I missed your response to me before. I never looked at her as anything other than a friend because the entire time I knew her, she was partnered (happily, I thought, though I was mistaken). I do not and will not cross that line.

The very first time I thought of her as potentially anything other than friend was when a mutual friend passed along the news that she had just broken up with her partner. Then the thought was instant and appealing, so obviously there had been an element of attraction there that I hadn't been conscious of before, and I'm sure physical appearance was part of that. She is both cute and sexy.

Usually, though, the ones that draw my eyes from across the room are big, strong, strapping butches with a swagger. My honey is shorter than I am, smaller than I'm used to, and doesn't particularly swagger, but the chemistry is definitely there and very real.

For me and I hope Im able to really put my thoughts out. I have to be attracted to someone physically first. Then I wanna get to know them as a person If they arent as beautiful inside its a deal breaker for me.

When physical attraction has come first I have lost my head and stopped listening to my gut reactions. That wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. BUT I apparently can do the same thing with mental/emotional attractions where I haven't met the person. I don't like either situation because the result can be the same. I struggle between putting on the brakes and just going with it constantly.

I get told I'm pretty all the time. I am most feminine in appearance. I have a gift for attracting exactly the opposite of what I want. My taste in people has always been for those who look mean. The meaner the better. There is just something about them. **sigh**

Last night I met a girl who looked mean. One of my friends had picked her out special for me due to the mean look- and kind of pushed us together. Then she opened her mouth. OMG. She ruined it. I like the mean look. I don't like crass or stupid. Someone really needs to be able to hold an intelligent conversation. She spent most of the night trying to convince me she was a gang member or in some real time mafia. Yeah. Fascinating. Everytime I got up I would go into the bathroom with my friends and try to formulate an escape route. (Yes, this is one of the reasons that girls go to the bathroom in a group.)

I like smart, mean, funny and sexy. The smarter, meaner and funnier they are the sexier they become to me. They also need to know how to act, at least in public, and preferably be able to carry a conversation about something other then sex, violence or sports. It's amazing how many people don't have that ability. If they aren't talking about themselves - then they really have nothing to talk about. That gets old fast. So does the feeling that I have to do all the work to keep things going. Seriously, if it's that hard to talk to me or pay attention to me - forget it. Keep it moving.

you know I always say this and then forget my own rules. its important for me, essential in my life and my next relationship needs to have this. I think its really important to have things in common. I couldnt see myself with someone that hated the outdoors, gardening and animals. These are spiritual for me. I also need someone thats really really good to me...puts it out there because they feel it from a deep place.

I was with my sister today and we're maybe 4 years apart in age. We both agreed that settling was not an option. It's gotta be all or nothing.

I have found as I get older, my taste in women has evolved. The first thing that always strikes me about a girl these days is comportment or the way she carries herself and presents herself. I am very attracted to girls who clearly enjoy and revel in being a girl.

Initially, though, that is what I am drawn to...how does she carry herself, present herself, behave in public, is she an engaged listener, is she looking about the room and not listening to the person talking to her. I observe all these things. I tend to shy away from loud, obnoxious people in general, and women in particular.

As I get to know a girl, I look for these qualities -- can she make fun of herself, will she playfully make fun of me, sense of humor (a must). An awareness of the world, be it political or social. Does she have a good relationship with her family? That's important to me. Does she enjoy her work and is she good at it? I like girls who are smart, who aren't afraid to try new things or go to places far away. I am also attracted to girls who won't be embarassed by my old-fashioned manners that I have worked hard to refine.

As I get older, I look more, I think, for the elements of companionship -- I feel they are more sustaining to me. To me, there's nothing sexier than a girl who is as smart as she is pretty, and who can tell me her stories without fear, and who will listen to mine.

Jake

If you don’t know someone, if you’re meeting for the first time, there has to be something that makes you want to connect. Putting online aside for a moment, there’s going to be something about the way they look that catches your attention, something that causes that immediate visceral attraction. I’d venture to guess that even online there’s going to be something about the way you assume they look (that picture you build in your head) that catches your attention.

I’ve never really understood why it’s shallow to be attracted to certain physical qualities or why it’s shallow to pursue those attractions.

It seems to be considered a “bad thing about us” if we are only attracted to certain things. If we don’t pursue partnerships outside what we “typically” desire. If we say out loud that we desire xyz and only desire that. Why is that bad? Why is that shallow?

It seems to me that we are assigning a value judgment to our or others desire. Which leads me to ask…if you don’t desire something does that mean you are judging that thing to be bad? If someone does not want to be with you does that mean you are bad/awful/unworthy? Because, often when I’ve heard this type of statement it is said in the context of “you are a shallow (bad thing) if you can’t look beyond your desires”. Because a person doesn’t want to be with you romantically/sexually (whatever) does not mean that they find less value in you as a person? Because you don't want to be romantically/sexually with a person does that make you bad?

Perhaps people can explain what they mean by shallow. As I hear that word it a negative judgment of an act that seems damn typically human to me. We desire what we desire.

i like it when someone is focused on being the best partner that *they* can be and they have the confidence to let me be me--perhaps they don't even understand the things that i do, but they trust me enough to let me do them, let me want what i want, enjoy what i enjoy and be who i am.

i simply won't tolerate someone defining me, putting restrictions on me, labeling what is/isn't femme--that's the fastest way someone can get dumped curb-side. i am naturally feminine--work out your butch/femme stuff on your own time; my opinions, my ready/able/audible voice, my capability doesn't make me less-than--it makes *you* less than for wanting to not be *challenged* by my brilliance...

general you, of course.

lastly, old and well-cared for dogs + understated confidence and a kind heart + pompadour = true love.

there always has to be that spiritual connection..but it needs to be grounded in earthly things too. I cant be always living in the heavens. I am an earth girl as well. I need the balance between them. I like my partner to have a deep appreciation for himself...so that he doesnt need bolstered by me to feel good about himself. Thats not my job. I can be supportive...but I wont be the crutch.

I have alot of physical types I am attracted to. Best to define what I am not attracted to..and that is femininity.I do like masculinized energy in a partner. And while there was a time when I felt I would only be attracted to male IDd butches and transmen, I am really learning alot via the the threads here and it has opened my eyes in how I regard butches in general. So thank you to all the great posters over on those threads...

mentally I need someone who can have a good conversation with, but I dont need to feel like I am on the witness stand nor am I wanting to feel like I am a student of the "all knowing" or being silenced by overriding opinions. I want someone to listen and discuss...have sensitivity to my words, disagree when necessary and have a pleasant conversation even when we dont agree or see eye to eye. It can be done.

I also need humour in someone I date. I need to see them smile. I dont want someone who finds glee in pestering others, abusing their intelligence by making others feel less than and then reveling in it, and certainly no one who makes off color jokes..none of that will ever fly with me. I just want to read some good political comics together and enjoy a good laugh...or crack up over the noises a baby makes...

emotionally they need to be available and not shut down. Or divorced from their feelings. I am not chasing the stone cold Clint Eastwood cowboy anymore. I like-um with a warm heart and hands that reach out and heart that would hold mine next to it. I need a grown up love, one not so dependent on another that it cant function without a relationship. I am SO ok being single. I have been SO alone IN a relationship. I would rather be alone than lonely.

What makes my head turn to look twice at someone? Caring words spoken. Wisdom. Compassion. Intelligence. Self confidence. Pride without vanity. Open. As in, not closed off. Sensible. Adventurous. A smile with a wink.

the biggest turn on for me? Is someone who is Present to her/himself long before they think to be Present with me.

oh...and ears. I absolutely need to find their ears appealing. No, I am not kidding...

you're drunk. :unicorn:

does this do it for ya?
 

SassyLeo, I completely understand where you're coming from. Physical appearance does matter, especially when you know absolutely nothing about the person except for what's on the outside. When you see a person for the first time, that's all you really have to go on. Unless you're studying them, which of course would be totally stalker like, you don't see their compassion, spiritual depth, love for animals, etc....

However, if you've had the opportunity to bond on some level via the phone or internet, then maybe the physical won't matter so much. As for me, I'm attracted to masculine women. I stopped asking why a long time ago. I just know I owe it to myself to go with what works for me...:cheer:

Duchess

oh my pantalooms! NO!!!!! One: She is FEMME Two: Elf ears? NO! Three: they arent real...I need REAL ears...

omg...you made me laugh..I will be laughing in my sleep!

I m a sucker for blonde hair blue-eyed, masculine stone butches. He needs to be a really good kisser. I judge going further with hime based on his kiss. I love the old fashion traditional manners. I love to discuss everything- from the day, world affairs, and the unknown. I need to have conversation not just nods of agreement or frowns of diagreement. I love to engage on opposing views as long as it remains friendly. I am very Spiritual and practice my belief system in my daily life. Sharing and respecting are manditory with me. My guy has to be 100% into me. I want him to do little things without prodding as I do for him. He needs to be patient, kind, and love me.

Is that too much to ask for?