Butch Femme Planet - What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

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- - What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)? (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4355)

1. Must be an animal lover. If ya dont like animals it aint gonna work with me

2. Kindness, compassion, empathy, understanding

3. NO active addiction and yes that includes online stuff.

I have one non-negotiable.... Spirituality. You must be open-minded, open-hearted and interested in alternative faiths and spiritual practices at least to the point of being willing to discuss/debate philosophical differences and participate in rituals, etc. on special occasions. :praying:

And then one solid, undeniable truth... I'm a Sagittarius. The wild wanderings -- verbal, mental, emotional, physical, sensual and metaphysical -- of a Jupiter's child can be tiring. If you have days where you don't have the energy to get off the couch, then you do not have the energy for me. ;)

1a. dominant and peaceful nature
1b. non-smoker
2. kindness
3. maturity

1. Have good communication skills and is a good speller.
2. Knows the difference between your and you're.
3. Knows the difference between their, there, and they're.
They're smart and can have an intelligent conversation :canadian:

My three must haves have changed through the years like this:
Sex sex sex
Respect sex sex
Committment respect sex
Working out respect committment
And I suspect by the time I reach my eighties, the working out will be replaced by patience.

Understands addiction and respects addicts

Quote:

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic (Post 489147)

The importance of chocolate must not be ignored!! :sunglass:

Chocolate is medicinal....even at times, better than boobs.

What about boobs covered in chocolate....? That's medicinal and therapeutic, right? :) :cheesy:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic (Post 489147)

The importance of chocolate must not be ignored!! :sunglass:

Chocolate is medicinal....even at times, better than boobs.

Well, dang.... I guess that means we won't ever date :sunglass:.... I am not a chocolate lover....Odd but true....Hey wait.... Does giving chocolate count;)

No, Anya, absolutely not that you're asking for too much. I feel the same way, and my must-haves are the same as yours, with a few extry points...

Must be a NON-boozer, drugie, smoker, and must be squeaky clean about hygene - esp. oral/dental hygene.

Intelligence, integrity, character, a sense of self-assurance, and humanity for all living things, are also characteristics important to me. All sprinkled with a good sense of humor, esp. someone who can laugh at themselves and not take themselves or life so darn seriously.

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Anya* (Post 489015)

My 3 non-negotiables, learned the hard, painful way:

1. Total, absolute honesty-no matter how difficult it may be. Not the kind of honesty that says: "Why yes, your ass looks as wide as the Golden Gate bridge in those jeans". This actually could be said differently and still be honest- " I just love how you look in those jeans you wore the other day- so hot on you".

I digress: honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy, functional relationship. To me. Period.

2. Fidelity. Once the "I love you, only you, no cheating in this relationship" has been stated: Honor it or get the fuck out. Note to self: make damn sure you actually follow through with consequences, if this should rear it's ugly head in your next relationship. No more second, third (lost count in last long-term relationship) chances. Zip, nada. I have regained my balls, so-to-speak.

3. Kindness, affection, empathy, sense of humor, flexibility, mutual respect and regular, hot sex- are all rolled into #3. They are all equally important to me.

This is not asking for too much is it?

:)

I told you I would be a serial poster here. There is just one more I would like to add, and forgive me if this turns into a bit of a rant. I believe we all desire a person of character, attraction, intelligence and hygiene that treats us in a way that brings joy (lol, except maybe emotional masochists). But this one point has been blaring, screaming, pulsing through my mind and heart and I need to express it. My personal feelings here so please take no offense.

Someone who understands and lives the ways of love:

We all want love, as humans we need love. So much seeking for love and so few really finding it. So I have to ask myself why that is, and after much reflecting I believe it is partly because we live in a superficial society, that rides the wave of don't get to close and real. We have become separated from our hearts and emotions and our humanness. I think this is also cultural. There are some cultures that the way's of love are more built in. I'm an honest woman so I am going to speak my heart here. I find this to be especially true in Gay culture. No absolutes here, just what I have seen. We want true love, but do we know how to live true love?

When I think of the ways of love here are some thoughts that come to my mind:

How do you hold the heart of someone you love, or someone who loves you? Even in friendship, what is their heart worth? In my crazy mind peoples hearts are sacred, they hold worth, and should be treated with care. Caring is the action of love, in my mind because it spurs one to create beauty together, and curbs the actions that would tear us a part. A thread of creative action that grows togetherness and intimacy. These actions in my mind weave a tale of integrity, making space for creation of beauty between two people, and a love that can with stand the tides of life. There are endless expressions of love, why not focus on those?

Even when someone turns out to not be right for you, how do you hold their heart? Especially if that person has really loved you? Is their value in their feelings or are hearts disposable as something that can be taken out with the trash? I am asking this in all honesty, because of the ways I see people treating each other.

I do believe that we have to have this relationship with ourselves first, to be able to share it. And I am not professing to be a master of this, only a student on the road. I do know though, that is is the road I choose for my life. I have a basic list, not to complicated. I desire those qualities delivered by someone who who understands and lives the ways of love.......

I know all this sounds flowery, and serious, and that are those in life we should protect ourselves from rather than opening our heart to. But if one is seeking true love, I have to ask you as well as myself what will you do with it once you find it??? Ok I'm done. :vigil:

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi (Post 489426)

What about boobs covered in chocolate....? That's medicinal and therapeutic, right? :) :cheesy:

I love it! Yes! :eatinghersheybar:

Quote:

Originally Posted by OS Butch (Post 489454)

Well, dang.... I guess that means we won't ever date :sunglass:.... I am not a chocolate lover....Odd but true....Hey wait.... Does giving chocolate count;)[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

Hmmm, must ponder....:eatinghersheybar:

is not enjoying chocolate normal? :hamactor:

Only 3? :| Oh boy...

1) A good sense of humour. Bonus points for the ability to make me laugh until I get the hiccups.

2) Must be kind to animals, the elderly, and the wait staff. If you are a bad tipper, or don't give up your seat on the bus to the ninety year old without one, it ain't happening.

3) No smokers. I just can't.

Integirty in word and action
Respect
Intelligence

I realize everyone is made of flesh and bone. There will be hurtful choices but keep it to a minimum and take responsibility when it does happen. The "Blame Game" requires no self reflection and is ultimately of no value to yourself or the relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greyson (Post 489690)

Integirty in word and action
Respect
Intelligence

You sum it up for me! I probably would add respect for sexual boundaries.

If drinking (even socially), sports and online endeavors are an integral part of your life, it won't work.

If you expect me to either consistently analyze you or completely avoid doing so, you won't want to be around me. I'm a natural analytical mind but I don't whip out the couch for friends or family.

If you speak highly of your friends and/or family, but your actions don't match your words, there's a huge underlying problem that will only get worse and I won't be able to avoid pointing it out without losing my integrity.

Also: if you profess to "hate" anything or anyone, that won't work. Disliking, I get, but hating, as in "I HATE children," no. Perhaps you don't want kids and that's fine, but hating is a whole different ball game.

Only three is tough...very tough...

:rrose: Respect...self-respect, respect for me, respect for our relationship, respect for our family, respect for the needs and feelings of others. I think many of the things we list from honesty to work ethic to hygiene flow from this.

:rrose: Kindness...to have the fundamental belief and practice that kindness, to self and others...whether loved ones or strangers...is worth striving for. To have a kind heart that treats me, my son, and themself with care and kindness...even when life gets difficult.

:rrose: Passion...without that spark, we are friends...good friends, valued friends, dear friends...but not partners.

- Believes that pets should sleep in the bed with us
- Wicked smart sexy brain
- Enjoys pro football and baseball (hockey is fine, too), is okay about my not caring for basketball, and does not like the Yankees or any quarterback named Manning or Tebow.

definitely all femme

Loves animals and is kind to all living things

is capable of owning her own stuff and has done at least some work on her issues.

Pardon the interuption

Quote:

Originally Posted by mustangjeano (Post 489973)

definitely all femme

Loves animals and is kind to all living things

is capable of owning her own stuff and has done at least some work on her issues.

WHAT?? What's this I'm reading....? Are you being totally reasonable here or what? This is incredible! A Butch with reasonable expectations for hys woman/femme! OMG - (walks directly into wall in front of me - SMAK!!) ((((((MUSTANGJEANO)))))) I think I just might love ya!!!! LH