In a poly relationship here. I've been in poly relationships on and off for 20 years (wow, that sounds like a long time). I have had great luck with it. A lot of first dates (sometimes, it only takes one date to discover, um, not so much...<g>).

Rope--

Poly also and have had long relationships of depth and quality.I'm looking around the east coast for options. For those of you who are poly how are you finding people who fit?

mostly by accident so far :) i also like places like okcupid and fetlife, where i can state up front that i am polyamorous, but i haven't met many people successfully through there.

yeah, I have mainly found people at random.. Thinking of stating that I'm poly on my profile here as well.. May cause less confusion. I find the hardest part about dating or talking with people that are new or ingnorant of poly is explaining how I can have feelings for someone and still have feelings for other people and it not take away from the fact that I have very real feelings for all involved.. Blah, lol

Have also been finding it a bit hard as of late because I am allowing myself to be vulnerable again and have been a bit "singed".. Not really burned, just testing the waters with someone and then having that feeling of , "OH! ouch.. yeah, this ain't going to work out.." lol Ah well :) Such is love and life :) The "singe" is better then not feeling or experiencing the other wonderfulness that intimate connection can bring.

That's another thing.. I can get sex pretty easy.. I am longing for intimacy, and that is the hardest thing to find sometimes..

OK, will shush now. Glad we have a poly thread, maybe some of you can relate :)

-Tony

*pops in* my last post would now be considered incorrect. I still consider myself a poly person but i am no longer involved. But I am still not looking. Time for me time, to heal my heavy heart. I see I am out of practice on the flirting. Going to have to brush up on my skills..

intimacy
 

[QUOTE=TenderKnight;596376]That's another thing.. I can get sex pretty easy.. I am longing for intimacy, and that is the hardest thing to find sometimes..

I completely agree with you. A willingness to have conversations of depth, eye contact and mutual curiosity. It is not always the easiest piece to find.

i'm a flirt!!...i can't help it...!! i have waiteresses wanting to cut my meat for me!

funny thing is...if anyone flirts with ME? oh dear GOD! i run around in circles like my gramma's little rat terrier "susie"...damn near piddling on the floor like she used to do....uhhhhh...susie...not gramma... :)

poly? not so much...but i TOTALLY understand it!

anyway!! LOVE to get my flirt on!!

skeet

So obviously I am NOT the only Poly member on this site and I know I am NOT the only flirt on this site but I was looking in the all the single threads and missing the ability to flirt and maybe start something up with like minded people.

*Shrugs* so I figured I would bump our thread and see if anyone is around....

Wiring
 

If you (general) are monogamously wired, poly of ANY kind will fail. If that wiring is set, grounded and expected your (general) best bet is to steer clear of anyone who is poly, it's just not going to work for anyone.

When I was younger and still in the closet, I had a girlfriend but also a boyfriend, more for show, but a good friend of mine. Closest I have ever come to being poly! Don't think I could do it.. Hell, I like to be the center of someone's universe ;) .. but I respect those that do. And I have to second what someone said earlier, if I was single I do not think I would broach the topic of dating with someone who is poly, no matter how much I may like them - would recognize I couldn't be their everything, and that would be that.

(f)

Once everything stops being hectic I'd like to join a polyfamily or make one. Then make a cuddle pile with kisses and sex.<3

no offense but if you think that's all there is to poly, boy are you in for a surprise. You ain't seen what hectic can be, lol. It's also an amazing wonderful thing if it's taken seriously and all are honest.

Good luck :goodluck:

I have been in a poly relationship before. I know it is not all happy fun time all the time. I understand the chaos it can bring but it can be a lot of fun just like any other relationship.

My primary partner is out on a date tonight. I can't wait to hear all about it...but it would sure be nice to have one too but I'm marooned in a conservative wasteland where it's hard for someone like me to land a date. Can't wait to move this summer.

Where are you moving to?

I second that question

I so agree
 

[quote=sirenfemme;603394]with all of this There is so much more than SEX ad that can be found anywhere
There must be a lot of time taken to grow a relationship in Poly ..........
There is so much to say but I will leave it at that

Thanks for the posts

I know that I'm not wired for certain kinds of poly.

I'm also one of those weirdos that can do monogamy and non-monogamy. I used to be able to ONLY do nonmonog but I was married monogamously and it was absolutely fine. After that I got into a polyfidelity arrangement and LOVED it.

So I can do non-monogamy (swinging. Did that for decades. Just sex or sex and friendship outside of my relationship - emotionally romantically monogamous) or I can be in poly fidelity with three, a triad all of us romantically linked to each other and having sex with each other. But I can't do multiple equal partners open, or primary relationship with second and third others.

But I'm not finding any. The second I say I can do monogamy the nonmonog people run, and the second I say I can do nonmonog the monog people run. It's kind of like being bisexual again *eyeball roll*

Yes but which way do you prefer??

Um. Depends on the fucking person I'm with?

Honestly.

Single and looking for fun at the moment after coming out of a self imposed celibacy stint to heal, which was great! But now would really appreciate some play friends and friendship but finding it insanely hard to find. Everyone wants a relationship with sex, even the poly folk I see on the dating sites.

:(

Oh... My... Goodness...

I cant believe I have never seen this thread *parks it*

Hello!

I am an ethical non-monogamist. If I'm doing labels I also identify with the term, Solo Polyamorist. What that means to me is that I am not seeking a primary partner or wish to establish any kind of hierarchical relationship system of my own. I am my own primary partner.

But that does not mean I am not seeking meaningful connections, open to, and capable of love and the possibility of long-term commitments. In fact, meaningful connection is imperative. There are many ways of creating and sustaining alternative relationships as long as all parties are really secure with themselves, know who they are and what they want, are extremely open, honest, and communicative, and are safe and sane. I know it's a lot to ask and honestly, it's hard to find. But I'm patient (except when I'm not). I'd rather be alone than enter into anything that does not meet these basic criteria.

I currently have one lover who fits the bill and I adore her. Just having someone in my life who shares similar values and ethics, and can practice them with me, feeds my soul.

In general, I find myself with no lack of suitors but most of them are not poly-minded. When I bring it up, one of two things happens: 1) They cut and run 2) They decide they like me so much that maybe they would be willing to consider it. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and space to evolve, but this is often disastrous because what usually happens is that this person is not really okay with it, is actually hoping that I'll change my mind and make them my one and only, and people get hurt. Another thing that happens is that they will keep me as an option until someone else comes along who suits their relationship style better. You know what? That hurts my feelings! Just because I'm non-monogamous does not mean I don't have feelings. And ya know --- I'm not here to convince anyone of anything. I just want to be met on equal ground.

So, there's my nutshell introduction. Pleased to meet you! <insert curtsey>
xo

I was just thinking how funny it was that almost everything about me has evolved including being poly. I am more open to discussing what poly looks like to my partners than when I was younger and took the this is what my poly is approach. However like many of you as soon as someone learns that I am poly they usually run the other way or keep me around until someone monogamous shows up and I would rather be single then be anyone's second choice. I enjoy being poly all that goes with it including the hectic times. Okay so I don't enjoy being a single poly person but that is all part of life and will change I am sure. I also get tired of explaining to non poly people that it isn't all about sex. Hell I have had poly relationships that didn't involve sex at all but was very satisfying. Anyways just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year

I tend to be very quiet in threads like this, with just occasional blurps of information... but as I do like to at least introduce myself... here goes.

I have been openly poly for over a decade, however a majority of my relationships have been monogamous. I love completely, no matter who or how many I love. And I find joy and happiness in watching my partner with someone else, when the connection is right. That being said, I am most comfortable with a primary relationship and things stretching out from there. But, that does not mean something different couldn't feel right, and I am open to that...

Right, I will just sit and listen now.

question?
 

So where do "den mother" types fit into the big picture?

I have decided that Great Spirit has no plan to pair me up.

Would be interested in "Walton's " type family commune sorta kinda thing.

Friendly community type folks who enjoy companionship. Or folks who need a break, or my personal fave, disabled folks, kinda like a Golden Girls thing only funner.

I wonder if there is a thread for this? :glasses:

I daydream about a house full of roomies that are one big family like the Waltons.

I can see this
 

I can see this working, I know some people who are all thinking of living together in a family type setting, each with their own space in the same building, I don't think there would be any sexual intimacies in between the folks who all were residing in the same building, I would imagine that would take a lot of boundary talk to attempt to maneuver around all that. If someone was coupled I would imagine it working as well with their poly. I'd consider this if I could have a choice who I could pick to live with.


It would definitely have to be a bigger space, so that everyone would have a place to go and have *their own time*, *me time*, *couple time*, *socializing time*... I would only consider this with people who knew and had clear boundaries about personal space.


It's do able.

I lived in a queer radical house share in London. And people were poly or nonmonog. At first there were six and then partners moved in and a bunk bed was put in the storage room for there was 11 at one point.

It was vegetarian, butch, femme, transmasculine, dyke...

And it was hellish. It would have been fun in my 20s but having to deal with all the tops with control issues clashing and endless house meetings about cisheteromen (thus bisexuals being able to live there) and where to buy fucking chickpeas and what kind of toilet paper and who's turn it is to clean the main floor bathroom... May I never ever have to do that again lol

Oh. In a building, absolutely. If I ever win the lottery, I'm buying a block of flats from 8-14 units and doing a communal-community queer building.

But not doing a shared kitchen and bathroom and voting on bisexuals ever again.

I, my flat mate, my next door neighbour in this building and my mate that comes and stays with here four times a year for 28 days, are all old friends, communal and sluts. So, it's nice. Really nice. It feel very safe and homey. Lol

Ideally Chicago/the suburbs for now, I promised my grandma I wouldn't move too far from her while she's living. Haha the perks of being the favoring grand kid.

I just moved from that vicinity last January and boy do I understand promises to a grandma....good luck on the move when it happens

Okay, remember I've not finished my first cuppa joy.

I'm fantasy oriented , have you had that "I'm done" moment? But you really mean it? Or the "marginal living" moment, or a "no one wants a disabled lover " second? Or the can't make it through alone living?

It would be platonic ideally, no moving in lovers, this would be a sanctuary for single folks. Pets welcome of course. Mature folks who don't whine about housework, scrubbing toilets or washing dishes or cleaning litter boxes daily or picking up dog potty.

Communal meals, cleaning, financial contribution to groceries, cleaning supplies, toilet paper.

The flip side would be loving companionship, long conversations about topics you find meaningful or important. Funny shared moments. cooking together, sharing knowledge, jokes, boxes of chocolate.

Sisters and brothers living in relative harmony, sharing and caring with and for one another. Like Shakers,, or I don't know, convent or something. No weird uniforms.

Or being at Grandmother's house only you are the same age. :jester:

More thoughts
 

This particular kind of setting would not work for *me*, it's to intertwined for my liking.

I don't like sharing my box of chocolates!

Maybe with retirement you can invest in a big home and cater it towards that kind of communal living!