This is one of the areas I am a hard ass.
I am speaking first dates.
DO NOT take me to an expensive restaurant.
If you are picking me up, which is unlikely on a first date... Do not honk the horn.
Do not EVER buy me a gift - not even on the 2nd or 3rd date.
Do not bring me flowers or try to woo me on the first date.
If you do not put a napkin on your lap, we will never date again.

For a first date, at least for me. It must be casual and well meaning. If you try and impress me, I will close right up and get lost in my thoughts. If you tell me you want to be a parent/grandparent (without having kids) on the first date - I will think you want instant family.

Look at me in the eyes when you speak.
Be respectful of the wait staff.

Do not try and buy my kids or me.
Neither of us are for sale.

Just be yourself, as you would with any other friend. And I will be the same with you.
And please when we say goodnight and I kiss you (I will let you know if it's okay). Don't shove your tongue down my throat and pin up against a wall. Unless, it is only sex you want and not a second date - of which, you will get neither.

GOD - It's amazing I ever got to a second date.

And please, never ever ever buy me a gift card. I think this is one of the most impersonal gifts known to all. Unless, we are already a couple and you know I won't go and buy such and such. I adore flowers, but really prefer wild ones, with weeds mixed in the bunch. Pick me up rocks from the ground and give them to me - Rocks could actually be given on a first date. I think it's romantic and something tangible and memorable.

Next! (actually next is a common word for me, when dating).

lol the napkin thing reminded me of my first date with a long term partner:

I had met her at a munch and her ballsy attitude and forthrightness really impressed me - she asked me out for a meal directly after the (cake and tea) munch was over. I said sure. we went to an italian place near by because we didn't want to spend too much time looking for a place. It was soho and most places are a bit expensive and a bit up their own arse. When the meal came and we were talking, she flicked out her napkin and tucked the end in her Ben Sherman shirt very carefully and started eating. People at the restaurant openly stared at her. She continued eating and chatting (not at the same time, she's actually a very careful eater) and I was so impressed by her not giving a sh*t about the diners I knew we'd be dating again right there. She left a good tip for the wait staff and thanked them for the excellent food and good service.

She was a keeper for a good 2.5 years. but that napkin in the neck, the way she pulled that off with casual pride, impressed me to no end. To me that says "take me for who the fuck I am." and I really liked that.

I don't do the blind date thing.

I have to have been in your company and at least know you *some* before it ever gets to the date point.

In the mean time, I'm running down my check list. Do you know how to have fun? It can be the littlest of things....will I see you playing toss with the dog? Maybe the furball prefers a frisbee? I'm very outdoorsy. Will you walk in the woods on a hike? Do you own a bicycle that you ride? Does everything you do involve a cooler of beer? What does your vehical look like? I don't care if it's an older model...but as many have stated, I do care if it's loaded down with drive thru bags. Have you washed the vehical recently? Things have gone on in the economy that have affected people
in some very painful ways. I have a friend who had to let her car go and another friend at age 49, who had to move in with her parents. How are you handling these types of life changing events, IF something to this effect has happened to you.....because as we all know, life goes on. That will speak volumes to me about your character. I'm not about money nor am I about material...they are just things. I am about character and intergrity. So show me your true colors, you'll see mine. I am what I am.
Nothing pretentious about me. Oh, one final thing....please do not try to impress me. Actions speak louder than words. If I am comfortable in your company, we may get to the *date*:goodluck:

How I want to be treated during a date
 

I would....:mohawk:

Runs around da house nekkid:mohawk: Yippieeeeee!

Why?:police:

I haven't actually dated a lot, so I'm only an authority on what I like (or imagine I would...) and, like ami, it's hypothetical since Scoote hates it when I date. :)

Anyway...like June posted, I'm actually not comfortable with someone paying for me. I'm fine if we stop for a coffee and you pay....but I'm not comfortable with you taking me out and spending a great deal. If we end up in a relationship then we can talk about how we want to manage our finances and I might get more flexible (but don't count on it :winky: )

For me, the key is to pay attention...and communicate. Like others have said...turn off the phone, don't text, don't lecture me or dominate the conversation. Talk to me. Be courteous to me, and also to others - including servers and strangers.

I prefer to do something that allows us to talk...and that really can be a cup of coffee, even at McDonald's. The beach is good, parks are good, movies are good as long as we can talk about it afterwards (and not during it or I'll be very irritated with you).

You don't need to open my door or pull out my chair...and definitely don't try to impress me. Be yourself - and if your self is a nice self...then I'm happy.

Time
 

For me it is the time spent with me on the date...
I am just as happy walking the beach with the date as sitting in a concert... Well more happy with the beach.. we are able to talk and i do love to talk and be heard .... I guess it is the company that is most important to me.. Don't get me wrong I do love to be taken out from time to time... But a quick call saying hey do you feel like getting out and hitting the park or beach or just enjoying each other is just as important to me.

wine me, dine me, 69 me. lol oppps

Your all funny.

I ain't never turning down a gift. Bring me lots of flowers. Spoil me. I'll spoil ya back. Don't ever keep me waiting.

I don't date anymore ...wait we still do date nite so I suppose I do date. But just Him *grin*

On our first *official* date, Daddy took me to a Red Sox game !!!!

He listened to me when we talked about what I liked. So this dyed in the wool Yankee Fan got really great seats and took me to a Red Sox game.

I don't need fancy dinners to impress me, but I do like to get dressed up and enjoy an evening out on the town.

Flowers don't impress me anymore because they die, but to have something planted just for me is the bomb.

Strolls on the beach and stop by a place that sells seafood wins my heart, even tho He doesn't eat it, he always picks a place that He knows they offer seafood because I do.

For me it's the little things, making sure we have a place to enjoy our meal and conversation.

and allowing me to pay now and then - I like planning a date as well and I like knowing we went somewhere special as my treat. I think a lot of people just assume a butch has to pay and I don't. If I'm flush I'm all about spoiling my date - well He's my last date lol but I do love to spoil him in return.

I'm digressing - I guess what I would add is find out what she likes, and pay attention to her. Put away the cell phone, and try to go somewhere new where you have the time to give her the attention and not your friends who happen to be hanging in your favorite place.

The spit and shine is a given, even if it's a beach date a clean butch is a dateable butch lol.

Open her door, shower her with attention, if you feel the need bring her a single rose to let her know you were thinking of her. IMHO giving presents on a date is not something I would want....

If you get to date 2 by then you know her fav music and bringing along a cd is acceptable.

Don't get drunk!! nothing worse than being with someone and you're drunk and you're their ride home.

Keep your ex in a neat lil box where she belongs.....I can't stress that enough. You're dating her not the ex lol

Be yourself, be pleasant and charming, the person you presented to her when you asked for the date.

Don't assume sex - it's a date not a committment

My biggest pet peeve: " I don't know, what do YOU want to do?"

So help me, if you ask me out and you don't have a plan, I will get right out of that car and go back in the house!

i love surprises. One time a very good friend of mine picked me up at my house and made me put a blindfold on. After an hour I was still giddy, but mildly cranky and started being a pain in the butt. He parked and let me peek out the bottom of the blindfold so i could see the paving stone path I needed to walk on, then i had to be all blindfolded again until he put my hand on a railing and it sounded like thunder everywhere.

He took me to Niagara Falls at night to see the lightshow on the mist. It was the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me, and it surprised the hell out of me.

A surprise. Something beautiful. Plenty of time to talk or just be quiet and enjoy the experience together. That's what I love.

Although, at this point I would just be happy to get asked out at all. I'm with some of the others who have posted here, I'm over being the emotional and financial support for masculine-types who have some work to do. Maybe I'm less warm now that I'm looking out for myself, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. :)

I do like to be taken out to dinner, but nothing too flashy...I like it more down to earth, a nice Italian/Greek/Turkish restaurant is good.

I don't really like going to the movies on dates, because I am really looking to make more of an emotional connection, and I personally don't think much of a connection is made, while two people stare at the same screen in silence (but that is just me.)

I do like a little bit of being "taken care of" doors open etc...I appreciate it as a sweet gesture, but on the other hand it isn't mandatory. LOL

Conversation though is a must, going for a walk is wonderful...Walking and talking, yep.

please do not light my cigarettes. i have perfectly functionable fine motor skills. plus i can light my cigarette faster than you can light it for me. for some reason i have always hated that.

On my first date with Ms i picked Her up from the airport, we didn't go to dinner, we didn't do any of the traditional things spoken of here. She led Our/our first date. She likes it that way.

I think it would be cool if someone made me a pretty flower bed or garden even if small. I think that would impress the shit out of me. I always said I'd marry the person I gardened with.

Great thread Drew. I think I will answer as a woman or just a person and not a femme if that is ok. Eveyone is so different!

My preferences are definitely gendered though. I want to be asked out. I am old fashioned that way.

My first date with Greyson was exactly how I like it. The three things that are important to me are:

Make your intentions clear
Listen and act accordingly
None of the typical courting games

Grey and I met at a dance. We talked a lot that night and he listened carefully. The next morning I had an e-mail from him asking me out. He made it clear it was a date. I had told him how important my faith was to me and he got tickets to a Jewish music festival. He took me to sushi which he knew I loved. I don't want a fancy dinner on a first date!! I was so nervous I barely ate anything!!

He took me home and we talked and he was honest with me about his intentions and made it clear what he wanted. I really appreciated that.

He called me the next day and every day thereafter!! No games. No wondering. Just clear consistent communication.

As far as the gifts go I would not like to receive a gift from someone until we were pretty far along. Gifts are very personal. But!!! As someone else mentioned don't show up empty handed if you are invited to someone's home for dinner.

Ladies, if I may...

A gentleman is a gentleman is a gentleman.

If one may assume, that the "first date" is not the first meeting, then letting the gentleman plan the date without any consideration is less than acceptable. As I may only speak for myself, a "first date" may include dinner and a show. I live in Las Vegas. I would need to take into consideration the lady's preference before planning where to dine, and shows that she may have already attended, show she would care to see, and shows she has no desire to see. Nothing will ruin an evening more than when presenting the tickets than hearing, "Yes, this is a wonderful production, I saw it last week!"

Please do not race me to the door, I will open them for you. Allow me to be the gentleman that I am.

Please conduct yourself like a lady, which should go without being said, but included due to past dating disasters.

One never gets a second chance to make a good impression on a first date.

good thing I don't date ladies
 

I once dated a femme that I first met through an online classified site. We corresponded for a bit. There was a femme tea happening and I told her about it and she decided she wanted to go so I got her in touch with a femme friend. Some of us butches went out somewhere and then all of us met at First Thursday (art galleries open up for public viewing) to look at the art.

That night she asked if I wanted to date her. I was so happy! :D. She was a native Portlander and I was still relatively new to the city, so she often did suggest things and showed me lots of things in Portland. It was fun.

I do like to ask a femme out and to plan a date, but I certainly don't mind being the one asked either.

Treat me with respect in all ways, just as I would treat the other person.

I consider myself a Lady...I use my own definition of that word, as I do many words...I am unsure I could meet, or want to meet, a definition which included the rejoinder that I "conduct yourself like a lady"...that to Me, and this is all a me-me-me commentary, feels more like being spoken to like a petulant, misbehaving little-girl...

since I Am a Lady I really don't need to be told how to conduct myself...

I will assume that my interpretation of the comment is wrong and chalk it up to my intrinsic problems understanding the sophisticated and complicated courting rituals shared between gentlemen and ladies...

I do SO love NinaLand where all things make sense to me :)

I liked that Invi would take into consideration the woman's preferences in the planning of a date.

Invi,

I do take issues (as you can tell I am sure, so do others) with the whole, "Please conduct yourself as ladies" comment.

Perhaps you will clarify what you meant as it is a bit archaic and belittling.

1st date (couple years ago) ended with me taking my pants off and asking her to watch me.

she fell in love and stuck around.

I am SUCH a lady.
:cigar2:

(I was informed that I scared the hell out of her that night, but not that much apparently)

FOR ME - there are no rules.
Just have fun and do what you want to do.
The best way to get to know someone is to be yourself.

oh - do not get me flowers. I have allergy triggered asthma and will be busting out my inhaler and THAT is not too sexy :|

I deeply regret any remarks that may have offended anyone in any way, that certainly was not my intent.

Perhaps I should have provided some of the more noteworthy disasters...

The dinner plate is not meant to serve as storage for chewing gum, which by the way was "re-used", also, it is not an ashtray.

Flatulence has zero entertainment value, I will not pull your finger, no matter how loud you ask at dinner.

I am glad that you are proud that you can "burp the alphabet", I believe you, there is no need to prove it.

Public casual dining does not include Miller Beer pajama bottoms and a Winni the Pooh night shirt.

Again, I regret having offended anyone.