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I think that your advice is wonderful. I absolutely agree with you that life can not be planned out. You can not predetermine the path that life will take you. Every door opens up another challenge that you do not know about prior to it. I also agree with you about "I am sorry" being harder to say than "I love you" I think that people tend to throw the I love you around too easily. As for the topic of the thread.. I think that once you stop looking it will find you .. Love is not something you are supposed to hunt for ... It is something that is supposed to find you when you least expect it... Just remember that until you truly love yourself and are happy with yourself, you can not know what love and happiness are with someone else. |
Thank you for this, I am now for once starting to know that my age and my size makes me who i am and I am beautiful and smart and anyone would be lucky to be with me.
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hold it
Please don't take this personal!!! My experince reading your post is that you have set an unrealistic expectation for any person to meet. Honestly life is too short to try and meet such demanding criteria. Maybe the problem is having a blueprint...it causes tunnel vision and the good stuff passes by and gets missed. I am not trying to be a jerk but maybe it is you...maybe you should evaluate the dating choices you are making for yourself and make some kind of change in that tactic. "butch in shining armor" rings kinda ooggey to me because that mentality is well misogynistic when i hear people talking that way. Hope this makes sense!!!
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I absolutely agree with Hack... I have stopped "looking" and "planning" and will say that Im just living my life. If it happens great if it doesnt Im ok with that too. I love me and am enjoying and living my life.. I have a great career, great friends, and am settled. I am happy with my life. I dont need someone to complete me or make me happy. I have reached that point by myself. The only thing that someone coming into my life would do now is enhance it... Good luck Fuzzy :)
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Prince charming is boring. ((YAWN)) I prefer finding someone who is completely wrong for me, nothing of what I want, emotionally unavailable and fixing them up. No one ever seems to appreciate that level of dedication though.
My expectations are outrageous and the only thing more ridiculous is my proven track record of poor choices. And this is after years of therapy and hard work. What I knew at 25 was that I was better off alone. lol. I forgot that until this last year. Then I got caught up in whatever the current trend was - I tend do the same thing with handbags - and I just have to have one. They just look so cute on your arm....sure they're expensive, but everyone else has one! People are human. If you find someone who can make you laugh ~ really laugh. Someone who accepts you with all your flaws and who shares your values, I really think that is enough. It seems like it should be. I am not hard to please, but do seem to be impossible to understand. I have serious commitment issues too - I don't expect perfection in them - I do expect it of myself. Then live in fear I will be discovered - they will realize I'm not perfect - so why bother? Or worse, they already know so they are going to leave any minute - I watch for signs, can't take the suspense and jump ship before they push me off. (Did ya'll see the leap there? Therein lies a problem with my thinking....lol.) I DO believe that there is someone for everyone else. So all the rest of you have a good shot. Just stay away from me. Unless you are hung up on your ex, stuck in an abusive relationship, a serial cheater, compulsive liar or abusive.......in that case you should call me so I can get that sorted out for you. |
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As far as my views on rescuers... There are, admittedly, a lot of times I wouldn't mind a rescuer, myself. (And I'm a bit of a fuck-up, so who knows--I might even end up keeping them interested.) |
My one tiny contribution would be to say this:
It's amazing how our idea of what we want changes as we grow older. I know what I'm looking for in life is far different than what it was when I was 25. So you have to really be able to adapt within the general guidelines of what you want out of life. Nothing wrong with planning things out, but sometimes an outline is better than a full-on report. |
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Yes, they might come home a little singed, but if you don't swing your sword, you're never going to get the princess to kiss your boo-boos. |
I'm not looking for the social ideal of perfection, I'm looking for my perfect. Someone who is a little jealous and stuborn, someone who can make me see when I'm in the wrong, who is a bit stoic and can ground me when my fantasies threaten to carry me away. Someone who laughs with me, even at me, someone who can laugha themselves. Someone educated and intelligent, someone strong willed and passionate, someone just crazy enough to humor me. Someone with goals and who wants the same things out of life and family that I do. I never thought it was so hard to find that person.
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Fuzzy, why do you have to have the prince before you have the baby? If it seems like life is getting on without you--that's how that part of your post read to me--then maybe it would be worthwhile to explore whether you are okay being a single mom, and if you are, just going for it; because yanno, there is no guarantee that even your perfect partner will actually be able to stay in a relationship with you for the child's whole life. People come apart all the time, even those who believe they are soul-mates and those who believe they are perfect for each other.
I personally believe that making the decision to become a parent should be something a mother does by herself, for herself if she isn't already in a relationship... what I mean by that is that I believe a woman should only decide to get pregnant if she believes she is willing and capable of raising a child to adulthood by herself, of accepting sole responsibility for that child's life and financial support, and of acknowledging that anyone else who acts as a parent can never hold the ultimate responsibility--because when you come right down to it, she is the only one who can decide to get pregnant, yanno? So what I believe is that it's your body and your life, and if a child belongs in it, if you are committed to being a mother, then why wait for a partner? About finding someone who is compatible, it helps a lot to understand personality types. Once you learn to understand the different ways people process information and make decisions, you can also understand what goes wrong in so many relationships... it really IS communication more often than not. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp |
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As far as the personalities go, I;m an ENFP, The Idealist Champion, rare and only found in 2-3% of the population. |
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there's no time limit on how long it will take. Mine didn't show up till I was truely ok with being single for the rest of my life. |
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Perhaps I need a Guardian (masculine manifestation) with an Artisan (masculine manifestation) multiclass. |
Just another two cents in the mix...
Life is like my job. At my job, I have set procedures and tasks that must be completed at varying intervals. However, there are tons of widgets (aka customers) that get tossed into the mix. They can help me complete my tasks and procedures or they can be demanding, whiny babies and take more from me than I would really rather give.
You can have that outline that was mentioned earlier. That's your tasks...your day to day procedures and the things you need to do to live YOUR life and keep it going in a forward motion. The people that come into your life (whether they are potential partners are not) are going to affect how you carry yourself through life and what you do. You'll grow, change your mind about a thousand times, and eventually settle into yourself. I think it's good to have a mental list of the traits you like in a partner. I think it's also healthy to have a mental list of the traits you do NOT like in a partner as well as what things are absolute deal breakers. That will help guide you but the rest is only partially up to you, whether you believe in a higher power or the power of destiny and the Fates. You get to choose the path you walk, but the path will end where it will end, no matter of how you got there. A lot of folks have said pretty much all that I really wanted to say to you. More than anything, I guess I'd say BREATHE. It feels to me as if you want to rush, rush, rush and get things done, as if you have a checkoff list for your life. That's a stroke or heart attack waiting to happen. :blink: |
When I was in my early 20's - I had a master plan. By the time I hit my 30's, I started to realize that this plan may never come to fruition. I'm in my 40's now - and - it never happened. I wanted marriage and I wanted kids, but I wanted the 'right' person to have them with. I gave myself a time limit - and time taught me a valuable lesson. I wasted too much time relying on someone other than myself to make my life happen - and, sometimes the things you want are not the things you need.
Thankfully, I have no regrets. As I look back I realize, I'm actually glad things happened the way they did, and am thankful things turned out differently. Point is - master plans don't always work. Sometimes, it best when they don't. :) |
Is nothing sacred?
One thing I've completely figured out about relationships is that I'm just not willing to share my Cherry Toaster Strudel. It is hidden behind the bag of broccolli for good reason.
Some things should be respected. http://www.momsneedtoknow.com/wp-con...er-Strudel.jpg |
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Hey there Fuzzy...
Well, it looks like you have already gotten some really great advice and words of wisdom from your community here. Like you, in my mind, I lived the picture perfect vision of a relationship... for 7 years. Was it a fairytale romance... many would say yes. We were often referred to as a "pedestal couple". But guess what, life throws you curveballs when you least expect it. In any relationship, you either grow together or you grow apart. If I were to sit and dwell on the end of my marriage (as many people expected me to do), I would have never truly found myself. As humans, we have a tendancy to romanticize the past. So, if we stay stuck in the mindset from a past relationship, we will never be able to move on. I also believe that you don't have just one soul mate... you have different soul mates for different times in your life. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I understand you having a "blueprint" in your mind about the character traits of any potential partner you might have. That's never a bad idea... but you must keep updating that "blueprint". As humans, we are all hopefully growing & evolving, so some things that you want at 25 might not seem as important at 37. As for having children... that is a big decision to make and should never be taken lightly. Just remember, just because you have children with someone, doesn't mean that the relationship is gonna last forever. Just like marriage isn't the end all to be all... yeah, I've been there, done that and sold the ring. Best of luck to you. |
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