I feel neglectful in not posting here sooner because I think this thread is important for so many reasons.

First, it's a safe space for fat BFP folks to discuss body issues and health without judgment and condemnation.

Second, it correctly points out how dieting and weight loss is used in our culture to attack women and hurt their self-esteem--AKA Fat is a Feminist Issue!

Third, it separates the often tangled threads of weight, dieting, exercise, healthy eating and other health issues.

It is very important for people to work on their health needs, whether that's more physical activity or getting chemicals out of our food and drinks. One thing I've done is to eliminate any artificial sweeteners from my diet because I think they have an adverse affect on my health. I have a "harm reduction" attitude toward meat, only eating it at restaurants or parties, but not at home for the most part. I also try as much as possible to eat whole grains.

None of this is about weight.

To be fat positive doesn't mean one never wants to lose weight or isn't trying to do so. It means that one is striving to be healthy in whatever way makes sense given our individual health needs and issues.

I hope BFP becomes more fat accepting and sees that as part of the feminist politics that are so importantly expressed in many other areas of the site. It would be sad to see folks here caving into patriarchal values on this topic while insisting on feminist perspectives everywhere else.

BBinNYC

being fat positive doesnt mean we cant make decisions to live longer and healthier. I have customers who come into my store every day who are in TOPS, Weight Watchers and have undergone bariatric surgery. The love that I love who they are RIGHT NOW. I dont care what size or number they are. What I want for them, is to make good choices about everything in their life. If they are ok at a size 26, then I support them. If their blood pressure go sky rocketing or they develop diabetes and need to diet, I support them. If they want to throw their food up to lose weight, no, I dont support this but I support THEM and will help them find healthier alternatives if their need is to lose weight but I will insist that they are ok as person no matter what numbers accompany them NOW.

My shop is doing very well. I have been so busy with the shop, and the house that I have not had time for much threading. My life has changed because of this shop. My customers fill my life. When I look back just a year ago, I am amazed at the huge impact this shop has made in my life.

I met the most wonderful woman today at my shop. She was in her late 70s. I have seating arrangements in the front and back of my store for people to rest and socialize. I was sitting at the front one, and she came to join me. She was some kind of whippersnapper, for sure! LOL. She was asking me about my tattoos and told me she was planning on getting one. Her children didnt want her to, but (as she pointed to her five earrings in one ear) she said they didnt want her to pierce her ears either but she did anyway. We sat for quite some time and this rebel amused me. I told her I wanted to be just like her in a few years. She smiled that inward amazon kinda smile and winked at me.

Its amazing how transformed I am day by day...

I decided to drop weight watchers. I allready know what I need to do with my food, Im done (just for today) for feeling guilty about not writing it down, for any ounce of guilt over what I eat. The adverage weight loss for a WW memeber is 12 pounds a year. Seriously. I am done with paying 600 a year with the likelyhood that I will loose 12 pounds.
Today Im tired of the weight of the GUILT over what Im not doing, or am doing, in order to get more social milage out of my body.
I quit the gym I dont go to as well. Thats another savings of 550 a year.

Maybe I will buy a kayack or some other thing I actually enjoy with that money next year. Hopefully it wont be on some gimmick to help me lie to myself that I am making changes.
I either am, or am not. Every single damn day. And right now I dont need a group membership to know it.

Funny, when I looked at a recent picture, full body one, from last weekend I thought DAMN I look GOOD! And I am almost the heaviest I have ever been, yet I feel better than I have in a long time.

I know that there are many many people who feel that gyms and WW have made all the difference in the world for them, and Im so happy they have that.

For right now, I am not buying or drinking the Koolaide cause its just leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

Just for today Im keeping it simple, and letting the guilt go. It may not mean I lose much weight, but I sure as heck feel lighter.

Love the thread!

I am thrilled to see posts coming in about loving ourselves no matter what numbers we own. Age, poundage, dress size, etc. does not equal self worth.

Pearls, I also applaud your idea of getting a kayak with your money rather than spend it on the skinny industry. Spend it on something you have a passion for, to make you active.

The 'slutty' fat girl
 

This may be a sensitive/triggering topic for some of you, and if it is, I apologize in advance.

How many of you have spent most of your lives trying to run away from the "slutty fat girl" stereotype? I know I have.

I've had partners - mostly male, but some female too - who only hit me up because they were under the assumption that because I'm fat, that I'm easier to get into bed. To counter that, I became rigid about my body and relationship boundaries, and convinced myself somewhere along the way that I only did real relationships, not one-two-or three night stands.

Now that I'm a little older and a little wiser, and now that I'm finding my relationship prospects dimming as I get older, I'm starting to challenge my beliefs. I think mutual fun sexytimes are beneficial to the people involved, regardless of how long those times last. I'm at the point in my life where if a relationship came along, great, but I don't want to block a sweet, good time if she sweeps me off my feet!

What about you? What sort of negative ideas around fat and sexuality are you holding on to and how are you letting them go?

This may be controversial too but I don't like the idea that it's creepy for certain people to prefer fat girls. Why can't that be sexy and even feminist to have a preference that's outside of the patriarchal mainstream? I'm tired of it being thought of as perverse, creepy, nerdy, sick, objectifying, and "just as bad." Similarly, I use the title "BBW," and I know a lot of people apply the same descriptions to that term. However, I take it for what it is, a big beautiful woman. To me it conveys that I'm big while also conveying that I'm a confident woman, one who aims to embrace my body. I think that when people are more attracted to fat bodies that it usually comes from one's unconscious psychological life experience all the way back from childhood (Disclaimer: I'm a therapist.). Black men are much more accepting/attracted to my body, and I wonder is it because they have mamas they love who are big and confident too. I like to go to Craigslist and put in a search for "BBW" in the title (must be in the title, because if it's the whole ad, it will be because of a "no BBWs" clause written at the end of the ad). I like to read the descriptions of people craving a fat woman for a relationship or sex or whatever. It's sexy to me, and I don't think I have to feel that I'm gross for feeling that way.

I really like what BB and BBW and others here are promoting and that's the idea that we can be positively healthy in the ideas we hold about what the term Fat means and to borrow the term BB used: not cave into social stereotypes built around what it means to be fat.

I really like how Spirit Dancer brought up the idea that often people who are fat are not valued in our culture and society and that people seem to trend toward the idea that people who are fat have no life, no romantic prospects in their past, present or future. And, I also like what BBW said about how creepy it is that being fat is not throught of in terms of being a feminist stance or sheer sexiness.

I've lost a considerable amount of weight over the past six months, due to a very hectic on-the-run job I used to have, which demanded that I keep running even when I didn't feel like I could run another step of the way.

Does that mean I'm skinny, since I lost that much weight? No.

I'm built like a tank: In other words, no matter how weight I might like to lose, I will always appear on the larger side of the weight spectrum just because of my height (I am nearly 5' 10" -barefoot) and because of the density of my bone structure, which is pervasively German: with a twist of this and that elsewhere. :)

I felt sexy when I was 60 pounds heavier, but I still rock this body of mine even though I'm sixty pounds lighter. I like it when individuals in our community can come together with a feminist attitude and feel super about who we are - not matter what we look like or how heavy we are.

Sending big love to all of you,
:stillheart:

Right, I see where you're coming from nycfembbw, but I'm not talking about preferences. I'm talking about the kind of people who don't want to date you in daylight, who deny they know you if they see you out while they're with their friends, who make cutting, negative comments about fat women in public, but who ask you for your number when nobody else is looking.

I hope with all my might that I can find a butch in this town that prefers my larger body, but until that happens, I'll just keep wishing. :)

Yes, I've been there too. Less so now that most of my friends are partnered/coupled, but I've had it happen. I'm usually happy to see my friends regardless of their motivations, but this does sting a little.

from another book...
 

I had so many passages marked in my copy of this book. I just hate I lost it during a move. :(

I totally get what you are saying, lettertodaddy and agree with you. My post wasn't in response to what you posted about the "slutty" fat girl. It was in response to your question at the end of your post:

"What about you? What sort of negative ideas around fat and sexuality are you holding on to and how are you letting them go?"