I agree with Toughy. Here in the Bay there is definitely not a lack of butch identified folks or butch energy. I personally think Toughy hits a pretty valid point. I see and hear of folks all the time expecting to go into the bar or gay club wanting to meet folks. How well can you possibly interact with someone in that type of environment.

After reading this thread I am even more grateful to be living in the Bay Area. Of and as for the Whole Foods color I think it is green...?

Also I think it is important to ask ourselves when trying to date a specific type of person who identifies a certain way do we truly know what WE are looking for or are we looking for a "stereotype". What's on the surface is not always what is on the core of someone. Just a thought

I hope us butches are going out of style,I do know hear we (at home) dont have a large bf communits infact its fue and far between.I've met some femmes on line and on the planet but not any where I live,but at my age 64 and counting down to 65 the dateing pool is slim to nun.

i used to carry a wallet and not a purse.

Was i . . . *gasp* . . . a butch impostor?

**plays shocking music**

A butch imposter? Say it's not soooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

I'm still alive...just sayin ;)

Excellent point!!! See, I love your posts. :yeahthat:

We are alive and well
 

I will never give up on forever .....
I do believe in taking time to find the one and spending forever together....
I do believe in forgetting the small stuff dont sweat it .......
I do believe in partnerships it takes 2 to tango good and bad...
I do believe U must pay attention dont get to comfortable .......
I do believe U must learn to forgive in your heart or pay the piper......
I dont believe U fill a void just because it is there......
I do believe if u let it go and it comes back it's forever if not it never was........
I do believe if u make a commitment u should stand by it......
I do believe there is someone for everyone .....
I do believe u have just to find one another .......

this is prolly not the right thread for this post but well ya know......

It sure would make it easier on me if Femmes put a big old "F" on their forehead so I could spot them!

I usually give butch women a big, open smile, look them deep in the eyes and say "Hi". If one neuron is working, she and everyone around her will know I'm a femme saying Hi to a butch woman.
cuz I'm subtle like that :sunglass:

I like your definition of a butch Breathless. They do exist but in too few numbers IMO Some are ID'd as queer/bois/etc. now and will bust out that shell as they evolve in life. Some current young butches will evolve into queer/studs/etc. Still not enough dashing, charming, gentlemynly butches in the world for this sensual, curious, complimentary femme. Won't someone tell the straights to make more butch babies :praying:

When I was a little kid I asked my Dad if girls could be astronauts (there weren't any girl astronauts then). He said yes.

The best way to ensure there will be more butches is to set a good example, be a mentor when asked, and to continue to let the world know that women and females can be any way they want to be. We are not restricted by any sexist or gender stereotypes. If some call themselves by names other than butch that's all good too.

As small as the state of Delaware is... There is no lack of Butches here... and in a three hour radius you have many states with unlimited butches... (de,nj,pa,md,va,dc,ny... to name a few states) just my two cents...

OMG, me too lolololol
but I could never fnd my stuff

Maybe it has something to do with social media? I am a youngin' so I can't talk about "back in the day" but there seems to be a hell of a lot more social influence on lesbians now than ever. With shows like, The L Word, The Real L Word, Curl Girls, shows on LOGO, Ellen, Rachel Maddow, etc, everyone is a soft butch or androgynous. I am racking my brain, and can not think of one strong butch role model in social media today that is not looked down upon.

"Back in the Day", from what I have read, and heard from people who were there, Butch Femme was a social scene and Butches were taken under the wings of other Butches and mentored/supported and it was an inclusive group with relatively NO influence from mainstream America. Now with all of this external influential, pressure and America's stereotypes of "what lesbians should look like and be like" it kinda makes sense that the newer generation is changing and there are not as many "Butches" (in the way we are describing here) around anymore. It sucks, but maybe it's just evolution.

oh so true your royal wetness. and as someone who lives in PA, I can tell ya it is Butch central.

not so much are butches a dying breed but i'm quite sure OS butches are rare everywhere :hk23:

Then again, we've always been a rare breed ;)

@Dancer:

I'm so glad you've brought this up. Whenever I go out, femmes are the majority. I live near Baltimore and haven't checked out the D.C. scene yet, but butches, FtM trans guys, etc. are rare indeed! Oh well...I'm not really seeking them out, but would be nice to see more of them around. :)

I'm telling you .............you are not looking in the right places......

they/we/us are out there..........and to you and me/us open your eyes and see what is around you

actually I am tired of this....

stop looking where alcohol is prevalent and the music is so loud you always are saying 'what...huh....what" as you look around for the maybe next not perfect one standing at the bar who is bar dancing sexier than the one you thought might be a butch you want..........

please......

I do agree with the other posters - whether butches are a dying breed may depend upon where you are. I lived in DC for eight years and there were lots of butches. The butch-femme dynamic was a relatively common thing, especially the pinup femme + dapper butch pairing. Butch on butch was equally common.

Here in Houston, TX, butches seem to be much less prevalent, though not completely extinct. From my observations, there are plenty of people here who I'd say were somewhere in the middle.

I also agree that self-identifying as butch is not as common as it used to be. The butch-presenting people of my generation (I'm 28) have many more words to describe themselves. Terms like "stud," "boi," "genderqueer," and "androgyne" were not around for the generations before me. Some of the people who identify as the aforementioned terms also identify as butch and some people can find a version of the dynamic without the label.

However, I have met several masculine-of-center folks who have a deep aversion to the word "butch" despite looking the part and oftentimes "playing" it, too. They seem to dislike the implications of the word or feel it's not quite their word for some other reason.

I personally embrace the term butch (as well as genderqueer/transgender to represent my alternate gender identity and androgyne - by the dictionary definition - to describe my physical appearance) because I am a queer history buff and I appreciate the path the butches of old paved for the butches of my generation to be more readily accepted and because butch means masculine, which I am.

I (and plenty of other butches, I'm sure) have sometimes felt femmes were a dying breed. This has caused me to date my share of feminine-looking women who are usually bisexual and don't actively claim the term "femme" even if they mesh well with me.

I am more than a little old fashioned in some ways and the complete opposite of traditional in others. When it comes to the dynamic I have with a femme, I am what some would define as an old school butch and I definitely try to be a gentleman... ;)

Toughy, I TOTALLY agree with you on this. If someone is saying that want a relationship, bars typically are not the place to look for one. Between the music, the inherent issues with alcohol consumption and the all around "pick-up" attitude at a bar, chances are you are not going to find the "one". With that said, when I was 21 and just coming out, that was where I drifted to. Now, at 50, I have no interest in that type of environment for finding someone or really even to hang out in. If one looks, unless you are in BFE, most metropolitan cities have a variety of clubs, interest groups etc which do not include bars.

Toughy, you all may be out there but it's very hard to find you. I have done the meetup groups, the clubs, the lessons, etc. and I only seem to find gay women who aren't butch (or femme, for that matter). The one or two I've seen are partnered, too.

I do things I like to do, go places I want, I talk to all sorts of people, and try to find our community among them. Still looking. I just want to have a conversation with my own kind. Thinking of dating you strong butches may become more fantasy than reality in my region.

Part of the problem where I am is that the gay community has become so blended with the hetero world that we are everywhere and nowhere. It is just hard for us to find each other.

I would suggest both have benefits. Separately for cultural reasons and assimilated for political (and other) reasons.

I believe that in our desire to earn our "equal rights" that we have forgotten the importance of the former. Perhaps this is a function of the younger homosexual/queer population being accepted into mainstream society, so they don't need to make their own spaces. However, being in a gay/queer space feeds my soul in a way that I would never want to be without.

The younger generation say they are lucky to have been born in a time when "we" are more accepted. In some ways, yes. But, I wouldn't forego my experiences of discrimination that forced the creation of separate spaces for a more "comfortable" public life, ever.

Dapper and Chancie, you both make strong points. I think this has been what the black community is dealing with today, meaning younger people looking for a black cultural identity. However for them, it's easier to find their community members. With us, we blend in very well or are accepted....though there are regions in the country where very strongly male ID'd butches are still marginalized.

For me, though, finding community is hard because I don't fit in with the wider lesbian group, though they may think I belong there just because I'm gay. I need to be with my own kind for validation--at the least--and companionship--if that's even possible.

[quote=ruby_woo;555602]There were a ton of butches when I lived in San Francisco, but there seem to be only about 10 of them in Vancouver- and most of them are quite a bit older than me (I'm 29). Probably the whole dying-breed thing depends on geography, and maybe generation.

Luckily for me I like older butches.

Ruby woo
I'm in Vancouver too and yes butches seem sparse but I have the opposite problem. The ones I see are all way younger I'm 55' maybe we need to hang out in each others turf. Lol

Im butch. In my state there arent many femmes. And it seems like i all attract are bi-sexuals who wanna have a 3-some
With their bf

And this butch is here and not going any where

I thought I'd ad to this post as well.. I am an Old School Butch/Daddy :caveman:so talk about few and between.. :hatsmoke:.. I'd love to find an Old School Femme/Babgirl,, :flowers: ,,or a nice down to earth Femme :bow: to share my life with....:toast:.....Lord knows I've tried....:smelling-flower:.. We are out there Ladies,, :coffee:,,never give up.. I certainly won't ..:formalbow: :goodluck:


:byebye:

Are butches really a dying breed
 

No we are not. But many things have changed in this community I want to say I am an older butch (58) There are now many more labels. Another thing that has also happened alot of butches including myself date other butches or tombois. As well as femmes dating other femmes. I wish all of you luck in finding that butch but they are out there.

Yes.. I think all butches are in the US! :) I find it so hard to meet someone in the UK, and I am in the capital! :worried:

"If" they are in Ohio, they aren't near me...."if" they are near me, they are hiding under a rock. :blink:

I hear you Sarahwho! The butches who may be where I am are hiding, too. Maybe it's because my state doesn't have large metro areas. The three major cities here seem to absorb the gay population. We're all well accepted but we can't find each other as a community---only at major GLBT events such as Pride. And even then the butch-femme representation is quite small.


Sigh. Sarahwho, maybe we need to make a pilgrimage to a large b-f gathering just to be reassured that butches actually exist in real time.

i agree with sarawho... i am having Zero luck with coming across a butch here in Cali...

apparently all the butches are hanging out in airports ;)

i was on 6 flights in four days earlier this week and i spotted several butches in the chicago and atlanta airports...made me swoon every time.

I've never been a bar person; your lucky if I have 2 drinks a year, so the bar has never been a place for me. I'd rather find someone who I can talk with, who isn't drunk and that I can connect with on a deeper level than what any bar could ever offer. If I find someone, it certainly won't be anywhere that I'd have to deal with a drunk person!