many of the women who I am coming in contact with this store, are not advocates for their size. They are blown away by my self acceptance and many flat out loathe themselves. If I used the word fat, I would lose them as customers. But ...I also know, like any change, it needs to be done or the word will continue to hurt them. Its one of those topics I want to do during one of my workshops/get togethers...The Power of Words.

Lots of people are using Curvy. Luscious plushious is a fav saying of mine. Hell, most of my customers cant see themselves as sexy. Some dont want to. Others do. (Lots to sift thru with that)

I dont call myself full figured because I always related that to someone with a fuller bustline, which I dont have. Not that I mind! I dont have the backaches like some of my full figured friends and relatives have!

I use the word overweight and dont feel guilty about it. Its what I was raised with as the polite word to use. It feels good to me and well, I am me and I use whats good for me, as long as I dont hurt anyone in the process of it.

recently I posted a sexy photo of a plus sized woman in red fishnets and red heels. One of my customers posted "ewww"....

wow, was i slapped in the face with her reality! She doesnt see herself as sexy at all, nor does she see sexy in any plus woman!

shocking to me..this is giving me quite the education! I am going to hold a plus size photo contest locally and one of the categories will be "Sexy"...I cant wait for the reactions, photos, etc!

I just couldn't resist posting this. If you watch to the end she talks about flashing a whole bunch of folks on the street.....very funny, I love how relaxed and herself she is!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/0...6pLid%3D138248

Without fail at noon on every Friday, 30 minutes before my beginning ballet class starts, a mixture of fear and dread ooze into my mind. It starts when I think of getting dressed for class. Despite a well-stocked closet, I am never content with my choices. I spend 20 minutes scouring my closet for a garment that doesn't exist - I am looking for something that will make me invincible. Exasperated, I leave wearing the same men's gym shorts and oversized t-shirt. My nerves don't get any better once I get to class. I am scared to look at my body in a mirror; I am scared to compare my body to my peers. I try to stand in the back rows as far away from the mirrors as possible, and I still occasionally catch a glimpse of my double chin. Or my belly escaping the drapery of my shirt. I am scared that even after working at accepting my body and fighting tooth and nail to get those around me to change their actions and opinions, I will see something repulsive. I can't get through a weekly dance class without having to give myself pep talks. It takes all that I can muster to remind myself that I am beautiful and, more importantly, worthy of being in that class. It takes all that I have to remind myself that I love my body and that I can take pleasure in moving it. I can take pleasure and find beauty in my body.

I loathe classifying these problems (yes, I acknowledge that they're problems) as "body image" problems. "Body image" isn't really about the image of bodies. It's about the holistic relationships we have with our bodies. It's about how bodies look, how they move, what they feel like, and how we treat them. Even if we ignore semantics, conversations about body image almost always come down to health. Most conversations I've had about body image blame the media and advertising for exposing young girls to impossible standards in order to sell products. But more than selling products, these images drive people to unhealthy habits - crash diets, disordered eating, and sometimes even more dramatic actions like diet pills and self-harm.

And yet many of these behaviors have been recommended to me by health professionals. You see, I'm fat. Not "does this dress make me look fat?" fat, but eligible-for-weight-loss-surgery morbidly obese deathfat. I've been fat for as long as I can remember, but the first time I remember my size being an issue was at a check-up. I was 8 years old, and after plotting my height and weight in one of those grids, my pediatrician had one of those "talks" with my parents and me. I was too heavy for my height and age, so he presented me with a Xeroxed list of 10 "helpful tips" for eating.

It was meant to be innocuous, but I became obsessed with that sheet of paper. It was the first time I saw my body as a personal failing, and that list was the way to redeem myself. I followed the rules to a tee, and yet I didn't get any smaller. That simple piece of paper was only the beginning. My adolescence was filled with appointments with doctors and nutritionists, medically facilitated crash diets, and crying fits in dressing rooms. My doctors pathologized my body, and I believed them. I believed that my fat body meant that I was overeating, even when I would leave the dinner table hungry. I believed that I was lazy, unkempt, untrustworthy. I couldn't trust myself.

I can't rely on a conventional understanding of health to fix my body image issues because my body image issues stem from those conventional understandings of health. To find peace with my body I've had to reject mainstream medical wisdom. I screen my health care professionals, and I set firm boundaries. I am not interested in weight loss, and I will not step on a scale. I don't care about a new diet regimen; I care about eating. I've learned to love my body - I love the look of my body; I love the way my squishy, soft flesh feels. I have embraced my fat. I do this because I care about my body. I care less about the image of my body, and I care more about my relationship to my body.

When I stand at the barre to begin my weekly ballet class, I am reminded that loving my body is both difficult and important. As we go through the usual warm-up routine I feel my muscles stretch and flex. I am present in my body, and I appreciate the grace and flow of movements. As we transition into leaps and jumps, I am reminded of that power in my body. My hearty legs can push my body in the air again and again in rapid succession. I land easily each time.

I am still scared that even after working to accept my body I will catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and find something ugly. So far, I've only seen my body. My fat, beautiful body.


When Jenn Leyva was 16, her dad told her that he'd buy her a car if she lost weight. She cried, finished her calculus homework, and is now a New York based fat activist and a senior at Columbia studying biochemistry. She authors Fat and the Ivy, a fat blog about social justice, feminism, science, health, and fa(t)shion.

Just love Dawn French!.......and Cher!

I was with my thin gay male sign language tutor today* and we were doing an exercise with verbs. So we got to "don't want," and he signed, "I don't want to be fat." We did the exercise about a month ago and he said the same thing last time, after struggling to think of anything else! What a shame that it is people's worst fear, and that even when speaking with a fat woman, he couldn't come up with one other thing that he doesn't want in life!


*I work at a school for deaf children.

Sadly, a lot of people don't know why saying this stuff is problematic and just how much we hear it!

Shit people say to fat people:

Part 1
[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYTT9zS-Aao&feature=relmfu"]Shit You Say to Fat People (Part 1) - YouTube[/nomedia]

Part 2
[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1pdONBi8WU&feature=channel_video_title"]Shit You Say to Fat People (Part 2) - YouTube[/nomedia]


What lines hit home most for you and what lines would you add?

Today on the train there was a man talking to himself and holding something that looked like a crowbar, which, is not too unusual on the nyc subways. When I got up to get off the train, he yelled at me, "Die, you fat girl!" Of course, everyone looked at me, and I saw a little boy say to his mom, "That's kinda mean, right?" (a cute, sweet response). When I got off, I thought about how most of what the man had been saying had been gibberish and yet he still knew to zero in on my fat! It made me feel self-conscious, and I even wondered whether my puffy coat was just adding too much puff to me (but its so warm!). These little things that go on in a fat girl's daily life add up to make me feel fierce about needing some fat positivity. Anyone feeling me out there?

Always remember, no matter what
 

For each of us
 

I LOVE Adele! I think she is gorgeous and stunning. She has such a wonderful attitude about herself. She is incredibly beautiful inside and out. :cheer:

This butch would fling hymself on stage just to get to her...or better yet swim to England to get close to her lol

What is it exactly, this thing ugly?
I see you hide your eyes
For a moment I believe while I nurse my wounds
Soon the illusion will fade and the truth is evident
Ugliness resides in the heart,
From this you cannot hide.

My plan was to post something with KD Lang, to help put a smile on nycfembbw's face, (I don't know that KD makes her smile, but she makes me smile....) while I was watching it I realized that Graham in a very quiet way teased Jennifer Hudson about her 80 pound weight loss, I found it interesting and thought you might find it interesting too.

Oh, my Fucking Whatnot.......here is part 1......having posted part 2 above and here in part 1 is all the stupid things people say to folks about their weight, so damned depressing

The Biggest Loser

http://www.womanist-musings.com/2010...at-is-all.html

That's a great blog, thanks for posting it. I often wonder what makes people so angry and or frightened of fat, I wonder this same thing about why gay is so frightening and or anger producing......seems strange, neither of these things is catching if you know what I mean!

Strangely it puts me in mind of this bit of satire....

oh my gracious! I SO want to do this on the wall of my store!

I have been rather busy putting the store together. Today a shipment of shoes came in that are to DIE for. I had posted some of them on the web and actually were asked by a few of my thinner friends if they were reserved only for the "fatties" because they were so pretty. Really? You calling my customers and me "fatties"?

I am not amused by how people are feeling adventurous in the use of slang terms for fat around me. Its like they have been given permission to use words maybe they always thought but never dared to say out loud in front of me. And they say it with an activist twist but a prejudist smirk. I did not give them permission to have fun saying "naughties".

I have to literally hold my breath in to keep myself from reacting. I count..one, two, three, four, five....then i respond with "still not acceptable, try a different tone or word".

Even tho I have lost alot of weight, I am still overweight by standards of the Cultural Norm. However, this is exactly where my body feels the most at ease and normal. So this is where I want to stay. I am somewhere between a 16 and an 18.

I have been told my surgery was a failure because I didnt get skinny.

even tho my surgery was NOT for weight loss, but to correct a life threatening hernia that compromised my lungs and my heart.

I can breath and I have much more stamina now and I am not getting chest pains and even my back issues are better because my body is not exhausted. I sleep better, and no longer have hallucinations (usually, lol) when i sleep. So...

my surgery was a failure?

My store opens May 1st. I have purchased my racks, all my ticket guns, registers, signages, etc. Well, BVR has and I have kicked in as much as I can. (Bureau of Vocational Rehab).

An extraordinary thing is happening. I am able to pick up the smaller store next to me. I am considering putting in a men's resale shop.

Immediately I am asked if its going to be for pudgy men. (I told you, i am hearing ALL the damn words)

I havent decided yet but I know I will carry larger clothes for men. My sub is a larger man. WAY larger. So yes, I will.

I get giggles over that. People have said they want to come and sit so they can see the customers come in.

Seriously?

Good lord, I had no idea what lurked in people's minds! I am seeing people that I thought I knew, in whole other lights! I will say most of the people saying these things are not close friends of mine but more acquaintances. But still, my one eyebrow goes up and my mouth twists sideways and i feel like a momma about to scold her bad child, when I hear shit like this...

I was going to do a modeling event, with several women wearing clothes from my shop. However, I had to cancel that because I am able to move my fixtures and the clothing into the store that week. It will be chaos. And i wont have the energy nor the focus to do both.

But while I was looking for models, I had people turn me down because they were not ok having people look at their bodies. It made me realize it wasnt the clothes that they thought were going to be featured, but their size.

In runways, models are suppose to be invisible, literally human hangers for the fashion.

but my models were saying THEY were the focus, and not the fashion.

Interesting...

and painful...

I hope I am allowed to do this..if not, please just delete this post. I dont want to break policy but I was hoping to offer my FB page for the store to those on BFP.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003486122806

Have you all seen this?
 

I started bringing fixtures into the store. And a cash register. And signage. And mannequins. Oh lord. It is now REAL.

Did i get a chance to measure? No. Too much happening at one time today for me to concentrate on measuring a wall. I feel like my head is going to explode, how different this reality is.

I am really lucky to have so many people supporting me in this adventure. The woman i got the fixtures from is giving them to me to use before I pay for them! BVR will cut her a check but rather than wait for it, she said to just take them. This allows me to get the place started months before it would if I had to wait for BVR gov to process stuff.

I am sitting in the dark in rose cottage, feeling content, watching the light disappear outside while I type out words to people across the world. Life is good...

I am about to head out to get more fixtures, two more loads for sure. Thank heavens the dually truck bed is huge!

My house is so tore up..clothes, boxes, packaging materials, candles, signages, vases, etc all over the place for the store. I am feeling pretty overwhelmed that my house will never be cleaned again. I am one of those people that has to have things in their place and nothing is in it and there are many things in here now that dont have a place! LOL

I am setting up a web page soon too. I will be listing my inventory piece by piece and offering them for sale so people long distance can buy as well. And, take part in our online events. I plan on hosting some pretty incredible events with speakers and activities. Time to get the gals together! I also have a blogger who is going to be posting called "Chubby Girl". I love her wit and sense of self! And people are also gonna be able to purchase either steam punk or moody romantic jewelry from me, from two incredible local artists!

Am I still the same girl who was curled up on the couch last year and feeling like I would never have a purpose again?

I have to share with you, that there was one person on BFP that never left my side, never gave up on me, always stayed close and always believed in me. Without his help, i dont know what I would have done. I love him so much,and always will. Our friendship is as deep and rich as any i have ever had in my life. Imma gonna put a cowboy hat in a doorway so he can always be part of the blessings of my new store...

Love it