Having to go to Dr for an injured knee.... down for the count for a few days! Oy, that's rough for me.

Sad
 

How some people have never experienced feeling loved and wanted.

I pulled the Bed of Doom out from the wall to sweep out all the rubbish that accumulates there, and found several plastic boxes of stuff.
Two were souveniers and my teaching things from China, all my lesson plans, it was all there.

The notecards from my Geology of China lesson given to 200 Chinese students, that I wrote in an hour over lunch (I was the only one with any kind of geology knowledge).

The letters from my students, written during the last week.

I even still have the cassette tape I made of their voices; meaning to turn it into a CD. I should take the darn thing to Radio Shack tomorrow, before it gets worn out.

The goody bags from the Chinese airline. I mean, all of it.

And in another tub...all the things from my wedding. The cake topper. Spare programs and invitations. The fan I bought in China and carried. The guest book. Some of the pictures.

It's funny how decisions still reverberate years later. I'd considered living in China, at least for a year, and teaching there. Instead, I stayed in the States and married a kind, yet safe and unadventurous man, and had a safe, unadventurous life in the suburbs for a long time. I have no regrets aside from hurt I caused him or our children.

But if I'd gone back to China, maybe for years, it's unlikely I would have become a parent. I surely would not have come out, at least not when I did, and would never have met my first girlfriend nor many other important people, let alone this site. So, it's not a matter of "did I make a mistake?" but "I made the best decision with the information I had then". Now I feel the winds of change, and the approach of crossroads yet again. This time, I don't have to hide behind someone and let them make my decisions. I'm far more open to life's adventures of all kinds.

But, sitting there amid all that dust and stuff, furniture all pulled out, it was kind of bittersweet. On my wedding day, I felt happy, or at least relieved that I was going to be "settled". It was strange how little I resemble today the smiling woman in the big dress then.

I could never understand what this must be like for you or anyone- HUGS and many prayers for you and all those lives touched by this...
So very very sorry...

Very tragic. No words can comfort when a child is lost. I'm sorry for you and your family. *hugs*

"something" I read was like a dagger going threw my heart ~ shame on u ~

The threat of ice and snow tomorrow .:|

Breathe and try to remember if you dont take care of yourself first-the help you can provide may not be as adequate as it could be
cuddle up and know Miranda has her own path and it will take her where it needs to
many many warm hugs and peaceful light to you and all those hurting.

a friend hurting due to loss

My own grief knowing this time she wont be coming home, as it sinks into my soul more and more.

Checking out my FB page and seeing a post from someone who states emphatically that she "loves me"... (she's my cousin) but the post was.. "Radical Lesbian to Redeemed Christian". It felt like a slap in the face... like a violation... the sadness comes from having to make the decision to remove her from my FB page and distance myself from her.

Some posts, even some "anti-gay" posts, are done in such a way that it causes me to become constructively introspective... reevaluating how I think, feel and believe. But this post was destructive and negative. As if someone can "pray themselves straight"... it hurt.

Sad
 

I have been struggling all week. Tommorow is the day my Dad passed away.