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Trust me i've thought of this. My mom is only 75. She does not resonate with older folks and has never, ever had friends. She won't go anywhere unless it's with me or someone close. |
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BUT if it were her idea to do ANYthing i would not care, at least she would have some sort of quality of life. |
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OH and I'm still having to deal with mom's benefits issues. Damn social security hasn't done entered into the computer the manual request for medicaid so mom's benefits are restored and so I can get Austin health and Human services to FIX the problems with her benefits and benefit amounts. This is a fucking nightmare. I've contacted my state senator and gotten them involved in it and now today contacted my local congressman to get them involved in this and to make a formal complaint on mom's behalf that there is a fucking problem with the system checks and balances betweent the VA computer matching program and Social Security Doubling the benefits and knocking her out of SSI benefits which in turn cause the fucking nightmarish snowball effect for ALL of her state benefits. Hopefully sometime next week this will ALL be resolved so she is restored in the system BEFORE DEC> 1st when her benefits are due to come for that month. And BEFORE THE END OF NOV 30th when they are to STOP existing for her. I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone I hated ..........just saying. |
ok, I"ve been running my ass off this week to take care of sending paperwork and make phone calls to diff. agencies to help mom get her benefits back. Today, I was so damned tired I laid down to take a short nap, and slept for over 4.5 hours. I think my body and mind just needed to shut the hell down and regroup because of all the stress. I woke up still feeling tired though and I hope I can sleep tonight. I know when this is all over with in the next few months, omg that long?, I will probably sleep for a freaking week, just to regroup. UGH.
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Even with all the stress, smothering and clinging on to me for dear life i am thankful that my mom isn't as sick as she was and will enjoy a nice holiday with the family together again.
Last year she was pretty much near death and none of us really knew. She hid it well. She told me she is very afraid of dying. i know she thinks about it a lot. |
It took me a while to catch up, but I'll toss in a couple notes. When I was trying to figure out how wait on disability to kick in (still waiting) I started looking up state agencies for aide, and my pharmacy and my doctor worked out something where I get all but one of my meds for free. The other one I pay seventy five dollars a month for. That's a four hundred dollar a month burden lifted from my shoulders.
The other program was with NE state social services. They set me up with foodstamps, and Medicaid for my wifes' son, we are still working on me and my wifes' Medicaid. They also gave us utility assistance, it was only like four hundred dollars for the entire year, but believe me, that was very helpful because I live in a very cold place when winter hits. I have totally humbled myself while I wait for my long term disability to recognize my inability to work, and for my SSD to kick in, and I called every charitable organization in my city, including churches to see what sorts of aide I could get. One place that was invaluable was a place that rents out things like wheelchairs and reclining chairs that help you stand, and oxygen concentrators. My concentrator costs me four hundred dollars a month to rent it out, but I'm working something out with them right now since I no longer have insurance. If that doesn't go through, I'll go back to the place I got my wheelchair from and rent that concentrator they have for like fifty dollars a year. Call everyone, even your local YWCA and see if they have any programs to help an elderly woman and give them your specifics. I've even been offered a weekly class for free on dealing with my disability stress. At one of the hospitals they have a special swimming pool for disabled people and I'm waiting to be notified of my SSD before I can apply to use the pool. Now remember, I'm the caregivee, not the caregiver, but I'm sure they'll have something for you as well. There are plenty of potlucks and meetings for caregivers in my community, you really just need to check around. My AARP newsletter and the AARP site also had a ton of information about services available to me and my caregiving wife. Don't forget to give them a shout out. |
OK, good news: My mom's state benefits have been reinstated as of today, but they are still working on reinstating ALL of her food stamp benefits like she had before in the special SNAP Cap program. Since I had to re-enroll her for Snap, they cut her food stamps down from 65 to 29 without the special program she was in. So, they are working on that part of the last thing to fix, and I Hope they can give them all back to her, she needs every bit of them she can qualify for under that program.The Bad News: My sister found out my mom's SSI check and Social Security check will both be late in December and the only thing on time will be her tiny VA check on the 1st of Dec. So, my sister took mom to walmart and got her some stuff she needed and I hope she went to the grocery store as well. I'll be helping mom with money come the 3rd of Dec when I get my own disability check so if she needs anything else, she wont be going without.
My younger sister and family are down from TN for Thanksgiving, and are staying at mom's so, no stress on me having them in my 1bdrm apt. I"m happy she was able to come down because we wouldn't get to see her for Christmas this year. Dad is coming down day after Thanksgiving to stay with me for a week, that's a bit stressful, but I"m going to try and make the most of it, I haven't seen him in a few months and he's had another stint put in this past month. He's only got the upper part of his heart that works due to a major heart attack years ago causing the lower half not to pump. He is not that healthy with a bad heart, but he gets around ok. He's also diabetic and starting to lose his eyesight in his right eye he had surgery on it a couple years ago that didn't help any. I"m glad I get to see him and spend time with him. At anytime, he could have another major heart attack and I could lose him. I wish grandma was coming with him, but she's staying home and is going to enjoy her time alone from dad. She deserves it since dad can be a real pain in the ass to her. Anywho, I hope all of you have a Happy Thanksgiving and are able to share it with loving family and friends. |
I finally got my mom re-instated for her medicaid, medicare savings program, etc and still working on her Snap food stamps.....I just have to wait 48hrs to see if they are activated by then. By Jan.1, her Snap foodstamp benefits should be all on one card and not 2 because they had to do a supplement to make sure she gets her full amount she is due like she had before all this stuff got messed up. I'm glad the Congressman and State Senators for my district were able to assist in the matter and getting things going again. I'm grateful for their help. It's been very frustrating. My younger sister spoke to a head supervisor at social security and got them looking into the matter of the doubling of benefits to see if it's human error or computer issues. I also have my congressman and state rep. working to see if that is a nationwide problem. I hope it's not, if it is, man o man, it's affected thousands that are on SSI and VA widows benefits. I just hope it's fixed before Jan.1st so it doesn't happen again with the cola raises.
Hope everyone else is doing great ! |
My mother could benefit from the new programs offered but she is too stubborn to even look at them. She's happy with the insurance she pays for each month so i am leaving that subject alone.
Things have gotten much better. She waits i be invited after work at least. She still has absolutely no life outside of me but i cannot fix that. She has offers and could reach out but she won't. i just go on about my business and include her when i want to. Its a sad existence but its all her choice. It weighs heavy on me but its much better. |
A quick note.In the doctors offices there is a magazine that has all kinds of agencies with phone numbers to a lot of services both nationaly as well as state wide,I can't remember the name of it but I haven't seen an office that didn't have a bunch of them..take one it's free.
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So are all the other caregivers doing ok lately? I'm doing well so far. MUCH LESS stressed since I got mom's benefits all restored so far, we'll see how things go in Jan. 2014 when cola raises are here.
I hope all of you are having a much less stressful month this month, despite the holidays being upon us and that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. |
The weekends are a challenge for me. My mother waits for me to open the door to let my dog out to pounce on me and she does not let go for two days straight. She comes in and i have to fight to get her back out again. Her apartment is so damn nice, its very upsetting to me that she is so unhappy in it. i worked so hard to make it a place of her own that she can do whatever she wants in and afford to stay somewhere besides a home.
i told her that i needed to make a call.. HINT HINT go home! She will leave with a *ok i'm going to give you your SPACE*.. or *i'm aggravating you aren't i????*.. or *ok i'm going so you can have your privacy* Just once can't she go because she likes being in HER own space? Why make a comment?? Just go and be glad that we've spent the day together. Nope, there is non of that, just snark. The only time she is happy is when we are out shopping or hanging out. i keep thinking if i do the things she wants and needs to do she will back off, that does not work, as soon as we are done with one thing she is ready to do something else. She is miserable here and bored to death because her fear of the world keeps her locked up. She lives literally 10 feet from my back door and locks herself in anytime she is there. i keep hearing that one day i will be sorry i am being this way because she won't be around. i am sure that is true,but right now, in this moment i feel smothered. AND i did this to myself. She only wants to socialize if i bring her, she won't drive to see the family but pushes me to bring her. i am trying to understand what the problem is. She does nothing to enjoy herself in her place/space. Just sits and stares at the TV if she is in there. There is no *homely* feeling in there, its just a place she hides until she sees me and runs over here. AND of course the guilt over the way i feel weighs heavy on me. |
Dee, maybe take her to see a therapist during the week? I think if you set up an appt. for her and take her, and explain to the therapist what's going on, maybe she/he could help. Just don't tell your mom it's a therapist. It's time to do something so you don't regret anything you have done and time to do something about the issues at hand so your mom understands too and possibly gets that in her head as well. I'm so sorry you're feeling so much guilt about what you feel you need to do for your own sanity, I hear ya, I had to see a therapist on my own just to get through some things about my own mom. I hope you will consider this and see about getting help like this. I think you will possibly get some relief going. Her Medicare will cover the cost of seeing a therapist less a copay of 20 percent if she's on Original Medicare and not a Medicare advantage plan, otherwise if it's Med. Advantage plan then it's whatever her copay is for them. (If she has only the Red White and Blue Medicare Card that's Original Medicare).
What my sister and I are trying to get our mom to understand is that her damn house is falling apart and she can't afford to live in a reduced income apt. because she doesn't make enough to make ends meet without rent already, and my sister bought her a home but it's in TN, and mom refuses to move there to be near my younger sister and leave me or my older sister here in TX. She's stubborn and doesn't understand what we try to do for HER, Especially what my sister has done. So, we just have to wait and see what happens with the house she's living in to fall in or something drastic to get her to move to TN. I just hope one day soon, she will come to appreciate the new home and want to move into it and move there. |
Thank you but there is NO way on Gods green earth my mother would go to a therapist.
But i could use one! |
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PS. My mom won't see a therapist either, that's why I WENT. lol |
I have never really thought about the fact that I act as a caregiver until recently, when a specialist we were seeing suggested I might look into getting a caregiver to help give me a break.... I have a 9 year old son with high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and an impulse control disorder.
Its a lot of work, and a whole lot of stress... I am just going to follow along for now. |
I just had some ideas Dee:
what if you talked with your mom and designated certain days she can come over and you two can play board games or card games together or regular dominoes? Maybe you can set up a few days a week that you can get your mom to start playing those games with you and in time, if she enjoys it, then you can ease her into going out to the local community center to play them with others her age group? Or get her to volunteer with meals on wheels. If she doesn't drive she might be able to get someone in the area that does this, to pick her up and she can help prepare meals or even deliver food with someone, for those that need it.?? Just a couple Ideas that I hope might work for ya. |
I wanted to send out some hugs to all the carers around here just now.
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I"m lucky my mom still does things on her own without me. She's pretty independent in that regard to getting around and doing stuff . I do however have to drive her to doctor appts out of town, she becomes a nervous wreck when in major traffic or going long distances. I take care of her needs when things with the home are concerned, if she needs anything personal and cannot afford it, mom comes first for me. I am the only one here that is willing to stay here and help her when she needs someone. My older sister lives 5 hrs away and is stubborn and hardly even calls mom anymore. My younger sister lives in TN and takes care of everything else mom needs such as roofing materials I need to put on the house to stop leaks, etc, and any major stuff like that that I cannot afford to do, but I do the labor work in return. I work to keep mom's car up to date and check it all the time, change the oil, tune it up, rotate the tires, etc. I just went through an ordeal with her losing all her major benefits and getting them reinstated. Finally, they seem to be alright for now, but we'll see come next month if they get screwed up again. Geeze I hope not. That was a nightmare to take care of. Anywho, I do what I do for my mom because she's the only mom I have and I love her, but I just can't live with her. We don't get along in that regard living together. Mom has OCD really bad and anything I do like wear socks or shoes in the house drives her mad crazy and she just loses it. LOL, so I live 15 miles from her, and keep my own sanity, and give her her own space she needs. It's best this way.
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Thank you for the welcome TruTexan.
Everything you describe sounds so familiar to me, I read your posts about the benefits mistake, I feel like I'm reliving all that frustration just hearing about your situation. Keeping calm and continually doing what needs done, in addition to all your own stuff, is not easy. Keeping her car ok, I used to wonder why I did that for my ex when she didn't drive it for years but I did it anyway, the hospital appointments, always so many of them, one of the good things about all my ex's stays in hospital was that at least I didn't have to keep driving her there, how messed up is that? Sounds like you and your mum living apart is a more manageable arrangement for you, that's great, you need your space. As for the guilt...there's a conversation or 10 I need to have with my therapist. Thanks for a great thread, I'll keep dropping by. xx |
I know that being a caregiver causes a lot of stress on each ourselves, we just have to remember that all of us need time to ourselves and sometimes therapy to cope with things that we are living with doing for our loved ones. I hope if any of you are feeling overwhelmed, that you seek out a therapist that you can trust to help you cope.
I know I had to after my stepfather died and I got the brunt end of mom's anger issues with losing him. It was aweful hateful on me and I about lost my sanity until I sought out help from my psych. doc that set me up to see a therapist so I could learn new coping skills to deal with my mom and her behavior towards me. It's better now that I don't live with her. At least now I can just get in my truck and go home to get away from her anger issues and yelling at me for things beyond my control or hers. She gets in moods where she's so angry and bitter about her life and how hard it is on her to survive and the loss of my stepfather and his help. I understand it but it doesn't make it right for me to have to be mom's target. It makes me nuts when she does that stuff. So now I just get in my truck and leave and go home to my own peace and serenity here in my little apt. just 15 miles from her. Makes me sad that I have to do that, but I cannot be that target for her anymore. I learned not to have any guilt about leaving her when she' s so angry and going home. It used to tear me up inside, but now I do not let it get to me that way anymore. Keep coming back Redsunflower. Thanks for your input and story. |
I am the primary health advocate for my Pops.
We spent several years playing tug-o-war with one another about his health. Him refusing to get treatment and me getting angry, sad, resentful, hurt, anguished, and every manner of feeling in between. He agreed to get treatment back in August and we have spent the last few months going through various VA programs, getting him registered, getting his diagnosis, and rebuilding the tiny part of our relationship that suffered for the last few years. This might be unfair but my stress level dropped 100 points when he walked in to the VA for the first time. Just knowing that he was willing to try. Willing to hope. Willing to take value of his life. Willing to WANT to be around for me, my Sister, his grandchildren. It's still hard. Re-arranging my schedule at work has been blessedly easy due to having an amazingly good unit administrator but the VA is 35 miles each direction and it's a lot of driving. He has 6 appointments scheduled so far for January and more will be coming. The bright spot with all of that driving is that we get 2 hours of time with one another to chit-chat and shoot the shit, catch up on family business, and basically just love on one another. I am getting to be the parent right now. Instead of it being really stressful anymore, I have found it joyous and such a deep blessing that I probably will label this past year with my Pops as some of the sweetest time we have ever spent with one another. I know it won't always be this easy and that it will be harder as we go on but right now, I'm just grateful for the tiny little miracles. Peace and blessings to everyone in this thread going through the hard stuff with parents. Hug them hard and remember to be kind to yourself as well. <3 |
Medusa, great post by the way. I'm so glad your dad has you to help take care of him and that he is making the true effort to take better care of his health. I hope it all gets better for his health from today on. Good to see you posting here. Keep coming back.
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you get to feel tired and stressed out when it happens! |
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tonite my mom and i were invited to a friends birthday party. She really likes this lady and wanted to go. it was for 6:30.
At 3:30 she started stressing about when we were leaving. Then it started raining so she was stressing about that. Frantic even. My mother has been deathly afraid of bad weather since i was a kid, (like hide in the bathroom with a flashlight and a radio until it stops raining) .... we finally left and she was chattering about how bad things are, and the rain OMG if it doesn't stop raining and why did we go out and the restaraunt had nothing she wanted so she didn't eat, she wouldn't touch the napkin because she may get a rash, sooooo she just sat there not eating... and it was too cold and the people were too loud and the little kids were being mean to each other (being normal) and and and... Then when we left she wanted to stop and get something to eat. my poor mom just cannot relax, she jumps out of her skin for just about everything and at times she feels like a complete stranger. i was a bit stressed out when we got there after all that but then i just let it go and said screw it and had a great time. |
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Has anyone every had to fight to get proper care for their loved one... whether in a home or a school? I fear this is the path I am headed down right now, and I am not sure how much of a fight its worth... Or how much of a fight I can handle.
My son is in 4th grade... he has severe behavior needs due to autism, adhd, and an impulse disorder... and I found out this last week that they are restraining him unneccessarily, and doing it improperly at that. I don't know how much of a fight this is going to be... and I am wondering if it will even be worth it, or if I should just find somewhere else for him to go to school... |
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So sorry to hear you're having a difficult time with your son's school. How difficult for you, and him. I'm not sure how much help I can be; I live in Britain and I'm guessing you're in the states. However, if you lived here, this is what would happen. An educational psychologist would be involved who has a good understanding of the educational needs of children with adhd, asd and associated behavioural difficulties. They would co-ordinate a consistent approach, in consultation with yourself, and follow this up throughout your child's schooling. Does his school have one of those? Failing that, you could go back to the psychologist that diagnosed him. If he's on meds you may have contact with that person anyway, and ask them to help by contacting the school. If it's all too much and nobody is listening, in Britain you could contact a social worker to fight those battles for you. It's all so stressful but will be so worth it once your son is more settled. Best of luck with it and let me know how you get on. Rxx |
I'm sorry about all that Jenn. I wish I had answers for you. I would contact maybe someone with the Disabilities dept in your state , maybe they can steer you in the right direction?
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Breathe in breathe out
Searching for a Medicaid bed in a facility that is rated at least above average to well above average for the HL's dad. It also has to be relatively close to where we live so it makes our daily trips easier.
Who would have thought finding a bed in a facility with the combination of moderately close by, quality care that takes Medicaid would be so difficult in a metropolitan area of 5.6 million people. The clock is ticking on the rehab center. In 3 days his Medicare will be up for the short term rehab facility. They told us we had 60 more days on Monday then on Friday after 5pm told us he had to be out Wednesday or we have to pay $142.00 a day. (We can't afford that). Considering how hard it is to find the elusive Medicaid bed, we should have started sooner, immediately even. Now we know I guess. |
Sorry to hear of the troubles with finding a facility that works for your family, venus. I hope you find one.
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Being a caregiver to my mom is stressful. Now my birth father is not in so hot a shape. He's got diabetes and he's got blood in his urine, an open sore on his foot he's got meds for thank goodness, and a 30% usage of only the upper part of his heart, and he's not been feeling well and is anemic. I worry about him, he lives with my 93 yr old grandmother...his mom. She gets around really well, but I just hope I'm not in for some more bad news about my dad. We've been trying to have a relationship the past 2.5 yrs now since I honestly didn't know much about him when I was a kid and only visited him for short time when I turned 21. I don't wanna lose my dad anytime soon and I hope the tests my dad is taking will give reassurance that what he is going through is nothing serious. He lives 5 hrs from me just south of Austin. I don't have funds to take a trip to go see him but I do call him often. Keep him in your prayers please. Thanks.
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Hugs to you Tru, I'll be keeping you and your dad in my thoughts.
Rxx |
Mom is having carpal tunnel surgery on her left hand in Jan. 2014. She's been complaining for years about her left hand and wrist bothering her now it's gotten bad enough to do the surgery because it's bothering her in her sleep now. When she wakes up it's hurting and feeling numb and she can barely move it. So, the doc recommend surgery to stop the pain and hopefully with this new type surgery they do now, it will stop not only the pain but allow the nerve not to get pinched and cut off circulation. We also found out she's got rheumatoid arthritis in both hands now, they just aren't bad enough to take any meds for unless it's tylenol.
I myself need to go in a see someone about my left hand/wrist, it's been hurting me more since I injured it back in 04. Time to see the doctor and see if I need surgery done or if it's arthritis or both. It goes to tingles and hurts all the time and I lose circulation in it so time to go now. Maybe I too can get some relief from the pain. Dad has been going to see his doctors for his issues. His foot is healing up nicely now since the doc grew a culture and was able to determine precisely which antibiotic to give him to heal him up. His kidney doctor is running tests on him now and we'll see what that entails at a later date. He's still due to see his cardiac doc. to run doppler tests on his legs to check for blockages. And still due to get his colonoscopy done. Not much I can do but wait for him to tell me what's going on. I hope all the other caregivers and their family are doing well lately. Merry Christmas to you all and Happy New Year! |
Well today was mom's surgery for carpal tunnel, later today that is. I just got home and am now trying to relax. She is doing alright but we'll see tonight and tomorrow after the lidocaine wears off her hand. she's allergic to codeine so doc prescribed tramadol. I hope it helps her with the pain she may have. I"ve never had this surgery, although I probably need it done as well. She's out of commission using her left hand until stitches come out in 2 wks from now. Then we'll see what's going on with it. I don't know if she'll need hand therapy for strengthening. I just am glad it's over with and she's back home. She was so afraid today and I know it was hard on her emotionally because everytime she's had heart or artery surgery it's scared the babyjesus outta her. The doctor and I both reassured her it was a minor surgery using a twilight like drug called versed to put her to sleep. When he told her that the surgery was only 20 mins long and about the light anesthesia, she was at ease then. She woke up 30 mins later and was just fine, smiling and being all sentimental with me. Man, that just made her feel better. I"m glad she didn't wait to have the surgery, she needed it and I hope it works for her.
Dad is still seeing his doctors, his foot is finally on the mend. He fainted at the podiatrists office last week so they rushed him to the hospital and kept him for couple days doing tests trying to figure out why he fainted. They thought something was wrong with his kidneys but he says he's fine now. He's home now, but I worry about him. He doesn't always tell me when things are bad for him, he thinks because I live 5 hrs away that he shouldn't tell me because there's nothing I can do for him. He has so many issues going on with his heart and arteries and his diabetes. I told him next time something is going on, he better tell me so I know and can at least talk to him on the phone before something really bad happens and I can't . My grandmother was the one that told me he was in the hospital so I just played it off and called his cell phone to see what he was up to, he finally told me after being there 2 days. SMH, and I'm just as stubborn as my old man is, and I wasn't even raised by him. LOL I hope all the other caregivers out there are doing well and that their caregivees are also doing well. Have a great weekend one and all. |
How are all of you caregivers doing lately? I haven't posted in a while either.
I'm dealing with things that are happening here with an old woman that is 86 and and has dementia or something going on, she's delusional and accusatory of me. I have become a target for her yelling and screaming at me for no reason, she thinks I"m doing all sorts of things. It's gotten worse in the last year. I have been dealing with this neighbor like this for 2 years now and finally the new manager that's been here since last year is trying to get the woman's family to do something about it. She's about to get evicted because she's harrassing me and I feel bad about it but I have to take care of my own sanity. She's affecting my ptsd, anxiety goes through the roof and I end up taking full dosings of my anxiety meds just to calm down some. I lose sleep over all this and it's just getting worse for her and for me. I told my apt. manager today either something is done to stop her or I"m moving out. I don't know what else to do. I"ve been asked to give my manager 2 months so I agreed to it. I told her I have no place to move to but if I have to, I WILL MOVE OUT because I can't live like this anymore. I just feel like calling my younger sister and telling her I need to move on with my life and for her to come talk mom into moving where she is so I can move on. I feel bad about all this but it's just getting to me. The stress and the worries and the bullshit dealing with this neighbor. I"m in therapy and dealing with some issues I need to deal with but this stuff with this lady is interfering with my life. I feel like putting my head in a wall or pulling my hair out....I won't do that,I'm just venting. Adult protective services was called about her last year and they say they cannot make her go to a nursing home to get the help she needs, that they can't intervene because she's not harming herself or in harms way. I just wish her family would get off their asses and take care of her better and move her to a nursing home where she needs to be. It's ripping me up emotionally and mentally to deal with her almost everyday she sees me outside, and I feel trapped here, stuck in my apt so I don't have to deal with her. I just wanna scream my head off ! Sorry for the vent, but I just needed to. thanks . |
My Dad
My father lives 5 hrs away with my grandmother just outside of Austin and hour. He's not in the best of health and has been battling a foot infection. So far, his toe got infected and wouldn't heal, then they tried the chamber to flood him with oxygen to stop the infection, that didn't work, and they used a vacuum on his foot to draw it out and use honey to try and get the bacteria to go to the honey and come out of his toe so the vacuum could suck it out. That didn't work. He got 3 more places on his toe that were more infected so they did surgery on it and removed his big toe all the way down to the large toe knuckle.
The surgery was Friday, on Sat the wound care nurse said it looked good, on Sunday dad started running a fever and the toe didnt' look like it was healing and was warm to touch. On Monday, today, he saw the podiatrist and he was running a fever the surgery site was healing and had an infection in it again. They admitted him to the hospital there in Austin. He isn't in pain or anything, he's diabetic and has severe neuropathy in his feet so he doesn't feel pain. I'm worried the will cut of part of his foot, then that will get infected and then they will go all the way up to just below his knee. I sure hope what they are doing will heal his infection . I would hate for my dad to lose his leg from all this. It's really weighing hard on my mind. I'm concerned for him. His diabetes is stopping him from healing and I don't think the first surgery got all of the infection because it was in his bones in his toe. Worry worry worry is all I can do. This is a procedure that can change my dad's life forever and put him in a wheel chair. If he loses part of his leg, I hope medicare will pay for a prostetic leg for him to use to walk with so he has he ability to walk again. UGH so frustrated and so frustrating for him I'm sure. Please keep James in your prayers that he heals quickly and doesn't lose a limb from all this. Thanks. |
On July 20th just after midnight,my father lost his battle with diabetes and congestive heart failure. I was with him by his side on the evening shift in hospice care. He passed peacefully and I know he is in a much better place.
He decided long ago that he wanted to donate his body the the UT Medical Science Center in Houston which will return his ashes in a couple years. His memorial was on Aug. 2nd, where beloved church members, close friends and family members attended. After having endured the stress of losing my father, I was able to return home 3wks later only to find my mother has been having irregular rapid heart palpitations and rapid increases in blood pressure. She was taken to the hospital and given a chemical stress test to look for more blockages as she is prone to atherosclerosis ...aka hardening of the arteries. They couldn't find anything that would have caused her symptoms of left shoulder pain, left sided throat pain, and the rapid increases in blood pressure and heart palpitations. This happened while I was gone with my father. A couple days after I returned home, it happened to my mother again. Once again she was taken to a different hospital in Tyler where they still couldn't find anything wrong to cause this to happen. We have urged the heart doctors office to call me as soon as they get a cancellation so my mother can get in to see her cardiologist sooner than Aug. 29th for her yearly appt. After the stress I endured being with my father , I've come home to more stress about my mother. I don't think I can handle one more ounce of stress at this time. I"ve reached my limit and have begun to shut down emotionally. I guess I'm trying to protect myself from the fears of losing my mother as well if something happens to her. She lives in a rural county area where the bridge is out that the ambulance drivers have used to get to the county roads. While mom was on the phone with 911. I beat all the drivers to her location and found out that the ambulance had gone to the bridge to get there and couldn't and was re-routed to the county roads back way to her location and became lost. It took over half an hour for them to arrive and finally get there to her. I'm so pissed at the county for letting this bridge issue get put off for replace and rebuild because what would have happened to my mom if this had been a heart attack ? I'm calling my state senators office to try and get something done about the bridge issue, it's not supposed to be rebuilt until sometime in 2017. That's just too long and not only my mother elderly that lives in that area but there was another incident where a 50 ish man was thrown from a horse and needed an ambulance and they couldn't get there in time to treat his head wound which may have saved his life. There are other older folks that live in that area that I am concerned about as well as children. I'm just flat out angry about the bridge issue. I just hope that I can get something done about it. I hear ya.....good luck with that right? ......well a person can try and should try and that I will do. I hope each of you caregivers' lives has settled down with less stress, but for me, it seems when it rains ....it pours. I need a dry spell for a while. Justy |
Lately in the past several months, it's been so stressful just to even be around my mom for me. I just can't handle the amount of yelling, griping, bitching, screaming at me that she does. I lost my control today with her and yelled back to just get her to stop it. This went on for hours today, I couldn't do anything right and she's blaming me for things that she's chosen to do and not allow me to help her with, that's my fault how? OMG I'm so broken inside it hurts me to no end to be screamed blamed and yelled at for things that aren't in my control or for things I don't do for her because she won't let me. My mom is miserable where she lives, she wants things better but she will not do the things necessary to make that happen, like move to my sisters home in TN where she will be well taken care of. Instead she takes her anger out on me and has been for several months now. I know how the old saying that says you hurt the ones you love the most that are closest to you, but that's the shit that has to stop. I can't take anymore, my ptsd is at an all time high, my anxiety is running amock and I'm having to take double the pills for anxiety to keep mine under control. I've talk to my therapist yesterday about all this and about how guilty I feel that I need to distance myself from my mother (she's toxic to me ). I feel that it is my responsibility to help her when she needs help and when I do things for her, all I get is bitched screamed yelled at about doing it the wrong way. I feel so empty inside towards my mom now, I just don't even want to be around her, that's how broken I feel and I feel guilty about it so much that it's causing my depression ptsd and anxiety issues to rear their ugly heads too, along with how my mom talks to me and treats me. I told mom today that I am done, I won't be yelled at anymore, I won't tolerate her behavior towards me and I'm tired of coming over and helping her and all I get is bad attitude towards me, the yelling, screaming blah blah blah BS that i go through that I was done. I can't take anymore. I'm not going to do this with her anymore.
Texted my younger sister in TN and told her whats been going on, she won't get the text until she leaves home for work tomorrow, no reception in her home to get it. She's going to be pissed off at me for sure, but oh fucking well. This is what I have to do for me to take care of me and distance myself from someone who's acting like a mad woman that's losing her mind. She's like jekyll and hyde, nice one minute then here comes the craziness and drama. UGH I feel so broken and so guilty for needing to just exit this entire life of taking care of my mom. I sure hope therapy will help me feel better about what I need to do for me to take care of my own needs first. UGH UGH UGH TRILLLION UGHS. |
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