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I know, right?
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omg i so dont know u people...
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With my old jeep... sigh.. *baby jeep* I backed into the same pole more than 10 times... Right in the middle of my back bumper was a dent that couldn't even be called a dent any more.. my back bumper looked like a v.. I finaly just stopped parking in the drive way... Cause the telephone pole wasn't going any place.. |
One day I was packing. And using my lap top. It got hot and so did the metal snaps on my strap- ouch!
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I am petrified of germs in public restrooms. One day I had to use one and had not other option. I decided to cover the toilet with toilet paper and do the "hover".
After pooping I was trying to wipe properly and slipped. My foot and heel slid into the poop water. I had to wash my poop foot and poop heel in the sink. I ran out of the restroom as quickly as I could so I wasn't around when someone noticed the poop sink |
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Yes you do! Remember you got me snacks once and I may <3 you more cause of mah bear claws!!! :dance1: |
Hears a good one folks.I was 27 at the time and it was early on a sunday morning,The night before I was at an all girls rodeo and had come in at 4am in the morning ..I was dead tired and grouchy form beig so dam sore form rideing rough stock the night before.My s.o. at the time hadnt gone with me that weekend cause of work,so when she got up I herd ...where is the gd news paper ..didnt u get one before u came home!?!?Now im sore ,tired and now getting madder by the minit cause she knew how late I got home.After hearing her bitch about the paper I got up,got dressed ..I haven said a word so far..jumped into my truck..then peeld out 90mph backwards.NO I didnt look behind me first cause nobodys is suposed to park behind me any ways.Her car wasn parked part way across the dirve way,I hit it when I backed out..not just a little either.U bet we didnt stay together long after that one.
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*raises hand*
I'm another backer upper onto something-er. A yellowish-orange cement pole. Tiny dark gray Mercury Tracer. Husband screaming at me (well, this was before, during and after the bumping actually and one of the contributing factors of our divorce). Eh. *shrug* I'm on the rag today, so that's about all I have to offer unless someone feels compelled to compare cramps or flow or something. :blink: |
The one time I got drunk, ever, I had to take a cab to the ferry to take me back to the island where I lived.
I hailed a cab and maybe threw up a little (discreetly) on the floor. I might also have asked him to wait outside the ferry terminal while I went to the ATM and returned (never) with cash. |
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My share: When I was in high school, I went to New Orleans to visit friends and ring in the new year. I was introduced to (a lot of) Jagermeister. The next morning I was jolted awake by the need to throw up. After approaching a LOCKED bathroom door, I took a hooded sweatshirt out of my suitcase and threw up in it. Covered the puke with the hood, folded it up, and packed it away. And went back to sleep. I don't think I ever knew who was in that fuckin' bathroom. |
Can I do 3 in one?....
The first night my Iguana was home {he was young, but big}, the Novelty of his exotic self wore off really fast around bedtime...
We're gettin cozy & frisky, she stops and asks if the bathroom was closed [where I made Zul's bed, tiles and such], I figured I did...She turned the lamp on, and swiped the covers, there's Zul...licking his nose...So, yes, she screams, I try to shut her up, and he races off..I mean, faster than a bullet, his lethal weapon tail smacks me on my nose, and I fall off the bed..my hand lands on something Squishie-Slimy and kinda Ripe.... I peeked, and instant gagging.. Ever seen Iguana shit?....think of pigeon/chicken/Goose shit...but...much much bigger... All she could say was "eeew -giggle-".... ============== As told by my uncle during family gatherings, my father was resting after a rough day, and he was feeding me chocolate...Mum was at work, I was 3...I gave him a gift after squeaky laughing and saying "candy!!", right when he was gonna bite, he sniffed...and realized it was a chunk of poop.. He wasnt a happy camper, both my uncle and mum told him "thats what u get for feeding her raisonettes" ============== I was dating a rather lovely lady, we had some good times, nice walks, good chemistry, on the 3rd date, she says she had a surprise for me... We get to her place, she sits me on her bed, tells me to close my eyes.. I figure sure why not?..I'm expecting Victoria's Secret here...She tells me to open my eyes, I peek, while she's grinning ear to ear {and modelling playfully}, I'm staring in disbelief, almost slackjaw.. Nothing against Strapping femmes, but.. That's not my thing... 'specially not shiny glittery neon pink dicks... I had to leave, asap... :wine: |
-wipes tears out of eyes-OK so here's my TMI....SO i was about 19 and borrowed my ma's car (my truck had just gotten pissed at me for the tune of a new transmission) and got to keep it for like a week...Thanks ma, I'm soooo glad you'll never read this.Anywhoo...I was living in the country at the time and with allllllllllllllll that wide open space i figured i could back the car outta the drive no problem, right?Now why would anything be that simple?I made it out of the drive just fine but wasnt used to how the brake petal was positioned and my foot slipped right off and on to the gas propelling the car into the neighbers fence...Nice, I know....Well under the infulence of...ahem...mushroom pizza... :seeingstars: just isnt the best way to come up with a pratical solutions.I then decided it was a good idea to take a grey crayola marker and try to color away the scratch which when i looked again the next day was WAY worse than i thought it was.Funny thin though..Ma came and got the car later that day and promptly backed into the SAME DAMN FENCE!!!!!I never did tell her....
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I peed in an indoor potted plant once. I TOLD Mom I had to go. :blink: She didn't believe me. I didn't mind, though. Apparently, I was quite the exhibitionist concerning bodily functions at that age. Quote:
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I went into a circular rack thad had clothes all the way around and peed. I hope no one found out. X.x |
As embarrassing as this is ... I have been reading worse, so ....
When I was younger, five of us shared one bathroom. My sister and brother were famous for spending large amounts of time in there at any given time.
I had to pee. I was beyond the pee pee dance, I was seeing and tasting yellow, and I recall my young little life flashing before my eyes.... My mom scooped me up and made me pee in the kitchen sink. I was mortified, yet, thankfully relieved. I was reminded at the time not to get used to it, because the kitchen sink was not meant to be an optional toilet. I guess she got a little nervous when I asked if I could poop there too. (and, no, I didn't). :blah: |
speaking of things excremental ...
I was in the So Cal mountains with a youth group, hiking. Had to pee, went behind some brush, squatted, and pissed in my shoes ... Lesson: don't piss when your ass is uphill to your feet. Talk about squeaking sneakers ... |
This may have reminded me of the time that I walked around my partners motorcycle to get into my jeep and head out to work..
sigh.. I did find out that I could dead lift 500 lbs.. I was NOT going to have her come out with that bike on the ground when I told her that I backed over her motor cycle.. Nods.. ya... another reason I stopped parking in the drive way... I got a car soon after that... Quote:
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:|:|:|:|:| THINKER! I'm actually impressed by the ingenuity of that! HAHA! |
I have a reputation of disconnecting my own IV lines and leaving the hospital.
so much so that they take my keys. I once brought an extra key and called Cal in a panic, sure the doctors were following me home. Now that I have Snow in my life? I don't do that anymore. She's smarter than me. |
Since this seems to be the place for pee stories.....
My mother has an old farm way out in the country...and was away somewhere for a week. I had promised to take my son and go water her plants, harvest the garden, and generally check on things while she was away. It's a long drive, and I was dying to pee when I got there. Grabbed the spare key from it's hiding place and.....it doesn't work. Evidently mom changed the lock when she got the new door, and forgot to change out the hidden key. No problem...I know how to break into her house (an entirely different story :blink: ), but I really had to pee and couldn't wait. Ran around the back of the house...no one can see me there cuz it's way out in the country. Pants down, squat, pee.......right on a snake. Not sure who was more panicked....snake fled, I jumped, and pee'd all over my shoes. My son laughed so hard he pee'd his pants. The car didn't smell very good on the way home. :| |
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Ok...so I've been thinking about this post allllllllllllllllllllll damn day and since i was up decided I decided to give you another little glimse into my life...For those of you who dont know me I can be a real ASS in r/l....that will come a little later though...At one point in time i workd for a Mc*******....yea that greasy place we all know...and some loath....On this particular day I was supposed to work I had the flu...So getting up EXTRA early I called in a begged to be let off for the day.You'd think being all contagious and throwing up while ON THE PHONE WITH THE BOSS they'd let me stay home....No..I had to go in....Upon my arrival I saw that there was more than enough people to cover the shift i asked once more to be excused and was once again told NO...Then was told to take the garbage out....Now I dont know if anyone know this but me...BUT Mc******* dumpsters stink like HELL during the heat of the day....I got to the dumpsters and got a great wiff of that 'fresh morning air' and promptly began puking again...Desperate to get away from the stink I stumbled back twords the door crossing through the drive through lane to get there where i puked again even harder(on my damn shoes too!!) right in front of a drive through customer...As im revolting I hear "Welcome to Mc*******, may I take your order?" The lady in the car and I made eye-contact...I smiled at her and puked one more time for good measure(actually I could'nt help it)Wherin she replied to the speaker box "Ummmm...nooooooo" and drove away rather quickly...Long story short...I quit that day...And dont eat there anymore if I can help it for fear that I will see some poor bastard with the flu forced to work and puke in the drive-thru in front of me.....
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My housemate brushes his teeth in the kitchen sink. It totally skeeves me out. I know way too much about germs and kitchens and all that stuff to give me some good nightmares about it all. :blink: |
I accedentally stepped on a slug when I was outside watering. It popped and the innards came out. I feel bad for smooshing it :(
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Hmm...
W/o digging into much Detail... While "Dating"{her relatives called it Courting} an Old Order Mennonite girl, I was invited to stay awhile.. Her mother had Amish upbringing, so, I was stuck in a Tent in the backyard *she could sleep with me, but not vice versa, i'll never understand*. I was "proudly" introduced to their Outhouse {Their plumbing is a bit complicated to explain} I much preferred a nearby Bush*after making Damn sure no Poison oak/Ivy was around*, nothing against outhouses, just, I'm susceptible to Infection and it didn't look Inviting based on the flies that seemed to swarm, despite the lovely deco. Unfortunately{for me}, I had to really "go" one saturday, and there was at least...a dozen kids/teens in the backyard... I had no choice, once done, I managed to grab my grrls attention while helping her brother and almost begged her to take me to one of her more "Liberal" relatives home for a thorough Scrub. Apparently, the kids use their refuse as fertilizer/compost also..... :seeingstars: |
Medusa isn't the only one who talks about poop.
So on the day of my Californian wedding, my wife drove my brother and I all around San Francisco. There's a LOT of hills and those hills start to matter after a while. She drives us up to Coit Tower. Midway up, my brother (who never changes with these issues) asks when he's desperate for us to find a public washroom. Fine whatever, don't worry bro, there's this 'automatic toilet' up at Coit Tower. No problem.
Now, let me explain this FINE invention of the automatic toilet. The one at Coit Tower was double the size of this one: http://growabrain.typepad.com/photos...lic_toilet.jpg It's all stainless steel inside, and between people, it will self clean (takes 60 seconds to do so). Ok, so after my bro does his business, I realized... shit, I really have to go too. But I definitely didn't have to just pee. My wife did though so, we figured, save the 60 seconds, and go in together. (the thing was huge, big enough for 5 people standing in there, I swear.) So, she does her business first, and then it's my turn. well... ,yeah, I was in big trouble at that point. Luckily she and I are intimate so, you know smells and such. I'm trying to remember if I was 'allowed' a courtesy flush. Yes I think I was. You see... this 'automatic toilet' thingy would open up in 20 minutes automatically if you didn't press the button. So, no matter what, you have 20 minutes. Well, I had the uh.. .runs, pretty badly. Relief like you couldn't imagine, until I look around the 100% stainless steel room, and start to panic sitting on that steel bowl. "Honey? Where's the toilet paper?" Well, at that point after my shock look, we start laughing at this predicament that I'm in. I'm sitting on that bowl, I *HAVE* to wipe. I just have to. but,... it's not like she could have run back into the car to get a kleenex or anything, or ask my bro to 'slip it under the door' or anything. and If she opened this door to go out of the toilet.... well, it would start to self clean... with me in there. I was trapped. We were trapped. and, you guessed it: time was running out. As this point we roared in laughter... and I was processing in my head.. wtf am I going to do, wtf am I going to do. Luckily, thanks to the fact that I sweat a lot, I just happened to have a washcloth (sometimes I use a bandana) tucked in my pocket. I pulled it out in relief and used it to wipe myself clean. Since then, I tend to carry a roll in my car. :| |
:yeahthat:
~shakes head~ everyone is talking about when they were younger. This happened about 1 1/2 years ago. Doll and I met up with some friends to go camping, I was excited and bought brand new tent. So we drive up to Tom Big bee Indian reservation and find our camping spot. Didn't take me long to set it up, all proud I was. I had a main door with hood and a little shoe holding area, and two small and I mean small doors on each side of the tent. We built a fire, ate dinner and was having some, okay lots of beers. I filled up the mattress with the compressor and got the mattress all ready to crash while everyone was still around the fire. Doll tells me, you better go pee now cause there's snakes out there. I said yeah yeah but I was getting mad cause the other campers were getting so loud I couldn't sleep. It was about 2 in the morning and I woke up having to pee like a bat out of hell. I jump up off the mattress and start moving the bags away from the door so I could get out. Doll wakes up and starts asking me why am I moving the bags. I start grumbling and saying why do the bags gotta be in front of the door?!! She watches me and just sighs. Well low and behold I was fighting to get out of the friggin tent, mad as hell cause I gotta pee and I was having a damdist time trying to get out the door. Then I start yelling at Doll, where are my flip flops???!!! She says on the mat silly. I said, damn it the neighbors must have stole my shoes and they stole yours too! Doll says Babe, there out side of the tent on the BIG DOOR. I start looking around and starting getting more pissed because I gotta pee and I fit my fat ass out the Littlest door on the side. I cussed, walked or that is ran to the restroom because I didn't wanna get bit by snakes and the toilet door was locked. Any way, I pee'ed by the tree near the tent, and Doll laughed for hours that I fit my fat ass through the littlest tent door, I think it was for Dogs or something. But I now hate that damn Tent! |
I feel safe confessing now; The story I told earlier in this thread about pooping in a potted plant at a fancy hotel was at the Peabody (It was the Excelsior then).
Hope the Reunion-goers feel real special now. :) |
well shit! no don't :|
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wow. I think I need a cigarette now.
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It was out on the balcony. The one where we had the Prom. :| They used to have a jungle-like assortment of potted palms and biggo green waxy leafy-things up there. |
no surprise they were removed then?
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When you first told that story, I was picturing The Melrose in Dallas. Now, that would be something! |
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I can imagine...with all the functions that the hotel had/has, it's no wonder they took them down. I'm sure they had their share of folks puking in them and peeing in them. Hell, you probably shook things up for the person that found your deposit. |
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