My guy can have whichever side of the bed he wants. :heartbeat::hk35:

Dominant and a right side sleeper here.

I would say that the right side-dominant and left side-submissive thing has borne out for about 70% of my experiences if I look back. Then again, maybe I'm just a stubborn ass when it comes to the bed side. Who knows? :p

So, I sleep on the right side of the bed (along the edge), on my right side, and usually with my right arm up and under the pillow in a sort of modified Superman pose. I'm also right handed. I wonder if hand dominance factors in as well...? :thinking:

For me, sleeping on the right side of my body is most important overall, especially when sharing the bed with someone. If I'm spooning someone while falling asleep, I prefer to be on my right. If I'm being spooned, I still prefer to be on my right. If I'm cuddling up to their chest while they're on their back or we're intertwined while facing each other, still the right side preference remains. Anything else just feels awkward and uncomfortable.

I don't care if I'm by the door or not. If you want to sleep on the side closest to the door because you feel protective about it or something, that's fine... as long as it's on the left side. :D

I also can't sleep by the wall if the bed is pushed up against it. I will, without fail, end up kicking it throughout the night, usually followed by a somewhat delayed "ow" muttered under my breath as my sleepy brain takes a moment to register the shooting pain in my foot. I usually like to dangle one foot slightly over the edge which is impossible to do when it's pushed up against the wall (though it doesn't stop me from trying, apparently!).

I really do have a hard time sleeping on the left and especially when in a new environment with a partner. It's to the point that I'm often not even able to fall asleep if I'm "left on the left." Resting on my right side when on the left side of the mattress feels like I'm getting a face full of bed when I sleep... slightly suffocating and I feel trapped. I wish that wasn't the case (because it's really annoying!) but my body just won't relax enough in those scenarios to fall asleep.

Now, once I'm asleep, that's a different story. I've always been a notoriously deep sleeper. Growing up, it was a daily ordeal for my family to wake me up for school in the morning. They either had to resort to jumping up and down on the bed and over my comatose body (which would usually take a minute or two to take effect) or they would employ a "release the hounds!" approach and let the dog(s) in to get them excited and have them jumping all over me instead. Seemed to do the trick. I am totally that person who has to set at least five alarms on her phone because I will usually sleep/snooze through the first four (at least!). So, once I'm out, I'm out. I once joked to a partner who also liked to sleep on the right (who was slightly dominant, or at least tried to be... :p) that I needed to be on the right side to fall asleep but that once I was there you could probably move me in my sleep and I wouldn't notice. Well, that morning I woke up and I was mysteriously laying on the left side of the bed and they were sleeping soundly on the right! They had moved me in the night and I didn't even notice. :|

So, I guess if my partner has a really strong preference for the right as well, they could always just stay awake and try something like that...? That said, I'm also the owliest of night owls so I will probably just end up outlasting you anyway. :jester:

Yes, I absolutely think that is true a lot of the time. For me--the fact that I'm a Domme and have mostly but not exclusively slept on the right side of the bed is an interesting coincidence as far as the side of the bed theory. When I initially said it depends on all of my sleeping paranoias, I sincerely meant that my choice of side of the bed is motivated by some deep shit. Which includes PTSD/trauma stuff and chronic insomnia and nightmares.

I prefer to be farthest away from the door, with my partner between me and the door. I like that protective thing even though I'm a Domme. For me it feels more like a service thing and also somebody accommodating my needs rather than someone being dominant over me because they take the protective position. However, I ALSO need to be free to get out of bed repeatedly through the night because I usually sleep very little and sometimes not at all. I have a lot of anxiety and panic around sleep and if I am boxed into the bed with no way to freely get out I feel like I am suffocating. Sometimes these two needs conflict depending on how a room is set up.

Right now I don't share a bed with anyone so my room and bed are set up purely based on the fact that I sleep alone. My bed is in the corner farthest from the door, which means the right hand side of the bed is boxed into a corner. I have a huge dresser at the foot of bed, between the bed and the door, sort of creating a little sleeping box/nook that is protected, yet completely open on the left hand side so I can get out of bed very easily, and the left hand side also has a bedside table with all the things I might need or want in the middle of the night. All of this is very deliberate.

Sharing this bed set up would be problematic with another person because it means I'd have to choose between my need to be as far away from the door as possible and my need to be able to freely get up during the night. In this case--I would choose being able to get up freely during the middle of the night and not feel boxed in. The bed feels reasonably well protected because of the dresser, my bedroom door has a lock on it, and being boxed in is by far and away the greater of the two evils. And for the record--it would put me on the left side of the bed.

NONE of this has to do with dominance at all. I expect who I sleep with to accommodate me. Ok maybe it's partially out of dominance or having a dominant personality LOL, but mainly I expect someone to comply with my wishes out of respect for the fact that I literally will not sleep even a minute if someone else puts my sleeping issues too out of whack. Usually it doesn't matter as much to the other person so I don't feel bad about it for even a second. I also could not be in a relationship with someone who did not have a more casual attitude towards side of the bed issues than myself.

Anywho. Not sure now why I shared all that except for that I am finding this thread interesting as well and to illustrate that side of the bed choice can be a complicated thing that is unrelated to dominance at all. I absolutely see how it comes into play. But it can also be "deep shit" as nycfem puts it, thing that have to do with convenience, or maybe something else no one has even mentioned yet.

Being that this a new *thread*...I prefer a high quality *thread-count* for comfort and warmth :)

As I have grown older, my observation is that the person with the smallest bladder gets to sleep on the outside of the bed, when the other side of the bed is against the wall.

Even when sleeping alone, I sleep on the left side of the bed, even when it means walking around the bed to get there. I think it's cause I'm right handed. :groucho:

it not a dominance thing for me...
 

Either side for me. I've slept on both sides. I flop around all night, am up and down, talk in my sleep, do karate moves... I know I am hard to sleep with so I try to be considerate of my bedmate. I do prefer to be close to the door to get to my kids if needed.

Once my spot has been established, it is mine. I have issues with change.

If my lover is right-handed, I sleep on her left. If she's left-handed, I sleep on her right.

Firstly, thanks to everyone who has posted in this thread. It’s really thought-provoking to read your answers and see the different things that are important to people.

No, there’s nothing formal behind my initial theory. It’s purely based on my experiences and the responses of friends I’ve spoken about it with in the past. I had considered the possibility that a right-handed dominant may prefer the right side of the bed so their lead hand was unencumbered for activity to their left. When posting, I was particularly curious as to whether any left-handed dominants may step forward with a preference for the left side of the bed. I didn’t want to skew the results by postulating too much at the start but it’s interesting that more than one contributor has referenced this factor.

What these responses have shown me is that there are many more elements at play and whilst dominance may affect an outcome, there are other considerations which are likely to be of more conscious concern.

Personally, I’m hyper conscious of the space I take up, both in waking life and in bed. I currently sleep alone but have a super king size bed so there is plenty of space for when I do have company. When I’ve been with companions who have small beds I’ve found I tend to keep myself awake so I can consciously minimise my footprint. Once I’ve reached a point of drowsiness where I can’t be sure that I am, then I switch to the floor. At this point my partner will end up with her choice of side of the bed regardless of any dominance on my part.

I suppose it makes sense that the potential vulnerability inherent in sleep means that our environment has particular importance to us. I appreciate this opportunity to hear about what matters to others for future reference.

Me too, exactly as you described... about 90% of the time. About 10% of the time I find myself in some other random position, but not often.

However, if I'm in someone else's bed, I defer to them on whichever side they want to sleep on. I'm well aware that many people have sleep issues, and I want everyone to be comfortable in their own bed. I sleep better when I'm alone, in my own bed. When I travel, I rarely sleep well; when I'm in someone else's bed, I wake up every couple of hours.

I'm trying to figure out what dominant would entail when not talking about sex or sexual identity and the OP mentioned that it is not necessarily about dominant in a sexual identity. So what does dominant look like in a non sexual context. I guess I would consider myself the sexually dominant one in my marriage but in every other way possible I defer to my wife. Does that make me submissive? Or dominant? But is it dominance when she isn't dominating me? I just like her to have her way whenever possible? I think I sleep on the right. That is if the right is the side that's on the right when you are in the bed. But if you are standing in front of the bed to make the call then my wife sleeps on the right and she is not sexually dominant but she most always gets her way if I have anything to say about it.

I seem to be unclear on the definition of dominant if you remove sex from the equation.

Miss Tick! Missed you around here! Your lovely wife, too.

Happy Holidays, wherever and whenever you are dominant!

I have a couple of different reasons that I always need to lay (lie? I never get them correctly) on my right side;

1. My right eyelid twitches a little when I am falling asleep. I have no idea why, it just does. If my face is on the pillow on my right side, I do not notice it and I can fall asleep.

2. I had back surgery a long, long time ago and it is better for my back if I have pillows under my knees and along my right side.

As we fall asleep, she is the big spoon and I am the little spoon so we both face on our right sides to spoon (hope that makes sense).

For sex, she likes me on her left side so she can use her (dominant) right hand.

Oh dear, this all sounds so complicated. It does work very simply in practice, however.

She likes to think she is the dominant one in our relationship and I guess that she really is-sexually and otherwise.

I only feel uncomfortable with someone in my bed if it's new - I wake up a lot. I think that's rather normal. However, the last person I dated a bit more seriously, because there was such a good click, I felt comfortable off the bat. She was dominant and chose the inside of the bed. She had horrible nightmares so I'd cuddle her to sleep and tell stories. I have a nice, soft, deep, feminine voice, with a soft west canadian accent that's been influenced with a very mild southern english accent. which is great for relaxing people. If she fitted I'd wake up, press up against her and tell her a story, leaving her asleep but stopping the anxiety.

In sleep we are very vulnerable, and I get the urge to be protective, I get it too. But I'm hardly going to be protecting someone from some marauding night burglar. LOL. That thought seems incredibly absurd and beyond unlikely. But that's probably to do with where I live. Protective stances are appreciated just so long as they don't think they have to be aggressive to others. I have had partners like that. My exwife I called "my dutch Doberman" and although I appreciated the protective stance, she would, on occasion get a bit over the top with it. Annoying.

She did finally learn to let me deal with things on my own, first and be backup instead.

But, I can be pretty fiercely protective too, having said that.

/off topic.

To be fair, I think everyone’s take on what constitutes dominance probably differs.

My intention when separating dominance from sexual energy was a focus on inclusion. I’m sure there are those who eschew the label of being a sexual dominant yet still consider themselves to be the dominant one in their relationship dynamic. I didn’t want people reading the thread to think it was only aimed at those where there was a clearly defined sexual dominance at play.

As for dominance outside of the sexual arena, in the interests of providing one perspective on your question, I would say it boils down to decision making. If one party defers to another, say about which movie to watch, it could mean they are submissive, yes. Alternatively, it could mean that they are dominant because they make the choice which is to defer. It could also be that there is no formal power dynamic in play but on this day, at this moment, one has a hankering for a certain film and the other has no strong inclination either way.

Ultimately, I think the only person who can answer whether something makes them dominant or submissive or anywhere in between is the person who is experiencing it.

I used to always sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. It was just something I did, I always figured if someone comes in that door that isn't supposed to, they have to hit me first. If I sleep alone, I take up the whole damn bed! However now that I am sharing my bed again, I find myself sleeping on the side furthest from the door (right side). Only because I want to cuddle her at night, and its less painful for me to sleep on my left shoulder than my right.

I sleep on my right side, so bed preference isn't really that big of a deal as long as I can sleep on my right side and still get cuddled! Occasionally I will sleep on my left side but it's rare and most often when I am not feeling well.

hmmm..
 

When I get home tonight I'm going to sleep on the other side, kind of like an experiment of sorts, I want to see if my Dominant self is affected, or if I sleep better, or dream more.

I'll let y'all know how that goes later on..

I am most definitely NOT the dominant partner in a relationship, but I AM left handed. I choose to sleep facing the wall...actually with my head touching the wall (typically on my left side but right side of bed)...on a side note, I am the only one in my bed, and I find it rather comforting to sleep diagonally (top right corner to bottom left corner, although I really don't take up much room)
*hope I've not confused the planet* :seeingstars:

My preference for a social life in bed centers primarily upon getting some rest (sleep). If it also includes a delicious variety of entanglements , then I would feel delightfully content.

no difference
 

I'm still Dominant, still slept well and feel no different, tonight I'm flipping and sleeping with my feet towards the headboard and will allow the bed to be occupied!


See y'all tomorrow!

When partnered, I have to sleep on the side which puts me between her and the bedroom door. The reason is because if an intruder breaks in, I feel I am better positioned to protect her and get "at" the intruder faster. I have always had a very protective nature. It's my job.

Generally when single, I am sprawled all over and just try not to mash a dog. Lately, I am doing good to crawl in between dogs and hope I can stake out enough wiggle room for myself. Jennifer (pocket - pittie) doesn't take up much real estate but Kevin (100+ lbs. mastiff-bully mix) likes the middle half of the bed. :( I have often thought about getting him his own twin-size bed.

To clarify, I was working on the basis of being in the bed. Personally I find it more fun that way than standing looking at it. :p So yes, anyway, the right from the perspective of lying in the bed with your head on the pillow. :)

Iv always slept furthest from the door

Interesting stuff-

For myself- I really don't give a crap what side I sleep on. For the past 6 years I've been on the left side of the bed- except for a small period when I had hand surgery on right side and I needed to trade. When I was all healed, back to the left I went.

I am nearest to the door, the bathroom, I'm left handed but dominant in my right, I tend to sleep on my stomach so neither side sleeper, but tend to face out to the left, not much a cuddler, unless we've had 2am sex or a weird dream. Our lil fuzzy butts sleep in their assigned areas of bed. Go figure.

Do people really have a lot of strangers coming into the house in the middle of the night?
Its just nothing I ever worry about. It's only happened twice in my life and both times it wasn't just one person subduing the guy, it was all of us. Save the one calling the police.

But in either case, it didn't matter what side of the bed any of us were on. We were all needed.

And it's just nothing I ever worry about. I asked my mates, out of curiosity, and their answer was no. Save two people we had some anxiety issues. But these are all people in vancouver, Calgary, toronto, london, oxoford, amsterdam, koln, and Christchurch.

Is this a states thing? Or?

I prefer to sleep closest to the door and I strongly prefer to be the outer spoon holding whoever I'm in a relationship with .

Priceless :simplelaugh: (and so spot on).

You know (N.) Americans, and the legacy of thought that we always need to be at the ready to defend ourselves (mostly seen in places where there is the least amount of crime). We all have our shotguns next to the door, too. :|


(IC, thanks for the bursting out laughter this morning. Your delivery was great.)

It's funny. I never thought about this until reading this thread. But I do have a side of the bed.

When sleeping with a partner, I've always slept nearest to the door. Just sort of naturally (unconsciously) gravitated there.

But currently only my dog shares my bed. And I have noticed (and commented to other people) that he always positions himself between me and the door. Guess he thinks it's his job to protect me.

But even though it's happened twice I highly ever doubt it would happen again. And my butch partners don't seem to feel they have to protect me in their own home. I did say I asked all my friends who aren't americans and no, none of them say it crosses their mind. London has some very high crime rates. No one there that I'm friends with thinks about this.

I'm going to assume this is an American thing I won't get.

personal thoughts
 

I find it to be a one dimensional, binary, sexist, machismo kind of thing... I don't subscribe to things that put women, feminine, Femme in weak like spotlight.. When I go to sleep the last thing I do is make it about my natural Dominance, I just wanna go to sleep... Where I sleep isn't going to deter a person who is breaking and entering.. It's not the way I roll, so what others do isn't a priority until generalizing happens and when Dominance gets thrown around into very stereotyped generalizations..


As Dapper stated it could be as simple as being in defensive mode at all times, it's like being in the hood 24/7, even then I'm like how many of us do live that experience, cause in reality one's to busy surviving to worry about Dominant status, if the ghetto birds are flying over us after gun shots, Dominance isn't the main issue, making sure the house is on lock down is first thought..

Hope that makes sense

fucking 30 minute editing window!
 

I'm not sure how being a butch, Transguy or FTM fits this bed behavior.. I've not had someone tell me that because they are xyz I gotta sleep in the submissive side of the bed, I'd laugh and would have to remind whomever that I'm WAYYYYY stronger (cause I normally am) than anyone...

How did you come up with those statistics? I'm curious...

This whole bed thing is interesting, cause the bed is for sleeping, fucking and I've yet to equate it to my hood, safety, or Dominance..

Unless... Bullets are flying then furniture placement is important, but hell even then bullets pierce walls, ain't no Dominance in the world that's going to stop a bullet without someone getting hurt or killed..

For ME and ME ONLY, it's because of my up bringing, it's natural thing for me to sleep on the side of the bed nearest the door. I don't like anyone coming into my personal room without being invited. Yes, there are a lot of break-ins in the US and I"m sorta fearful of that. Whether I'm partnered or not, I still sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door, I can hear better towards the rest of my apt. I sleep with my door open as well. When I had my dog for 12 yrs, he slept in the door way of my bedroom and the living room which was nearest the front door. FOR ME, it's become a security thing since I was a child. I'm a natural caretaker, and I would feel better knowing that I'm closest to the door incase someone did come in uninvited. I had that happen when I was 18 and living on my own in an apt. The neighbor downstairs , a young woman, was intruded upon during sleep and was raped. The rapist came back to our apts and broke into my apt front door by removing the slatted window glass on my door. I met him coming into my bedroom, standing behind the door holding a bat in my hands, waited for him to step into my room and bam, I beat the hell outta that guy with my bat. Then when he was unconscious, I called the police, and they arrested him for breaking and entering on my apt. They later called in the young woman downstairs to a line-up to see if she could ID him as her rapist...........She did. She wasn't home the night my apt. was broken into, but I'm sure that guy had a headache the size of Texas when I finally stopped beating his ass.
There is for ME , a huge reason I stay in protected mode most of the time, it has to do with how I was treated as a child and teenager growing up. Abuse is that very reason. So, because of that, I still live in protected mode and can't stand to NOT know my surroundings at all times. I know it's not everyone that sleeps near the door that has MY reasons, each of us has our own reasons. Just because you asked a few friends where you've lived that said no, doesn't mean there aren't others in London and other places you've lived that wouldn't say Yes. I don't know what it has to do with Dominance , it doesn't for me. It's just a protective thing.

A slight derail, perhaps, but an important point
 

With all due respect, I think it's particularly cold to
1) Make fun of people for not feeling safe in their community and
2) Make fun of them for the ways they choose to protect themselves and the people they love

Obviously, as Gemme said, people's reactions to this will be coloured by their own personal experiences and different people just react differently to the same situations. If you don't feel the need to protect yourself like they do, fine, but have a little respect.

I don't think it's wholly an American thing. I know several couples, both same and opposite sex ones, in my Canadian neck of the woods who sleep in a certain position or proximity to the door in order to protect the ones important to them should the need arise. As far as I know, for them it has nothing to do with sexual dominance. While some of it does seem to fall on traditional gender or sex roles, I think a lot of it just has to do with one person recognizing that they're bigger, stronger, whatever and better able to fight off a would-be attacker than the person beside them. My mother did this with me when she was a single mother and we shared a bed. I did the same for my younger sister when my mother worked nights and it was my place to be the responsible, protective one. It doesn't mean that the protective person looks down on the other person or is acting out some macho role playing. In my experience, it just means that a desire to protect those who are important to you or not as physically strong as you (which is not in and of itself a value judgment and not something I believe needs to be skewered).

Furthermore, one thing I think people are perhaps overlooking is that not everyone has faith in their local police force. Many of us, through personal experience, have come to realize that the police in our communities cannot be relied upon and are often the aggressors, not the saviours the culture would sometimes have us believe. Just in my local community, an officer was recently given his job back after being charged with abuse of resources, assault, false arrest, and threatening to personally decapitate someone he thought was involved in a break-in at his house. I have had friends who have been dismissed and even laughed at when the police thought they were out of earshot when they came to report their rapes. I know people personally who have been beaten so badly by rogue police officers that they were hospitalized with broken bones and concussions. We have the highest rape rate and the lowest conviction rate in the country and the police response to peaceful protestors in a neighbouring community was so abhorrent it made international news and was even shown on Democracy Now.

Do I trust them to protect me if I need them in that environment? Fuck no.

Your backyard is not my backyard. :)