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Great news about the BP medication and no longer aching!! That's great....I am happy for you... Gemme - It will get better..... I went to the clinic, BP was normal and the scale at the clinic actually is in sync with my scales! The new suggestion is to split up my proteins so that I have four meals a day now but with half the protein at each meal than I am accustomed to..... I just finished measuring everything out in 8 oz portions, vacuum sealed and stuck in the freezer! Oh well....the only thing that stays the same is change.... or so I've heard..... :cigar2: |
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I am sorry to hear Sylvie that you are experiencing such a rough week. Sometimes between our own 'stuff' and the other 'stuff' life hands us, we don't always know which way to go. Triggers suck and food is not the enemy. Stay motivated, as best you can. If you don't, we both know that our internal critic will wreak havoc on our gentle souls. Be kind to yourself, above all things, be kind and have compassion. I know there is little I can say to ease you, but know I am thinking of you. I am rooting for you. And I am sorry you are losing a person you deeply love. I am glad she is not taking treatment, I think that is wise at 88. Love her as long as you have her, and love her with warm memories after she is gone. As always, with love and hugs Foxy |
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Somewhere, someone told us that only successful people are good and wonderful and failures are pieces of crap and our brains believed it. When you trip, the thoughts come. You know, the ones you have calling yourself names and telling you to just forget the whole thing. Tell those thoughts to fuck. that. shit. and you will be well on your way to gaining control. You have to remember that NO ONE ever gets to the top without tripping, several times... *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* to all of you working your way through this. I know, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. |
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But is it really a bunch of fake ass affiimations or are you just being hard on yourself? We are so HARD on ourselves... That need to be perfect... To follow the plan in our heads to the letter and if we don't or can't then what does that say about us... Did the word *Loser* pop into your head? Weak? Lazy? What does the tape in your head tell you? Is it you talking to you or is it the tape of other peoples voices talking? My tape says... *You keep going... no matter what..... keep putting one foot in front of another* There is no other option but to pull yourself up by your own bootstrings and keep going..... No matter how hurt/damaged/crippled you are... keep on going.... My tape lies... I'm sorry for the derail, this isn't about weight loss per say... But Pinkies post made me think about the last three months of my life... Dec 1,2011 I got fired from a job that I thougth was going to be the last job I ever had... I became so obsessed with not making a mistake, that I made a mistake and then made an even bigger one trying to fix the first one... By trying so hard to be perfect, there was no way to be anything but imperfect. Dec 3,2011 My brother was murdered... I broke.... My boots didn't have any strings any more.... I tried... but I couldn't get through an interview without talking about my brother and tearing up... Ya... WINNING.... I was in a black hole and I just wanted to pull it in after me... but I couldn't because you have to fight... ALWAYS.... I didn't start to get better until I stopped fighting so hard.... until I started being a bit more gentle with myself... I started to bribe myself instead of beat myself up... Instead of calling myself lazy because I slept all day and didn't do anything but put on a robe and play castleville, I told myself... you can have a nap if you leave the house... Doesn't matter if it's a 12 hour nap as long as you leave the house... you can't sleep until you do it... I stopped trying to find full time perm work... I signed up with a tem agency and did housekeeping and banquet service... After a couple of weeks of bribing myself to go to work with a NAP!!!!!! (You don't go to work, you can't sleep the day away, you go to work, work five hours and you can sleep as long as you want....) I accepted a short term (four months) full time positon doing data entry... No real thought required... just key in the name and size. Last week I only took two naps... This week one.... Last week I started walking on my lunch half hour instead of sitting in my car reading... While I was walking I saw two things that made me wish for my camera... Today I repaired a lamp and started a painting... I haven't really painted in five years... I still have bad days... keying away with tears streaming down my face... hiding away in a book or a game so I don't have to deal... walking around with headphones on so I don't have to interact with anyone... I think the worst part right now is seeing a job that I would like to have/go after, but knowing that I'm not capable of rejoining the dog eat dog world...At THIS time.... (I think I need to be capable of cleaning the house before I can hold down the kind of jobs that interest me...) But... I feel better..... this being gentle with myself, being softer with my percieved flaws... It seems to be pushing me farther than beating myself up for not being *STRONG* enough to just do what I know needs to be done... It feels like I'm winning by giving in.... |
Just got home from the gym. Im feelin the pump!!!!
I seem to be in a slump right now......but...I am not gaining any weight so that is good. Glad to see everyone is doing a great job in here!!! Happy saturday y'all. |
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Giving you a hug is not nearly enough for your willingness to be so open and honest to the bone here but I am giving you a tight one anyway. I can't even imagine the pain of the loss of your brother. My condolences, truly. The loss of your brother, along with the loss of your job at the same time, is hard for me to fathom. I think you are absolutely amazing to have dealt with all of it. Your sharing your tape loop is so appreciated and yes, it does belong in this thread! I believe that each of us that struggle with our weight have our own individual loops. As I shared in my last post, I have my own. One recurring word in my own endless loop is always indeed "loser" and not in the positive, losing weight, sort of meaning. Your own behavior modification program is also an excellent idea! Allowing ourselves a break or giving ourselves permission about anything is very difficult but I also believe that until we stop berating, punishing and critizing each and everything we do, we won't succeed at the very thing we want to accomplish so badly; regardless if it is losing weight or just getting out of bed each day when dealing with overwhelming loss. Of course, for many of us-myself included-that ability to turn off the tape, and to reprogram it with a new and kinder message; is the most difficult of all to accomplish! I do work on turning off that old tape, probably 50 times a day lately but do succeed at least half the time. I will focus on the glass half-full, rather than half-empty! These days, for me, half of the time is the very best that I can do. I am still dealing with cravings but it is getting better. Talk about tapes! If I start to thing about something I want to eat (meaning anything with sugar) it is almost impossible to stop thinking about for me. I have resisted for at least 5-6 days, maybe a week ( lost track of time/days) and it is getting better. Thanks for sharing Random and to everyone that comes into this thread to be so open and honest to help not only themselves but to help each other. |
Long Overdo....
* NEWSFLASH*
After gaining nearly 20 lbs back...Guess who got back on Weight Watchers today? :weightshock: ME Show me the love peeps...Show me the love!!! :praying: |
I could feel the muscles in my arms today :-) and I noticed I have ankles, they are quite lovely these days. Sometimes you have to celebrate the small stuff.
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It has been awhile since I have posted in here and I truly miss it. Between my two jobs, the only day off that I have is Sunday and I'm finding it's hard to motivate myself to exercise. I am no longer participating in our food day at work, since most of the time it is junk food. I brought California rolls and a veggie tray the last time.
I am going to exercise tonight no matter how tired I am, it is something I need to do. I went clothes shopping last Tuesday and I bought my first dress in ten years from New York and Comoany. A dress that I will be bringing with me to LR! I am still eating as healthy as I can and I'm not gaining any weight and not losing either. Sylvie, hugs sweetie and hope you had a great weekend with your grandma. Zimmeh |
Good morning & happy Monday healthy peeps!
I don't know if it's the gorgeous weather in Texas right now, or that I am starting to see the silver lining again, but I woke up in the most amazing mood today! Yesterday I told D... tomorrow, I'm back at square one. Our fridge was pretty bare, because we were pretty much eating every. single. meal out. So, I went to the grocery store and loaded up on a bunch of good stuff. Meals today... Breakfast: Raisin bran cereal with skim milk a banana Lunch: tuna salad on wheat bread fresh fruit Dinner: spaghetti (with whole wheat pasta & ground turkey and a lots of fresh mushrooms) a light ceaser salad Snacks: apples and string cheese or yogurt Like Scorp, I'm starting with a clean slate today! I bit the bullet too, and weighed in this morning. And after almost a month of eating a whole lotta crap, I gained 8 pounds. I am NOT gonna beat myself up over the fall.... but instead celebrate I got my ass back up again! I believe in me! I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone that sent so much love, support & encouragement my way. This journey is hard, but it's very nice to know that we have friends with us every step of the way. I hope y'all have a great day!!! |
I started this journey 32 days ago.... I could not even bend over to tie my own shoes... My initial weight was 257 lbs... Drum roll please.... Today's weight is 232.6 - down 24.4 lbs! This morning I rode the stationary bike for 60 minutes! I have a neck again! A lot of little things will add up to bigger (or smaller, if you will) rewards! :cigar2: |
My dearest friends,
First of all, I just want to say how much I love and adore each and every one of you! For your courage, strength, openness, honesty and for the struggles that you all share on a daily basis with us. I have seen so much of myself in all of you at one point or another, that it makes me feel alot less alone in my way of thinking or how I do things. One of my biggest problems is that I beat myself up over the little things (or what I have always called failures) and its true I am my own worst critic. I admit that living at home with my father who is constantly judging me and criticizing me doesn't make it any easier, because its like he is inside my head judging everything that I do. The house that my parents are renting, the lease is up this July and I'm seriously thinking of finding a place on my own ~ its about time I did so, and plus this way I am out from under his roof which will do me more good than anything else. I'm thankful to all of you for sharing these things with us, they give me hope and help me to realize that even when it seems like I am alone I'm not so thank you to all of you for just being you :heartbeat: |
Today was leg day..... crawled to the car. LoL
Hope everyone had a easy Monday!! |
Today is Zumba... yeah sweating and shaking my booty..
and then (insert nervous laughter) I have my very first swimming lesson. I am very excited to FINALLY give myself confidence in the water. I am super excited. Like Super!!! That is all |
Thank you everyone for your support concerning my grandmother, i really appreciate it.. ♥ Today, i am scattering about handling last minute details, because tomorrow morning early, i leave for Oregon! i have a long day of travelling.. Let's see.. Saint John to Montreal... Montreal to Los Angeles... Los Angeles to Medford, Oregon.. (i HATE Montreal airport, lol... Coming home i'm routed through Toronto, thank goodness!) i leave at 6am from here, and will be arriving in Medford at 3am my time, lol! i will be sitting in Los Angeles from 11:15am until 8:50pm.. LONG, right? lol.. my worry was foodwise how i would make out since i can't bring my own.. But, i know the Los Angeles airport pretty well having flown through there with my daughter in October and so i know there are some healthy restaurants i can hit up so i'm not too concerned..And needless to say i'll get a lot of walking in, during that time lol! i'm so so so so so SO SO SO SO excited... While in Oregon, i have my exercise all set up, i even have a running track, thanks to Mr Mtn *smiles* ... And eatingwise, i will stay very on track, He did the food shopping for Us yesterday! <----------- anxious girl fulla flutterbees, *grinz*! Hope you are all having a fabulous kinda day! |
So, then it would be fair to say that I had high hopes to get some work done when I got home last night, but I did not. I forgot how tiring an hour in the water can be. Especially after a zumba class. My body is tired. But I slept really good and had very deep dreams. Oh and clorine dries out my skin. My poor tats I thought they were gonna divorce me. I had a lovely grape seed oil bath. And then went to bed to read on the historical/mythological/spiritual connection between humans and bears. :cheerleader: Do I know how to live large or what!! :pointing:
So, tonite is Rush, which is a simple word for being yelled at :eyebrow:, constant cardio :thud: and weights. :heavyweight: And right after that I have to go to a clients house to clear it. Which is good, they apparently have a very active house... things flying around and whatnot. :scared: :nailbitin: Anyhooooooo..... I am really feeling amazing differences in my body. :weightlifter: I feel my lean muscles when I move. My waist is shrinking and I am getting great thigh muscles. There is still fat there, but fuck whateva... I feel great. I think I need to work on my ass after this, those mule kick weight exercises. I don't want a flat ass. I really don't. I do quite a few squats and lunges now.... So if anyone has ideas pass 'em along!!! |
*waves*
Got back on track last week and have already dropped three pounds. I went off WW a while back; and despite not working any sort of program at all, I only put back on a handful of the pounds I had lost.......I don't know...maybe about 6 total. Not too bad for 3-4 months of misbehaving. ;) I'm tracking my calories using the food tracker at the USDA site. It helps me remember to balance my diet and eat my veggies. Wishing you all the best... Gonna go back and read a few pages to see who is doing what! Cheers!! |
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Finally off work, will be with the daughter in California for the next 5 weeks!
Haven't really had time to check in here lately, and have had a few pounds come crawling home..... Sitting at the airport, waiting for my first flight, I'm warning y'all now, I will be reading everything (and probably thanking most of) that's been posted for the last 2 weeks, so sorry if it is annoying--it's easy to get back on track, and accept a falter or mis-step in this environment. Not to mention the tips --yes, the ones that had I been stopping in faithfully may have prevented said fall, lol.... Time to get back on track--especially with the exercise!!! |
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