Damn that type is big.

Hmm... I took your screen name as a sign also that you have "the perfect person" in mind. Like, writing a letter to someone in your head who you've already defined. Are you sure that who you are looking for might not be more flexibly envisioned?

Love will find you.
When you least expect.
When you are happy and true to YOU.

That is SO TRUE.

Mind you, I only lived in Vancouver for a year. But in that year I made exactly 3 friends who I hung out with - and 9 years later (I moved back to Ontario 9 years ago) I am only in touch with 1 of them and the other 2 I have no idea where they're at.

You should consider moving to Toronto. I know it's very "Toronto" to talk about how awesome Toronto is...but it just freaking is. I had an incredibly easy time meeting and getting to know people and always felt loved on and included. I used to joke that no homa (homa is what I call female queers) could leave their apartment without alerting 50 of their closest friends first. Friendly folks, Torontonians.

(I am not trying to be pithy, by the way...but being single kind of rocks. At least I remember it that way. I sure did like being able to do whatever I felt like doing without having to take another person's feelings/wants/needs into consideration.)

Wow. A beautiful thread filled with real emotions. And brave posts. I bow and send much respect to all of you.

I have had an 'active' love life in my years, but no- I have not yet found 'The One' for life. But all the women I've been involved with have brought me closer to her whoever she might be.

And none of those women were a waste of time. I believe we are all here for a reason, to learn something we need to learn. And all of them have helped me learn something about myself so I thank them deeply and love them for that.

Have I felt sorry for myself over the years? Oh yes. But like many of you have already said, I do believe that happiness is a choice. I had a lot of tragedy back in my young adulthood life and spent years depressed until I asked myself (in my best Dr. Phil voice), 'How's that workin' for ya?" Well, it wasn't. I started looking at the people I respected and felt jealous towards....and made a decision to alter my thoughts and aim for happiness. It didn't come easy and took a few years, but I can honestly say that I am a happy person now. Single...and happy.

And I have a clearer thought of who I am looking for. Letter, here's the best advice I can give. You can't stop yourself from being depressed over this overnight so don't try. But do also try to start increasing the time you spend on thinking positively about yourself. In other words, always strive to become the person you're proud to be. That will attract the right person.

And in the meantime, it will also attract friends who you will feel blessed to have in your life. I recently lost a cousin who felt like a failure because she never made a relationship work. At her memorial in Berkeley close to 300 people showed up. Most of them saying how she altered their lives and added so much to their lives. She was lucky-the month before she died most of those people came to visit her and told her in person. Before she died she came to realize how successful she was. How lucky we would all be if we held that thought during our active lives and not on our deathbeds?

And so...................for the next 20 seconds after reading this let's all give thanks for all that we have!
1,2,3,4, 5,6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

Ok, rest. You can feel sorry again. we don't want to go too fast with this. lol

But if you do that enough, trust me, it will increase and become real.

And in the meantime, we're here for you. And with you

All good information and if I may add, some people are simply fine staying single. Like heterosexualty, being in a relationship may be the "norm" but that doesn't make it anything but common and it isn't healthy for everyone. That doesn't mean not having people in your life. I'm finding that in my experience as I get older, I have more friends and no desire or inclination to be in a relationship. YMMV, of course.

SINGLE AVAILABLE BUTCH HERE!!! checking on flights to Canada :flying:

Letter....like most people here have been saying, don't sell yourself short. There is someone out there for everyone. Don't give up on love. You seem like a very sweet lady, and I'm sure some lucky butch is out there ready to sweep you off your feet!!! (f)

Jay

Single butch here too.

There have been a lot of nice informative replies to the original post.

I, too, am finding myself again (after 14 year relationship) and am just taking it one day at a time.

Hang in there!

I, too, have pretty much given up on finding "the one." While it seems that's been the only thing I've wanted to focus on in the past few months, there are things with myself that I really need to take care of. I know all of us are going to have our ups and downs, trials and tribulations, etc., that we all go through in our lives. But then I have to wonder, am I EVER going to be in a good place to share my life with someone?

I'm currently living in Kentucky (been here for the past five years), and it's really hard to find single people in general, and even more difficult to find single lesbians. It's seems as though I'm at a crossroads in my life, however, and kind of feel like my life is imploding around me. I still haven't found a full-time job, I can count the number of friends on one hand, I keep saying how I want to move, and now maybe's the time. I can't say that I have anything that's keeping me here...

Have courage of heart...
 

I've only been on this wonderful community a few times...with a long absence in between...but I know of where you speak... "the perfect person" ... do they exist?

I don't know...I thought so... "once upon a time" ...I understand about it being a tough year...and the holidays always have a way of reminding us "single" people of what we "don't" have in the way of a relationship...I mean you see the perfect Norman Rockwell commercials - you know the home and hearth and the perfectly wrapped gift from the one you love...all dressed up in your slippers and bathroom underneath the perfectly decorated tree...lights twinkling...fire crackling...

Nothing is perfect...not life, not love...I think we put to many expectations on ourselves...and on other people perhaps...perhaps I am guilty of that too... "expectations" ... even when you say you don't...God knows I am far from perfect...

I don't trust much myself anymore...my heart has beat and battered and ripped apart more than once this past year and half...but despite ALL of that and through all the hurt...I know that "love" is real...I know it isn't easy and I know it isn't perfect...but I know it is worth the effort...if you have courage enough to "try" again and put your heart out there...the bruises you have...just have enabled you to love in a deeper and kinder way...and someone out there needs that...and wants that and will show you the same...

Maybe what you seek is just around the corner...with the next spoken word or smile...or outstretched heart...don't give up...

Love is too precious a thing...hang in there...even though it hurts...even though it seems hopeless...maybe "you" are just the person someone else is looking for...and they are waiting for you to reach out ----open your heart and find them...

Until that time...cuddle with that kitty who will give so much love...and be thankful for blessings not yet received...yes, perhaps in the way of love ...

Once I thought there may be something wrong with me if I didnt have a hot femme on my arm, but over the years I just have desided to injoy being single cause the worry was not doing any good.If Mrs.Right shows up great if not im ok with it...really.OH there are some I would like to get to know better but im not shure a ldr is good for either of us..they havent worked for me so im not shure it ever will...corse I wish it would but things are what they are.

oops
 

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice

Road trip!!
 

There ya go Seattle has butches!!!

See she's out there!!

I've met Fever and can vouch for her beauty and kind, kind spirit!! And her hot, HOT cleavage! ;) You all shall have a blast together!

*hugs*

Let's do this. Time/date/location? I'm limited to in-town because I don't have a car.

Same situation. I'm very specifically a West End girl, but can cross a bridge to other neighborhoods if needed. :)