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I know, right?
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omg i so dont know u people...
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With my old jeep... sigh.. *baby jeep* I backed into the same pole more than 10 times... Right in the middle of my back bumper was a dent that couldn't even be called a dent any more.. my back bumper looked like a v.. I finaly just stopped parking in the drive way... Cause the telephone pole wasn't going any place.. |
One day I was packing. And using my lap top. It got hot and so did the metal snaps on my strap- ouch!
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I am petrified of germs in public restrooms. One day I had to use one and had not other option. I decided to cover the toilet with toilet paper and do the "hover".
After pooping I was trying to wipe properly and slipped. My foot and heel slid into the poop water. I had to wash my poop foot and poop heel in the sink. I ran out of the restroom as quickly as I could so I wasn't around when someone noticed the poop sink |
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Yes you do! Remember you got me snacks once and I may <3 you more cause of mah bear claws!!! :dance1: |
Hears a good one folks.I was 27 at the time and it was early on a sunday morning,The night before I was at an all girls rodeo and had come in at 4am in the morning ..I was dead tired and grouchy form beig so dam sore form rideing rough stock the night before.My s.o. at the time hadnt gone with me that weekend cause of work,so when she got up I herd ...where is the gd news paper ..didnt u get one before u came home!?!?Now im sore ,tired and now getting madder by the minit cause she knew how late I got home.After hearing her bitch about the paper I got up,got dressed ..I haven said a word so far..jumped into my truck..then peeld out 90mph backwards.NO I didnt look behind me first cause nobodys is suposed to park behind me any ways.Her car wasn parked part way across the dirve way,I hit it when I backed out..not just a little either.U bet we didnt stay together long after that one.
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*raises hand*
I'm another backer upper onto something-er. A yellowish-orange cement pole. Tiny dark gray Mercury Tracer. Husband screaming at me (well, this was before, during and after the bumping actually and one of the contributing factors of our divorce). Eh. *shrug* I'm on the rag today, so that's about all I have to offer unless someone feels compelled to compare cramps or flow or something. :blink: |
The one time I got drunk, ever, I had to take a cab to the ferry to take me back to the island where I lived.
I hailed a cab and maybe threw up a little (discreetly) on the floor. I might also have asked him to wait outside the ferry terminal while I went to the ATM and returned (never) with cash. |
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My share: When I was in high school, I went to New Orleans to visit friends and ring in the new year. I was introduced to (a lot of) Jagermeister. The next morning I was jolted awake by the need to throw up. After approaching a LOCKED bathroom door, I took a hooded sweatshirt out of my suitcase and threw up in it. Covered the puke with the hood, folded it up, and packed it away. And went back to sleep. I don't think I ever knew who was in that fuckin' bathroom. |
Can I do 3 in one?....
The first night my Iguana was home {he was young, but big}, the Novelty of his exotic self wore off really fast around bedtime...
We're gettin cozy & frisky, she stops and asks if the bathroom was closed [where I made Zul's bed, tiles and such], I figured I did...She turned the lamp on, and swiped the covers, there's Zul...licking his nose...So, yes, she screams, I try to shut her up, and he races off..I mean, faster than a bullet, his lethal weapon tail smacks me on my nose, and I fall off the bed..my hand lands on something Squishie-Slimy and kinda Ripe.... I peeked, and instant gagging.. Ever seen Iguana shit?....think of pigeon/chicken/Goose shit...but...much much bigger... All she could say was "eeew -giggle-".... ============== As told by my uncle during family gatherings, my father was resting after a rough day, and he was feeding me chocolate...Mum was at work, I was 3...I gave him a gift after squeaky laughing and saying "candy!!", right when he was gonna bite, he sniffed...and realized it was a chunk of poop.. He wasnt a happy camper, both my uncle and mum told him "thats what u get for feeding her raisonettes" ============== I was dating a rather lovely lady, we had some good times, nice walks, good chemistry, on the 3rd date, she says she had a surprise for me... We get to her place, she sits me on her bed, tells me to close my eyes.. I figure sure why not?..I'm expecting Victoria's Secret here...She tells me to open my eyes, I peek, while she's grinning ear to ear {and modelling playfully}, I'm staring in disbelief, almost slackjaw.. Nothing against Strapping femmes, but.. That's not my thing... 'specially not shiny glittery neon pink dicks... I had to leave, asap... :wine: |
-wipes tears out of eyes-OK so here's my TMI....SO i was about 19 and borrowed my ma's car (my truck had just gotten pissed at me for the tune of a new transmission) and got to keep it for like a week...Thanks ma, I'm soooo glad you'll never read this.Anywhoo...I was living in the country at the time and with allllllllllllllll that wide open space i figured i could back the car outta the drive no problem, right?Now why would anything be that simple?I made it out of the drive just fine but wasnt used to how the brake petal was positioned and my foot slipped right off and on to the gas propelling the car into the neighbers fence...Nice, I know....Well under the infulence of...ahem...mushroom pizza... :seeingstars: just isnt the best way to come up with a pratical solutions.I then decided it was a good idea to take a grey crayola marker and try to color away the scratch which when i looked again the next day was WAY worse than i thought it was.Funny thin though..Ma came and got the car later that day and promptly backed into the SAME DAMN FENCE!!!!!I never did tell her....
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I peed in an indoor potted plant once. I TOLD Mom I had to go. :blink: She didn't believe me. I didn't mind, though. Apparently, I was quite the exhibitionist concerning bodily functions at that age. Quote:
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I went into a circular rack thad had clothes all the way around and peed. I hope no one found out. X.x |
As embarrassing as this is ... I have been reading worse, so ....
When I was younger, five of us shared one bathroom. My sister and brother were famous for spending large amounts of time in there at any given time.
I had to pee. I was beyond the pee pee dance, I was seeing and tasting yellow, and I recall my young little life flashing before my eyes.... My mom scooped me up and made me pee in the kitchen sink. I was mortified, yet, thankfully relieved. I was reminded at the time not to get used to it, because the kitchen sink was not meant to be an optional toilet. I guess she got a little nervous when I asked if I could poop there too. (and, no, I didn't). :blah: |
speaking of things excremental ...
I was in the So Cal mountains with a youth group, hiking. Had to pee, went behind some brush, squatted, and pissed in my shoes ... Lesson: don't piss when your ass is uphill to your feet. Talk about squeaking sneakers ... |
This may have reminded me of the time that I walked around my partners motorcycle to get into my jeep and head out to work..
sigh.. I did find out that I could dead lift 500 lbs.. I was NOT going to have her come out with that bike on the ground when I told her that I backed over her motor cycle.. Nods.. ya... another reason I stopped parking in the drive way... I got a car soon after that... Quote:
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