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I'm on vacation this week...since I am a bit of a workaholic it will only be a matter of time before I start getting on my own nerves. Trying very hard NOT to check the work email, court calendars or bank accounts - I do this every morning after opening the office.
There is so much to do around the house - move furniture around and sort through boxes from my move about 2 years ago. Let me elaborate - my former apartment building was sold and everyone was given a couple weeks to move - we were more or less evicted. This happened about 3 weeks before Pride - I was Co-chair of the Board and had absolutely NO spare time. Also I was working for someone who confused the duties of a paralegal with indentured servitude. And my Mom had died a few months earlier. Shelia took time off work and packed my apartment - she packed everything, except the garbage. After the move I was still consumed by Pride and my job. Then Dad started to clear Mom's things from his house because he decided to remarry. I ended up rescuing a lot of things and my living room became a warehouse. When I moved my home grew from a 640 sq ft apartment to about 1,000 but because of the extra things from Dad's I actually have less living space now. Even with the change of jobs last year I was still not interested in going through things here. Thanks to my counselor I have been able to work through my Mom's death and thanks to the addition of 5HTP/Carbidopa the mild depression has lifted - I am ready to tackle this. By the end of the week there will be many things ready to go to Goodwill and/or the dumpster. I am looking forward to being able to use my living room again - something I haven't been able to do since the stuff arrived from Dad's. |
George is on my mind!!!
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the unexpected...
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Strong arms holding me...melting into a warm body...I may have a fever for different reasons now ;)
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Sometimes just sitting around all day when your on disability will give you too much time to think. What hasn't been on My mind lately? Seems like all I've done lately is think ~ about life, My future, what I want and pleasing others. My mind keeps getting wracked with things bombarding My thoughts to the point where I just wanna shit it off ~ like where is the automatic "off" switch? Some of the things I've had on My mind include:
~ My transition ~ Coming out to the rest of My family and friends ~ Going to school (either physically going or taking an at-home study course) ~ Moving out on My own, and how to do that ~ Work, should I or shouldnt I? ~ Love, and whether or not I'll ever find it ~ Figuring out My sexuality and where I fall in the gender spectrum? There is alot more, but thats just the basics ........... no wonder I don't sleep properly most nights :| |
Sometimes I come in here and feel a wave of sadness passing through. It makes me just want to hug everyone.
Negative digit windchill. Now this I can do without. Why don't people read the sign? No quads on the trail means no quads on the trail. You think we WANT to take your toys away from you? I wish I had the entire day to hang out with the old dude that was ice-fishing yesterday. His shack was old school cool and he had great stories to tell. Last time I asked her on a date she said no but sounded like she wanted to say yes. She did say ask me again sometime. It's only coffee right? All she can say is no again? How many times are you supposed to ask before you give up?I don't want to seem like a jerk. |
- life - the feeling of how good things feel when they all come together..feeling truly loved, and happy for once in my life, and knowing no matter what road bumps come along, we'll always get passed them ♥
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Camel snot
The common cold seems so uncommon when my head becomes a soggy wet roll of tissue and my throat is cactus lined when my lungs express their desire to explode.
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I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY... BUT I am making changes to make "myself happy... tough road but WE can do it :~) |
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sending healing vibes your way, feel better soon :~) Moonfemme |
awww Tomi..hope you feel better....
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I got some great advice from a trusted friend and moving in the healing direction... Moomfemme |
I've been doing alot of thinking, too much sometimes, and have decided to do the one thing that has been scaring the hell out of Me ~ coming out to everyone, including the one friend who I know will probably disown Me because I am transitioning. I've spent too many years trying to please others and never once gave a second thought to My own happiness until now. I deserve to be happy and if that means losing people from My life who can't or wont accept Me as I am, then they don't deserve to be in My life in the first place.
Its gonna be scary, this journey I'm on, but I'll finally be truly happy ~ isn't that all that matters? I think so! |
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Something that shouldn't be....
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What is on my mind is the new Bull Durham pipe tobacco I received. It is in a plastic zip pouch bag. I am anxious to open it up and smoke it. :pipe: |
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It could partly be My anxiety but I'm working through that. I hear you about not wanting to go through this journey alone - I can only hope I always have people on My side :) |
Winning ;)
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What is on my MIND
Why do people lie???? I know we all have our little white lies. But..... it seems the closer people are to each other the more they tell lies.
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