My mom
 

This is a very heavy subject for me.

My mom was a foster child because my Grandmother was thrown out of her own family for getting pregnant and my GM had to work as a domestic to survive. The foster family was abusive and she was the scapegoat for the other 5 kids, as she was the oldest.

It damaged my mother and she was unable to be a loving, caring or nurturing person to her only daughter. She then met & married my dad, also from a cold, withholding family of origin.

I believed at an unconscious level, she identified with me and in collusion with my dad, made me the family scapegoat. My younger brothers escaped their wrath.

I used to pray as a child that something would happen to them and I would become an orphan and adopted by a mother like some of my friends had *nurturing*loving*.

Fast forward to the day I told my mom I was in love with my best friend, a wonderful person my mom really liked and that I was gay. She would not speak with me for 15 years. I wad uninvited from my brothers wedding, my brothers would not speak me & the scapegoat was out of the family dynamics.

As we all aged, my mother became sick, had surgeries and as usually happens- I am the only child near them. I help them because there is no one else. I accept that it is what it is. Things that they say still can sting though I have developed a much thicker, protective hide with them.
We were at a family and friends dinner the other day and my dad proceeded to tell the guests all about the "big vacation" when he took the "whole family, wives and grandkids to Hawaii a couple of years ago".

Neither of them noticed I was not included in the big trip (nor did I know it even happened!).

This thread asked about mom but my mother is totally intertwined with my dad. They are one person to me.

When my mom decided to speak with me again, the door was totally shut on my private life. She/they do not ask and do not want to know. I discuss the weather, groceries, etc. I just pretend with them, they pretend with me.
They are old now and I do not expect anything to change at this stage of the game.

Apologize
 

I just noticed this was the butch zone. I am sorry, all I saw was "mom". I hope it was OK I invaded the space.

My mom and I were pretty close. When I came out at age 16, things didn't go so smoothly. Coming out at 16, in Mississippi, in the perfect upper middle class, Republican, 3 child family was not easy. Things were pretty bumpy until I turned 18 and moved out (thinking I had the world by the tail, only to learn later that IT had ME). But she never turned her back on me; no one in my family did.

Within only a few years time, my mother came to accept me for who I am. After a while, it got to the point such that when I was living away from her, she would keep me caught up on the gay gossip in the little town in Mississippi I grew up in, lol. Years later, when I was getting ready to head to D.C. to march with the uniformed military contingent at the March on Washington in 1993, she was actually telling her friends about it, and again for the Millenium March on Washington.

We still had our rough moments over the years, but when she passed in 2007, I lost my greatest ally, advocate and supporter. She was always there no matter what. I miss her still. She was a great lady.

Glynn

My mother is the most amazing woman I know! She is everything I have ever wanted to be. Kind,caring,loving,compassionate and throughout life and the process of building a family she has maintained her own sense of self.

If I can somehow manage to be even half of who my mother is then I will be one amazing individual

I have been taking my Mom to Indiana for a few years now..We have family that live there and it is her little vacation away from my mean and nasty Dad..It is a 4 hour drive one way..I guess it was getting the best of me on telling her that i was gay..I decided to tell her in the car on the way home..Figured she couldnt get up and walk away from the conversation..I was so nervous and had my stomach in knots..We were getting close to Ohio and i said to myself that i would tell her when we crossed into Ohio..There we were crossing the line..Got real nervous and probly went another 50 miles before i told her that i had something to tell her..She said ok..So i finally took a big deep breath and i just said Mom i am gay..I looked straight ahead at the road and waited for her reply trying to prepare for her answer..I know what ever she said i had to remember that i was driving and i needed to consentrate on that first..Waiting for her answer and of all the things that could have been said all she was Yeah i know..Felt a little relief after hearing that..I asked her why she didnt say something to me earlier and she said she was waiting for me to say something first..Of course i asked if anyone has said anything about me in the family..She said she hasnt heard anything..This is the way i have always been so we all grew up with it..Iwas glad to hear that..She said some friends have talked to her about my lifestyle..I asked her what she said to them and her reply was she is my kid and i love her and she does..She tells me that she loves me all the time..She does support me and has accepted my girlfriends in the past..My sister and brother does to..They are welcomed in their homes with me..At times i feel a little bit uncomfortable but i deal with it..
I feel bad for the rest of you in here that has had trouble in the past..You should meet my mom..She would give you all a hug and you would feel loved by her even if she doesnt know you..

s..

My mom is the one person in my life who never abandoned, abuse or took advantage of me. I love her with all my heart and there is nothing I wouldn't do for her. She is there for me through thick and thin. I can never repay her for all she has done..all I can do is be there for her. :rrose:

When I talk to my mom it's like having a short conversation with a neighbor you only see when you need to borrow a cup of sugar. It wasn't this way until she divorced my dad with whom I have a great relationship with now. It's all been a very strange ride since the divorce and I stepped off at the last stop.

Your relationship with your Mom
 

My Mom was the first woman I loved. I adore my Mom. I have to say I am blessed to have such a great Mom.

My Mom was a wonderful woman in so many ways -- brilliant yet never arrogant; strong and also quite feminine; courageous and gentle; secure in her own beliefs while respectful of others; steady as a rock but game to try things out of her comfort zone; genuine, loving, kind -- absolutely beautiful both inside and out. I will always miss her physical presence, even so, she is still "with" me in one way or another every day and especially in Springtime. I feel so fortunate that she was my Mother for it's because of her I know how it feels to be loved, accepted and appreciated for exactly who I am.

:)

My mom Virginia
 

The relationship I had with my mother was loving,we were close.
She accepted me my whole life as i matured and changed... she accepted me always.

As she accepted my lil sis who is gay [tweener].and also our partners.

We took care of mom these past 4 years upon her diagnosis of dementia,which strengthen a relationship that was already strong.

Her humor,kindness and love I miss so much... she passed july 2011.

My sister and I were very fortunate to have such an accepting loving lady as our mom.

I have a great relationship with my mom. She didnt always make the best choices in our lives when we were little.. and emotionally withdrew quite often (all from her own issues). But she has come along way with all the talks we have had over the yrs. I used to wonder why all my friends wanted my life and my mom *shrugs* guess I didnt show just what was up in our "home".. but I have to give her credit,back then she remembered what it was like not having the best clothes or the like so she would make sure we had the latest threads,(course then we had to move coz no money to pay bills) or maybe it was from something else.. but thats another story not about mom.

as far as my being butch.. its taken awhile. She used to be so unbending on her views when I first was coming out at 19. been alot of back and forth with us over this,it was just recently after I moved her in with me over the last 4 yrs that she has accepted how I feel about who I am. She must have been doing research on it cuz a yr or so ago she asked me who was the top and bottom :blink: I about fell out She still has a hard time refering to me as a boi but hey I know she accepts who I am. I also know she loves me and has the heart to love my partner. One thing I can say is she has always loved mine and my siblings partners,or spouses like her own kids. She does love poeple.
And she cracks me up with her new questions all the time now SMH I guess the internet is good :|

oh boy.. it just gets more interesting all the time... chuckles... will be back to this when I have some time to really think about it.

my momma deserves anything and everything i can give her. when i was a child, i had a great fear of losing her to death. i absolutely didn't see how i could live without her. i'm 45 now and she is 87. i still don't see how i can live without her.

she's doing very well for her age. a strong will. everything she loves, she loves it with a passionate strength. her memory comes and goes, and when i look into her eyes and i don't see that passion, my heart breaks.

i grew up with menopause LOL, ... let me tell you, ... that was a whole lot of "what did i do!" but the memories are for keeps. i grew up with nieces and a nephew. two are a couple years older than me. she gave us homemade biscuits and homemade chocolate syrup. the piano. a swing from the left side of the batter's box. laughter and love. her influence gave us a place to draw strength from.

she grew up poor with an abusive father. but she never let that define her. she chose to be kind and gentle, loving. the stories she has told, ... make me wonder how she could not be cold and damaged. i guess to some degree she is, but i've never felt it.

she doesn't accept homosexuality as "right". but i'm ok with that. that's her belief. she is entitled to that. i don't want anyone to change what they believe. and i don't want anyone to try and change what i feel. we go round and round about a lot of different things lol. my view is to always be open minded. hers is to be landmark missionary baptist. the two views love one another.

she's not perfect. not even close. but i wouldn't know what gambaru means today without her. she let me be a tomboy, ... not once did she say no, you can't do that. she said, you can be anything you set your mind to. she's 87 and when she senses that i don't feel well or something is bothering me, ... the mother in her stands up. she still puts me first. that's what a momma does.