|
The person who wrote the advertisements is without doubt the most ignorant person now alive on the planet; also without doubt he is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree, and scion of an ancestral procession of idiots stretching back to the Missing Link. (Mark Twain)
Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it. (Congressman Barney Frank D-MA) The breathtaking inanity of the...decision is evident when considered against the factual backdrop...(Judge John E. Jones in the case of Kitzmiller v. Dover School Board) I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry him. (Douglas Adams--Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) Unlike in Alice in Wonderland, simply saying something is so does not make it so. (Judge Clay Land Rhodes v. MacDonald) And my all-time favorite snarky statement: "Not only is it not right, it's not even wrong!" (Wolfgang Pauli) Cheers Aj |
Quote:
Thanks for sharing it. |
"Talk to the hand~ Sarcasm"
:wtf:":flyingmonkey:Hey I asked for guardian angles, not flying Monkeys fueled by methane!!!! mmmmK?"
I'd like one of the new Mother Focker Alert bracelets. Where are they selling those again???? |
mildy sarcastic- but effective.
don't go away mad... just go away. :praying: |
Sarcasm For Dummies - A Guide
Sorry, couldn't resist |
You make the underflaps of my breasts burn, like when I used to rub them with poison sumac.
I'm secretly hoping it's a mid-life crisis, meaning your halfway to an early death. I'm not going to do this. Even your breath stinks of mediocrity What if I were to innocently murder you? I'd still have to go to trial. I'd still probably get off for justifiable homicide Sue Sylvester - Glee |
Don’t be the kind of person that could be used as a blueprint to build an idiot. Some people are a good argument for retroactive abortion. You! Off my planet! Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. Do I look like a people person? No, a hard-on doesn't count as personal growth. |
one i use allllll the time
Hello Pot! This is Kettle calling ...
|
Told to an obnoxious drunk one night in a bar.....You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.....now leave.
|
"Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" ~my mother, to me... (guess I can be a little crabby sometimes...LOL)
|
When someone starts to complain:
"Here's a quarter. Go call 1-800-BOO-HOO, and dial extension Wah Wah." |
Someone call the wahmbulance!
|
my Daddy to me as a teen
me to my son all his life and I'm sure there are others that I've said it to or wished I had. You can't hear with your mouth open, now sit down close your mouth and open your ears and listen to me |
Quote:
I say that a lot! |
said by my 5ft, 98 lb baby sister to her 3 sons (age 10-16) on the third trip of running in the back door and taring thru the house screaming, yelling and laughing and out the front door................
she steps in front of them, looks up (they are all taller than her) and says: 'I brought you into this world and I can damn sure take you out..........get outside and stay there!!!' (she says the same thing to her grandchildren when they start acting like a bunch of fools) |
After a rather nasty short man in a bar makes a snide comment.
"Honey, I can always get thinner, you, however, will never get any taller." |
Too tired to go throught them all so this may be a repeat.. One of the few things I remember from highschool was a sign in the office that said:
Everyone brings joy into this office; Some when they enter Some when they leave My often-repeated prayer at work: Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they ticked me off 5 RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE: 1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the jerks name. 3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to beat them. 5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk. Stupidity is not a crime. You're free to go. |
If stupidity were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence.
|
For starters
If I give you $20 will you leave me alone?
This is an A B conversation, why don't you C your way out of it. Your like a zit on the ass of society. Sorry I don't date from the peasant pool Do I LOOK desperate? I see your riding the cotton pony today. Thank you for your anticipated cooperation in this matter. |
My faves...
Me to a pissy, rude cashier in the grocery store... "I hope you have a better day tomorrow since today is obviously not cutting it for you." (I like that one because it comes across as really nice but the tone can change it all). Me to a friend about a local drama queen... "The nicest thing I can say about her is that she is easily forgettable." :sparklyheart: |
On the wall of the billing office at the car dealership....
I took a pain pill...why are you still here? :cheesy: |
One of my favs!!
"I know some things are better left unsaid.. but you know I'll probably say them anyway.." "I wont say anything; I'll just offer you a facial expression that suggests you've gone insane" While your sitting there judging other peoples lives maybe you should take a quick look at yours to make sure its something to brag about! "Never expect anything..that way when it doesn't happen or doesn't turn out the way you want it to ..you're just not disappointed." |
Despite the look on my face you're still talking?
Everyone has the right to be stupid,but you're abusing it! have you always been an asshole,or did you have to work at it? |
not to punish the vibe in here ..
but Uncle Buck's is a classic
Tia Russell: Are you crazy? Buck Russell: I can be. Tia Russell: You could have taken his head off! Buck Russell: Yeah, but would he notice? |
You want cheese with that whine?
You're a special kind of stupid. Bitter. Table for one. |
I will now be charging a $20.00 service fee for stupidity. There will also be a $40.00 surcharge if the stupidity is accompanied by whining.
|
"you ask where I am among the chaos and I simply reply "I am the one who started it"
"If women are supposed to be delicate flowers why the hell do I feel like a stubborn weed just trying to survive?" "Don't leave something good to see if you can find better, because once you realize you had the best, the best found better." "McDonald's is making a deep fried pickle covered in a batter...they are going to call it the Mc Dill Dough" "Christians say suffer not a witch to live, pagans say do as ye will and harm none, does anyone else see the difference here?" |
I was once told sarcasm is a verbal knife...my goal is to get to verbal ninja sword.
|
Let me look in my day planner. NOPE, pleasing you today is not on my agenda.
|
~bookmarking~
|
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person
|
|
after the 9th time of ruining the same piece of equipment:
"we can fix broke...we can't fix stupid" |
In order for you to insult me...... I would have to value your opinion.
|
The bible says "By their fruits ye shall know them"*
Crusades Witch burning Decimation of indigenous cultures Body shame Homophobia Slavery Scapegoating nice fruit *Matthew 7:16 |
I've done the Hokey Pokey on several occasions, yet I still don't feel that I know what it's all about.
|
“Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t.” ~ Richard Bach
|
Hi, I'm trouble. I heard you've been looking for me? What can I do for you?
|
Quote:
|
Fear is temporary, regret is permanent.
|
| All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:10 PM. |
ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018