my ex boss, from jamaica (apparently a saying where she grew up):

"It's not my fault you're ugly/fat/skinny/stupid. Take that attitude out of my face."

"too post modern to care." - friend's description and disclaimer

"I am god and you are shit. now fuck off." - drunk on the 73 to dalston.

"quit verbally pissing on me, will you. Catheterise that stench. Jesus wept till you shut UP." - arsey remark from friend to another friend whilst playing pool as chatty gal wouldn't shut up while one person was taking a shot.

reply? "can't help it. your extreme pool moves are making my ureatha twitch. I think your groove is giving me cystitis."

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
frank zappa

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.
ambrose bierce


Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar
drew carey

What have you been reading, the Gospel According to St. Bastard?
eddie izzard


:rrose:

some people are like phones: they like to be held, talked to, and touched often. but push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

:phonegab:

Live or die, but don't poison everything.
--Anne Sexton

And, I have a good mind to memorize and store some of these for later use: <click>

I have a "carpe diem" mug and, truthfully, at six in the morning the words do not make me want to seize the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet. ~Joanne Sherman

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Oscar Wilde

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Oops, you dropped your personality.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.

Nice dress. What make is it? Clearance?

You're proof that evolution can go in reverse.

I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. (My personal favorite)

Now ye may let the verbal beat downs fly with glorious flair, thou weed ridden urchin-snouted maggot-pie!

"No, if I was being mean, when you opened the door, I would've said, 'Oh, hey, Ray Liotta, is Olivia home?' You see, I thought you were Ray Liotta because your skin has the texture of a decorative autumn squash." --Stewie Griffin

You're about as useful as a popcorn fart.

PRECISELY!!

;) (Sorry, no pic of popcorn farts to be had ... thankfully!)

*lil snort*

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac"]YouTube- George Carlin Talks About "Stuff"[/ame]

:cracked::popcorn:

Christ is so cool. He's born, I get presents. He dies, I get candy. ~ Anon

Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance

Here's how Powell should have produced his evidence to the UN: "We're absolutely sure Saddam has weapons of mass destruction because WE SOLD THEM TO HIM! And I have the receipts RIGHT HERE!" (Powell holds up receipts)

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

:hiding:

"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy." - Damien Harrison

"Satire is great, but for Nazis you use baseball bats and broken bottles." - Woody Allen

"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?" Bumper Sticker

"Considering my last relationship, I'd rather have the extra rib." - Unknown

"All extremists should be taken out and shot." - Unknown

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine." - Bumper Sticker

"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!" - Bumper Sticker