I was told yesterday by my therapist that I outgrew my relationship. This morning as I was reading I came across the quote below oddly enough. I hope that by me posting it here it will help someone else.

"Every woman I have ever loved has left her print upon me, where I loved some invaluable piece of myself apart from me--so different that I had to stretch and grow in order to recognize her. And in that growing we came to seperation, that place where work begins"
Audre Lorde

After a While
 

AFTER A WHILE



After a while you learn the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and learn that love doesn't mean leaning

and company doesn't always mean security

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of a woman not the grief of a child

and you learn to build all your roads on today

because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.



After a while you learn that even sunshine burns

if you get too much so plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul instead of waiting

for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

that you really are strong

and you really do have worth

and you learn

and you learn

with every goodbye you learn.



by Veronica A Shoffstall

Goodbye
 

Tonight....I am going to bed thankful.

Thankful that it's over and that you walked away.....I discovered today that you lied to me for the past two years. It hurt, but I'm glad I figured it out.

You never deserved me, I deserved and do still deserve better.....

Continue to tell half truths and play the victim, I'm at peace with your decision and will pray for your next victim........:vigil:

have been there
 

hey hun...so sorry to hear what you are going thru...yes..ive def been there...i have been asking the same question...however, my x and i were only together for 15 months...and even after we split we talked and hung out for like two weeks..and then all of a sudden....nothing...total avoidance...then she started getting angry with me, for calling and emailing....idk what happened either....honestly after thinking about it..i think maybe she found someone else....oh well...her loss....again i know you are hurting...i would love to talk to someone like you, that understands what i have been thru...i just hate that you had to experience the pain and hurt, to understand where i am.....wanna talk?

I went through the same a little over a year ago. My first butch, we met when I was 14 I was 29 when we split and we had been together the entire time. It will take a toll on your heart for a little while and then you realize that life has a different plan for you and you will move on and be happy, sweetie. Just a bit of advice, dont let one person make your heart go cold.

This is a heartbreaking post on multiple levels. Suffice it to say, there is lots of good advice and I'll wade in with a few thoughts of my own.

1) You might actually be suffering from shock. This is a very real physical reaction to trauma. Make sure you get rest, eat healthily, and get someone to talk to. Keep warm- like warm baths etc...

2) Try not to focus on what you couldn't/can't control. Instead focus on all the things you DO have control over. Your health, your physical safety and well-being, and your emotional world. This may require getting therapy or getting the love and support of family and friends.

3) Remember that although you can't see the sense or the reason in this right now, it will eventually become clearer as time goes on. Try and be in the moment with it and feel what you need to feel so that you can let go of it and move on.

There is a whole life out there for you still and many more people to love and care for and be loved and cared for back.

Breathe.

*hugs*

Hey- sorry you're going through all this. ((((squeezes))))

Is there any chance she's become an addict? This sounds all-too-familiar. The missing money, misdirected anger, reluctance to account for her whereabouts, etc. It may be mental illness or addiction. In my case she had a very serious addiction& we no longer speak. The damage she brought about was simply unforgivable.

Either way-she's gone. It's over. Please take some time to focus on yourself. This isn't your fault. I don't know why you had to move out and lose all the money in your joint accounts but that's over, too, and not my business. Find a therapist or, if money is an issue, a good friend to talk to. Being alone may not be the greatest idea and please, please avoid the urge to jump into a rebound relationship just so you're not lonely.

You're going to be angry, then scarily perky, then crying your eyes out then bouncing off the walls.....you get the picture. Like everyone else said -be good to you. You aren't alone and you can learn from this experience without letting your heart turn to stone. I'll say it again - it's not your fault. Okay?

This is a tough one for sure ---just these past few days I've had my heart torn apart myself ---and the words "time heals all wounds" ---while true --aren't much comfort at this point.

I have just found this place of community - and I have read the posts that "friends" have posted for you ---this seems like an extremely caring community - take refuge in that ---its hard to "want" answers for something that seems so inconceivable --- trust me ---I am right there with you ---only I am the butch ---asking the questions "why" ---when you give all you have and love without condition ---to be told - that classic line - "it isn't you - it's me" ---as if that were a help - but it is true ----it isn't 'you' ---but that doesn't make it easier ---and for what it is worth ---I send you all the good thoughts and energy I have right now --because I truly know as do so many on within this community I am sure ---know what you are going through ---so, hang in there ---be true to yourself ---and move forward day by day ---maybe even moment by moment ---and know that you are worthy of "more" ...

Don't loose heart~
 

Its hard sometimes impossible to make sense of it all... you know It would be kinder if loves would let you know they are unhappy and want to fly & just say so.(sometimes that does happens) The not knowing whys are a "very little" less painful. This here is cowardis and mean. Don't feel badly about yourself . Give the hurt up ~talk about it. It will seem like traveling down endless roads of thought that become dead ends~ but discard them and keep moving through. You may not find the answer you are looking for but you will still learn and grow and thats the journey.

"Can I just say that bipolar isn't necessarily what is going on here? Many people and even some psychiatrists confuse bipolar disorder with borderline personality disorder. I have bipolar disorder, and it expresses itself in terms of mood swings, from very high, to very low. It is episodic and is a function of synapses mis-firing in the brain. Medication can help tremendously with this illness.

Borderline personality disorder is very different."

Thanks Drew!:thumbsup: