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Thanks God this day is almost over. Just got back from dinner with mom. I love her, but it is difficult to go out and see all those kids with their Moms. Heard my mom talking with my sister. Then heard her talking with her Grandson. 2 things I will never have. Hard, very hard.
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On Sunday I went over to see my stepmother. Gave her the card and a gift (scented candles - something she really likes). She acted sort of odd and I couldn't figure out why except that maybe she felt funny about me acknowledging her.
The other day I got a beautiful thank you note from her. Apparently my gesture caught her completely by surprise and touched her deeply. Hence her behaviour Sunday. |
I always make time to give my Dad a call on mother's day (after I do something with my mom of course) because he lost his mother (my grandma) when I was little. I always make sure he does not get too bummed out. I just try and get him to remember the good times he had with his mother and that those memories won't fade.
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Re: no mother and a mother
My mother died in Katrina. Before that, however, she had cut me completely out of the family after my father died. I am still not sure why. Not the queer thing-she herself was bi-sexual. Wasn't that I didn't keep in tough-I wrote and tried to call -(she refused to speak to me) and sent thoughtful presents on holidays. Both she and my brother told me that I was no longer to call, write, or send presents. No contact-zip!
Now I have a wonderful woman who also thinks I am wonderful for a mother. The mother of one of my husbands, she adopted me into the family early on. As she is the matriarch, her word is law. So I am a member of the family just as if I had been born into it. If J dies before me, Michael is supposed to take care of me just as he would J. Having a mother who loves me and treats me like this makes up for a large part of the damage dome by my biological mother! Lady_Wu |
I too have no mother any longer she died 4 years ago. Its hard because I live in her house and even though I didn't live with her I visited often. So yeah Mother's day and her birthday are hard for me. I think of her often....
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May 8th, 2011
It is coming back around next week. Just a heads up. :candle: Peace, Andrew |
Motherless child/childless mother.
I was just having a little cry over something inconsequential (okay, a BIG cry) and I was searching deep for the true reason. I had cause today, to recount years of traumatic experience to a stranger - of which, my mother was a part. Then I realized that it is almost Mother's Day.
Although I have a living mother and a breathing (grown) son (who rarely speaks to me), I feel like a motherless child and a childless mother. As much as I try to ignore this holiday, and all others for that matter, I can't help but feel the loss and exclusion. In an effort to distract myself, I signed into BFP only to find this thread. Perhaps I really just needed to share. So thank you for the space to do so. (f) |
Mothers day can be hard for me - I lost my Mom in 2002 and I miss her all the time -
We had a odd relationship - but I even miss that.... She always seemed to have time to listen to me and even tho she never understood me she tried to. Mother's Day is just another Sunday in my house - |
i'm not sure how Mother's Day will affect me this year...Mom died in March 2007 and Dad remarried in August 2008. my stepmother is a lovely woman but she's just not my Mom.
Back in March i finally had some significant closure over Mom's death - one of the reasons why i am not sure how i will feel this year. i know i am going to place some new and much nicer flowers on her grave. In fact, i need to look into that tomorrow. One thing is certain...no matter how i feel i am determined to feel and not suppress/ignore/deny my emotions. |
My Mom passed away last year on May 22nd; this is my first year without her smiling face.
I just had a Birthday, my 50th. I always thought she would be here to tease me about being 50...but no one was there to tell me the story of my birth as was her custom on our birthdays...I'm not sure how I will make it through the day.:candle: |
My mother is alive, but Mother's Day is still one I prefer to ignore.
Yes, I'll call her and wish her a happy Mother's Day, but it's almost painful to do, and it's out of responsibility and to set an example for my son rather than any genuine feeling. I was not ever "mothered" by anyone...and, as a mother, I find myself making it up as I go along. Difficult day that pushes all kinds of buttons for me. |
Being a mommy has been my greatest joy and my biggest heartache...
I came back home to help my parents and in the process I am watching my mother slowly slip away... Mother's Days are hard for many of us for various reasons... My daughter will be 24 this year... My own mother has NEVER acknowledge the fact that I am a mother myself... This year I am certain it will be no different... MsTinkerbelly, you will make it through this... You are a strong and wonderful women... She is smiling down on you and applauding all of your accomplishments... For those who will struggle with this day... You can and will make it through...For I am sure that somewhere there is someone who looks at you and says... I wish she was my mom... I wish she was my daughter... |
I'm a very strong woman, but Mother's Day can bring me to my knees.....and often does.
But, as I told Ms. T, living through it beats the alternative. So I am hoping my daughter will spend some time with me, but I doubt that she will, as she will probably be working. It's a big day in the restaurant biz. My Mom has been gone for 12 Mother's Days now....and I've missed her every day.....she was the most perfect and sweet~spirited woman I have ever known. So would I love to enjoy a "normal" Mother's Day? Breakfast in bed? Taken to lunch? Goofy presents with "Mom" written all over them? Sure.......it's a dream of mine. I had almost forgotten that Mother's Day was soon approaching. |
OMG!!! I thought I was the only one. That was my mother's custom every birthday also lol. I would give my house and everything I own to hear her tell the story again in her special way;)
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Thank you for starting this thread.
Mothers Day for the last 8 years has been a hard time for me. I get to thinking about my daughter who I lost when I was 6 months pregnant with her. I get to looking at the sonograms of her when she was in the womb and start to cry, because I feel some how robbed of her being in my life. *hugs to all who have experienced loss of children/mothers* |
My Mom will turn 82 next month. Since the beginning of the year I have been seeing her memory failing, her comprehension waxing and waning. Decisions will need to be made soon. I am not looking forward to this. I cant tell if I am angry or sad or something in between. But to watch someone physical capable but fading mentally is something I never envisioned having to deal with. I feel very unprepared and a little lost. Have to find someway to make this Mother's Day special before it is too late. |
I am already feeling an ache that is associated w/this Mother's day. I lost my mother to a bout of cancer back in 1994 (7 months total from finding it to her passing) ... Miss her horribly every single day ... And this will be my first year in 17 years that I will most likely not be celebrating this day with my own daughter. Having my beautiful daughter is such a true joy in my life and such a complete ache in my heart while she is taking her journey that does not include contact with me. I miss you Mom, you are in my heart always ... I miss you my darling daughter ... I wish you nothing but success and triumph with this journey you are taking in life ... I will always be here for you and love you, even if from a distance. ((((hugs)))) to A/all!!! |
I have been pretty down today too, then I realized this Sunday is Mother's Day. Not sure what I will do Sunday. Maybe take flowers to the cemetary and cry.
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Mothers Day was a day I grew up hating my mom died when I was 9 and even before that I never thought she wanted me. I grew more and more bitter after my Momie2 ( the woman who raised me) passed away.. but I finally have come to see that my own mother LOVED me so much that she did what she thought was the best thing for me and that was never to get close to me because she knew how screwed up she was when she died in a drunk driving accident, she drove off a cliff I was ok my big brother on the other hand was a mess.. I think she knew in her heart that she was not able to mother me and so she found Mommie2 to take care of me , and that was a great gift.. now that I am a mother I see it differently and I also have been blessed with a amazing step mother who is a wonderful lady and mother because she did not have to be.. she came into my life when I was 15 and has been a rock for me I still have a twinge on mothers day I wonder if my mom would be proud of me and how I turned out but I know my Dad and Jenn sure are:cigar2:
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Some of us find Mother's (and Father’s) Day a time to remember our Mother’s and how they nurtured and loved us. I miss my Mother every single day and always will. Holding her as she left and thanking her for what she graced in my life was an honor for me. She did not have an easy childhood, but did not allow that history of abuse and alcoholism by her own mother in vade her own parenting. More than once, I heard her words- "I will not be my mother to you, I do not have to do that."
I always think about her experiencing the loss of 3 children in her own lifetime as well as not only the love of her life, but her best friend, my Dad. Both of whom were a mix of the values and challenges of early 20th century immigrant life in the US. Others of us did not have very safe and nurturing mothers and Mother’s Day is painful in very different ways. Most likely harder than what I feel because their mothers are still alive and will not be feeling many positive thoughts about their mothers. Some people just didn’t get the “good stuff” that I know I did and am grateful for. Perfection or being faultless, no. But a loving, strong influence in my life, yes. All I can say is “Thank You, Ma- you did good.” |
First one without Mom...a tear rolls down my face now just like the one that dropped on her cheek as she left us that Autumn morning...
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This is the first year without my mother. In her death she looked beautiful...I was in awe of her and am in awe of her.
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Additional post- forgive me.
I came to parenthood in a very unconventional manner- through death and family duty (which is quite OK). I know I will get one of 3 Mother's Day calls from my son (and that he is). We will laugh, we will cry and I will have pride in the father he grew to be. Also, there will be a call from one of his childhood friends that we all just took in because the kid had assholes for parents. More laughs and tears. he too, grew into a wonderful parent. This makes me so happy because this kid could have been not a very good dad at all. I don't want flowers or candy or even a card. I love those calls and the conversations. But mostly, I love seeing how resilient humans can be even in the face of ugliness and cruel circumstances. Yet, I can look at my son's biological mother and Andrew's and know that they did love their kids. They just couldn't overcome some horrible demons. So, they both will get my annual call to see how they are doing. Not so many laughs, and more tears, but there is strength in forgiveness. And I do always let them both know that I know they loved their kids. |
as some others i dont have a great relationship with my mother--in fact if it were not for my son i probably would not have any. with that being said ,my son makes up for all the bad and negative stuff surrounding Mothers Day. I do tend to think of my foster mom from time to time although i havent spoken to any of them since i left when i was 16. She is the one that taught me right frojm wrong...how to tell the truth..not twist things to make myself look good or pitied(depending on the topic) Sadly i did not realize at the time what a wonderful mother i had in her bc i was still disillusioned about my real mother....so if i see its gonna be a rough day i look at my son,hug him or just tell him i love him and he makes everything better
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(((((NorCal))))) (((((Oneida))))) Plan a way to celebrate your mom (doesn't have to be a huge thing) and make it your own. As for me, i'm planning on doing something that would totally freak mine out...LOL |
just want to clarify my Dad has been married 5 times now Jenn is the one her married when I was in high school and not living with him the one before her saw to that and I had been sent to the grandparents then to a foster home.. Jenn was more guiding to me as an Adult she let me come to her and has shown me so much in fact she gave me my father back... when my mother died I was sent to live with my dad and step # 4 I was told to call her MOM and she was one who never had kinds or wanted them I was a troubled kid with a lot of baggage and Damage she dealt with me by using a jockey whip enough said..
Funny thing is that I have found that my friends mothers have always tried to mother me like they know I am with out if that makes sence Quote:
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Amused with myself
For some reason, I was confused and thought last Sunday was Mother's Day. I spent 2 -3 days having an emotional reaction, until I discovered my mistake.
My initial reaction was, "oh great, now I have to go through this all over again next week!". Then: I had a good laugh at myself. Although my reasons for sadness are quite valid, I had a good look at the power suggestion, and the ability of my mind to take my feelings on a twisted ride. I see now that I need not have another hard weekend because of this. I have acknowledged my struggle to myself and others, felt my feelings, and come back to my strong center. I plan to spend the real Mother's Day doing something nourishing for myself (or in a frenzy if I have not yet finished the paper due the next day!) and appreciating all that I am blessed with. |
I want to thank Ruthie for starting this even as it was hard to post in it to say out loud what I felt for years but it felt good and it has me thinking about the mother I want to be to my goose.. I just never ever want her to doubt my love and support for her.. I remember when she was born Jenn asked me what we would have the goose call her as I cal her Jenn I told her she was Grandma and tok the time to tell her what I never had how even though it came after I was 22 I finally had a mother Her.. I just wish I would have taken advantage of that whan ahe first came into my life but I did not trust and she never pushed..
On a side note on FB right now many of my friends are posting to put a picture of your mom as your profile pict I so have had to bit back from putting snarkky replys yes I still have issues and anger BUT my neice is on my FB and to my big brother our mother was a saint and I wont hurt him lke that be well all and may you have peace |
My youngest (not-so-young anymore!) child called me as I was dozing off last night to tell me that I was not to plan anything for Sunday, that I was her's that day! lol
<doing happy Mom dance> |
I like the idea of nourishing myself this Mother's Day. I think Mommie would have liked that.
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we are spending Mothers Day at Magic Kingdom this yr.......guess thats a good way to celebrate with our boys!
i have a hard time doing things for my mom on mothers day...getting a card especially...wanting it thank her for giving me birth(bc without her i wouldnt have been here to give birth to my son) but not going overboard on fake sentiment.....does anyone else have that issue? |
So ... Mother's Day is fast approaching and I was dreading it, greatly ... I just heard from a very dear and sweet friend that they took a vacation day off for Sunday just so they can make it a fun, interesting, and NOT depressing day for me ... I am so very blessed. My family and my friends have been a true blessing in my life that I am so very thankful for. I will miss my daughter horribly, but will not let it destroy a day that will be filled with friendship, laughs, caring and love. |
Andrew.. Came on today to bump this thread only to find you already had! THANKS soooo much! :rrose:
This weekend is proving harder than I thought it would be. Keeping busy with friends. Went out last night and a lesbian couple I know brought out thier baby girl. Tiny little thing. Sweet as can be. Held her for a while and was ok at that time, but now all I can think about is why did God forget about me. I teach 1 years olds everyday.... see more neglect than I care to think about . I believe in God, but He is gonna have to fill me in on this decision of His when I see Him. Step children still not talking to me. I expect no phone call or card to come from anyone. I have mothered hundreds in my life, yet mother to no one. Breaks my heart. I will go out today to the farmers market I love which just opened for the season today. Get my nails done. Then go to a friends house for the Kentucky derby. Tomorrow I will have to put up a good front for my Mom.. stiff upper lip. Smile as my heart is breaking. I will do my best... hopefully it will be good enough. |
bumping this thread..
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I am sitting here feeling so weepy and sad, wishing I had known last year with my mom was going to be my last. I know that I am blessed beyond words to have my lovely daughter with me, and I think I am going to pull myself out of this funk and plan something fun for her.
Hug someone you love folks while you still can. (f) |
Thank you Ruthie for reminding me that I have so much more than I lost. I hope you find a way to be at peace tomorrow, and I am sending you a huge hug. (((((((Ruthie))))))
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Peace would be wonderful!
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