hugs and hugs and hugs

Vent the fuck away!!!!!!!!!!

I have been struggling with image issues, too. I look in the mirror and wonder how the hell I got here. I went back to work on Monday and everyone in my department knows why I was out and I catch people glancing at my chest while we talk. I went through clothes and boxed up the boxed up those that showed cleavage. And nighties...WTH.

Give me a call and we can have a bitch fest and a good cry.

I think that a good cleansing bitchfest is exactly what you and I need. A mix of laughter and tears, topped off with a big ole' fuck you to cancer!

We're going to get through this and be all the more fabulous for it.

Hugs, hugs and more hugs back my friend. Can't wait to talk to you!

Vonni

Making cancer our bitch!!!!! lol

Please send my friend Maria and her husband Dave some gentle and loving energy as Dave transitions from this world to the next. He was diagnosed with a very invasive form of melanoma three years ago, went into remission and suffered a reoccurrence this spring. He has been battling hard ever since and went to Roswell Cancer Institute on the 5th for an IPI infusion but didn't get to leave since they have been struggling to manage his pain. The oncologist told Maria this morning that he will not be going home.

Please keep this beautiful family in your thoughts. Maria was one of my best friends when I lived in New York and Dave lived across the street from us and is my brother's best friend. They are both only 39 and have three beautiful children. They were high school sweethearts and have been together since 9th grade.

:candle:

(((((((((((((Hearts and harp strings of love, life and peace for Novelafemme's friend Dave and the love of his life Maria, and the three kids that knew a wonderful Dad.))))))))))))


I returned home for the 4th of July road trip and found the envelope from the CA Doc saying my path reports came back negative. ..I already knew that and had forgotten that a confirmation would come by mail.

Dave passed this evening with Maria there by his side. He fought hard.

I'll be flying home for the services as soon as I get the details.

Now I'm gonna go have a good cry.

Sending you and Maria my love. Jeano

Tig Notaro was interviewed on Fresh Air and I thought folks here might want to here the interview.



http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPl...3&d=10-08-2012

The chemo fog has lifted a lot but its been a year and I want to be me again!!!!
I am giving myself another 6 months tops, I need my brain back dammit!!!

From the Mayo Clinic:
Although post-chemotherapy cognitive impairment appears to be temporary, it can be quite long-lived, with some cases lasting 10 years or more.

Oh yes," Chemo Brain" sucks.

Hi, deb.

Yes, the chemo fog has been quite hard for me as well, and my 6 months of chemo ended in 3/2011. The worst for me is word finding. It has become a bit better, but is still an ongoing, daily problem. I also seem to skip words when writing, or write the wrong word.

Additionally, although it has gotten better, immediate memory is a problem. Three or four sentences into a paragraph, I can't remember what the first and second sentence said. I had actually planned to return to graduate school for an additional degree, but wasn't able to get through the GRE due to the above problem. It is better, but since it has been so long, I don't know if it will become good enough to be able to return to school.

Evidently, the biggest reduction in chemo fog happens in the first year. After this, it either leaves much more slowly or doesn't get any better.

What type of chemo did you get? I received 5FU for colon cancer.

What's it like for you now Jean? I would appreciate you sharing your progression of chemo brain. How long ago was your chemo? You had breast cancer twice, right? Or am I remembering this incorrectly?

Yes, twice. Thanks for remembering Dapper. My chemo was in 2004 and the initial memory and focus problems are much better but the most challenging side effect was/is depression. I never had a problem with depression before chemo and it has not improved much in all these years---I have tried several Rxs and done a lot of mental work on my own but it continues to be something that dogs me. I believe the chemo and/or three major cancer surgeries did a number on my brain chemistry.

CANCER such an evil word . many hugs to those of you that are going through any cancer treatments now and rock on jean that you beat breast cancer twice . unfortunately my aunt did not beat it but she's always in my heart lost her about 2 years ago now . my father has beat pancriatic cancer twice he just turned 70 on the 21st of december and doing amazingly well . just found out my best friend has breast cancer. she's doing chemo now . she did tell me they caught it in an early stage so im hoping and praying she can beat this . our friends are a complete support system for her right now . anyway many hugs and prayers for anybody dealing with cancer right now

always goodlilfemme

Thanks for answering, Jean. I believe that I have read somewhere that a long term effect of chemo can be depression. I suppose what I would think about in that case is if at least part of the depression is about going through cancer itself? Left over feelings about going through all of it and fears about the future? I know my fear of getting it again is very present and I feel like shit about myself if I am not eating in the way that I believe will keep cancer at bay (seagan =vegan+fish).

Does anyone else get flashbacks of your surgeries/chemo time period?

Every once in a while I will get a flash of either events surrounding the chemo itself, the time period, etc. The other day out of the blue, I all of a sudden "felt" the pressure of the nurse attaching the chemo tubing to my no-longer-there chemo port.

I can't have the ceiling fan on in the bedroom as my surgery was in the summer and I had it on all the time. If it is on, I flash back to the how I felt (physically and emotionally) as I was healing in that bed.

I also can get memories of things I completely forgot about related to my surgeries or chemo. They are things that I knew happened, but I didn't remember them for some reason. It is sort of hard to explain...how it is like you "remembered" it for the first time, even though if someone asked you if a particular thing happened, it is not like you wouldn't remember it.

The other day I was at my work's Holiday party. There was a couple of us there discussing wine and what we like. As I was launching into the reason that although I love beer, I try to mainly drink red wine (anything besides red wine could increase chance of recurrence), I turned to one of the people there and said, "I think you know I had cancer...", as an intro to what I was about to say. This woman is a part of our department, but I don't see her very frequently as she works in another area of the hospital. However, she is in our office for a few hours a week seeing outpatient clients.

In my head it was possible that she was unaware that I had cancer in the past. This is crazy. Let me tell you why....

This is the person whose office I stumbled into with a dripping chemo bag in my hand (I had a chemo pump for 48 hours every other week), after it had dropped to the floor and busted while I was in the bathroom. I didn't remember this. How crazy is that? How did I forget dropping a chemo bag that is attached to my chest...the chemo then pouring down my hand as I hold the bag away from my body...all the while sneaking out of the bathroom trying to hide this bag in my hand from the vision of my next client who is sitting in the waiting room? So, I saunter into this woman's office, shirt untucked with this chemo tubing coming out from the bottom of the shirt, with a dripping bag, place it in her trash can (still attached to my chest with tubing, of course), and ask for help. How does one forget this? I mean, I didn't forget it, I just hadn't thought of it since this happened. Anyone else ever experience moments of "forgetting" something? The infection control people come in to wipe down offices for crying out loud! How does one "block" this? lol

At the time of the wine discussion the woman just nodded and indicated she knew that I had had cancer. Next time I see her I will have to explain!

Dapper,

Hmmm 5 FUs sounds appropriate for any cancer lol

Cyclophosphamide/Adriamycin every two weeks 4 times (this one I didn't have too many side effects from, hair loss and the steroid moon face was about it)
Taxol every two weeks 4 times (this is the one that kicked my ass)

Skipping words!!! YES. Its hurt my career, since I don't retain things like I used to. I can't work the hours that most IT people work anymore either. I went from 60 hours on average to 40 now.

Hugs, Deb

HUGS Jeano

Depression here too :( I never had problems with it before either. Happy go lucky kinda gal, but I get in a funk now. I have been isolating more and more and I know that is NOT good.

Made sense to me, made me cry knowing I am not the only one.

Yes, mine was 12 times, every other week, for 6 months. I would have a 4 hour infusion, and then I wore a chemo pump for 48 hours. I would do my chemo on a Wednesday morning, get the pump on, go back to get pump removed on Friday afternoon and then crash for the entire weekend (evidently, it is common to get tired AFTER the chemo finishes, not during). I worked full time the whole way through, which really was probably dumb. I won't do that again, if it comes back. I started not working the afternoons of the infusions, however, because the steroids made me so agitated I would be irritable with my coworkers (fortunately, only the ones I was close too). So, at some point I just started taking those Wednesdays off.

pynnkameleon, I loved your post and have a lot to say, but will have to get to it later.

Blessings and joy in the coming year...I love each one of you....Clay
 

I worked through it too. I would get chemo Friday and have the weekend for rest. I was back at work Monday, until I started the Taxol and then after chemo Friday, I would work from home Monday and Tuesday.
I agree, I wouldn't do it again. BUT, it kept my mind on other things, too.

My Mom is on hospice now. The cancer is in her lungs, spine, brain and liver. She just finished a 10 day course of palliative radiation. It did help. She is on all kinds of medication now. She also forgets words and has neuropathy from the chemo. She is 74! The doctor did not attribute it to old age! The lesion in her brain was causing headaches and slurred speech and that has improved with the radiation and steroids. Sorry to be a downer here! We have to be with her 24/7 now and sometimes she gets annoyed at allllll these people up in her business! She really enjoyed Christmas though.

Hi, Julie. You are not a downer. I have wondered how your mother is doing. We want you here in the thread!

Glad to hear she enjoyed Christmas. I hope the New Year is happy for her, as well.

Take care.

{{{{Julie}}}} Both you and your mom are in my thoughts. Sending you as much love and support as I possibly can. :bunchflowers:

You are not a downer. Does sound like the situation is. :( I lost my grandma to cancer Jan 1 this year. She wanted to see 2012. :)
You and yours will be in my prayers and thoughts.
Hugs to you

I had a client who I last saw at the end of September. She had no health problems.

In the beginning of October I got a call from her canceling her next appt., saying she was in the hospital as they just found out she had a brain tumor.

Today I got a call from one of her friends letting me know that she passed away the day after Christmas.

She was a great person and very much a giver to others. Cancer sucks.

Cancer truly does suck. Hugs.

Some good news on the neuropathy. The hospice nurses prescribed a drug called neurontin? or something like that and it has helped tremendously with the mobility in her hands. I came in tonight to say goodnight and she was typing away at the computer on an email to her friends list. She has not been able to do this for a long time. She was really happy!

Also the hiccups and burping from the radiation (she had shots through esophagus to the spine) has improved tremendously! That makes her super happy!

Have no title
 

Cancer is cruel!!!!!!!!

My youngest sister was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma January 3, 2012. She passed away on May 26, 2012. She was 43, physically active, never smoked nor drank and had no symptoms (discovered a swollen node on her neck). She left behind two small children. It makes no sense and it has been extremely difficult for me to accept that she is no longer with us. Just know that each of you all are in my thoughts and prayers!

Oh, gosh, this is horrible. I am so sorry.

Hi, Julie. Yes, it is most likely Neurontin. I take that too for the neuropathy in my hands/feet from the chemo. My doc acutally decreased the Oxaliplatin in my chemo more than once due to the fact that the neuropathy started so quickly in the treatment. She ended up stopping the Oxaliplatin a all together half way through the cycle of treatment.

Her concern was how young I was to have neuropathy. For most people it goes away after tx stops, but not unexpectantly, for me, it didn't. It isn't too bad though, I really don't notice it as much now. I mainly have the pain in my feet. My fingers are less flexible...meaning, they are stiffer...it is more difficult to type and I can't type as quickly.

Of course, at this point I feel like the oncologist made the right choice in stopping the drug, since my neuropathy is quite manegable. Of course, if I get cancer again I will have to wonder if it was the stopping of the drug that allowed some of the cancer cells to not be obliterated. :fastdraq: