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they pushed my surgery ahead by a week. My Dr goes to 3rd world countries and helps out there. He is out of the country for two weeks, was returning for my surgery for one day and then going back out for a 4 day stint in another country. He wanted to know if I could wait a week. A yeah. First, he would be too tired to work on me and secondly, I am amazed at the service work he does. I found a humanitarian Dr! I could wait a month if it meant he were going to help others who wouldnt otherwise get help!
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Mostly life is on My mind, which is nothing new!
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I am working on my AA steps again, since I relapsed, I am getting back to the basics. This week I have been making contact with some people I KNOW I am going to need to make ammends. Exes from a long time ago. It was so nice to chit chat with them and get beyond our endings to get to the good stuff we use to like about each other. Whats on my mind is how wonderful the steps are...they really do make all kinds of things come out in the wash!
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i'm afraid i'm going to die not knowing what it's like to be loved by another.
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Well, I know I haven't been around much. I do apologize for that, but I needed my time for a while. I do just want to drop in and tell you all something.... Something wonderful.
Tuff is here. My dearest love got off the plane Wednesday evening. Hy is in my home, in my arms, and it is the best feeling in the world. I love hym even more now then I could have ever thought possible. Hy will stay for 10 days, then go home to hys beautiful daughter and start preparations to move them both here as soon as is possible. My children adore hym and I couldn't think of anyone more suited to share my life with. |
I couldn't think on any where else I would rather be babygirl...all we need now is our MJ here huh?
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Congratulations you two! (JLJ and Tuff) So nice to see love bloom! God bless you all!
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someday i want to be loved again. Loved right. Loved well. Loved practiced and seasoned and well intended. I want to be wrapped in arms at night that provide a safe place to be while I fly in my dreams and take lessons from buddhas and play with children from the stars. I want to be loved enough. Not too much. Not too little. I want the goldilocks version of love. I want the wolf to not feel like he as to pretend he is grandma in order for me to give him my cookie basket. I want my prince charming to show up before the pin prick, the apple bite, the lost slipper. I want to be loved not rescued. I dont want the love of the seven dwarves...Lazy, Needy, Greedy,, Empty, Nasty, Drunkie and ME-ME-ME-me-E. I want to be loved like a fairy princess who owns her own kingdom, didnt have to kill off her mother, bear with a distant father or hate her sisters in order to have a legacy to be carried on through the ages. I want my love to be my legacy. I want to be loved well...
and I want you to be loved as well...I dont want it to be make believe. I want it to be not just possibly, but probably and in fact, reality. I believe in love. And as I heal and prepare and start to desire, I am drawing up the energy to offer it all back.... I am the honey on my prince's peanut butter...but he is my whole grain, crunchy home baked fresh from the oven, bread.... |
Not a positive day....sad
It's so hot in CA---- and it's friday... soon to be friday nite. I feel old and fluffy (hummm) and I need an attitude adjustment. LOL
I think being alone sucks... even though it's good for self discovery---I am so done discovering. Arrrrg Sweepea |
((((((((((((Jenn and Tuff))))))))))))) It makes My heart happy to see you both together and in love ~ I wish you both a lifetime of happiness, love and the family that you both want/deserve (you two and all the kids) :cheesy:
Thinking about My love and how wonderful she is :stillheart: |
Fever has jumped to 103 :(
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Tired of not feeling well. Yeah, I know I have chronic stuff, but..... just tired of it!! OK, done bitching.... not the only person that has to deal with this... but PHOOEY!!!
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A.L.H.
I get ya buddy,if one more doc says its part of geting older.POOOEY...says I..the lady a block from hear runs by the house near every day dressed like a marathon racer,I know for a fact she is many years older than me....,whtf gives?
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my nights are days and my days bleed into sleepless nights and I play bubble balls until my eyes hurt mistaking this for sleepiness. I drink coke and feel my heart race because I gave up caffeine months ago. Self sabatoging masochistic behavior. I laugh at my own silliness but pine for the sleep I desire. How did this teeter tot up? I want it to teeter down. I want to get off, quite frankly and go back to dreaming of flying with boys and visiting ice sheds on beaches and eating steaming hot dogs on cold mitteny days with friends I know only in dreams...
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one more mug of coffee~
and then i think i'm gonna get in the car crank the music up too loudly and just drive around out in the country for a while with all the windows open & pretend i'm in a convertible :hippie: |
how is it some are so rude.......
example...... your having a nice conversation with someone your trying to get to know over the phone..... and suddenly they disappear.... ( this is the 2nd time this has happend) .... you wonder .. did there phone die?? did we lose signal?? then later about an hr later... they send you a tex saying.......... someone was at the door. now i think this is rude....... or am i missing something? |
I'm wishing that one of my friends would get the lead out. I'm ready for fishing!!!
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Finally arriving where I belong... Home.
:king: (f) :princess: |
Quote:
I WANA GOOOooooooooooooOO i have my fishing stuff with me in me twuck... lol |
Will I be able to find another part time job so I can get out of this financial crisis and maybe even save something? Been on the net and out and about, but it's looking grim. Maybe in a couple weeks when all the kids go back to school I might be able to find something.
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