:hangloose::hangloose::hangloose::hangloose::hangl oose::hangloose::hangloose::hangloose::praying::pr aying:

Blah... had a hard day fighting with my blood sugar levels, but was very thankful for a sunny warm day. Was very tempted to take a picnic, but by the time I was feeling better, it was too late.

I'm so sorry for your loss. That must be incredibly difficult for you. I think reaching out to folks to let them know you love them is a really beautiful thing to do and a great way to help process those turbulent emotions. That's what I always do in similar situations and it helps me reflect and feel grateful for their presence in my life. It's important to say what you need to before it's too late.

Sending you hugs <3

Lord, it's been a rough day. I was looking forward to a relaxing bath to de-stress, but now it's a bit late for that.

Maybe tomorrow will go smoother.

Wishing you all a wonderful day/night.

xoxo

I'm so very sorry. :(

{{{{ You }}}}

I feel good.:hangloose::hangloose::hangloose:

Me, too.

:bow:

i’m suddenly soooo hungry

Somewhat depressed. Some important papers I need I can't find, and my body aches today (I took Tylenol so it's okay now), life isn't perfect and I need to remember that!

Deborah

Broken and so damn angry that I'm not fake.

It's been a rough week. I freaking miss my Mom.... Thank gosh for therapy.

Sad. The abandoned cat I've been taking care of is female and definitely expecting. One extra cat in addition to Monte maybe, but one unplanned pet, plus a whole litter, plus Monte to care for... In the interest of all animals involved I know relinquishment is the right decision. Still it doesn't make it any easier. I wish people would give a crap and if not in a position to take on kittens see to it their animals are spayed.

Just a lil bummed. How easily ones mood can change when the response from a friend is not as positive as expected. It wasn't even a negative response... just not the uber positive one I expected. Expectations... that's the problem. I'd make a poor Buddhist. :p

I am feeling absolutely elated with my new iMac!

Freaking 4.2GHz with an i7 processor on a 27" screen!!

It only came with 8GB of ram but I have already ordered 2x16GB DDR4 sticks and am going to upgrade it myself (because Apple wanted $600 for this and I'm all "REALLY, bitches??")

My old Macbook was 5 years old and it served me well but shit, this new machine is so freaking fast that I wish I had done this sooner! I've been sitting here for hours doing fresh installs of all of my various applications and products and setting up my VPN and it's got me all giddy and sparkly.

Needless to say? WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mom just said, “What if your hormones are out of whack? What if you have too much testosterone? And if we change that, then maybe your feelings about women will change.”

It’s interesting that just earlier today I was reflecting on how much pride I derive from passersby openly staring at me when I’m accompanied by butches – that is, when my femme identity is salient. I thought about how I’ve learned so much from being Otherized and how much these interactions have shaped me in a positive way.

But when it comes to my mom, comments like these are really hurtful. It feels like this aspect of my identity – one that I consider beautiful – is disgusting to her. It doesn’t matter what I do in life, how many degrees I earn, how much money I make, how compassionate I am, how fiercely I love those around me. I will always be a disappointment to her. Or, at least this one element of my selfhood will always be a disappointment to her. Something she wishes she could cure, like the stomach flu.

It’s also interesting because I’m not sure that all of my previous partners/crushes would feel comfortable being lumped into the category of “women.” My mom’s comment felt disrespectful to those who identify as butch, but simultaneously trans, lesbians who use they/them pronouns and those who use he/him pronouns for reasons that are entirely valid and entirely their own. These individuals have complex and nuanced relationships with womanhood and to toss them in with “women” seems reductive.

At the same time, I do claim the term lesbian, so what does that say about me? How could I articulate that to someone standing on the outside?

I didn’t say any of this to her. I just said, “That’s not how it works” and changed the subject. I figured it was better to process these thoughts in private. [And now on the internet for the whole world to see lol.]