a middle aged straight woman trying to be pleasant. A definite low is when I am told by friend or stranger that it is "okay that you are gay"...like I asked them for their fucking approval!

The highs are the times I am out with my Kasey and we are acknowledged as family by couples or another butch. Or when we are treated as just another couple by Joe Q. Public. An example would be the couples dinner every month at our Church...it is announced the Sunday before that all couples of any kind are welcome to attend.

I have always felt privileged that I can take my "gayness off" should circumstances regarding my safety come up, but I also feel very guilty when I see or hear some of the shit Kasey takes from the public when they don't see me there.

Dear femmes,

I am sorry for my post. I saw other butches posting, so I did not consider this thread is only for femmes. I just looked at the first post and saw that it is. Sorry!

Yes, what Dapper said .....so sorry!

I was thinking of this last night while I was awake at 3am...

I see a masculine leaning woman, and I wonder if she is gay. I see a feminine leaning woman and I NEVER wonder if she is gay. Is that because I am only attracted to butches and transmen, or is it because I am conditioned to see gender in only two ways? In my head, are people EITHER male or female without shades of gray?

Omg I never thought I had such a narrow view of gender. Maybe this is why the general public misses us (femmes), even if we drape ourselves in rainbows?

I think we have the same problem butches do in identifying femmes at a glance. It's got nothing to do with gender for me. If she's a femme attracted to femmes and she were to be attracted to me, I'd make the gay id were I aware of her attraction. Or if she's a femme attracted to androgynous or butch folks, I'd make the gay id. Without some context, I'm lost.

And when I see a masculine leaning woman, I assume she's gay. I just operate on, until I learn otherwise, she's gay. It makes me happy. And I reread that and realized that's what straight people do; until they learn otherwise, they assume all femmes are straight. I'm making my own head hurt.

I'm never going to be perfect and do the best I can. I hope I overlook no one, but I do think we need a secret symbol of some kind that's not rainbow. Rainbow clashes with a lot of my clothes. <g>

SNIP:

This is an interesting comment. We are definitely invisible among each other.

Unless we are physically present with a butch, there is no way we femmes, butches or anyone else could know. :(

I present in various ways— sometimes very femme and sometimes (like right now), not at all. One way I’m not femme at all is I like to do shit on my own and I like it that way. This may be why I don’t like super masculine butches, but rather women who are lesbians and can wear a feminine suit or even something more feminine.

To speak more candidly, I know a number of fellow femmes who feel erased, especially if they date other femmes. I think it speaks to the culture.

I’m on my phone so I can’t write more.

Thanks for the comment, Dee!