The person who wrote the advertisements is without doubt the most ignorant person now alive on the planet; also without doubt he is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree, and scion of an ancestral procession of idiots stretching back to the Missing Link. (Mark Twain)

Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it. (Congressman Barney Frank D-MA)

The breathtaking inanity of the...decision is evident when considered against the factual backdrop...(Judge John E. Jones in the case of Kitzmiller v. Dover School Board)

I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry him. (Douglas Adams--Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Unlike in Alice in Wonderland, simply saying something is so does not make it so. (Judge Clay Land Rhodes v. MacDonald)

And my all-time favorite snarky statement:

"Not only is it not right, it's not even wrong!" (Wolfgang Pauli)

Cheers
Aj

"Talk to the hand~ Sarcasm"
 

:wtf:":flyingmonkey:Hey I asked for guardian angles, not flying Monkeys fueled by methane!!!! mmmmK?"

I'd like one of the new Mother Focker Alert bracelets. Where are they selling those again????

mildy sarcastic- but effective.
 

Sarcasm For Dummies - A Guide
 

one i use allllll the time
 

Hello Pot! This is Kettle calling ...

When someone starts to complain:

"Here's a quarter. Go call 1-800-BOO-HOO, and dial extension Wah Wah."

Someone call the wahmbulance!

said by my 5ft, 98 lb baby sister to her 3 sons (age 10-16) on the third trip of running in the back door and taring thru the house screaming, yelling and laughing and out the front door................

she steps in front of them, looks up (they are all taller than her) and says:

'I brought you into this world and I can damn sure take you out..........get outside and stay there!!!'

(she says the same thing to her grandchildren when they start acting like a bunch of fools)

Too tired to go throught them all so this may be a repeat.. One of the few things I remember from highschool was a sign in the office that said:
Everyone brings joy into this office;
Some when they enter
Some when they leave

My often-repeated prayer at work:
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they ticked me off

‎5 RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the jerks name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to beat them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

Stupidity is not a crime. You're free to go.

If stupidity were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence.

For starters
 

If I give you $20 will you leave me alone?

This is an A B conversation, why don't you C your way out of it.

Your like a zit on the ass of society.

Sorry I don't date from the peasant pool
Do I LOOK desperate?

I see your riding the cotton pony today.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation in this matter.

My faves...

Me to a pissy, rude cashier in the grocery store...
"I hope you have a better day tomorrow since today is obviously not cutting it for you."
(I like that one because it comes across as really nice but the tone can change it all).

Me to a friend about a local drama queen...
"The nicest thing I can say about her is that she is easily forgettable."

:sparklyheart: