True but you do not love one sibling only and not the other, do you? It is a different love than what you have for friends, lovers etc. But it is still love, no?

My apologies. Unconditional love wasn't the right term I was thinking of. Unlimited love, perhaps? The idea that love isn't kept to one person is what I was poorly attempting to get at. Boundaries certainly are needed (e.g., will not accept abuse). But limiting ourselves to just one person to get more than platonic love can be limiting.

Does this mean everyone should do it? No. I don't believe we're all hardwired for this nor do we all experience the same history to be able to do this. But it is there for those who do feel it can be part of their lives.

Haven't seen the show yet but have heard of it.

And yes, some people are capable if they allow themselves. One of the biggest things that has to happen first, IMO, is a love of self before loving others.


Very true that there could open up the possibility of one leaving the other for their 2nd partner but I've actually heard something else happens. The relationship with the original partner strengths because of trust, a newness of life, etc.

Very much true. But we manage with many friends in lives, why not loves?


Thank you everyone for your comments. I'm hoping that more poly-interested people do join this conversation as well.

I have to admit i have flirted with poly and it seems to work well for those who can share. As I get older I want to find an equal balance and if that can happen with more then one that be nice and if not so be it.

subscribing

My Poly Life
 

I was out (partially since I was not out to all my family) since I was 17, Id'ing as a bisexual while I was figuring it all out. I was in committed and open relationships from high school until 2006. thats 20 years or so. I would not have a secondary relationship with someone if my primary partner was not ok with it, but my two husbands were both supportive of my exploring my feelings for women. It began as a third party joining in, But from age 19 on, I did not have sexual intimacy with both of my partners at the same time. I was developing emotional ties that were new and I was leaning towards my female relationships. The relationships I developed with my girlfriends were completely separate from my marriage.

I didn't always have the type of partner to have full trust and honesty. My first husband was a nightmare long story. I would not consider a poly relationship with just anyone. I would be more selective and careful before becoming involved in one again because of knowing the reality of both sides. I have had monogamy that was completely fulfilling but I am not opposed or closed to the option of a poly relationship because of that. And vice versa.

My last relationship was off and on, but when 'on' we were monogamous as she claimed was her preference... turned out she would see other people secretly while she would have me committed to only her. I can say having that total trust and open honesty bond from my last poly relationship sounded durn good about the time I learned that lesson.... so put more simply, I gage that choice, poly or monogamy based SOLEY on the individual/s I am involved with.... and it is a process of developing that trust, I dont just jump right in from day one with that decision.

As with any relationship, it's a matter of finding the right person. I know of a few out there who would probably be ok with it depending upon how their relationship would be with your husband, etc. So I do think it's a matter of patience and just looking..

Hrm.. I wouldn't say that I'm entirely naive but neither am I experienced a few times around the block. I think right now opportunity hasn't fully presented itself and exhaustion from work has taken priority of late. That said, my ideal as it were -- if I was secondary (and I do agree in that I dislike that term) -- would be to be possible buddies with the husband/other partner. Although I admit that K and I would prefer to find a couple that we could be attached to.

There isn't -- in my book -- a best practise or theory, other than it's similar to other relationships. What works for you and yours may not work for me and mine. I've tried detached before and it worked ok but if I could be buddies then there could be an opportunity to him/hy/her and myself to hang out and do things (I need that occassional cigar buddy or sports buddy).

I suppose a lot of this is because I want to ensure open communication by all parties and don't want anyone to be without love, whether from me or others in the partnership.



Interesting. My experience has been different. I've seen long relationships with vanilla people (A hetero friend of mine has been going on for over 10 years now and an FTM buddy of mine has had one for well over 6 years) as much as others (leather/BDSM/<insert other sexual choice>). Poly, to me, isn't about the sex but rather about the intimate bonding with others (they may or may not tickle my sexual "pickle").

I'll jump in....
 

wow
 

Wow, LadyWu! As a lover of man in general, my first though in mind (as I ingest and contemplate this thread) is how "the norm" view poly relationships i.e. it's almost every man's dream to have 2 girls sexually accessible...

I just wonder (if in poly relationships) if things turn territorial in other poly relationships. For instance, I can't sleep/fuck there if I know my lover has been in the bed with another. :/ Too close to "home" baby.

The older I get the more I can separate love and sex...

a new start
 

In 6 days i will be welcoming my new lover in to our house( my partner and I). This will be a totally new experience for us, figuring out the boundries of each and making sure no feelings are hurt. I have talk to several people on this situation and how they dealt with things . So hoping with all my heart we have a very loving home.

Paphigleo and I went into our relationship together knowing it will not allways be a monogomous one. We both are hoping to find a butch who is into both butches and femmes, well, who would be into both of US, at some point. But maybe it wont work that way, in a neat little triad. Perhaps there will come a time where Paphigleo will have a boi, and that individual will NOT be "into" me, or I them. I think what we are creating now, together, is solid. And it needs to be. For that kind of open honesty takes some serious work internally. It takes trust in ourselves as well as each other. I love what we have now, I think it is what makes us strong enough to add all that comes with having another intimate person in our lives.

Lady Wu, I do apologize for not seeing this earlier.

Sounds absolutely wonderful. Congratulations on all that hard work. It sounds like it is paying off.

You must be very excited about this whole process.

And that is one of the important things: ensuring that what exists is strong and stable before adding more to the relationship.

Heh.. Ya. As I've said, this isn't something that is for everyone.

Just wanted to add my voice here and say that being upfront and honest is the only way you will find what you are looking for. In my opinion there are more than most realize and this post of yours makes you more appealing imho because you are being real and open and sad to say that is a rare thing in the world. I would be willing to give my heart to someone who was happily married if said person was the right one it would all work out. What's meant to be will be w true committment and selfless love. So I think anyway.

New Subscriber
 

Hey all,

Have really enjoyed this discussion and am subscribing to the thread.

I am new to the idea of poly possibilities in my own life.

I have known they exist but never had any idea how they could possibly work.

But recently I have had to come to grips with the fact that I love a woman in CA - who we only get to see each other 2 - 3 times a year. I thought at first that as I dated others, my feelings for her would dim... but Noooo.

So now I am considering the possibility of finding an East Coast relationship in which jealosy isn't the primary ingredient... allowing me to maintain a relationship with my CA love.

I do understand that it is more than possible to love and care about more than one person at the same time.

So thanks for starting this thread and the great discussion that is found here.

Peace and Blessings,

David