these words of yourse tell me alot. In fact, they tell me her whole story. I too am an alcoholic. A recovering one. To me, what she decided is she didnt want to fix herself. She wants to stay an alcoholic and she found a girl who will let her. Now that makes sense to me. And its a quick fix, which is why it has to happen like this.

I am so sorry, luv, when we alcoholics are active in our addiction, our ways are SO fucking hurtful to the people who love us. We are selfish and cruel and thoughtless, but to us we think we are loving and careful and sensitive. When all we are is manipulative and cunning and conniving. We will call it love and you will believe its love but those are your issues...because you are a codependent...you need Al Anon or CODA. We couldnt do this to you if you didnt let us because you were primed for us. You are sweet and kind and loving but too much so...to the point where you sacrifice yourself to make it happen with the other person. And we will empty your well dry...

dont let her, sweetheart. That love is too precious. Save it for someone who will treasure it. Save it so you keep it safe for yourself. Love yourself enough to let her go ...consider it her greatest gift she ever gave you...

I can block her number, but that doesn't prevent her from leaving voicemails. Lame, eh?

ETA: Wait, no, I can't block her number... I need a new phone.

I have... t-mobile. With my old phone, I was able to at least block numbers - but with this one, I can't even do that much.

I will. I just wish I could block her texts, too.

Gah, thanks to everyone for being patient with me... I'm pretty much taking some space away from everyone, including my so-called "best friend" who has been lying to my face about not talking to my ex - she even bought pills from my ex's friend - and told her I made up something which... I didn't... and I just wonder. I wonder what kind of "best friend" would deliberately hurt me like that, when she claims to not even like my ex at all.

I slipped up and told a guy she was talking to that she was seeing someone - and she was - and now she has gotten her revenge. The difference is, I made a mistake and wasn't trying to hurt her. She did this out of spite.

Anyway, I got a nice pep talk from an amazing friend of mine, and I'm so lucky to have her. And all of you... I've never seen people respond so fast like y'all did to me.. :flowers:

Girlllllllllll, you need to get chu some new friends, stop hanging with pill poppers and alcoholics, not good..

No contact... period

Tell her that you need time.. (at least six months at the very least) and if she won't respect that time then block her.. block everything and delete her phone number from you phone...

If need be .. burn that bridge and tell her that you will get a restraining order...

You need to be oh so selfish right now... What she wants, needs, desires is not your concern... (I know that is hard) She chose her path and you no longer have any responciblilties twards her...

I've been where you were... One min I'm thinking I'm getting a new ring for christmas and the next min her new girl friend is moving in...

I was broken... That girl was broken beyond repair...

But you know what? The woman who came out that hell is a stronger, wiser, happier and healthier person that that girl ever was...

Take your time putting yourself back together... Take a brutal look at your self... see what your part you played...

The only one who can put yourself back together is you...

Haha, I know! My friend Shelly is pretty damn wonderful, I think I'll keep her. In the two years I've known her, there's never been drama. It's kind of great.

Random, thank you... :flowers: It's what I need.

All or nothing, right?

just saying...
 

"it can't work until we fix our lives."

this statement indicates that you had work to do on yourself. Now is a good time to focus on whatever issues you need to fix. Remove yourself from her issues and get to work on yours....its really easy to distract yourself from fixing yourself when you are always busy trying to fix someone else...

Wow, softness, you're totally right... that's what I've been saying... can't be in a relationship when you have inner issues to work on - and I do. I guess she hasn't quite realised that, but I have. I just need to take care of myself.

Excellent advice. Take space and no contact. And if she cares for you when you ask her to not contact you, she will respect that request. If she doesn't, than she is more concerned with her own desires and not respecting what you say you need.

Everyone has asked her to leave me alone... she won't give up. It's like, she loves me, but doesn't want to be with me, so tries to hold on... but this time I'm not letting her. I need to grieve and move on, and I can't do it unless she disappears from my life for awhile.

If she keeps harrasing slap a restraining order against her, save texts and emails or voice mails. I think you mentioned she was moving, so this is good so the harrasment stops.

Call the cops

"Didn't know where else to turn, hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here by starting a new thread, but... I'm broken.

Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half.

I broke down crying, and she kept asking me to come see her, saying she didn't want to leave like this... but I told her it hurt too much. She said goodbye on the phone, and said she loved me."


I went back to look, let her move, if it's not soon I would file a restraining order, that will get the message across.!!!!

Nah. I won't sink to her level. Best thing I can do is ignore her, permanently. If I take action like that, she'll just feel more powerful... knowing that she got to me. I'd rather let her think I'm completely done and don't care to give her a second thought.

:)

Awesome!!

Cause we have a 2 page thread of nothing but thoughts!!

Way to make the first step!

Hi Prox...

I think it was softness who said that alcoholics can say they love you, but it isn't what you think it is. I believe that.

The part I highlighted in red speaks very loudly to me.

I had a person in my life for a number of years who was completely toxic. She's not on this site, just for the record. In retrospect, I know that she has some serious issues that she needs to deal with...and to this day I don't know whether it's a substance problem or a mental illness or what...

What I do know is that for several years, she dominated my life...all the time telling me that she loved me, needed me, couldn't function without me. I would drop everything for her...leave important work events to take her calls...talk to her for hours every night...listen to craziness you cannot imagine. I cared about her...and I believed it was mutual.

Reality is that she cared about herself, and the drama she was living inside...and that was all.

We were not lovers...but she also wouldn't leave any space in my life or emotions or psyche for anyone else either. She didn't want to be with me...but she did want me to always be available to her and caught up in her "stuff."

When I started putting limits on her, and setting up some boundaries that were healthy for me...she exploded.

When I persisted with the boundaries...she suddenly announced that she couldn't deal with having me in her life in any way. We never spoke again. We went from constant conversation that she couldn't live without....to nothing.

Just for me, someone who wants to dominate your life and leave you no emotional space to love someone else....but doesn't want to be with you themselves...doesn't really love you. That's control...not love...at least in my view.

You've had good advice here...be with friends, go to an Al-Anon meeting (or a bunch of them), talk to a counselor, take some time just for yourself. Block her calls...and if she still texts...change your phone number.

I wish you luck. :rrose:

yeah..she is going to hold you hostage. We do that, us alcoholics. We need to hold onto you just in case what we left you for doesnt work out. We always have to have a way back in...

you really want this? I can sit here and be your interpreter all night long. I speak Sick real good. .... Its my native language...