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Not MY friend.. but a friend of my sister..
Him: Oh, you went to New York City? That's where the Entire State building is! Me: Yep. The whole thing. |
(one co-worker's response to another co-worker's remark)
That's not true! It's not posted on Facebook, so it can't be true! |
Quote:
"He broke up with me because of the situation with me and X!" *insert befuddled look and lip quiver* "What should I do????" :blink: Seriously, I'm too old for this shit. |
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"He says he's a vegetarian. The only thing he eats is pizza. He's no fucking vegetarian, he's a pizzatarian."
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This guy at work told me a story about one of his friends who was to be admitted into the hospital. A friend of hers was helping her fill out her proxy forms and got to the section where it asks for your religion:
Friend: "... religion?' Soon-to-be-patient: "uum ... vegan." (Seems to be a veggie kind of day today....) |
".... tell Sharon that there isn't a gold plated bathtub, but the Archbishop's toilet bowl handle is quite plush ...."
(three second pause) "....oh, excuse me your Archbishop-ness, you scared the hell out of me...." -- one of my co-workers recording the conditions of the Archbishop's living quarters (I guess having hell scared out of you is another ticket option to heaven, eh?) |
"So, um, Gemme....if you are ever running from the cops...which I don't recommend, but if you are running from the cops....don't let the dogs get you. That shit hurts! It felt like it {canine officer} was tearing my leg off."
Yeah, um, I was considering it, but now that you say that....I guess I won't. :blink: |
I've been knowing them.
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A good friend late night at a pub:
"Yer like this vase, that my mother had way up high on a shelf... and we weren't allowed to touch it... I just wanted to touch it, that's all..." |
Just overheard:
Niceguy to Wolfy: "...Maybe it's because you look a little Gay..." :| |
After viewing this link: http://pooandweesong.com/
Niceguy: "....and there's pee coming down!" a few minutes later: "They look like brown pickles". Wolfy: :| Niceguy: "Or really skinny potatoes..." |
Quote:
:goodluck: |
Me:<inset dramatic unforgetable speech that I forgot>
Friend:Im goin to have to completely diagree to DISAGREE!!! <insert confukled look> |
*While eating Lemon Icebox Pie Ice Cream
Niceguy: "This is just not right." Me: "What do you mean?" Niceguy: "This ice cream, it isn't right. Ice cream that tastes exactly like something else? That isnt right..." *Pause* Niceguy:"......This is going to cause Cancer or something...." |
A friend of mine was telling a story about why he broke up with his ex....
"I wonder why they call them 18 wheelers?" |
Bumping this thread.
We're going to need it for the Reunion, I'm sure. :| |
I was on fire tonight. That's all I'm going to say about that. :blink:
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dumb babies.
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