if you feel shamed, then it's a good idea to seek out professional care and find out why you are so concerned with what others think...i dislike the dog piling we do here.. find common ground ..shaming?....over it <shrug>

Ice the "take your meds" and "see a shrink" insults, kittygrrl. That is beneath you, especially when addressing a femme. And I don't deserve it.

If you have a problem with the dog piling then comment on that, but anyone who comes in here shaming women, as well as defending them, should expect to be called on it.

Hoping you really are over this and not just making flippant comments.

The shaming of women for how they dress and present themselves is a huge problem that has gone on for centuries all over the world. It has led to much emotional and physical abuse including rape and death.

Instead of blaming the victim and telling them to get over it and go to therapy (which not everyone has the luxury of doing) how about people just stop shaming women.

I envy everyone who's comfortable & agreeable with the dog piling done in this thread...you must all live pristine lives with people who agree with all of the "rules" you're demanding we live by in this thread...:seeingstars:

I am confused. Why is it okay to join the constant barrage of voices women are subjected to hearing, voices who judge women for not adhering to society's definition of what makes a good woman, especially on a website pretty much devoted to humans who do not adhere to society's rules? Is there no place safe from this kind of shaming? Slut shaming women just sucks. Date who you want but I should think that can easily be done without judging others and finding them unworthy because they don't meet your criteria for being the right kind of woman. I don't get what there is to defend here? The right to slut shame?

I am reminded of the story about how slut night from the old .com site got its name. Some bartender slut shamed the femmes from that site who got together for a night out. There they were all decked out in their best femme finery and he told them they looked like a bunch of sluts. And they took that and owned it (no therapy needed) and Slut Night was born. It does seem though that not much has changed. I guess if we always focus on getting therapy for the victims, perpetrators of slut shaming comments will keep on keeping on. As far as dog piling, who is subjected to more dog piling than women? Maybe the lgbtq community? My best advice is that if you don't like being judged, don't judge others. Choose to surround yourself with the people who meet your standards but keep your judgments to yourself.

perhaps we should all practice mindfulness?...inotherwords, responding instead of reacting...tell me when has any judging ever ended with the other side considering for even a moment you have a valid point?? Never.
That is why this country is near a civil war because people cannot tolerate a different point of view and want to over correct the people they feel are wrong. You miss my point. Have I expressed my agreement with the original point of view? No, I haven't because I have kept that judgement to myself what i did express, a concern about all the judging done against one person's opinion. It's not fair and we should do better. Support each other and quit deciding who is a friend based on some opinion...as if we bloody have all the right answers. We don't

Jesus, fuck.


slut sham·ing
noun
"the action or fact of stigmatizing a woman for engaging in behavior judged to be promiscuous or sexually provocative."

Was this done in the original post in question? Absolutely. Was it then again promoted in a follow up post? Again, yes.

See first post: Disillusioned. I thought joining an all female chat room would be a place to meet ladies and perhaps have a date or two. OMG. No less than 5 countries and at least half of the womens' pics are of women who appear to be ready to do as much as cough hard and they will be prepared to breast feed the world. How can a woman feel good about herself exposing what the law allows and expects to find a person interested enough to make a date. Perhaps another woman like her I really don't know. I am feeling very let down by so many women that I thought might be a couple that were not offensive. Truly disappointed and yes disillusioned.

The underlined portions are especially distasteful to me and I don't even have enough cleavage to breast feed a single person, much less the world. I do, however, have a couple of low cut tops that I do feel good in. Stone asked how that could be if someone expected to get a date (paraphrasing). What I wear has zero to do with anyone else and everything to do with me, as it should be. Plus there's that saying...."if you've got it, flaunt it".

This was included in the follow up post: I learned how respectable women showed up in public and a place of meeting is public.

Was anyone saying that Stone couldn't be attracted to whom she is attracted to? Nope. Was the issue that she was pointing out "respectable" women and talking about those on dating sites who have the cleavage out and proud? Yeah, she did and yes, that was the issue. Does that make her a bad person? Nope again. Does it make her a shamer? Yep.

There are a thousand ways to say that she was disappointed in her online experience and that she didn't find any women that caught her eye or that she wanted to pursue. None of them involve shaming. It was most definitely a poor choice of wording.

kitty, you mentioned that "we're all encouraged here to show our feelings" and then, in the next post, you are telling O to get therapy...sorry..."professional care". She was just expressing her feelings about the shame conversation, which is what you were encouraging in your previous post. And then you touch on judging, but that's exactly what you just did.

If Stone's comments had come from a cis-hetero male, there would be Hell to pay. He would be ROASTED with extra crispy skin, as he should be. But, somehow, it's "okay" if it comes from a cis-female and is just an "opinion"? No. Just no.

Passing judgement on others based on their appearance and clothes, which is what happened in the initial post, is NOT OKAY. No matter who does it. There's enough shame in this world and there's far too many people trying to control women's bodies, especially now, for this to fly in this day and age.

Do you remember trying to slut shame me because i posted this video Gemme?

I remember.

Honestly i was fine with your judgement then and i feel fine expressing how i feel about this free for all all you are all enjoying now..it never ceases to amaze me the lengths rational people will go through for a pound of flesh. We refuse be kind to each other even though we witness each day what hate can do We slaughter each other with guns & with words. Have fun while you can.

That's the thing. You have not expressed agreement or disagreement with slut shaming. What you have expressed an opinion about is other people's opinions regarding the slut shaming they have seen here. I am not really sure what it is that you are actually saying. Are you saying that people should not stand up for what they think is right? Are you saying that opinions are without consequence so should be allowed to stand without challenge? Are you saying we should refrain from calling out harmful opinions? What are you saying exactly?

I do get the concept that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but I also get that
"when bad people combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one... or all that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing." I certainly am not saying that anyone here is evil. I am saying that not calling out blatantly offensive comments will have consequences and over time it allows these ideas and beliefs to flourish unchecked and become if not acceptable then at least unremarkable. I don't imagine I will change anyone's mind. But I feel it is my moral responsibility to stand up for what I believe is right. I don't want to just shake my head silently and move on.

People make judgements all the time. Judging the best course for oneself is both necessary and prudent. However making moral judgments based on societal norms is problematic. Morality is often at the mercy of the period of time and/or the type of society in control. Some things are just right or wrong but others are more ambiguous and can change depending on the circumstances. Laws are not morals. What the law allows is not the definition of what is ethical behavior.

It feels as though you have judged the only person who has a right to express their opinion is the person doing the slut shaming. And no one is supposed to mention how disturbing it is to read that kind of thing on this site. Because in your opinion that is judgemental. And as far as I can see nobody has decided they can't be friends with someone who has a different opinion. Nobody would ever know anyone if people can't tell each other how they feel and what they think.

This may not be the hill I wish to die on, but it is part of the dirt that makes up that hill. And I think the US is on the brink of civil war not because people can't tolerate differences of opinions but because white supremacists can't tolerate equality, because religious fanatics can't allow freedom. That IS the hill I will die on.

kittygrrl, where's all this kindness you keep talking about? You haven't been kind in this conversation one single time. Maybe you should practice what you preach.

I will speak up when people shame women. If I don't then I feel I am complicit.

Always, A.!!!

Trust that you are feeling better this evening or soon will be.

I am also fully vaxxed & boosted!

Like you, I am also eager to see what this newer vax will be like, as it will NOT be using the mRNA.

Evushield came out for those (older/seniors) who had NOT had covid but then got all quiet about that!

Yes, I do remember you have bad lungs & asthma......that is why I have been thinking about you, my friend!!

Thanks for the post & update....always sending you gentle hugs & healing vibes, always!!

Okay, I guess. Got a call that someone may have seen Bruno. I got a trap and took it to them with food, toys, blanket, etc. in hopes of catching him. The people were nice and kind, but I have a feeling it's not Bru.

A friend suggested it may not be him because he was sighted so far away (8 miles). Here's hoping it's Bruno. If not, I'll just keep searching.

:playingcat:

You said you were done with this conversation in general and I respect that but if you want an answer to your question and a specific discussion about that, feel free to message me.

I walk 6-10 miles every day at work. It's not as far as you might imagine, especially when one has 4 legs. It could be The Bru! I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed that it is and that he's okay.

I feel good hearing O's news. I had a personal training session followed by a trip to Wally World and I had a big brunch. I couldn't decide which pizza I wanted so I got them both, cooked them and mixed and matched my meal. It was soo good and I have plenty of leftovers too. I'm fresh out of the shower and feel very content right now. That could change in mere minutes, but, for the time being, I'm good.

I feel accomplished. Between My job (working from home this week and possibly the next) and also sorting through a lot of My stuff out in the garage post-move - I was able to get a ton of stuff done.

However, it is just so outrageously hot - that it required multiple breaks inside as I had the A/C going all day. Rest assured though- I am super thankful that I have A/C.

Tired, stressed, anxious cuz im having a hard time finding a place to move into.

I am feeling filled with anticipation and thinking this coming week is going to be a good one. I am not sure why. However, it is a good feeling so I am going with it.

Starting to feel run down, I think my auto immune disorder is acting up because I've been taking more OTC than usual.

Annoyed. Got a call from the people who called me about Bruno last week. I took them a trap, food, toys, etc. She called last night asking me to bring some mothballs to deter skunks. Well, they guy who owns the property hasn’t placed any food in the trap because they don’t want to trap a skunk. WTF? The dude knew this when I visited last week. And the mothballs will deter Bruno. He has a very sensitive nose and doesn’t like stinky stuff.

Now this guy is saying he thinks the cat has stripes. Bruno has no stripes!

I think I’ll go and pick up the trap this morning because something’s not right with this.

No need for me to get angry. Just pick up my stuff and move on.

Today was the best personal news day ever and it is only Monday!!! Of the news I received I had anticipated one of the things that happened and hoped it would. However, the rest? Never saw it coming!

Feeling? Just wonderful and most of all - stress free!

The feeling that I wrote about on Monday is still with Me and I am feeling just beyond great! Happy and stress free!

HOT. This heat wave has been going on for more than three weeks now. We don't really have air conditioning at work. Just a little space one I can turn on every couple of hours for a few minutes or it blows fuses. TGIF.

Sad...but hopeful
 

Feeling sad. I was getting a well deserved pampering pedicure today with a lovely woman a few hours ago and it was heaven. Another beautiful woman of color with tatts whom I thought might be family was paying at the desk. She started verbally abusing the young Asian man who had done her pedicure and threw a very dramatic shit fit in front of everyone in the shop. I was so embarrassed for her and felt so bad for the young man as he obviously struggled to make her happy. It wasn't going to happen. It was ugly and it made me actually tear up. She was obviously a very unhappy woman in general. There was so much more going on there than her "bad" pedicure you know? Can we just be kind to one another? Even if we have a problem or have suffered what we feel is a "wrong" done to us, we can speak our truth in kindness and tact without crushing someone's spirit! Hasn't the pandemic taught us anything? *Steps down off of soapbox...struts off....

Boots :stillheart:

Feeling
 

I am happy I got my booster shot today. Just happened by a place who were doing it in the parking lot. Glad thats over for a bit.

I am fighting sickness. Already took a COVID test. Negative. I might just be slap wore out. I have been doing major garden work in hot humid weather and it’s taking its toll on me physically. My hip replacement-hip went on strike and I had to go on steroids. Now that I can walk w/o pain, I get cold symptoms. We shall see what this weekend brings….

I am feeling .. in a word.. blessed. The week I just had does not come along often and quite truthfully I am glad that is does not. Why? Because it keeps Me humble. It makes Me appreciate it more when it does happen.

I have plenty to smile about and for that I am grateful.

Oh no!!! How painful!!! Don’t overdue it and take your time needed to heal!

Dammit! I kept coughing so I took another Covid test and this one came back positive! So this is the second time I’ve had Covid even though I’ve had all my shots and boosters! Thankfully it’s really mild. Very low-grade fever, achy, but a persistent cough

Dang nh - sorry to see this happened to you. However, you are right it would be much worse if it were winter. Wishing you a speedy recovery!

Feeling
 

nh take care you do not fall again using crutches. I am so sorry to hear of your fall. You retire and then this happens. I wish you a speedy recovery my friend.

Oh no. Is there at least a good story behind it? Be careful and I hope you're not in too much pain...

Ugh, I wish they would revise these tests to be more accurate the first time. Glad you're experiencing a mild case...

I'm feeling happy. We are having a really good weekend here. The heat finally broke. It's going back up again tomorrow but for this weekend it has been nice. I'm so hot at work all day I haven't been able to enjoy walking the dogs or anything unless I do so at 5am before it heats up. This weekend I've been able to take them for good walks, work in my garden, grill dinner, and just sit outside with my Daddy and relax.

We also got some woodworking done. Not being heat exhausted, I had the energy to do some turning. I made a few pipes, necklaces, and seam rippers. I have more projects lined up to work on today. Daddy is finishing a really nice bookshelf that will go in our living room. It is painted a very cheery yellow and it's really going to perk up the room.