This is a difficult post for me to write but I felt I had to after reading all the other posts.
It isn't April for me. For me it begins in September when 40 years ago some drunk 16 year old was out hotrodding and T-boned my mothers side of the car she was in. She spent the next month lying in a hospital bed in a comma until she died from phenomena. During that month her children weren't allowed to see her.
Yes, I was 9 years old when it happened and 40 years later I am still grieving. Some of the reason for that is simply I was 9 when I lost my main caregiver. However, in all honesty it was like a snowball effect that started with a 9 years old believing that my mom just took off. How could I think any different when my father did it all the time and none of the adults gave me anything in reality to hold on to.
As the eldest of 5 my hands were full taking care of them including the one year old to even think about grieving. When my mom passed late in Oct again her children weren't allowed to attend anything. So in my mind no proof just more lies from adults whose only talent was harming children. My father stayed around until Jan of 1977 when he summarily told me (the oldest) that we were being split up the next day. So I packed up what I coukd for my siblings and the next day I sat and watched as each were picked up by a different aunt, I of course was the last to go. Ironically I was put with the aunt that was driving that night. The person I blamed more then the 16 year old she didn't even have to spend the night at the hospital, guess alcohol makes you more resistant to energy. She was drunk too. Bitter party of one even after 40 years.
If I can give anyone advice on this. Don't shelter children from reality. They don't need gorey details obviously but without a touch of reality their imagination will take over. Prolonging their grieving process.
Yes even 40 years later I still get sad, even to the point of depression.
I was an adult when I lost my father and honestly all I felt was anger. There is a long history there that doesn't belong in this thread. However, I did have to let go of my anger over him being burried with military honors before I could grief him.

For those of us who grieve...posted before in this thread

Grief never ends...but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith...it is the price of love.

Author unknown

I was told back in the late 80s by a counselor that I did not know how to grieve. Even after all these years, I still think she is right.

My mom passed in '84. I took care of her, spent all but one night in the hospital with her the last year when she would check in for a treatment. When she died, I did not know what to do with myself. I worked ( of course ) while she was sick ... so I worked harder after ahe passed. And not just at my job but I pressed my limits in hard outdoor physical work. I always do that outdoor extra hard work when I hurt. If I can wear myself out, I flop into bed and fall asleep immediately.

Charlie (father) passed in summer of 2011. I did not know about his death until a month or so afterwards. I did not care one way or the other. I know that sounds callous but he was always on a regular basis an extremely physically abusive person. Never sexually, only with beatings. Here was the best I could conjure up about him. I hoped he did not linger and suffer alone. To this day, I do not know his cause of death. I could get a copy of his death certificate if I wanted that information but I don't see any need to inquire.

When I lose a dog, that is the most prolonged sadness I have ever dealt with ... it never ever goes away. Each one leaves a pawprint on my heart. When I moved last summer, I found some of my beloved Kelly's belongings, some of her baby toys. When I saw them, I felt like I had been mowed down by a sixteen wheeler. I had to work physically so hard for awhile but I cannot shake that type of loss of kinship pain E-V-E-R! A dog's love is forever. Their actions and demonstrations of love are sincere. You can always depend on them.

Hugs to all who struggle with grief.

I visited this site only once on a whim, ages ago. And tonight, I thought of it, and out of curiosity and having something to do, I came again.

Interestingly, one of the trending topics is this. And it just jumped out.

I have lost my mother 2 weeks ago. She has been struggling with health, and its possible that if doctors reacted in timely manner that she would be still here (and this was admitted to me by professionals). I am wrecked with guilt for not being more assertive and finding the right help at the time.

She was my best friend, the person whom I admired the most, who unfortunately had a very hard life and was suffering terrible chronic pain most of her life that couldnt be helped due to various reasons.

I keep thinking every day " I should call mum" and that sudden realization that I can't hits me in the gut and I am not able to breathe.

I didn't cry at the funeral. It was like I wasn't even there, cuz I knew SHE wasn't there, just her body.

I even managed to sing, pitch perfect, I have no idea how, at her funeral. And that was because, 5 days before she died, she told me, the lovely spirit she was, even in all that pain "hey darling why dont you sing for me" and I told her I wasn't in the mood and didn't. And now I curse my self for it.

This grief is so all-consuming and at the same time I feel like its not real, like this is some parallel universe, and I am stuck in one where the doctors didn't help, and there is the other, where everything was sorted, like it should have been.

Noone ever loved me like she did, and nobody ever had such zest for life, despite everything that happened to them, and I feel she was ultimately betrayed, her hope, optimism, yearn for knowledge, everything she wanted and could have done.

I keep thinking of everything I will not be able to share with her.

She wanted to live so much, and she coped with so much, and at the end, all the hope was just gone due to incompetence and lack of interest for someone who is over 65. I wish there was no hope and that she couldn't have been helped, that would at least give me some solace.

This way, I am just left with emptiness and lost chances.

Mind how you go, mum.

Tiffany-This is only one reason I advocate for G-d and marijuana instead of doctors and pills..Many elderly people have gone this way over the past 32 years I know of.

All I can say to you is..We never, ever die..Think quantum and energy..I bet your mama suffers still to feel you hurting so bad..That's why I eventually learned truth about life after death..I didnt want my dad and brother see me in so much pain..

I do hope you feel better soon..

reply to Tiffany Aching
 

Your loss is so open and fresh.

I am so sorry.

~
 

(((((( tiffany )))))) so sry u had to deal with incompetent doctors ~ we r conditioned to trust their judgement ~ don't blame yourself for their negligence ~ carrying that unjustified guilt will ruin your chances to be truly happy in your life ~ your mom would not want that. (tears in heaven comes to mind ) from what u have said you both were close to one another :) your a good daughter special to her in many ways ~ celebrate that love by passing it on ~ it takes time.