I'm sad and tired. Our little extended family is smaller by one, again. My boy's boyfriend, David, passed away a week ago. He literally died in my boy's arms. I wasn't there, but my boy said that he and David had just had a lovely day together - they played, watched TV and had a big steak dinner - and everything seemed fine. Then awhile after dinner, David started feeling dizzy and nauseated, and agreed to go to the hospital. They never made it to the car. He was already gone by the time the ambulance arrived.

Now my boy is a basket case. He has gone back to work, but only for half days to do the accounting, and no customer contact. Otherwise he alternates sleeping, crying, and drinking beer while watching TV game shows. His grief is deep - he was still grieving from when we lost Dixon in April, and now his dear boyfriend of 20 years is gone.

I'm just trying to hold us together. I am still grieving for Dixon too, and also now David. My boy is inconsolable. I'm trying to convince him to see a grief counselor or a therapist. There's too much death around here.

sitting down softly beside you, silently, as you sorrow………

Better, and not so overwhelmed. We have a plan now for attending the viewing and memorial service. Our outfits are clean. We have the address. The boy is still crying at the drop of a hat, but that's appropriate behavior for the memorial. We're going to make it through tomorrow just fine.

I am exhausted. Two weeks ago. I was sick for a week with RSV. Last week I worked 40 hours to make up for all the hours I missed. I’m taking the day just to relax. Although I have my granddaughters over here for a pizza party. And I had a couch delivered. And I helped three police save a couple pitbull‘s that were locked in an upstairs bedroom with a litter of pups for two weeks. So…

it's too early ..


coffee

Better.

The heat wouldn't come on this morning. Thermostat wasn't working. Called the Heat Lady and she sent someone out. All I needed were batteries. The service guy also gave the furnace a tune-up and changed the filter.

I felt pretty clueless having not checked the batteries, but at least I don't need a new furnace. There is that.

:bow:

How are you Feeling?
 

Really super tired today although I slept a long time but pain in my back is concentrating on the R. side and is painful when she would massage that area. She asked how my back was and I told her very bad the last couple of days. Tylenol is not even doing much for it. Oh well, life goes on.

I feel …. Subdued into a state of submission by overwhelming tides of humility— feeling so profoundly grateful for the chance to be present and cognizant of all I am fortunate to enjoy in life. Submissive to my life experience. Humbled by it all, for sure.

I am sore from gardening all weekend. I’m still tearing down the gardens, planting bulbs, putting more garlic in the ground, covering the beds, laying the compost out, etc. every muscle in my body is in pain. Glorious, wonderful satisfied pain! There was a time when I could barely move. My healing has taken years, but it’s finally here! I am so enjoying being in this kind of pain instead of the other kind of pain!

Still stressed out this year has been a long one like I said I won’t be able to breathe until I’m in the plane or already in the new school

Numb. Shocked. Angry. Grieving. Sad. Overwhelmed.
I was laid off permanently from the best job I have ever had. And now I have to worry about all the senior citizens I took care of.

I feel like I was punched in the gut…

Temporarily, explicably sad. I say temporarily because the boy is bringing home my antidepressant medication after work. I say explicably because my pharmacy ran out of my meds and I've had to wait 5 days to get them filled. They have worn off and I've been crying for no good reason for 2 days now. At least it's fixable; I hope it doesn't take 2 days for them to kick in once I get them.

Drowning…..

I’ve got some traumatic stuff going on in my life right now which concerns stuff from early young adult years, which has upended my life but has drawn me closer to my youngest brother. I’m stunned and sad for my brother. His right leg was amputated and now he has “Kevin” his unicorn embossed artificial leg…. But on Monday he returns to hospital to have two stents inserted into his heart. He is 2.1 million in debt. He doesn’t care if he loses his business. I suspect I’m going to lose the only member of my family who cares deeply for me. He told me to take the high road, concerning my traumatic experience.

I just feel so stunned.

And, sad.

Feeling
 

Feeling very sad. My brother called me and told me he had to have his dog put down today. Very old, sweet, loveable dog but going blind, falling off ramp he built cause the poor thing would not walk steps. Today he was bleeding from his nose and my brother thinks he must have banged his head or nose so he found it had but it had to be done. I loved that dog myself as he was nice to everyone. I feel for my brother as I know it is the hardest thing he as had to do in a long time. Damn ageing anyway.

Feeling excited....
 

Today I am above water finally
Less than two weeks ago within a matter of days, I had an accident in our new car, I got laid off from my job unexpectedly, and my dog couldn’t walk and was in incredible pain, and I was terrified because of my job loss. I couldn’t afford to take care of her and was afraid I was going to have to euthanize her.

However, and I have since gotten on unemployment. I worked out if payment plan with our veterinarian, who never ever allows this! And the insurance covered everything and incredibly, we didn’t have a deductible!

I am feeling relief, happiness, gratitude, and hope.

Graduation Day :)
 

I accomplished my 9 weeks (3 times a week) of physical therapy goal for a *frozen shoulder* which was a result of my torn rotator cuff injury in April.

I have and will continue to avoid surgery to repair the tear. The tear will never *heal* on its own, but I can prevent further damage. The consequence of my April incident which led to the frozen shoulder incident are reminders to stay active and mobile.

I admit I am stubborn and not the most compliant with restrictions: however Mr. Brett J. who was my therapist/coach/cheerleader and my favorite motivational quote to me was: *Motion Is Lotion* :cheer:

Ks- :thumbsup:

Well… I’m okay. Not feeling exactly good but not exactly bad — either. I don’t have an appetite really, but I force myself to graze on veggies and such.

Not sure when I will feel better, but I’m glad I’m still here.

Kinda sad and blue. I had an appointment with my pill doc today, and it was distressing to recount all the sad stuff that's happened since the last time I saw him. He upped one of my scripts by an extra half dose; we'll see if that does any good.

Later, I sang along to my "sad songs" playlist. That helped a little.

Sorta kinda better. I've been doing stuff today, as opposed to just lying in bed and thinking about how bad I feel. I guess that's an improvement, at least psychiatrists seem to think so. One of the things I did was bake brownies - does that really count as "doing something" though, when I know I will just eat them to comfort myself? As it turns out, I only had two - and I enjoyed them, I didn't just gobble the whole pan down in sadness.

I also played with the dog, which I'm sure she appreciated since I have mostly ignored her for several days. I made sure she had plenty of toys, but of course that's not the same as playing with me. Honestly, if I'm asleep or dozing in bed, she usually just gets in her crate and sleeps.

I did some arts and crafty stuff, too. That's definitely an improvement, as I haven't felt creative at all lately. I couldn't even come up with an idea before. Today an idea finally came to me and I started it.

So yes, "sorta kinda better" describes well how I'm feeling.

I am feeling all sorts of ways

I sprained my ankle yesterday. And it might be broken. I had gone to urgent care and they did an x-ray. They said that they couldn’t see a definite break. They wanted me to follow up with my orthopedic surgeon because it seems like more than a sprain. So… I’m in pain and I hurt. And I’m worried that I’ll get laid up again.

I feel relief, because finally after over three weeks and many attempts to correct an initial mistake, I made, while filing for unemployment, I got my first deposit.
But I’m feeling frustrated because I can’t access it. I had to close down my debit card because I lost it!

And I’m also feeling kind of lost. I’ve been laid off from the job that I felt was the best job I ever held, and I am kind of bored and feeling like I have no purpose. I don’t mean that in a low self-esteem kind of way. I mean that in a way that expresses that all my life I have served populations that were at risk and needy, empowering them to get strong and independent. I want to continue doing that, but I just don’t know in what direction or capacity or what population I will do it next.

I’ve had several interviews, all of them wonderful opportunities. But I am 66 years old and I don’t want to work full-time. I am retired. I am doing this to fill my need to serve. And I don’t want to be a Director or a supervisor or a manager… Which is where the interviews always go! I want to work in the trenches with the people.
I have a job interview on Monday. And another one on Wednesday of next week.

My tooth hurts and I have a headache. Motrin helps, but doesn't really work. I really want a BC powder and a Coke, my go-to for headaches, but I'm not supposed to have either one with this kidney problem I'm having. So I am Crabby!

I hired a dog walker today. The boy is going to a convention, and I am just not capable of walking Brittany three times a day. I'm not even capable of going up and down the stairs three times in a day, without having to spend the whole next day in bed. So I made an agreement with a neighbor that I found on Facebook. She's supposed to come over and meet Brittany and the boy on Thursday. I'm feeling conflicted and full of trepidation, but we'll see how it goes.

Excited!

Massachusetts passed a bill that will allow me to go back to nursing school for free! I’m finally doing this!

How are you Feeling?
 

Feeling better. Talked to my brother and he is getting it together after his loss, I myself have joined two more chat rooms and I am as busy as a 6 tailed cat in a room full of rockers but happy doing it anyway. This evening is so quiet and still compared to all the heavy rain storms earlier. I just heard the train go over the overpass near where I live and it reminded me of being a child growing up around trains. Yes, feeling much better.

Pretty good! As far as my tooth goes, it still kinda hurts, but I have meds for that now. The antibiotics seem to be working.

But the best news is that my Mom will be moving back from the hospital into her nursing home tomorrow! They say they have her meds straightened out. Hopefully she will enjoy her life more now. Also hopefully, she will not be throwing any more remotes at people's heads.

Pretty pissed off! Planned on fixing part of Thanksgiving meal tonight. 4 pm power went out expects to be back on by 8:15. I know yall think I'm crazy but my bed time is 9. LOL yeah Ima old man now, go to bed with the chickens

Not as good as earlier. My tooth is driving me nuts, and I can't get any sleep. Lying down puts pressure on it, no matter what position I lie in. Even soaking it in whiskey is not helping much. I made a new bite guard today, thinking that might put less pressure on it, but that didn't work. On the other hand, if I sleep without a bite guard, I just grind my teeth all night and wake up with a toothache and a headache. Aaarrgh!

Sad and tired and overwhelmed.

My mother passed away about 10 days ago. It was completely unexpected. I thought she was getting better, but she continued to deteriorate until she just didn't eat or drink for five days. My sister kept this information to herself, so I didn't get to go see my Mama before she died. By the time my sister came clean, Mama had only hours left. She passed away before I could jump in my car and make it all the way to her nursing home. I missed her by about an hour.

Then I somehow got a kidney infection within days and ended up hallucinating in the ER again. Actually, the doctors aren't sure it was an infection, that was just their best guess. I was in the hospital for a week, but now I'm home again.

I'm too tired to do anything but lie in bed.

On guard. Listening intently. Heightened focus.

Feeling
 

Does not affect me diretly but I am happy for all the gay/lesbians out there that are Catholic as the Pope just gave his blessings to all marriages. I know this is important to lots of folks.

Trepidatious….

I accepted a position in an urgent care. The staff openly say that management is inept and they run short on staff on the regular. This was highlighted by the fact that I was supposed to be “shadowing” on my very first day, but ended up answering the phone and helping the other MA as she was completely on her own.

What have I gotten myself into 😳