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I was at WAL-MART buying a big bag of dog food for my brothers' Siberian Husky "Enik", in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
Why else would I be buying dog chow, RIGHT ??? Right. So on impulse I told her no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened inside ICU, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms (Proceeding to show Dialysis needle scars). I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again, (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.). Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy shit to say........ :| |
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Because i freakin love this song and the story the video tells :D
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Ok so my mom had a santa toilet cover kind of like that she INSISTED always putting on the toilet seat each Christmas.. when you put the lid up, it showed Santa covering his eyes... no lie! |
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ok this had me laughing into tears.. lol ........ please come post this on my FB wall..... my friends n family will get such a charge reading this one.. lol you can find me there via.. my email ...... morningstar5588@yahoo.com |
Thanks to teh Arwen character.
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Sacks and Attitude.
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when I walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" I can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
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Wow. Just wow.
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** Let's play a game called Karma..you continue being an ass and I'll laugh when Karma kicks you in it!
** My "give a shit" has reached its expiration date but, I am giving away heaping helpings of "go fuck yourself" absolutely free... ** I have been misled. Life is not a box of Chocolates. It's a tin of mixed nuts at best ** My day has begun..Ready? Set..!!...Wait a minute!!! Stop!! Pause!!!.......I need more coffee. |
I finished writing my latest novel! It is YA fiction called The Vegan Witch's Toad and I am very excited this is my 30th book!!!! I am so relieved to be finished!
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But thanks for offering. |
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I wonder while I wander why. |
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Puerto Rican Medical Disorder Terminology:
:puertorico: Monga: Mysterious body temperature, not high enough to be considered fever, but serious enough to miss school and work. Illness is unknown by the American Medical Association (AMA) and only understood by doctors of Puerto Rican origin, Puerto Rican Teachers tend to be immune and see right through it, unless they're underpaid. Patatú: Falling attack of obscure origin that can strike at any time. Could be serious enough to require hospitalization, yet is undetected by medical technology. Victims tend to be males and females over the age of 50 years, or Teenage girls after a recent bad break-up. Sereno: Occurs when someone steps outdoors suddenly at night and is sprinkled by a mysterious substance produced by the night air. There are no physical symptoms and it can only be detected by the Puerto Rican elderly. The effect of having this disease is unknown. Children younger than the Older person demanding it shall not be taken out at night without proper clothing (read: wrapped up like a suffocating coccoon) or risk of contamination is certain. Empache: Digestive disorder which occurs after the consumption of a large Puerto Rican meal. The only known cure for this disease is "una buena criolla" or "tirarse un buen peo". (Alka-Seltzer is completely ineffective, don't sleep in the same bed, you'll regret it.) Colta'o: Frequent and mild condition of unknown etiology. Symptoms include but are not limited to fatigue, lack of energy and chronic whining.Treatment is usually ignoring them, or try to find something better to do in another room. Moño Parao: Psychological imbalance of short duration that causes strange mood swings, violent irritating behavior as well as general unpleasantness.Treatment is same as Colta'o Cocotazo: Also referred to as the "Fuácata". A clenched /closed cripple! Caused by left or right fingers flexed to not quite make a fist with middle finger slightly raised higher than the rest and delivered to a child's head with a quick snap to the wrist (my uncle's favorite). Chichón: Elevated cranial protrusion usually caused by the fall after a patatú. Can also be caused by the sudden or unexpected encounter with a cocotazo. Caquita: Also known as "churra" or " a chorro". This occurs after eating a lot of "arroz chino", "mofongo", and drinking "malta" at the same time. Your bum feels on fire from so many trips to the bathroom. |
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This gives new meaning to the term shitfaced :cheesy:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...85937386_n.jpg |
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It's good to be alive today.
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