I used to wonder if I should be trans.
 

Over the years, not knowing where I belonged or fit in, I wondered if the transgender thing was for me. Sometimes I felt like I stood on the shore and watched others sail away into manhood, into real lives. I never felt like I was in the wrong body, I just couldn't put into words what it was I was. If someone needs to be a man to be happy, to stay alive, I support that. That is their life to live.

Knowing what I do now, and finding people who get it, I am ok. Not everyone gets it but finding this community has brought me home. If someone thinks I am not butch enough or too butch, she can keep looking.

Can I say unless you walk in someone's shoes you don't have a clue what they are going through !! How life treats them .. What the future holds for them.

Amazingly it does happen .. It doesn't have to be in your face it can be little sly digs,it can be feeling you are in a minority rather than a majority. It can be when your made to feel like your not good enough .. Or that same old question off gay and straight alike "when are you having the op then ?"

Due to the smaller size of the butch femme community over here .. A lot of butches going through surgery of some kind .. To be happier in their skins.

From what I have seen to me it feels like butches are decreasing and transguys are increasing. Butch/femme here is a small affair, there are a couple of uk forums but it's always the same group posting with no fresh blood.

I did this thread as I wanted butches/transguys opinions (femmes as guests) please don't derail this thread as it's a butches feeling and points of view.

Hpychick. I am sorry I misunderstood your comment.

I did not do it privately because I thought what I interpreted as your public snark needed to be addressed publicly. I did not understand your comment to be a serious or genuine question. The little zombie face is what made me think you were poking fun.

I do apologize for upsetting you.

If you're transitioning for someone else, you're doing it for all the wrong reasons. If they are being honest with their therapist, then they wouldn't get the green light for T or any SRS.

WOW-

This is a very powerful post. Thanks.

I think it is very important to distinguish between perceptions and facts, when having this particular discussion. Several years ago, similar feelings were expressed at the dash site, in regards to the population of female identified butches decreasing and the population of transguys increasing. When the numbers came in, transguys were in the minority comprising less than 10% of the population, a number that some found shocking, because their perceptions or feelings were the opposite.

America has a larger bft community.

Bft in the uk is a small fishing pond making it very muddied due to the swapping of partners in the community.

I remember the discussions, but a poll on a B-F website might be unreliable. That is the only one I remember- but I joined that site way later than many people here (and there) and the B-F community. Is there any off-line poll having to do with actual numbers that you know of? It would be interesting for a real study to be done across the USA and across the entire community base within the queer populations.

Is there a link for what you cite here to a actual research study?

I honestly couldn't venture to guess what these numbers are- so much speculation. Also, it feels like the relationship among and between trans men and women and butches (of all varieties) is much less volitile lately. I feel like there is much more positive communication going on and less bickering.

It feels good to see this thread take on a sensitive area respectfully and in a way that we feel safe to post and discuss.

Something that I think about along these lines is how varied definitions of the Butch-Femme community could be. Persinally, I see transgendered people as part of it and it history. But, I don't know if this is true for everyone.

Also, polls on these websites usually have only a portion of the total membership voting on them. Of course, there are members that are very active, others that are not and some that join and leave.

julieisafemme,

I appreciate how protective you are here in such a personal space. I apologize for being reactionary and defensive, and also for saying that you were coming from a place of negativity.

I am far from perfect, and often misinterpret things for whatever reason. Nonetheless, I was rude to you and that's really not part of my typical character.

Thank you for the apology; I hope that you will also accept mine.

Sunny

Merlin I understand exactly what you are saying, however, many years ago on my very first visit to a women’s bar in San Francisco, after I had been working in England for a few years, much to my enjoyment I found myself of some interest to the locals who told me “its not like London here, there aren’t very many Butches”. :blink:

It’s all about perspective. The whole of England could fit into Alabama – now ask the question, How does the Butch/Femme community in England compare to the one in Alabama?
Relatively speaking, the Butch/Femme community across the globe isn’t large- however it exists, and if we need to find it around us, 99% of the time we need to relocate – or we find it here on places like this site.

Based on what people put into their "How do you identify" here (totally unscientific, certainly) we see a breakdown of 64 FTMs to 690 Butches (this is based on the search terms of FTM and Butch).

Why bring in polls and statistics? Feeling pressured to transition may not come directly from transmen, it may come from femmes, the environment, the culture, from within oneself, etc. Heck, I remember reading an article about some country (can't remember which) supporting transition as long as it resulted in heterosexuality. Some here have stated they felt pressured, some haven't. This isn't a research project. There's nothing to prove or disprove. It's about people sharing subjective personal experiences, no?

Iran provides gender reassignment treatment and surgery to gay people because it turns them into straight people.

Oh my goodness Sunny!! Of course.

Yes I am protective of these kinds of conversations. This conversation is particularly interesting to me as a partner of a transman. My experience has been with the opposite in that my partner has experienced other lesbians grieving over or questioning why he would want to transition. Last year we went to a conference in his home town and there was an older woman there whom he had known for years who was visibly upset to see that he transitioned. She felt a palpable sense of loss. That was very hard to watch for me and others in the workshop.

I think statistics are important when someone uses phrases such as, "a lot of butches going through surgery of some kind to be happier in their skin" or "from what I have seen it feels like butches are decreasing and transguys are increasing," because while that may be how someone perceives reality, that does not make it true. In the past, I have seen this type of language develop into alarm and devisivness, and I would hope that people understand the distinction between what a person feels they are observing and what truly is. I think there is room in this thread for butches to share their feelings as well as reflect upon the validity of their observations.

Is this the one not very long ago (I thin dapper put it together)? I remember that one and some of the discussions about how for some, the items to choose from were confusing. But not everyone felt that way. No, not scientific and reflects only us, here.

yet, it gives some info about what Liam brings up.

One of the things that always comes up for me is the distinction between someone (like myself) that integrates a gender-blended identification with being a butch woman. Never feels like that is covered very well- seems like we take on a either/or stance so often with gender identity within our community here. That feels constraining to me.

On the other hand, I feel strongly that gender and differing throeies about gender are very important aspects of the B-F dynamic that can be quite freeing and not the least bit threatening. I honestly do feel like we have worked through some really tough stuff between butches and transmen and I hope we keep on doing this.

What heart brings up does strike me in terms of the thread being about a subjective discussion about feelings about pressure to transition. I sure don't have any research to back up numbers.

what I always think about with studies/polls, etc. about this breakdown is how the term transgender is used as opposed to transsexual is.

The term transgender was coined by Virginia Prince, a gender activist who developed the term to describe her adoption of a feminine persona without carrying the connotation of changing her physical sex, as the term “transsexual” does. 1) The term has grown to become an umbrella term that is used to describe all gender-variant people, including cross-dressers, transsexuals, those who adopt the role of the opposite sex without medical intervention, and any persons who do not feel themselves to fit cleanly into the gender binary of “male” or “female”. 2) To learn more about GLBTQ and transgender terms, resources, and best practice methods, visit http://www.multicsd.org/doku.php?id=lesbian_gay_bisexual_transsexual_queer_question ing_populations

I don't think so as I used the backend to do the search. However, I do agree that this is more about what one experiences and/or feels about it.

All things Butch
 

Actually, I don't personally think, in this thread, that butches need to reflect upon the "validity" of their feelings or observations when it comes to discussing their own experiences of feeling pressure around transition.

Heart

No.

My poll was not a poll on how we identified.

My poll was about how people of different genders felt about the term cissexed.

Linus, thanks for taking the time to pull that data together. I find it quite interesting.

(Also a nod to Liam and his posts).

It's been my experience that "role playing" was a circuitous path. Would that I could have had a more direct trajectory.

Role-playing may or may not be a way of working through dominant culture constructs. It may also be a way of embracing them. You say as much in your next quote.

Role playing is a form of acting-as-if. It happens no less within subcultures where dominant culture values are rejected. Outlaw bikers, street gangs and Gothers come to mind.

Are we all sponges for dominant culture values, sure, at least until we shed them as best we can. That is if we're of a mind to, of course. (This includes cultural outlaws like Outlaw bikers, street gangs and Gothers, too. There deal may be oppositional; it may also be a way of conceding defeat.)

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "double-edged sword". I contextually take it to mean good and bad at the same time.

If I read you accurately, are you saying that identifying as "butch" was who you really were at the time, or was that a role-play?

The reason I ask is because it never occurred to me to think of butch or "Trans" in terms of complexity - i.e. one being more complex than the other. I see them as two separate and distinct identities, not different points along the same continuum. Although, I have heard people speak of butch and "Trans" in such a way, I think doing so is the source of much confusion and consternation.

Got it!

^5

I understand why you would want to explore these statements and yes, let us not go to past places of alarm and divisiveness. That has never been a good thing.

The point Heart makes is valid in terms of the thread being for butches to discuss this within our own zone in relationship to feelings we may have experienced. No, feelings don't make something true in terms of any faulty thinking there might be about numbers of transgendered people here or butches. But someone’s feelings/emotional experiences are valid for each and every one of us- including trans members.

Liam, there are things that need to be talked about among butches in this realm so that "myth" or false assumptions are brought out. Even though I have never felt pressure to transition by trans guys (although I did cite instances in which I have been by femmes I dated), I have no idea if this is true for other butches. And if they have been- how can we deal with this?

To be honest, I would think that trans guys would be very cautious about influencing a butch to transition- it isn't some boom-bam journey without many obstacles and difficult situations to deal with- from family, possibly a partner, friends to all the medical procedures. And it takes years. You know this very well due to your own experience and journey. However, you are a mature, thoughtful, bright guy that didn't just up and decide to transition. There could be much younger, less mature trans guys that might still be in that time of life when peer pressure is just the mode of operation. Also, there are so many differing experiences that trans guys I have known throughout nearly 40 years now that I have never put any generality to their transitioning processes- so individual.

There have been quite a few Transmen as well as femmes giving their input in this thread that have been really positive for me to read and think about. I don't want the thread to disintegrate either, and as a person that will not put up with transphobic or stereotypes of transpeople, I will call out anyone that goes there. I guess it is hard to trust this in a thread by and for butches to discuss this topic, but I really need your trust (trans guys here) to do the right thing in terms of any unfair or misinformation that might get posted.

Also, I would always recommend that someone ask questions they might be struggling with in the Ask a Transperson thread because I believe they would be able to get good information from those that are trans. I have to trust that because it is important to have such forums and resources.

I don't personally believe in the statements you quote above, but it I think we are capable of talking about what is not so great about these statements. I wanted to know about the stats because I was thinking that maybe there is some study that has been done that would apply to the B-F community. The only one I could remember was Dapper’s- and I had it wrong in my memory about what was really measured.

Something that I have learned via the transpeople in my life as well as in this community (on and off-line) that have experienced life as a butch before transitioning is that we share many commonalities and have supported by them.

This is a butch space for butch expression and I hope it can proceed as such. Obviously with input by trans folks or femmes that want to contribute in a way that keeps the butch experience as the main focus as the thread was designed to do. We need understanding and supportive allies, too- and to have the same kinds of space that transpeople, women, stone people, BDSM folks, femmes, etc. do at times.

Everyone's feelings are valid- yet perhaps not based upon fact and I'm sure posters will point out where the facts are just not there.

Especially when you don't reside in that country.

Chazz, we have a difference of opinion. I do see my gender on a continum. I do not see Trans or Butch as more or less complex than one another. I think both offer challenges and freedom. I also think for some Butch and Transman can intersect, overlap. I do not believe the binary is the only gender model.

For me living all of my life as a Butch until very recently has been the same in many ways as my life as a Transman. I would not be honest if I did not state having the legal recognition of being a "male" did not change some things. I can get married and my marriage recognized by the US Federal Government. After 3 years on T, I still get "Mamn" frequently. I also get "Sir." That was also my reality before Top surgery and T.

Living my life as Butch was not role play for me. It was simply who I was, am. I think for me, I will always make a distinction between being a Transman and being a Cisgender man. For me, it is not the same.

I hope eventually we can talk about what julieisafemme brought up about how at times, one can grieve the loss of a butch friend that decides to transition. I think she was talking about this in terms of losses that can be felt by butches with other butch friends transitioning. That is how I interpreted her post.

I know that this can be really sensitive- which can be based upon the very myths that some posters are bringing up. I.e., what Liam points to in the danger of accepting the mythologies of trans guys increasing in our B-F community and butch identity decreasing. Or, trans guys just want to take up with femmes in the B-F community.

There are so many other kinds of things that a butch friend might be grieving that are just human responses to the loss of a part of someone that they have experienced for years as a friend that have nothing to do with any of that and everything to do with adjustments/adaptations people go through. I have certainly grieved the loss of a friend's physical mobility before because I shared years of playing sports with that friend and now that has changed and we have to work out other activities to share. Now, my friends have to deal with my having disability issues and make adjustments. One has taken a powder- not really much of a friend, really.

For me, there has been some grief about a friend that transitions that I have shared specific butch lesbian constructs with in the past. And for a time, often, there could be that a friend just spends more time with other trans friends than me that has always been someone I did a lot of things with. Even with their partner and my own in the past. On one level, I get this as it is important to get involved in support groups and attend conferences, etc. in which I am not part of. People only have so much time to share with friends, family, partners, and work- so things just shift. But there can be hurt feelings.

I remember the loss my late partner's daughter felt due to her "Other Mother" transitioning into her "Dad." She grieved the loss of that other mother as a female co-parent and had a difficult time even trying to express herself because she felt like she might hurt her Dad's feelings. So, she ended up resenting his transition for a time (she was pre-teen at the time of his starting to transition) and blaming it on her parents splitting up.

I, myself after the suicide of a trans childhood friend in high school had several years in which transition of anyone I knew brought up a lot of fear. I was a lot younger then and it was an entirely different world in terms of gender identity and transition then. Later, I worked through this and also things like being scorned by straight friends when I came out to them. All part of life as someone that just does not fall within the societal norms.

Anyway- this could be a good topic area to discuss. A lot of complexity!!

Completely agree. I used to live in a certain city (X) and hang around a community of BF'ers. When I moved to my current city, I met a BF'er here who had also lived in (X) and told me that there were No BF'ers there. At all. Ever.

I agreed with you on the "Trans or Butch as not more or less complex than one another".

Where I see us diverging is on the continuum issue.

Butches are not transmen. Nor, are we "cisgendered" (i.e. someone whose gender identity agrees with their societally recognized sex). Butches do not adhere to a gender binary even within the lesbian and gay culture. Butches are uncisgendered. To be linguistically consistent, one would have to say we're cisbutch.

Like the term women (i.e. not men), the term "cisgender" is commonly held to mean, not "Trans". I won't go into the inappropriateness of defining any group by what they are not - it should be obvious. Besides, POC have long since made the case for not being described as "non-white" as have Feminists for females not being defined as "non-males".

I get that. The inner contours of my life aren't all that different since I came into the fullness of my understanding of myself as a butch.

But, let's think about this continuum construct for a minute....

Butch isn't an a pre-"Trans" state for butches. Butch is the final destination. To speak of butch identity otherwise, is to (albeit inadvertently) create a horizontal hierarchy with "Trans" succeeding butch. People (you) may not intend to imply successionism or hierarchies, but placing butches and "Trans" on the same continuum does just that. It's how continua work.

Butch identity falls along a spectrum not a continuum. One butch isn't butcher than another. :confused:

I don't think butches and "Trans" follow the same trajectory. For instance, I don't think of myself as being in the wrong body. I think of myself as a butch in a butch body (cisbutch).

Having legal rights and privileges that lesbians and gays don't have is hugely different.

Of course, there is a difference between a Transman and a Cisgender man. Just as there are differences between being gay, straight, bisexual, trans, non-trans, butch, femme.... But let's be consistent in acknowledging those differences.

I have no doubt you've been on a continuum. I take you at your word about that. However, I suspect it may have been a "Trans continuum" all along. Can that be ok? You with your continuum and me with my spectrum?

Yes, this rings true for me –when thoughts however fleeting crossed my mind about transitioning- it was never about the “next stage”, it was about becoming “other”.

And it is this, this understanding or lack of, that has always been the source of any external pressure – however well meaning. This “pressure” usually comes from within, not outside, of the community – and when I have felt it, I silently tell you “with all of your learning, your wanting to empathise and all of your awareness – if you still can not look at me and see Butch without thinking you are looking at someone who has not yet arrived, then you can not see me at all.”

I am puzzled about the "not butch enough" being associated with transitioning since most who transition don't identify as butch.

Well said, Converse. For me, it's never been about the "next stage" or becoming "other". It's always been about being more accepting of my cisbutch self.

Butches are doubly pressured to be self-othering. First by dominant culture and its gender constructs, then by forces within the community with theirs.

Butches who succumb to this "othering the self/selfing the other", are doubly-colonized.

Damn, as if life wasn't hard enough. :seeingstars:

The not butch enough is between butches .. And what is said or more not said.

Transitioning isn't the natural progression for all butches.

Rings true for me too- although, transitioning has honestly never entered my mind. Thinking there is just something "wrong" with me as a female human began at a very young age.

The whole "next stage" belief system is what really bothers me. We have arrived and that battle within the context of a very homophobic and misogynist society has been rough.

No, we are not cis-gendered at all- if we were, then why are we so often called "freaks"?

These are the very reasons that it is really important for butches to be able to talk about our identity as butches outside of any trans viewpoints sometimes. I say sometimes because I recognize that other butches were are/were indeed continuum- but not all of us are. It is just erroneous to put all butches on that continuum. It hurts, is dismissive and simply erroneous- causing as much damage to butches as myth and outright bigotry hurts and dismisses transgendered people.

It gets really difficult to feel like I am walking on a tight rope if I try to talk about being butch as my true state of being as a finished human being. I know that historically, there has been (might still emerge, unfortunately) some awful transphobic attacks on our own trans members stemming back to the dash site. That hurts me too because this is my home also and there are countless Transmen here (and Tran masculine butches) that are my friends and just people I care about and respect and would never put their journey down. In fact, seeing them find their way and having some happiness feels good to me.

I (and many other butches) have spoken to the positive aspects of varying gender theories that are finally flowing within society and in our small population. There is freedom in gender theory that applies to butches as well as transgendered and intergendered folks. And femmes that love them- and butches. I just want to accept this gift and find some peace and happiness. Hurting each other is just not part of that peace.

Yes, that battle has been very rough, indeed. To fight for identity on two fronts at once, is unacceptable. I think this is one of the under articulated issues at the core of the "gender wars".

Exactly. It's essential lest we lose sight of who WE are within the LGBTQ panoply.

This is why I prefer the term spectrum. It avoids all that unintentional, or intentional, ranking of butch-ness which is too often based in "cismale" or heternormative constructs. That's the dominant culture front of our two front "battle".

For me, this is the community front of the "battle".

The "all butches" part is where we diverge, AtLastHome, assuming we do on this issue. I don't think butches are on the same continuum as those who transition. I think we're on a different trajectory. Again: Why isn't that ok?

Life on a "tightrope" is too high a price to pay only to find oneself in a two front "battle".

I haven't found "freedom" in gender theory. I don't mind if others have. I just want to be able to say I haven't without being villified.

No it isn't and I find this belief to be as harmful as many of the myths about trans and intergendered people. It is important for our entire community to dispell this myth along with transphobic beliefs.

Chazz, your point about using the word "spectrum" was useful to me. Let me be very clear, I do not see transitioning as the next step for all butches, nor do I see it as an act of trying to be "more butch."

I am not trying to villify you for your beliefs. Butches have been villified throughout our history/herstory and I am sure many of us here have experienced this sort of targeted hate. I consciously try not to do the blame game here. The words I have spoken are based on my experience, reality. I do think that masculinity is not limited to sex, gender, genetics, orientation or testosterone.

I have tried to build bridges in our community in "real life" and here online. I have no desire to split the LGBTQ community into fighting factions. (I am not saying this is your goal. It is not mine.)

I hope this offers something to the discussion on this thread.

Because all of the SF/Bay Area Pride events are brewing this time of year, I always wonder if I will see and feel a more inclusive and less divided LGBTIQ population. So many of the issues that are being brought out right here in this thread and need to be addressed witin the entire spectrum of queerdom as far as I am concerned.

I don't know (because I have no experience to compare) how large a part of Pride events outside of my geographic location demonstrate more alliance and coalition building for the good of all disenfranchised groups within queerdom. To be honest, although I am so near and join in the SF Pride activities, I am always saddened by the continued divisions between us all. It gets better each year- there is progress- but not nearly enough.