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For me, its ALL the about the "energy" between myself and the person. Looks dont play into that for me. On many levels. I know this answer sounds simple. But for me it is. How does does the energy interaction feel to me. How does it make me feel emotionally, physically (meaning how does my body react to them), mentally and otherwise.
Warmly, Jewel |
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I need to be physically attracted but its more about chemistry, a connect and our interest need to be compatible. I prefer someone taller then I and stronger. I don't really have a look per se but masculine is a much and someone well groomed. A person's character is important to me. They have to be a good person, honest, sincere and compassionate. Strong family values are very important to me. |
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There is an essence definitely, the outer cues attract but it's the feminine energy that has the woo-ing power. (I agree with you on the boy/girl thingy too in that context) Metro |
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So imagine yourself at a social event where there are a mixture of b/f folks. If a feminine appearing person/femme (or the opposite of how you identify) struck up a conversation with you, would you have any physical reaction/attraction to them intially? Or is there a certain type of person whom you might pick out of a crowd as attractive? |
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I've seen butches and thought "damn, he's hot" but its just not enough to spark something inside. As I get older there are so many other things that set it a flame. |
Drew, thanks for your very thoughtful post!
I specifically like "I can't help who does it for me, and some physical types just don't no matter what." Based on yours and others input, I have been thinking alot about the initial physical attraction to someone. In my experience, I have some kind of chemical/hormonal reaction to a specific type. As much as I want to feel like I would be open to all kinds of types, I am not convinced we are all built that way. Quote:
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Fo me it is Her intelligence, Her kindness towards others, Her smile, Her eyes.
The qualities I look for, and found. I have to be attracted to Her brain first. Yes, physically appealing is a turn on, but if one can't turn my mind on, you sure can't turn my heart on. I'm blessed that She turned my mind on then my heart, there is no other for me, totally hooked, now and forever, Hers. :givingarose::mobilewheelchair: |
I wonder why it is so hard for most people to admit that, when it comes to dating and initial attraction, we are all prejudiced to some extent. (that's right, I said the P word). And really, isn't that what attraction is all about? I don't mean prejudice in a bad way...I mean it in the actual definition of the word. We prejudge, and to some extent, discriminate, based upon what particular features or mannerisms we find attractive. And there is nothing wrong with that. Everything else in a relationship can grow...love, trust, friendship...but that intial attraction, that click, that moment of frission...has GOT to be there. Its not something one can learn, or fake. Its either there or its not.
I like to describe myself as a woman who gets her nails done, but who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty :). But a femme is what I am, whether it be dressed in a skirt and heels on a night out...or dressed in my rattiest, oldest sweatshirt while painting the shed. Its something innate in me, and I couldn't change it if I tried (nor do I want to). I find that in all my relationships the defining factor is this...I am attracted to masculinity. I don't care how my partner identifies, to me its all about their manner, their personality, their particular way of walking in this world. It has nothing to do with how they look, it has to do with who they are inside their skin. Could I be attracted to a feminine woman? Nope. And that doesn't mean I think less of femininity, it just means that it does nothing for me. Just my two cents. |
For me attraction begins with a deep stirring inside of me on one or all levels. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Physically, I have been attracted to many different types even another femme or two. I prefer average to larger builds. Long or short hair. Casual/preppy, the rebel with tattoos and piercings, in uniforms...out of uniforms lol. I have a thing for black boots. A penchant for Daddies and Syrs. A huge one for me is she must be a female identified butch one reason being because I like to touch and love them everywhere. I am physically attracted to someone who is comfortable in their female body. The more masculine their energy the better. Mentally, I like to be stimulated and learn things from someone or I become bored quickly. I do not need someone from Mensa just be passionate about something, literate, creative, open minded. Emotionally, I need someone who is compassionate, empathetic, stable, considerate, capable, and consistant. We all have some baggage but I can not be drained by low energy, negative individuals. Spiritually, I am not a religious person but I am a spiritual one. If you don't believe in something...You may fall for anything. Spiritual bonds are usually between soulmates. They can finish eachothers sentances. They are comfortable with the silences. You kiss them when you meet as strangers yet feel like you have known eachother forever. I want those kind of goosebumps. I want someone to compliment my life not complete it. On a closing note, I never expect from someone what I can not bring to the table myself. And I have learned the hard times in a relationship are the most telling not when things are going smoothly. I want to see my lover raw at times. And comfortable to be so in front of me. |
Thanks for this thread, Sassy. It's timely for me.
My honey identifies as butch, but she is very strongly female identified and somewhat tentative about the butch part. We've known each other casually for over a decade, and she's seen a few others I've had relationships with and has a butch friend of many years who tends to remind people of a lumberjack. She's compared herself with them and feels "less butch" because she doesn't like getting 'sir', owns some women's clothes, has a short but androgynous hairstyle, etc. Her decorating style is a lot more feminine than mine, but her walk is a lot more masculine. To me, I think the way a person moves is one of the bigger indicators of a more masculine or feminine energy. The single biggest factor for me in initial attraction, though, was chemistry. I know that might not be the case for folks whose relationships start off differently, but we'd known each other for so long that one night I stayed too late after a bonfire in her backyard and fell asleep in her arms as a friend. I was high for a week after that and knew I wanted that feeling again. And, I've also had brains be the initial attraction, or personality expressed through writing anyway, long before I had the first clue about appearance. My last relationship started online after I developed an attraction to a butch I knew only from forum postings. Yes, I did see a couple of photos before we met, but they weren't especially flattering. Luckily I found her quite attractive in person, and she felt the same about me. |
Great post! Some parts I could so relate to and have changed the text color. Especially the passionate about something part. Ive always said I dont care what you're passionate about be it knitting, reading, flying a kite something! I couldnt have said it better myself
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It is way past my bedtime so...I was sitting here thinking, what do blind people do with no visual stimulation? They have use of touch, smell, taste, hearing all available to them. I wonder what initially attracts them to a person? Also, what if your *new* lover you are dating was diagnosed with some illness that may affects their looks?Would you stick around?
I know it is a bit off the topic but I am just curious. |
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For me, I don't know that I would use the word prejudice, but more preference or predisposition. I don't know that I would be prejudiced against certain looks or appearance, but my preference draws me to a certain type. It's hard for me to use those words in this context, I guess. Maybe because I am hyper aware of using them at all (in my world, they often have negative connotations) I like this alot, "I am attracted to masculinity. I don't care how my partner identifies, to me its all about their manner, their personality, their particular way of walking in this world." |
It really depends on HOW I meet someone. Like if I meet them here, it is usually their brain, wit, or humor that catches my attention. If I meet them in person, of course it would have to be a physical attraction since I have not even had a conversation with them.
For instance, there is a woman here in KC that I met a while back...when she walked in to my friends party, I thought "damn she is cute...and look at those blue eyes!", then she smiled and said hi, and I knew there was an instant attraction to her. She was wearing a pair of motorcycle boots just like mine, only in brown. She had on jeans and a sweater, and honestly was not the typical woman I am attracted to (speaking of physical traits). I am usually attracted to women that wear heels, have their nails done, etc....come off as femme in appearance to me. (not that I am saying she is not femme, but we are talking about first impressions...visual first impressions....I guess you could say I was stereotyping in a way...bad G!!) After she sat down next to me and we talked for about two hours, I realized that there was a lot more to her than her looks. Her sense of humor was off the chains! (and if you know me, you KNOW that is like the top of my list kind of important :winky:) We have been hanging out, shooting pool, texting, going to movies, flirting, and just having fun. I am glad I didn't just judge her looks and move on because I would be missing out on getting to know someone that I think is very fun and special. In the end, with her, it turns out it is a little bit of everything....mental, physical, emotional, etc. I think there HAS to be a combination of all the elements. Over the years, as I have gotten older, I have come to realize that it isn't all about looks or physical appearances. I used to have this image in my head of the perfect woman (back in the day I wanted arm candy...I was a jerk, I'll admit that now), but I think I was being rather close minded to the possibilities. I have been attracted to women of all sizes, all hair colors...though blondes tend to make me nervous..lol, labels, you name it. Anyway, just my .02!:cheesy: |
I was thinking about this last night after I posted, and I came to the conclusion that looks are superficial, really to me they are. I wanted a person I could share the rest of my life with, and as we all know looks change over the years. It is the inner person that matters to me, that connection to spirit that stays the test of time. Beauty is superficial, I've known some "beautiful" people who, when they open their mouths are rather ugly in spirit. I don't associate with that kind of person, and they sure weren't on my radar for a mate. I have a wonderful life mate who shares Her whole being with me, and that to me is where true Beauty lies.
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Okay, so this is going to sound a bit weird, but bear with me, okay?
Say I'd met B. and Hys sister at the same time. In a sauna. With both of them stark naked. Physically, they are - or rather were, when B. and I first met - very similar: same build, same facial features, same skin tone, etc. B., however, wears Hys hair short in a masculine style, while Hys sister goes for a more feminine look. (Blue also sits 'like a guy' with Hys legs wide open - which certainly would have piqued my interest LOL - but I digress.) Okay, so who would I have been attracted to? B. of course. But why? Because of a hair style? Shallow as it's going to sound, yes, because even though Hys hair could have looked like shit, it stimulated my primal instinct, i.e., my natural attraction to all things masculine. (Want to hear even more shallow? B. once put on a blonde wig and some make up and then proceeded to try to fool my differently abled daughter that Hy was actually Hys sister, visiting from the States. It worked, we had a good laugh - all three of us -, and that was that. But honestly? If B. were to ever suggest doing it again, I'd say no. Why? Because sexually, the image of B. with wig and makeup, looking so much like Hys sister, left me cold and yes, B. picked up on it.) So yep, mental and emotional is definitely important, but again, when it comes to initial attraction, for me, it's all about the physical. Words |
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i've had amazing chemistry with some folks over the years based purely on sexual attraction and some because i was so intrigued by their brain...but all of them have had a certain appearance. i guess i do have a "type" |
I met inks at a squat party. When she came in I was floored, smacked stupid, by how gorgeous she is. Tall, blonde, dutch, well built, alternative stylish half quiff/half spikey hair and the cockiest, trouble making smirk I'd seen in a long time. So it was a cross between, her very good looks and her physical attitude - by that how her personality played through her body language.
So I was instantly interested enough to investigate how much futher that attraction went. What followed was one big huge CLICK. I knew I had met someone incredibly important in my life, attactions be damned, this person has just made me feel like someone on the planet shares everything I need to be shared with someone else. first though, before I spoke to her, I listened and watched. and she was obnoxious, mouthy, loud, opinionated, stubborn, firey, but in a way that was fucking funny and non-threatening. she took the piss. I love that. I then sat next to her, bought her a beer and talked to her - there was no effort to the conversation. neither of us was shy or nervous (nervous came later). She then said all the magic words and phrases that ticked every single box and tickled every single place of joy and whispered to every single place in me that desperately needed to find understanding. so with inki it was in the order of "PHWAR!" (physically appealing) then "oo'er!" (the attitude and style attraction) and then "gleeful sigh and raukus laughter" (the personality/brain suprise, and that's the glue bit that bonds) |
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