About two weeks ago my mother started coming around in her mind and was able to speak to me in short sentences for a short time. That is the best she has been in four months since her fall and the resulting complications. I was so relieved, I thought for a while she was gone for good.

Today is her 89th birthday, for the first time ever we got to spend a few minutes on FaceTime, it was great. Normally I would’ve flown up there to be with her for a few days but this year everything is screwy, sending an iPad was the best I could do.

Happy birthday mom! :rrose:

Dear Kelt,

I was very moved reading your post; felt a flood of longing to once again hear my Mother's voice, see her smiling at me.

I wish you and your Mom much much more time together and the sharing of many sweet birthdays.

Caregivers
 

My mom is slipping a little with her memory. It worries me. She can no longer stand or walk well. She eats and sleeps most of the day. I am working from home now so I fix all her meals. Seems like there is a decline in her abilities.

Since this is all on me, I feel alone in this. My dad and brother have been gone a long time.

It is hard to take this on everyday.

Caregivers
 

My job wants a voluntary return to work. There is no way that I can do that. Even with a vaccine mom can't even feed herself anymore. I don't know where we go from here.

Things with mom keep getting harder.

It may be time for an assisted living facility or nursing home if finances allow. An assisted living facility would provide assistance with your mom's activities of daily living, eating, bathing, dressing, mobility, etc. They also provide (in non-COVID times) activities and outings and movies, etc. My parents spent their last years in one which allowed my brother and I the luxury of not worrying about them. (My mom wore a little electronic device which sent out an alarm if she tried to leave the front door; my dad didn't need one.)

She could bring her own bedroom furniture, clothes, comfy chair. Individual rooms had a small refrigerator and small sink - no cooking in the room. The meal portions were appropriate for my parents' appetites and there were choices enough at each meal to provide variety. For a small extra fee, we could eat with them and did when we visited. It helped reassure us as to the quality of the food as well as the various levels of assistance provided to residents as needed.

I'm happy to share more if you'd like.

And hardest of all, remember you have to put on your oxygen first in order to assist those who need it in putting on theirs. Caregiver burnout is a real thing.

Caregivers
 

Mom fell on the kitchen floor today. It took me 25 minutes to get her up. That was rough. I want her to use a wheel chair but she is defiant. Ugh .

~
 

(((( chad's mom ))))

Thank goodness your Mom is okay!

I once fell in the driveway and the only people available to help me get up were my Mom and an elderly neighbor lady (who didn't actually do much besides stand around fluttering her hands nervously). That was pretty humiliating, lying in the driveway for about half an hour. Mom finally brought out some couch cushions and I kind of rolled onto them until I was high enough to get my knees under me. Then they braced my walker while I pulled myself up. I'm sure I was a sight to see.

I did not know until recently that you can call the fire department, and they will come help you get up if you have fallen.

That is exactly what we had to do, get a bunch of pillows and a stool and with all my might I pulled her up. I never want to do that again.

I am so sorry that you fell and had to feel yucky.

I got to have FaceTime with mom today, it was good to see her. Sometimes it’s kind of fun that she has no memory. Every time we do this the the iPad is a marvel of “TV telephone“ she has no idea that shes seen it before.

It’s also fun that I can repeat every five minutes, I say “Hey mom, it’s Christmas!“ And she says “Really! Oh nice, oh this is special“ five minutes later “Hey mom…“ And it gets her every time. Of course that also means that every five minutes or so she peers at the screen and says “When did you get so old?” I reminder that she’s 30 years older than I am, then she asked how old that is and is utterly shocked every time. Lol

Well, it’s a weird year I hope that we are both around next year and that I can spend time with her in person.

Grateful for what we have for now…

My mom is 80 years old and lives alone in her own home. However, she is fast approaching the time when she should not live alone due to her mental faculties; physically, she's in great shape. My sister is her primary caregiver, and sees her about twice a week and talks to her on the phone 2-3 times a day. She has my mom signed up for Amazon Prime auto-shipping for house staples, and she goes to the grocery store once a week and cleans out her refrigerator. My sister refills my mom's pill dispenser and delivers it to her weekly.

Unfortunately, my sister and BIL have caught Covid-19. Fortunately, my mom isn't exhibiting any symptoms. One of my sister's daughters and her husband live the basement of my sister's house; they have barricaded themselves in and are hoping not to catch it, but their proximity to my sister and BIL means that my niece isn't a good candidate to take over caring for my mom. There is another niece, who is 18 years old, and semi-responsible for someone her age. She can be relied upon to deliver my mom's medicine and probably do her grocery shopping, but cleaning out the refrigerator may be a bit beyond her. If an emergency were to happen I don't think she'd know what to do (and emergencies/small concerns happen all the time with my mom: the air unit is making a funny noise and the filters need to be changed, the water tank needs salt added, the neighbor's cats won't get off her lawn, a tree looks dead and like it's about to fall on the house (it isn't), some strange man and his sons come to the front door looking for yardwork. Due to mom's impending dementia, these same concerns happen repeatedly - because she doesn't remember that she's already told you about it once or 40 times before.

My sister has a lot on her back, and she has a job and health concerns of her own. I'd do more to help, but I live over 100 miles away, and I'm not in the best of health myself. I do not know what else I can do to help her or my mom. Now with both my sister and my BIL carrying the threat of Covid infection, there aren't many options for other people to help. There's my semi-reliable niece, as previously mentioned, and a couple of elderly aunts who could look in on my mom and possibly do some grocery shopping. But every new person who is introduced into my mom's vicinity is just another chance for her to be exposed to Covid.

I'm not sure what we're going to do. Please, please don't let there be any true emergencies. If I can get a negative Covid test, maybe I can move in with my mom until my sister and BIL get over this. I can _probably_ step up to the plate and take care of us, especially since my mom can do the physical stuff like walking to the mailbox. I can do the grocery shopping, especially since Kroger has the we'll-shop-for-you-and-you-pick-it-up service. Amazon delivers, even to her house in the middle of nowhere. There are no food or drug store delivery services, but I can still go to drive-thrus in the nearby town, and my mom can help me cook as long as I gently direct her and don't expect too much. The trick for me will be not letting her wear me down or getting as frustrated as she is. I will have to put off starting my chemo for another month or so, which will probably be okay. I'll call my oncologist tomorrow and find out. If it can't wait any longer, probably my semi-reliable niece can drive me to the appointment, and my mom can just be alone for that day.

Rico has Stage 4 Kidney Cancer and his rounds of chemo leave him weak for around two days or so. In the beginning, when he first found out he had stage 4 Kidney cancer, he was reluctant to try chemo, out of the few strategies available to him. I'm glad he began chemo when he did because each day that goes by, is another day his health could fail without any other remedy that could help him battle this sort of cancer.

I guess I just want to encourage you to put your self first and give your health care choices the opportunity to enrich your life, right now.

Sending all sorts of positive energy your way and supportiveness while you battle this crisis in your life.

Wellness wishes for you and your entire family, Sister Georgia :bunchflowers: :bunchflowers: :bunchflowers:

You are entering the "interesting" years, no way of knowing how long until things change but when it happens it's NOW. I'm glad you have others to help and some flexibility of your own. Amazon is a life saver for sure. The time to figure out who can contribute what is right now, along with a complete document review while she can still sign things if needed. Things will likely also start getting more expensive, same thing, sort it out now because when you need the answers you won't have time to research then, have a plan B and C. I'm sure you have all this well in hand, if you think I can be of help, PM me.

I wish you the very best with all of this.

Great news! Where my mother lives all four residents and six caregivers are getting their first vaccination today, with second already scheduled for February 15. After that happens I can unclench a little bit…

Caregivers
 

In March mom will be 89 years old. She has lived with me for almost 3 years. She can barely walk but she has most of her mind intact. I wish that we could have a birthday party but it is too risky.

Caregivers
 

A lot of folks have suggested that I put mom in a home but I just can't do that. Mom and Dad adopted me at birth. I come from Georgia blood. They gave me shelter, food, and safety for 18 years. I owe them a debt. My dad is gone but as long as my mom is alive I will repay that debt. She does not want for anything I provide her a good life.

Yes, it is hard sometimes and I struggle with it but if you think about it our parents struggled with us too.

I understand, especially considering what some of those places are like. My mom had to put her mother in Central State Hospital in the Alzheimer's care unit, and she was there for nearly 20 years. My grandmother had become violent and there was no other choice; no private home would take her, and my mom could not defend herself. But my mom never abandoned her; she joined the board of the facility, and was a strong advocate for patient rights. My mom went to see her mother every week, and took her clothes home to wash; she felt that if she washed my grandmother's clothes, it was a strong message to the staff that someone was keeping a close eye on my grandmother. My mom continued to see her at least weekly until my grandmother passed away, even after my grandmother had completely lost all of her faculties and did not recognize my mother at all; for the last few years, she lay in her bed all the time and did not even talk. But my mom was there to make sure she was being rotated regularly to prevent bedsores and to wash her clothes.

As I've said here before, my sister and I will do our very best to prevent anything like that happening to our mom. My sister has a suite built in her home for our mom; our mom stays there overnight sometimes now, like when she has a hair appointment early the next day (because my sister is 45 minutes closer to her hair dresser); or like on weekends or at holidays, or just wants to get out of her own house. But, she never really wants to leave her own house, and my sister and I do everything we can to make sure she can stay there on her own as long as she wants. My mom has had the first of her Covid vaccinations, and as soon as I have mine, I'm going to stay with her for awhile. I can work from there as easily as I can from home, and it will take some of the work off my sister.

All this is to say, just hang in there, and appreciate the times with your mom while you can. Just like when we were children, being cared for by our parents, we will never get these days back again.

I came down to get my mom out of a home my sister put her in and it caused my mom a rapid decline. I got her out within months and she was gone after seven months of living with me. Putting her in that home just made her snowball downward. It really broke her heart and I would not suggest it.

It was really hard at times with my mom but I still would go back and do it again. She’s been gone a few months now and I miss her every single day even the bad stuff.
Yeah. hang on to her for as long as you have her. ❤️

I am sorry that your family went through that. My heart feels sad for your mom. I wish your family peace.