My thoughts on the word Lady
 

I love this conversation that is taking place, I happen to use "Lady" in my Leather because I find it funny, dirty, and it's a sort of empowerment for me to wear it and use it in my kink....


I use *Lady* in particular because it's convenient for me, now what really pisses me off as a Femme is when someone wants to super impose certain kinds of *behaviors* that are deemed to be *ladylike*... I personally do not like being forced into a peg, or design to fit someone's fucking ego boost.


You want someone with good manners, empathy, or anything else that you (general you) fancy tagging as *lady like*, then good on you. That expectation and peg holing should be kept to your (general) consensual dynamic be it whatever it is. WHAT should not be happening is that certain behaviors dictate how all women/femmes/femalebodied persons *should* act, talk or be like....


For *me* that's oppressing, sexist, non consensual and it perpetuates that women.femme.femalebodied persons are only here to make it better for all those folks (general) that like to put women.femme.femalebodied person into boxes that we do not fit into...


So I use Lady, because when I use Sir, Master, Owner it seems to be a disturbing factor in people, most people though get it, that my ownership of Lady is like my ownership of baby girl, it's on my damn terms, on it's done my way, it it fits no one's standard definition of either, I own my Femme that was as well, it's either my way or it's not for me....


It hasn't kept me from having a good time for 44.5 years, matter of fact it keeps me quite busy and occupied in every way.

*curtsy*


P.S.

To clarify about my baby girl, I'd like to be transparent and say she's about 16.5 a Lolita and pretty much runs it her way as well... Happy New Year:vigil:

Actually, Lady in leather concept I get. Just like I get Sir or Lord. Both are titles of ownership (Sir &Dame then next hierarchically is Lord & Lady, etc. for those who did not know, Lady trumps a Sir in postion). If I do that, if I'm in my Domme headspace, I prefer "your Grace" by bottoms and subs and slaves in conversation and "Countess" by tops, dom/me etc. if we want to get technical hahahaha.

Though I did get called Dame Baps by smart ass mates in London, which I don't mind at all. Smart ass/taking the piss is always acceptable.

But I do not with those terms to be used in my daily life. It has connotations of behaviour and privilege I don't agree with. If someone wants me to play Lady to their abused Lady's Maid, sure. Or upstart gentleman's valet, sure. But it stays there. I don't bring it out of that context.

I'm too much of a socialist. I like that Canada does not allow Canadians to receive Titles. We kept Conrad black out that way, at least for a while. HA!

The day that when asked "what's the opposite of a lady?" Can be answered with "I'm not sure what that means. I don't understand" will be the day I don't mind it's use applied to me and the day I stop getting mildly irritated with the way that's used in butch-femme communities.

But, I'm not a femme. So I no longer have to have that discussion. I just have to shrug and say "I'm not a femme" and walk on whatever side of the fucking pavement I feel like and swear and eat with my fingers and take my stockings off in the street cause they keep falling down (something I'm quite good at. Cause the shitty stockings in this country have me appalled. I miss Marks and Sparks stay ups. I'm great at sliding off my stockings while walking with someone without much fuss. It's like taking your bra off without taking off your shirt. It can be done smoothly with practice). I find this also seperates those who laugh from those who are horrified or embarrassed.

Blah blah de blah. I'm starting to bore myself a bit. I'm sure I'm putting others into a coma.

Jumping off her...
 

HB, I heart you because like you, I am just Snow, a Femme that regardless of what someone says I have to fit into as far as what Femme should be I never have and never will. When I read you I hear you, and I feel you because at times I have wanted to strip myself of Femme because I looked upon my person and NOTHING matched to the cookie cutter misconception of Femme, because it's gender for*me* I can't strip it off, it won't go nowhere, it futile and destructive for *me*..


Just cause I can piss standing up, doesn't mean I not what I choose and have fought hard accept, I am glad you are bringing it up and no, it's not boring it needs to be talked about, because it's important especially when we date, because I can't tell you how many damn times I have lost my mental hard on from having someone have an expectation of how I should behave, it softens my cock, it shuts my brain off and it makes me want to be sadistic and not the good kind of sadistic.

Feminine presentation does not dictate how far I can spit a loogey of I want or how I shouldn't cause that's not "lady like"


Fuck that noise!


So with that said, when dating, it would be best not to date women.femme.femalebodied folk who do not fit your image of what that should be and if someone starts that shit, ask for the check, shake their hand, go get your nails done and go have fun, eventually even if it's just for a fun fuck, you're gonna run into someone, who appreciates the creature you are....


Thanks for always pulling back the curtain, I am glad someone does!

Aw. Snows. You really are a perfect sweetheart. I'd so shag you. Or be shagged or however that would work for you. Hahaha. I'd give you the warmest hug ever if you were in the room.

I think for now with my level of fed up ness I'm just going to pass on the ID just for now and stick with Dolly Dyke. My lack of seeing people like me, which wasn't the case in the UK, sort of has me at the end of my previously femme rope. I get tired of "you're femme? Where's your handbag hahaha" by butches and having to say things like "up your ass. With your head."

I understand femme as gender. Completely. It's pretty much the way I see it which makes me rip my eye balls out when people start talking about femmes as being ladies. Not ladies = disgusting and improper and not femme

If we take that logic and apply it to another gender, let's say butch... Because they aren't feminine, butches aren't women. And we all know that's not true. Look at butches. There's a fucktruck full of women butches around.

So I hear you. And I'll fight your femme corner. But presently, I just don't have the energy for explaining to hurt egos:

why femme doesn't mean all the prescribed behaviour stuff to someone who keeps moving to the outside of the pavement when I'm trying to look at stuff,

thinking that I should be wrapped in cotton and saved

is horrified when I'm "vulgar"

thinks glancing noticeably at my tits during a date is horrid and disrespectful to my delicate femininity

that if I should be the princess of centre of the universe while around (instead of an equal and a friend)

kissed chastely on the cheek on the second date. Maybe (another reason why I don't date...)

When I explain to them how much I find that stuff really not me, it upsets me and I feel "othered" by it (distanced form them, made to feel different, like I'm being treated like a romantic unit by prescribed rules instead of recognized as the individual I am, with individual wants and likes) then I'm:

hurting their ego
not a lady because that is how you treat ladies
if she doesn't like it that way then she is not really very femme
she's cruel
she's a big meanie
I was only trying to show her I think she's a special jewel to be worshiped [again, still not getting it....]
she just wants to use me like a dildo if she wants sex
she's indiscriminate and has a dirty vagina (I've actually HEARD these things said to me, and many more, in the year I've been home.... )

All these rules make me dispair. I'm also not used to them anymore. They weren't there for 10 years. I find them restrictive and chafing. It's like putting a bra on that you didn't have for 10 years and find it really doesn't fit.

And everyone around is talks like it's the best fitting bra in the world and you wonder if your tits are freaky or what.

I'll keep the femme one that fit in the UK. I think too many people in the community on this side of the Atlantic, especially south of the boarder, have a different understanding of the word for it to not be a royal pain in the fucking arse to say I'm femme and not have it mean all these things I find torturous. I get that many girls love to be treated that way. Bravo. Fine. I'm just not one of you. And they out number me by far, it appears, or people wouldn't be trying to hard to shove me into that mode of behaviour.

I have to constantly disclaimer "femme" to others. IN my community. I actually have to do more now to those IN rather than out. I think that's sort of telling to me, for my comfort levels. So I think, for now, when I talk to anyone from North America, I'll just use another word. It saves me a lot of grief of explanation.

But to those that get me? Yeah ;)

And can I just say, I've re-read my post and I'm waiting for Daktari to come in and say something about my freaky tits.


Ha you dirty bugger. Scooped you!

Woof!
 

I think Dolly Dyke is lovely and so divine! I can almost taste it~

You know, Snows, I'm kind of tempted to make EVERYONE call me Dame Freaky Tits. The whole thing. They can't shorten it to DFT. They have to say the word tits. To a girl. And call them freaky.

Heh
 

I support your temptations and your tits!

Now that I've fully windbagged myself out with belly ranting... I have no retort.

:grindevil:

:raspberry:







ps. Apologies for stepping into a femme zone thread. My excuse is that is was just too irresistable :cheesy:

wow I wish some of you were nearby to take me on a date!

I don't think it takes money, although I certainly appreciate that gesture when it is shown. For me it is way more important that my Butch date is showered, dressed nice and pays attention to me, just as I will be for hyr... I put lots of efforts into being beautiful on dates... I would hope my Butch date would too... I enjoy if my Butch enjoys feeling proud to have me on hyr arm and show me off a little... it makes me feel good. But of course I don't want to be treated just like arm candy... I want to know my Butch respects my mind too cos I have a quick and fierce one...
I am old fashioned... I want doors and chairs held for me... I want to feel protected... but a date doesn't have to be fancy. It's more important to me to be treated well and have some great, fun conversation... if you're strapped for cash, take me to a beautiful park and let's sit down on a rug and enjoy watching the world go by... if you offer to rub my feet or shoulders that is about the best kind of moment a date could have lol! Just show me that you care, that you have put in effort and that you think I am all that. I am all about old school Butch/femme dynamics but that doesn't have to be all about spending heaps of money! The little things... pomaded hair, snappy dressing, beautiful manners... those are the most important things to make a girl feel good and appreciated.

right on honeybarbara, femme is so many things and manifests in so many ways and all are legit. thanks for saying it so tough!

Good point.

*gulp* and *fans self*

I like this thread! Can I hang out here? :)

Wish I had freaky tits. Unfortunately my tits are well behaved and polite with wholesome interests *sigh* typical my luck.

I'd much rather have wholesome anything. I might get a date :(

Trust me, wholesomness will not get you any dates, I can vouch for that!

They are both tasty.

<--- likes the all-in-one variety