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I tried but it didn't work.
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I'm not friends with any of my exes but if I could say something to one of them it would be that I do want my George Foreman portable gas grill back.
I'll never get over that! |
I haven't read all the posts
I do agree with Snowy I'm friends with some of my exes. We started out as friends and ended our relationships on a good note, so why not continue the friendship. Often, I find that I make a better friend than a partner. I have fallen in love 3 times in my life and only one of those 3 could be trusted 100%. Her and I will be friends til the end. Some exes aren't even worth looking back and thinking about. Those would be the toxic ones. The ones that suck you dry while your eyes are open, but you're not fully aware of what's going on until it's too late. Never stay friends with an ex like that. Ultimately, in the end, it's up to you. You can soak up all the responses you've got from us, do what your gut tells you or listen to your head and heart. There's always a reason why someone comes back into our lives. Don't judge, just listen and then decide. Decide if you're just in her life long enough to help her with her problem or if a true friendship can be had. Good Luck to you Cuddles |
Friendly, but friend sometimes is impossible.
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I'm friends with one, otherwise no it never worked out
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Yep, can, and am with a couple of exes - we loved, we laughed, things happened, we ended......
Still respect them and can still chat an enjoy a friendship. The Kidlettes Gram is an ex and still involved in her life and therefore we are involved with the Gram and her Wife.... I think if there was respect before - for me and I only speak for me I can stay friends with anyone I ever loved and respected...... |
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Can you be friends with an ex
I am going to post this here and hope it gives you some peace : She always said,when someone is mean or says bad things about you,let it go,never fight back or defend yourself We are to be kind to them and instead only see the good things in others- Clara Honea Athabaskan Elder
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I am not friends with any of my ex's. All (except one) turned into @sses and would end up saying something absolutely spiteful and hurtful, which just made me light up the match and burn that bridge.
I have always been in awe over others being friends with ex's. To get over the hurt and bad feelings and call them friend? Wow. I guess I am envious in a way because I am so unforgiving. |
friends with exes....
my BFF is an ex.
Ex-wife lol and there's baby momma... I am friends (not close) with several exes, but most live in other parts of the country, i am FB friends with several for sure... We have all had our ups and downs, good bad ugly happy sad or indifferent.... i think we can learn from each other, if we choose. sometimes, learning is painful. respect is the key self respect first.... sometimes self respect commands you to just walk away. |
Part of me says that I think that friends with the ex is a possibility being we're all adults, but reality says that too many hurt feelings get in the way. I have tried to be friends, but because of the feelings and unresolved issues on my part and hers, I don't think it is possible unless we can both let the past go. That is difficult to do. I've not run across, in my relationships at least, where the parting was friendly there is always some bit of damage done to one or the other. If we can get past that maybe we can be friends. I think time is the key to that, unless there is too much hurt to go around.
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I have one particular ex with whom I still, to this day (if I were still in contact with her), would be able to enjoy a wonderful, healthy friendship with. We didn't start out as friends, but in a smokey bar one night, a night that ended up with us jumping in bed for a one night stand. I was something like 22 years old then, and her 19. Things were kind of stormy after that, due to her being, well, 19 years old and just newly out on her own and newly "out".
We couldn't make a relationship work, probably due to nothing more than just pure immaturity....on both our parts. Thing is, we really liked each other!! I've always tended to be very much on the reserved, quiet side and she was the "wild child". Anyway, I also became good friends with her mother, and the rest of her family, too. I even called her mother "Mama". After about a year, I was almost just like a member of her family and always invited to dinner, holiday celebrations, etc. When Brenda and I finally figured out that we couldn't make a relationship work, we couldn't quite let go of that special friendship we had, and of just pure *liking* each other. It was always like I'd always known her, been close to her, and almost like she was a bit of a sister to me. Anyway, after the romantic attachment was ended, Brenda and I decided that we both wanted to work hard to retain our friendship. It was a conscious choice and desire, on both our parts, to do this. You know what?? That friendship took more work...more honest-to-Pete W-O-R-K and dedication to develop, but we started with a firm foundation of L-I-K-E. That's important. I think that, when you try to build something like that, and there's water under another kind of bridge between you, you really, really have to work at and realize what you're trying to do, then keep that goal in perspective. Again, I don't want to endlessly repeat what others have said here, but I do think that a key point here is boundaries....and respect for each other. To tell you the truth, I'm surprised to this day that, as immature as we were, emotionally, we were able to keep the friendship in focus and not let it stray onto each others' toes, but we did. We had the most beautiful of friendships, once all the feelings were put into perspective, and boundaries established and respected. I have to say that the love and friendship of her family was important here, too. Her mother, also my dear friend, helped me to understand Brenda better, and to deal with my own emotions of letting go of "that" part and learning to love my friend unconditionally. Brenda and I finally drifted apart and lost contact, but I still think of her a lot and wonder how she's doing. I know that, if I had her number, I could pick up that phone and my old dear friend would be on that other end of the line, just as happy to hear my voice (which has changed quite a bit!!) as I would be to hear hers. Yes, I think you can build a helluva friendship with an ex, but you have to want it and you have to be BOTH willing to work at it. You also have to have a very healthy amount of respect and L-I-K-E for each other. It's easy to tell someone "I love you", but you need to be able to honestly say "I LIKE you" too. I guess that, for (at the time) two very young, inexperienced people, Brenda and I were pretty danged lucky to have had each other. We were even more fortunate to have had in each other two people who really loved and respected each other enough to want to work at *Liking* each other. :winky: Good luck. I do hope it works out for you, whichever direction your paths take you. (f) ~Theo~ :bouquet: |
sometimes self respect commands you to just walk away.
I used to be very proud of the fact that I was friends with my exes. That no matter the circumstance, I could put it behind me, take the high road and be forgiving. Unfortunately that has changed since having a difficult time with one of my exes. She planted the axe in my back so many times, I came to not be able to forgive her any further. It made me sad that I could not reconcile or even like her anymore because I never wanted it to turn out that way. I hate her now and hating is a strong word for me and not an emotion I carry for very many people. I think no matter how generous we try to be, you can only take so much of a person's lies and underhanded ways. I just had to accept that fact about her even though I didnt want to. I refuse to let anyone damage MY integrity and so self respect did command me to walk away for good. |
I was able to remain friends with my first ex-girlfriend.
My last ex of 19-years burned that bridge when she lied and told me she had terminal brain cancer with a week to live. Since she had a prior history of brain tumor, naturally, I believed her. That lie was unforgivable. Not too long ago she called to tell me she had breast cancer. I told her if true I was very sorry but could not get involved and to not call again. Hard for me because I do not lie and tend to believe others do not either. She was the butch that cried wolf once too often. |
Depends upon why they are an "ex"...
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This subject like many have changed and evolved as I have gotten older. After all I have been out of the closet since 16 and I am now 45 so I would hope that it has evolved.
My best friend is a ex, I have known her for 25 years. I met her back when when I dated soft butches and femmes she is a soft butch. Actually she is the reason I know for a romantic relationship the person I have to be with is a femme. Hey I was young when we met and it was not suppose to be nothing more then a one night stand. We do not live in the same state but we do still talk to each other and see each other. Now I have another ex that is all femme and we are friends but we had to have time apart before that could happen. Me so I could come at her as a friend and to heal we both hurt each other in the end. Now we are good friends. It helps that we both like who the other person is and we have boundaries that are respected. So in my opinion friendship with ex's are possible but once you are in a relationship with someone you need to discuss it with that person. Personally I tell them there is very little I will not compromise on however I will not give up my friendship with my two ex's. I will do whatever it takes to reassure my femme and always respect her so there is some give and take but the no contact is off limits for those two people. If she can not trust me then there is not much hope for a lasting relationship. |
I am living proof of being friends with an ex or two... One of my best friends is an ex and I wouldn't change it for the world.
I also will add if my partner can not handle that then well we are not meant to be. |
Im friends w 2 of my exes. One of them is current close friend. Other is keep in touch and see her once a while. Some r that i dont speak anymore.
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Yes for me I am friends with my exe's. Just because the relationship didnt work doesnt mean they arent great friends.
I am also friends with their spouses as well. I dont hold grudges. I want their happiness even though it wasnt with me. Whomever I end up partnering with is going to have to accept that... :) |
I'm friends with all but two of mine. My first butch is still very much in my life and always will be. We just celebrated our "anniversary" on the 6th of this month. So yeah, you really can be friends with an ex. But I also agree with a few others here - all depends on why you broke up.
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Can You Really Be Friends With An Ex?
I agree with Funky, sometimes it all depends on why you broke up! I am still friends with my ex and now she's even my BFF! I always consider it a big ole red flag when I meet someone and they tell me all of their ex's hate them!
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I wouldn't hold it against someone if they hadn't remained friends with their exes however. I know myself I have tried to stay friends with certain exes but travelling and new relationships have usually put paid to that. My ex wife, for example, is now living it large in a beautiful and sunny city, while I'm married and planning a baby in a place where it always rains. We have little in common. |
I agree with the "why" & "how" the break-up occured in terms of remaining friends. Also, sometimes we can be attracted off the charts to someone romantically, but, find that this fizzles when one (or both) realizes that it just isn't a good match. Yet, you have a lot in common and work well as friends.
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Exes can be a great resource...however, it depends on the circumstances - the foundation of the relationship and the breakup. It took many years, but my first ex, a colleague who I admire greatly professionally, is actually one of my bff's. After an 11 yrs relationship, we still have each others back. Friends are friends and for me - that equals family ...
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Yes you can but at a distance lol:blink:
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In my femme loving bachelerhood mind opine
Yes, I sure hope so, because it would be a lonely planet if not.
(counting Ex's on fingers N toes,, Yes, mostly :groupphoto: well, there were a few with wildly waving arms and ****** or berserk *or worse. :seeingstars: Really...no. no Really :police: :) |
I think absolutely you can be friends with an ex. I definately am. I was with my ex for ten years and I can't imagine not having hym currently in my life. We both evolved into the people we are today because of those ten years. I would hate to throw away such an important friendship just because we could not make our relationship work.
Thanks for letting me share! Jules with numbers |
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Jonathan |
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Most I have stayed friends with as there was a friendship before and during the relationship. |
Ahhh yes,
"We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present."
Marianne Williamson |
I think another good question is, Can a person be friends with her lover's exes, much less her own?
For me, sure. Usually it's no problem. There was an ex of a lover I didn't like, only because she wanted us to lie to her current girlfriend about something, and I felt creepy about that. But in general, it's not an issue. |
I am friends with most of my exes. In my experience if you were really hurt you need a time of healing before you are able to do so. It's totally possible.
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One of my cousins is dying of lung cancer right now. Not deathbed dying yet, but running out of options. Her ex-husband has been wonderful the whole time she's been sick. She always wanted to visit NYC and he took her on a vacation there with their girls. It is tender, what they have now.
I also know a friend of a friend who has a degenerative disease and her life is very compromised now. She had moved to be near her mother, and now her ex-husband bought a house near her, so he is in the neighborhood, as well. In the town where my dad grew up, I woman I knew a little through their church was dying, and her ex-husband from decades back, moved in with her and nursed her to the end. None of these were situations were about getting back together. I know if anything happened to my ex, the main one, the one I lived with for ten years, I would be there. Her current partner is jealous of me; it hurts that we can't be friends and I don't think it will happen—but if it did, if she needed me, I would be there. |
It really depends. I don't think there is a hard or fast rule.
My first girlfriend and I parted friends, lost touch for a long time and recently re-connected. It was just as though no time had passed. My 19-year ex and I, no way. Over a year ago, she came to me with a big story about a recurrence of a prior brain tumor, with a week to live. Previous brain tumor= true. Recurrence with a week to live=not true. After running around, sucked in, helping get her affairs in order and then finding out it was a manipulation-the total end for me. Never again. A couple of months ago she came to my door, uninvited, to tell me she had breast cancer. I told her I could not help her- if it were true but how could I believe her? I sent her away and still hope I did the right thing but she had lied once too many times to me. Another ex and I kind of drifted apart and each of us started dating other people. We really are not right for each other but genuinely like each other. We still text and talk on the phone almost every day. She asks me femme questions and I ask her butch ones! She tells me about her dates and I tell her about mine. I think that we might always be friends. The one rule about relationships is: there are no rules! |
I DO have issues about exes now because of two past experiences and have told anyone who dared come close to me that I dont tolerate imbedded exes in an "us". chrissy's ex is not a problem NOW. She tried to be, long distance. She wanted him back, yet approached me to be a friend.
She might have approached me to be her friend but I was reading her emails to him, as he showed them to me. She was telling him she wanted him back and tried to tell him how I wasnt the one for him. VERY different than what she was telling me. Deceitfulness is painful for someone to grasp and believe about someone they once loved. Sometimes it blinds them. When a partner is blinded to negative things their ex can do, its time to leave. However, her behavior toward me hurt chrissy even more, and he saw her for who she was, not who she wanted him to believe her to be. They had a 20 year marriage before she walked out on him for someone else. Hurt him terribly. Damn near killed him. I knew how lethal she was by this alone but she proved to be so much more lethal after the divorce thru other things she did. When I came into the picture and we became more than Missus and sub, I put my foot down and said chose now because I will never trust her because of this. He had kept her in his life because they had shared 20 years together. But there comes a time when someone proves them self bad. Unworthy of friendship. Its not an easy thing for someone to walk away from a past that held such strong strings. But wrong is wrong and if he wanted to move on, he had that decision to make. And he did. this is what builds relationships. Momentum. Hand in hand. The two of you chose a path and decide to walk it together. If you let someone else interfere, its not to be. They dont HAVE to interfere, but if they do, your decisions about your current will determine if you stay in the past, or move together... thankfully, not all exes are involved for the wrong reason. However, some are. and this is where the distinction lies about if one can be friends with an ex... |
I think so. If given enough to time to heal any wounds or put away any left over baggage, yeah I believe so. I am friends with all of my exes save for one, and I think I would be now with that one as well. Of course I've never been in a relationship that included infidelity or something equally as hurtful so perhaps I might feel differently if I had been, but I have learned the hard way that life is just too short to carry around anger or bitterness for too long. You have to learn to let go & forgiveness truly is freeing. And there was something that brought you two together in the first place anyhow, so in the end hopefully that something is still there and each of you can learn to love that something in a different light, together apart.
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I used to think you couldn't, and then I thought you could. But now I think it depends on the ex.
My ex 'J' and I cannot be friends and have actually ended our friendship for good yesterday. I won't get into the details, but I will say that trying to be friends with her got in the way of me being able to be in a relationship with anyone else. It took getting my heart broken recently to see that clearly. Lesson learned. I only wish I had learned this lesson much earlier. My ex 'A' and I are actually good friends. We tend to forget we ever dated since there never was really any passion there. We did love each other but it was never in a romantic way. We basically were roommates with occasional benefits. She doesn't ever get in the way of me being with someone else and she never tries to control me in any way. She's like a sister to me and is the only person I have really ever trusted with anything important. We don't talk often, and see each other even less, but if I was in trouble she'd try and help or listen without judging me or lecturing me. When she needs a babysitter for her 2 year old daughter I often volunteer. So although she is an ex, I don't think of her that way. She's just another friend. Other than that, I have no contact with any other exes. I see no reason for it. I never loved them. I cared for them at one time but that's about it. |
It really depends on the way you broke up with them. As for me, I seldom keep in touch with my exes after we decided to live our lives in separate ways. It's simply because I don't see any reasons to stay friends with them. Past is past, they were there once, the relationship didn't work so just let it be.
I did try to keep the friendship with my last ex-girlfriend, whom i was with for nearly six years before she left me for a man. Things did not work out since i still had feelings for her at that time and seeing her moving on with her new boyfriend was too much for me to bear, so i cut all the ties. She still searched for me until last year. I changed my phone number and distanced myself away from her not long after that.. Sometimes, it's not because you don't love them or do not want them in your life anymore, but you need to leave the past in the past and move forward... They are exes for some reasons anyway.. |
I am friends with three of my exes :hk27:
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