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-   -   what NOT to do in a relationship....... (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1808)

NJFemmie 08-03-2010 11:53 AM
When arguing or disagreeing, don't make things up based on what "you" might think is true. Too many fights escalate into something entirely different leaving a person to defend themselves from against unfounded accusations.

I'm amazed how many people actually do this sort of thing.

Jesse 08-03-2010 11:56 AM
DO NOT assume that I feel/think one way or the other. This is a HUGE pet peeve for me! ASK me what my thoughts or feelings are instead please. If you do not trust me enough to communicate honestly with me, then why are you here?

dark_crystal 08-03-2010 11:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by amiyesiam (Post 167215)
don't call me controlling when I won't do what you want me to do


and don't blame me when you want to do something I don't wan to do and you chose not to do it cause I won't do it.


don't hog the remote, the music, the phone or anything else that impacts me cause i am in the same space

don't expect me to entertain you all the time. I am never bored and there will never be enough hours in the day to learn, do, find out about, discover, read, craft, etc. everything I would want to.

don't tell me you are bored all the time
bored people are lazy or boring in and of them selves.

this reminds me of another one lol...if you want to do something and you ask me "do you want to go to/do X" and i say "no, but i will" either be happy that i am willing or go by yourself....don't start a campaign to convince me i should or do want to- i know what i want. I don't want to go- but i still will go b/c it will make you happy.

Kenna 08-03-2010 12:53 PM
Don't expect TOO much of me...then get upset that I couldn't read your mind or meet every expectation.

AtLast 08-03-2010 12:55 PM
Assume I mean a particular something. Please ask for clarification. Sometimes I know I may not be as clear as can be. LOL... especially upon waking!

bright_arrow 08-03-2010 03:21 PM
Don't change topics when we're having a particularly important one.
It really bothers me when gears are shifted as such.
If you don't want to talk about it, tell me.
I'll still be miffed, but I won't feel as dismissed.

Scorp 08-03-2010 09:00 PM
When having an argument, try not to laugh when she swears (especially when she hardly swears). It makes her think you're not taking the situation too seriously. Also be sure the tv isn't on in the background when having a deep convo. Either hit mute or shut it off altogether so she has your utmost attention. (Now where the hell did I put the remote?)

Oiler41 08-03-2010 09:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJFemmie (Post 167217)
When arguing or disagreeing, don't make things up based on what "you" might think is true. Too many fights escalate into something entirely different leaving a person to defend themselves from against unfounded accusations.

I'm amazed how many people actually do this sort of thing.
Or, a slight variation of this,,,if you (generic you) get confronted with doing whatever it is you shouldn't have been doing (lying, cheating, etc.) don't deny, deny, deny and accuse the person of making unfounded accusations and putting a guilt trip on them for suggesting such a thing, only for them to find out that said accusations were in fact not unfounded at all. But then again, if someone is already violating a relationship in such a fashion and they get caught, a few more lies on what is quite possibly already a big pile probably seems insignificant to them at that moment.

Glynn

dixie 08-03-2010 10:31 PM
If you have an issue or a problem, come to me directly. Instead of going behind my back and complaining about whatever it is to whoever you meet, just talk to me about it. I know sometimes this is hard, but it will be easier in the long run. The issue could be something easily fixable or sometimes even just a simple misunderstanding or miscommunication. And please, don't "hint" at it. I am capable of having "duh" moments just like we all sometimes do, so I'm not always quick to pick up the hint. Nothing drives me more nutty than hinting, which can turn to some serious passive aggressiveness if the hints aren't picked up on. I know this. I've been guilty of it myself, numerous times. I still have to stop sometimes and make myself have an open discussion because serious convo can be awkward, embarrassing, painful, etc. It takes time to learn how to communicate and be open with someone, but once you can it tends to make things a whole lot less complicated. It can be enlightening, informative and bring folks closer instead of farther. (f)

dark_crystal 08-04-2010 08:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dixielady (Post 167644)
Nothing drives me more nutty than hinting, which can turn to some serious passive aggressiveness if the hints aren't picked up on.
OMG so true...hinting brings out counter-passive-aggressiveness in me...b/c when i realize you're hinting at me i automatically get really "dumb"

i do think, however that, for me, it is a good idea to talk a problem over with a trusted friend (or preferably my therapist) before confronting my partner- a lot of the time i need help separating the true issue from whatever fears it triggers in me

dixie 08-04-2010 08:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dark_crystal (Post 167840)
OMG so true...hinting brings out counter-passive-aggressiveness in me...b/c when i realize you're hinting at me i automatically get really "dumb"

i do think, however that, for me, it is a good idea to talk a problem over with a trusted friend (or preferably my therapist) before confronting my partner- a lot of the time i need help separating the true issue from whatever fears it triggers in me
Oh I agree that talking to a trusted individual is a good idea, because it can help us gain some perspective. I was more referring to the way some folks just throw it out to anyone and everyone. And like I said, I've done it too, so I know firsthand that it can only complicate matters. :(

Duchess 08-08-2010 03:52 PM
Don't sit on your ass and think it's ok not to work because your partner makes good money. Of course it's a totally different matter if this is a planned arrangement.

Duchess

Duchess 08-08-2010 04:45 PM
Don't fly off the handle with jealous rants and accusations. This makes the Dear John/Jill letter much easier to write. Think before you speak!!!

SuperFemme 08-08-2010 05:21 PM
go to dinner with your honeys right wing racist family and expect to leave still a couple.

sweetfemme247 08-08-2010 05:50 PM
dont move into a relationship with someone and plan for them to move in with you after a month of dating and never even met in person. never rush a relationship and mix lust with love. and never trust someone you really dont know.

Julie 08-08-2010 06:28 PM
I generally do not piggy back on these type of posts... YOU ARE SO RIGHT!

Dated Southern Baptist Butch... Wants me to meet family (Me - Jewish, Atheist, Anti-War, Anti-American, Human Rights Activist) -- Feel the Moment!

"Jane Fonda was a Communist." "You will suffer in pergatory unless you accept the blood of Christ." and... WORSE - They held their bowls to their mouths as they shoveled the salad in (Sorry that put me over the edge).

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperFemme (Post 170843)
go to dinner with your honeys right wing racist family and expect to leave still a couple.

Duchess 08-09-2010 09:31 AM
If you know you don't like kids, don't date anyone with kids. You will NEVER take their place!!

chefhmboyrd 08-09-2010 09:43 AM
uh........
 
be careful posting to multiple women on FB from your phone.......
you may or may not be on PM
lol................

dixie 08-09-2010 12:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd (Post 171227)
be careful posting to multiple women on FB from your phone.......
you may or may not be on PM
lol................
oops... i was on my phone too so i didn't notice it either until it was a bit too late...i'm sure we made for interesting reading for everyone else though...LOL :innocent:

chefhmboyrd 08-09-2010 01:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dixielady (Post 171319)
oops... i was on my phone too so i didn't notice it either until it was a bit too late...i'm sure we made for interesting reading for everyone else though...LOL :innocent:
i am sure my mom appreciated me giving them a shout out and then tainting the lovely family moment with ....... well...... suggestive dialogue...........
lmao
:rofl:


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