Damn that type is big.

Hmm... I took your screen name as a sign also that you have "the perfect person" in mind. Like, writing a letter to someone in your head who you've already defined. Are you sure that who you are looking for might not be more flexibly envisioned?

Love will find you.
When you least expect.
When you are happy and true to YOU.

That is SO TRUE.

Mind you, I only lived in Vancouver for a year. But in that year I made exactly 3 friends who I hung out with - and 9 years later (I moved back to Ontario 9 years ago) I am only in touch with 1 of them and the other 2 I have no idea where they're at.

You should consider moving to Toronto. I know it's very "Toronto" to talk about how awesome Toronto is...but it just freaking is. I had an incredibly easy time meeting and getting to know people and always felt loved on and included. I used to joke that no homa (homa is what I call female queers) could leave their apartment without alerting 50 of their closest friends first. Friendly folks, Torontonians.

(I am not trying to be pithy, by the way...but being single kind of rocks. At least I remember it that way. I sure did like being able to do whatever I felt like doing without having to take another person's feelings/wants/needs into consideration.)

Wow. A beautiful thread filled with real emotions. And brave posts. I bow and send much respect to all of you.

I have had an 'active' love life in my years, but no- I have not yet found 'The One' for life. But all the women I've been involved with have brought me closer to her whoever she might be.

And none of those women were a waste of time. I believe we are all here for a reason, to learn something we need to learn. And all of them have helped me learn something about myself so I thank them deeply and love them for that.

Have I felt sorry for myself over the years? Oh yes. But like many of you have already said, I do believe that happiness is a choice. I had a lot of tragedy back in my young adulthood life and spent years depressed until I asked myself (in my best Dr. Phil voice), 'How's that workin' for ya?" Well, it wasn't. I started looking at the people I respected and felt jealous towards....and made a decision to alter my thoughts and aim for happiness. It didn't come easy and took a few years, but I can honestly say that I am a happy person now. Single...and happy.

And I have a clearer thought of who I am looking for. Letter, here's the best advice I can give. You can't stop yourself from being depressed over this overnight so don't try. But do also try to start increasing the time you spend on thinking positively about yourself. In other words, always strive to become the person you're proud to be. That will attract the right person.

And in the meantime, it will also attract friends who you will feel blessed to have in your life. I recently lost a cousin who felt like a failure because she never made a relationship work. At her memorial in Berkeley close to 300 people showed up. Most of them saying how she altered their lives and added so much to their lives. She was lucky-the month before she died most of those people came to visit her and told her in person. Before she died she came to realize how successful she was. How lucky we would all be if we held that thought during our active lives and not on our deathbeds?

And so...................for the next 20 seconds after reading this let's all give thanks for all that we have!
1,2,3,4, 5,6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

Ok, rest. You can feel sorry again. we don't want to go too fast with this. lol

But if you do that enough, trust me, it will increase and become real.

And in the meantime, we're here for you. And with you

All good information and if I may add, some people are simply fine staying single. Like heterosexualty, being in a relationship may be the "norm" but that doesn't make it anything but common and it isn't healthy for everyone. That doesn't mean not having people in your life. I'm finding that in my experience as I get older, I have more friends and no desire or inclination to be in a relationship. YMMV, of course.

SINGLE AVAILABLE BUTCH HERE!!! checking on flights to Canada :flying:

Letter....like most people here have been saying, don't sell yourself short. There is someone out there for everyone. Don't give up on love. You seem like a very sweet lady, and I'm sure some lucky butch is out there ready to sweep you off your feet!!! (f)

Jay

Single butch here too.

There have been a lot of nice informative replies to the original post.

I, too, am finding myself again (after 14 year relationship) and am just taking it one day at a time.

Hang in there!

I, too, have pretty much given up on finding "the one." While it seems that's been the only thing I've wanted to focus on in the past few months, there are things with myself that I really need to take care of. I know all of us are going to have our ups and downs, trials and tribulations, etc., that we all go through in our lives. But then I have to wonder, am I EVER going to be in a good place to share my life with someone?

I'm currently living in Kentucky (been here for the past five years), and it's really hard to find single people in general, and even more difficult to find single lesbians. It's seems as though I'm at a crossroads in my life, however, and kind of feel like my life is imploding around me. I still haven't found a full-time job, I can count the number of friends on one hand, I keep saying how I want to move, and now maybe's the time. I can't say that I have anything that's keeping me here...

Have courage of heart...
 

I've only been on this wonderful community a few times...with a long absence in between...but I know of where you speak... "the perfect person" ... do they exist?

I don't know...I thought so... "once upon a time" ...I understand about it being a tough year...and the holidays always have a way of reminding us "single" people of what we "don't" have in the way of a relationship...I mean you see the perfect Norman Rockwell commercials - you know the home and hearth and the perfectly wrapped gift from the one you love...all dressed up in your slippers and bathroom underneath the perfectly decorated tree...lights twinkling...fire crackling...

Nothing is perfect...not life, not love...I think we put to many expectations on ourselves...and on other people perhaps...perhaps I am guilty of that too... "expectations" ... even when you say you don't...God knows I am far from perfect...

I don't trust much myself anymore...my heart has beat and battered and ripped apart more than once this past year and half...but despite ALL of that and through all the hurt...I know that "love" is real...I know it isn't easy and I know it isn't perfect...but I know it is worth the effort...if you have courage enough to "try" again and put your heart out there...the bruises you have...just have enabled you to love in a deeper and kinder way...and someone out there needs that...and wants that and will show you the same...

Maybe what you seek is just around the corner...with the next spoken word or smile...or outstretched heart...don't give up...

Love is too precious a thing...hang in there...even though it hurts...even though it seems hopeless...maybe "you" are just the person someone else is looking for...and they are waiting for you to reach out ----open your heart and find them...

Until that time...cuddle with that kitty who will give so much love...and be thankful for blessings not yet received...yes, perhaps in the way of love ...

Once I thought there may be something wrong with me if I didnt have a hot femme on my arm, but over the years I just have desided to injoy being single cause the worry was not doing any good.If Mrs.Right shows up great if not im ok with it...really.OH there are some I would like to get to know better but im not shure a ldr is good for either of us..they havent worked for me so im not shure it ever will...corse I wish it would but things are what they are.

oops
 

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice

Road trip!!
 

There ya go Seattle has butches!!!

See she's out there!!

I've met Fever and can vouch for her beauty and kind, kind spirit!! And her hot, HOT cleavage! ;) You all shall have a blast together!

*hugs*

Let's do this. Time/date/location? I'm limited to in-town because I don't have a car.

Same situation. I'm very specifically a West End girl, but can cross a bridge to other neighborhoods if needed. :)

I really think it does tend to happen when you stop looking and just start living. I haven't been searching for someone for the last two years now and I've had more dates than all the years I've been single before this! I don't go to places made for 'singles' either really (aside from popping into this thread because your post moved me) - you'll meet people in the oddest places.

Granted, I've not met a person that's perfect for me yet (I've gotten closer, however). But I have faith they're out there somewhere... and they looking for someone exactly like me. I think there is more than one 'soulmate' out there for everyone, too.

Love yourself, make yourself happy, and believe you will meet your significant other one day... but definitely live for yourself right now - go out, have fun. Take yourself out on dates. Learn a new hobby or take up yoga... whatever might make you happy. Happiness is incredibly attractive, in general (not just for getting dates). You'll make lots of friends along the way, if you're open to it.

I'm really very sorry about all of the false starts, but they're lessons and it's not always going to be that way. There are people out there who want exactly who and what you are. Eventually, you'll be drawn to one another. I wish you all the best.

Photos!
The rest of us will want photos of this get-together!!

Letter put a desire out to the universe and got this response. We don't always get what we want, but we usually get what we need. :)
Have a great time!

oh yeah... false starts... i know about that one really well...

thank you RitaSink for your insight. very much appreciated.

***lettertodaddy... like i've said before in this thread to you... i'm right there with you and know exactly what you are going through.
i'm focusing on my career, my physique, my soul, ME. it may come across as selfish... so be it!

be good to YOU and your kitty... :)

My screen name comes from the movie "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane".

Yaletown seems equidistant between us. I wonder if there are any nice tea shops in the area?

Oh, look! http://dinehere.ca/vancouver/o-cha-tea-bar

Ooh, I didn't know this place existed. Where's Fever? We need to get this party started.

Hi Letter..
 

Think we all have gone through a "dry spell" with the dating thing..Bad dates and good dates that we think this is the one but in the end usually falls short of being perfect..

I have also given up on finding the lady of my dreams and now i have 4 cats..
I think you might be skipping a step..Gotta be friends before relationship..Try the friend thing first..In here is a good place to start.There are alot of people here to chat with..

My story is similar to *Anya's*..
I got out of my last relationship and a few bad dates and a "Hacker" trying to get into my stuff scared me single for longer than i will admit to..Poored myself into tearing every room apart in my house..Started working 12 hour days saturday and sometimes sundays..Found myself drinking again because i didnt want to go home to an empty house..I was even taking a "Happy Pill" for a long time to..One day i figured out what was wrong with me..I wasnt happy because i wasnt making myself happy..Started to walk a little taller and look people in the eye and sometimes a little smile or a quick hi..Then to my surprise people were saying hi to me first..Thought hummm this is feels nice..Even cought a lady starring at my back pockets at the gas station and when we made eye contact she started a short conversation..I closed myself off from the dating world completely..I was told about this site and got in here and i like it and am getting to know people..Get some people around you first then the rest will fall into place..Gotta get yourself out there and wait it out it will happen..

s..

okay, girls
 

Here I am. I can come to the West End. We can start organizing this in the Canada forum??? p.m. me and I will give you my phone number, etc.

Do we want to do a tea, or go to a tea as a group? Scuba, if you are really coming up here, what kind of notice do you need? I have extra room if you want to stay overnight. Vancouver is about 45 min away from my place.

Boots, you are welcome too. Get scuba to scoop you up on the way north. lol

Party time!

Candice

Sounds good by me :)

The boys and I will organize while the girls have their day out..

You shouldn't get so down on yourself. My ex who is a dad dumped me on my ass. let me know I would never find anyone that would want me and if it weren't for them i wouldn't be where i was now. They finally moved away and I am now in a town that I really don't know. I am trying to accept that I will be alone and singe from now on. I though was looking at the good side of things. Noone to tel you u are doing wrong, no criticizing, no fights, and no more put downs. Yes it is lonely but I think that maybe when we heal and when God sees fit that we are ready that he might just bring someone along in our lives that fit.

Don't feel that way, it will get better

Thats one of my favorite movies !! And I loveee Bette Davis too *S*.. My Mom named me after her,,cept I got a "y" where she has an "e" *G*heh...anyways..Enjoy your cat,,time will tell and you will find the right Butch/Daddy for you *S*
Be well and safe lettertodaddy*S* (f)

Finn

Boots, just read about your single status. Condolences....

Yes, having a breathing space between relationships is a wise decision---but, lady, you've always been wise.

I'm trying to mingle and jump into the dating pool. But as I've said in earlier posts, the lesbian pool is a decent size---the pool I'm looking for would fit into a thimble.

Good luck in your hiatus from dating.

My advice, close the accounts on the dating sites. Old profiles do not get much traffic and if someone is messaging you and you are not replying, then you look rude/unavailble. Close them for a month or two then go back if you want but leaving them unattended is not helping.

Good luck!

:sparklyheart:

Hi Lettertodaddy,
I've recently given up as well. It hurts too much to want something that the Universe keeps telling me I can't have. And that's the biggest part of why I've given up. I've been searching for almost 2 years and no one wants a relationship (I'm poor, have 3 kids and I'm missing teeth seem to be the deal-breakers). At least no women that I want want me. Lots of men do. No butch women want me.
The hard part (for me) is admitting this and accepting it. The easy part is moving on. Our culture tells us that we must be forfilled through partnerships and marriages but honestly, marriages tend to add years to men's lives. Do lesbians and male-ID people often or always benefit from being with another? Can we grow and enjoy life with only emotional contacts and no exchange of bodily fluids? I hope I can. Having animals helps. An emotional connection with another at home brings joy to the home. And that's what I really want (well, daily sex too but a quality emotion connection is a beautiful thing and nothing to sneeze at).
I've been a Goddess-loving pagan since 14 and a lesbian since 16. I have 6 sisters (7 really but I never met my black sister) and sisterhood has always been important to me. Loving women comes natural. I think loving women and having affairs can and will sustain me. And I have not given up on casual sex.
I'm 42 and the Universe throws curve-balls all the time. But another big part of what's changed in my heart is ... I can never trust a person who cannot love me with all my flaws. Can't say as I blame them. Loving another person is hard, takes intent and focus and can leave one wrecked if you choose wrong. Flaws are red flags.
I wish you luck in your life. Enjoy the love of the cat on your lap.

I totally understand how you feel. There are times I feel just that way. Yet there ae times when I can look back on what has not worked for me and see just whatI have learned along the way. If its something I learned that I dont want are something I believe I want more, but no matter what I have learned and grown from it all. Still believe deep down that there is someone for each of us out there. When ever the time is right it happens for us, just know there is a reason it has not happened yet. Till then enjoy what life is to bring us along the way.

I know for a fact I'll be single for the rest of my life. I've met pretty much every butch here in Estonia, and lots of men as well.

Nobody wants me.

Everyone wants to chat to the pretty girls. I'm either one of the guys or invisible.

And that's with as much effort and money put into my appearance as I possibly can :(

So... Just taking it one day at a time, coping, trying to find comfort in alcohol and bars over the weekend, and sometimes into the week...At 21 the thought of a lifetime of this....I was born to suffer.

Pure hell.

Whenever I see couples I feel so much pain I want to strangle someone, seriously. And I'm about as cuddly and nonviolent as you can find. But we all have a breaking point.

4everlonely
 

You are 21. You are a baby. Just say no to all that thinkin. Stop. Okay? It is difficult sometimes to be on this site and see all the sexual energy flyin around. Your time will come. Here or there or somewhere. I wanna see that name change like 4everfemme..leave the lonely out. Dont call in the lonliness. Island Scout, in the other thread, is right. Attitude. Im glad you said you are lonely...you are honest and lettin people know. Now we know. Your whole life is ahead of you. Dance, sister.