so sad! I am glad she got away

I was also married to a sociopath. Never officially diagnosed - maybe she had another personality disorder - but something was definitely WRONG with her.

We met, she was charming, things moved very quickly. She was a genius - MENSA level - but she could never hold down a job because she had these intense conflicts with her superiors. I began to suspect she had sociopathic tendencies because she seemed to feel a genuine malice towards all humanity.

After the illusion was gone (I spent 8 years with her), I found out things that shocked me. She built bombs as a kid. She stole thousands of dollars from me. She could lie without batting an eye, and she made it very believable. She was incredibly manipulative. I always felt like I was to blame for any wrong I caught her doing. She could fake crying as easily as she lied. She'd been married before, and literally only got married to show up an ex who had hurt her by marrying a man. She spent tons of money on this "revenge" wedding, which lasted less than a month when the poor girl realized X had no feelings for her. She would lie to me about getting mugged when she had actually been gambling. She would lie to me about her day, saying all these horrible things happened when I found out later she had just been sitting around playing video games all day. I would cater to her needs to try and make her feel better, and as it turns out, that was all she wanted.

I feel sad for her sometimes because she seems frustrated by the fact that she cannot really connect with people. When we broke up, she called all her "friends", but none of them would even let her sleep on their couch. She never really bonded with her parents or even anyone in her family, save her grandmother, who she sees very rarely. When she found out I had arranged a date with someone after she moved away, she went out and got a girlfriend the next day. She texts me things like "Why do I always make girls cry?" to which I can only respond "because you have no emotions". She was always baffled by mine when we were together. When I would cry, she would just stare at me, puzzled, with no instinct whatsoever to do anything to comfort me.

I'm not an expert. I know many of you are - does this sound like a sociopath to you?

THIS THREAD IS AMAZING !
 

I dont know if i should let out a sigh of relief or {sorry getting graphic} throw up in my lap everything i have eaten for the last 3 years.It just sickens me why my sister is doing this to me.I am completely devistated and heart broken over it all.I spent the night in jail and i have a Lawyer now.I am in this a little over $2,000 to keep myself out of jail.On my 3rd Protection Order and have 10 days of jail hanging over my head until April 11th 2013.Had to plea to something that i did not do to end this bullshit.Just because she had a bad day.Well she had another bad day and got me again and back in the court system.Again something that i did not do.I promise you all i did not do what i am accused of.

I found this thread yesterday and i read everything.I have used the word "charming" and her being a "bully".When i saw those 2 words that described her and the hair raised up on my arms.She is truly a horrible person and everyone in the family does not want her around them or at their houses.She is homeless now because of herself.

I will be back in here in a few days after i get my thoughts together and post.I need some good advise how to beat her at her own game.She has quite a story.What i saw in her house was horrifying and burned into my brain.I will never forget what i saw.Very sad.

I am trying to handle this on my own but i think i need help.

s.

..unfortunately many in my life.

Hi RustedRims,
I do not know your sister and all the ramifications of your relationship however, you cannot beat any socio- psychopath at their game. They do not have the appropriate mirror neurons, oxytocin, safety, etc. in order to be 'normal'. About 1% of the population can be diagnosed with this disorder. The difference between those who have inadequate amounts and not are abusive and those who are is...trauma, neglect and abuse. Actually, abuse, trauma and neglect is a factor in over 90% of psych diagnosis. Meaning if there wasn't abuse, etc in the first place, there most likely would not be a psych diagnosis.
Maybe if your sister got treatment for her (probable) abuse she could get to the meat of the matter. But honestly, the best thing to do is just walk away. If there is a second instance where you have to go to jail...it may not be worth it for you in the long run. It usually is not worth is because of dopamine-related issues (addiction, entitlement, delusions, craving with an inability to release control, etc.) Delusions and dopamine is a huge thing (organic brain syndrome, Alzheimer's disease, schizophrenia). Meaning that one is sooo hyped up on their own dopamine, they become deluded.
Her delusions might be your saving grace meaning that if she reports random people of being stalkers (when she is) or abusive (when she is) then the police will take notice of that.
It really doesn't feel good to be in this situation though :( *hugs* Especially because family is involved. I wish you the best of luck

Not an expert.....but yeah.....
http://www.livestrong.com/article/96...&utm_medium=a1

Excellent point! and Yes I did erase the other point. Oxytocin is being marketed as a Moral molecule, as a saving grace of Autistic people, as a magickal medicine. I do energy work meaning I work with the energy of oxytocin and other hormones and neurotransmitters. You can give someone the molecule but it won't work energetically if the person doesn't do the work!!! You can strap on a TENS unit and clench all the muscles in the body but you will not be ripped! You might be stronger? But honestly, nothing will change unless you do the work. Just taking a molecule will not change this.

WOW
 

Lady Pamela,

I'm glad you are safe now. Holy shit, that sounds like a horror movie!!

Thanks.
To bad I don't have an agent...smiles

Lady Pamela,
That sounds absolutely insane and horrid! I'm glad it's over for you and that you survived the experience. And I'm glad that the church you ran to pooled their money together and you got away from that deluded douche.

This is just some crazy sh#t !
 

Kinda distracted right now doing a project here but i am reading.I will post my story in a day or 2.I am amazed at how similar every ones story is to mine.My sister is hell bent on getting me back in jail.She has "moved in" on my daily routeen.I am being careful but also challenging her,which i should not do.These people are very unhealthy and dangerious to be around.

s.

The facade these psychopaths can keep up is really something to behold. I am in a heated discussion right now on another board about a certain semi famous "holy man" who has been well-versed in the sacred science of Kriya Yoga. He is seemingly very meek, humble, intelligent and magnetic....but he was kicked out of our ashram for sexual abuse, siphoning funds, bothering devotees for money they did not have, and re-editing our Holy Scriptures among other things. He has started another commune elsewhere, and his current devotees are having a hard time believing us because he seems so full of wisdom and enlightenment even though we have shown them court documents.

I keep coming across dopamine in these cases. Dopamine makes you love, want, crave, halts development (ask an alcoholic, a cocaine or speed user, they stop developing emotionally while using) but dopamine is a bottomless pit of wanting if you push it that far. AND many parasites mess with our dopamine levels in order to get us to do things. Candida, possibly rabies but definitely toxoplasm gondii do. Energetic parasites will ride and consume energetic people and drain them into dry husks. They are similar to demons of possession.
His new 'people' will eventually figure it out. This is why women are spiritual leaders historically. We want everyone to be happy (serotonin focused) instead of everyone pouring love (dopamine) into us.

bump
 

Bumping to see if anyone else wants to add anything.

First i will start with saying to June I Am Sorry.Think i used the wrong words.This is about my sister and not anyone in here.

I dont know where to start.My older sister has always thought she was right in everything she did and said.She was right!Always! There was no reasoning with her.

Wow. .... ur story just , gave me sm tears glad u were able 2 get away.

My Story,
 

First i will start with saying to June I Am Sorry.Think i used the wrong words.This is about my sister and not anyone in here.

I dont know where to start.My older sister has always thought she was right in everything she did and said.She was right!Always! There was no reasoning with her.With her being like that she was very limited on people that were her friend.She only had 2 people in school that stuck by her.Today neither one of them want to be around her.

As time passes and i learn her habits and what she has done with her life i do see that there is something wrong with her.She has lost her husband which she put through a living hell.I think we could have been friends if it wasnt for her interfearing and telling stories to us and about us.She has lost her job of 25 years.She kept calling in sick when she didnt want to be responsible for making a living.She has lost her house because she just quit making the payment.She has lost her daughter because she doesnt have a home to raise her in.Now she has lost her family.Everyone in the family doesnt want her to be around them in support of me and what she is putting me through.

I have read everything in this Thread and all the extras and it is her.There was one story that is very similar to mine.She physcially attack me and i was defending myself.I never hit her.She was scratching at my face,ear,chin and scratches on my upper chest.Then with her kicking me with her foot then her knee when she knocked me off balance.Bruses on my side,back and leg.She called 911 and put Domestic Violence on me.She filled out a police report as did my niece and my dad.All 3 of them lied and that got me a night in jail.My dad and the kid was in the kitchen.They never saw it start but both said they did and i started it.My bail was $4,000 cash.I called my older sister and she was able to get that out of my savings.Ok now i am pissed,she is in my money.She put a restraining order on me.Went to court i said no then a protection order is on me over lapping the restraining order.What?Ok waited that out now i have to plea for something i didnt do just to get this over with.I agree to a plea that is equal to littering.Really!I still have 10 days of jail hanging over my head until April 11th 2013.
My dad always told us kids growing up to stick up for each other and not to lie.My brother went over there to see what was going on and he said my dad was shaking real bad.Not normal for him.He was upset with my sister.The whole insident was based on a lie.I think that got the best of him.He ended up dieing 13 days later because of a massive heart attack.I had to have a paper signed by the courts in my pocket at all times so i could go to my dads funeral.That was to protect me from my sister putting me back in jail.That cost me $225.00 to have my Lawyer draw that up.Really!Thought funerals were free.

Now she has stalking on me.I saw her once since the funeral.She drove by my house and by my moms house and i saw her both times.Went to court about that.She was going to press the stalking charges on me.After i said i saw her doing drive by's she changed her mind and now we are going to get a moderator.Still yet another protection order on me.That order is a waste of paper.I do not like her or am not intrested in ever comming in contact with her again.Ever!

She is homeless now and i do not know where she is staying and i dont care.I have gotten a few phone calls of people telling me where she is so i dont go on that end of town.They are making me aware she is in the area.That i am greatfull for.I stay away.

Everything i read about this type of personality is her to the letter.Charming and controlling.She has lost control of her own life and is making an attempt at controlling mine.She is not and will not controll me or any part of me.I see very clearly now that i am a target/victom and not her sister.That i feel sad about.We were very close growing up and as adults.I do miss that.

Sorry this was a little long and Thank You for reading.

Sheila.

Thank you so much.

Now I devote alot of time with others to keep them safe from people like this.
Or to make them aware they are even in true danger.
So good has become of this for many.

I've only met one person who fits the description of sociopath. His name was Michael Ross. He was a serial killer that lived in my town. You can google his name and see a documentary where he speaks of killing two of my sister's childhood friends...

Because I actually knew a sociopath, I am hardpressed to be an arm-chair psychiatrist and give you my opinion about others who have crossed pathes with me.

I think it is a slippery slope to arm-chair diagnose anybody, or lump them into a definition that you find on Wikipedia.

The one sociopath that I knew in my life was a serial killer and he was put to death by lethal injection on May 13, 2005...

LS and AB...I think of you always.

It sounds to me like you have very good choices to live your life without her in it.
But my question to you is this;
Considering this is your sister, are you feeling guilt for your choices?

And if that is the case, remember one thing..
This problem is far bigger than you can fix if she is not willing to seek aide in doing for herself.

U can only help and be there for someone, if your not enabling them and not taking the low points (which is when the learn and feel deepest).

Where is it right now, I fully support your choice to stay away from her.

But always make sure you know where she is. If you choose this method.
While her fixation is on you.



Also, doing this will also keep those aroound you safer.

.

Our local sociopath killed with glee, 8 women (6 in CT and 2 in NY) If you watch the videos of Michael Ross on You Tube (a 3 part series) he will discribe with little emotion how he had to adjust his grip while he strangled Leslie Shelley and April Brunais because his hands cramped up. He also commented on his amazement that the littlest girl, Leslie, put up the most fight. Both of these girls lived in my town and were friends of my sister. I was always vexed by the fact that he never killed my mother-in-law who had befriended him when he moved into her apartment building after her divorce from my father-in-law, and the only explaination we have is that she became human to him, and she befriended him.

He was caught in late June of 1984 after killing his last victim. I and my friend Jane met him in May of the same year at Arremony's Bakery. During track practice Jane and I would take a detour to Arremony's for coffee and a whoopie pie during track practice while we were supposed to be running. We met Ross at the counter where we were seated, wearing our track uniforms. Ross asked us where we practiced, and we said mostly on the trails behind the highschool...Down in the woods. To this day, we walk the dogs down there because it is beautiful and secluded.

My point in all of this is this. Most of us know somebody who is nuts to the tenth degree, but almost all of us don't know a true sociopath or even a psychopath. If any of us know a person like that it changes our behavior for the rest of our life.

Though Ross was fried like the piece of shit he is back in 2005, and though he was on death row before I ever had kids...I never, ever let my kids out in the yard alone. My daughters were NEVER allowed to walk downstreet to Arremony's Bakery.

Once you know one, you change your whole world view. My kids are now in their 20's and still have to check in with me hourly. My eldest takes it in stride because she knows that in this little town we had a serial killer...she still checks in with me even when she goes to see her fiance...an active duty Marine.

IMHO, it's okay to say that you know a nutty person, but to lable somebody as a sociopathic or psychopathic personality...that is another thing entirely.

Lady P,
I do not feel any guilt because it is my sister.There has been tension in our relationship for a few years now.Her behavior towards me now is the deal breaker.She has caused me dissapointment,heartbreak and an enourmas ammount of saddness.She has put a great deal of uneasyness between me and my niece [her daughter].As of today we do not speak.She is 16.I am not concerned with that now because i am confident we will get our relationship completely back and stronger than ever.My sister will not be involved to interfear and keep us apart like she has in the past.

We have a moderator appointment at the end of the month.She has a job now so that is being canceled.REALLY!?.I have had a job for almost 30 years and that doesnt count for anything.She gets a job and the world has to stop turning because she said so.Bullsh#t!She is going to drag this out in a way to control me with that Protection Order.I do not interact with her in any way!It is a waste of paperwork in my opinion.Courious how this is going to go.Tossing around the idea if my Atty. should be present at the moderation thing.I need and will find out where she works so i do stay away from that end of town.I will let everyone know so they can act accordingly.What ever that job is she will end up loosing it because she thinks rules do not apply to her.She will be late several times and get fired.

Thank you for your support and your kind words.Much appreciated.

Mrs A,

That is a horrible memorie for you.I am sorry for that.

My story is a little different than yours.I am not diagnosing my sister by any means.The description of a sociopath that i have been reading is my sister to the letter.We have been trying to figure out what her personality really is and this sounds accurate.
It is not a good feeling to be under her thumb and fearing the sheriff comming to put me back in jail just for the simple fact that my sister is having a bad day and has lost complete control of her own life that she feels the need to control mine with the third Protection Order.

I didnt mean to offend you if i did.This is just where i am at.

Rusted.............
 

Not all psychopaths are killers, in fact most of them will never kill anyone in their life. They're not that much different to anyone with a mental illness, some may be dangerous to others, most are not. They are scary as they are unable to be medicated or rehabilitated.

This is the real definition of a psychopath.

according to Dr. Martha Stout, 1 in 25 people are sociopaths. i personally just dated and was engaged to one who also (i believe) suffers from borderline personality disorder.

they can be high functioning and because they are practiced at the 'con' of acting human or acting moral, they make the greatest actors in the world...that is until they are caught in a lie or in a 'mistruth' or in completely different recollection of a story they forgot they already told.

i have been around a few blocks in my day and a few other peoples blocks, but i have never in my life fallen prey to the 'twisted life' of a sociopath, until recently.

i suggest everyone reads the book The Sociopath Next Door it is a wealth of knowledge and a wonderful guide line to help us see not only what they are capable of but what next to look for before entering into any other situation. it is also a great read for those who need to heal from being the victim of a sociopath.

knowledge is power.

Its her !
 

As i read all the stuff everyone provides and i do read it all it is my sister to the letter.It is her! She has no sence of responsibility from raising her own kid to renewing her drivers license.Rules and laws do not apply to her.She has no emotion that is reconizeable as human.The cats in her house that was foreclosed on all died of starvation.[At least 20 of them.Another thread}That was her controlling weather they live or die.She could have let them outside on their own to survive.She chose death for them.She does not know i know this and many other things about her.If she knew i can only think of more bad things she will put me through.She manipulates people and gets what she needs at the time from them then throws them away for her next victom/target.People are disposible to her.She is not human.She is no longer part of my life or the kids cousins and her friends no longer exist for her.Sad but true.When mom talks about her kids she says the 3 kids.In reality she has 4.That is sad.I am not diagenosing her but the similaritys are very accurate in this case.It is her.I do miss my sister.I do not miss the person she has become.She is dead to me.

from experience, they [sociopaths] are not capable of the emotion of compassion, they know only how to act it.
your sister sounds like my ex only, my ex did not abuse nor hinder the animals at all. however, that being said, she too believed she floated above the law in so many ways...so many entitlements, that no-one who actually lives in the reality of humanity...would expect.

you are best being away from her and to share what once was said to me 'run from her twisted world'

the separation hurts, the situation is appalling but in the long run you will be best off and you will heal.

remember 1 in 25 people are sociopaths...learn what you can from that.

Wedsnesday....
 

Gotta get past Wednesday.Seeing the moderator and my sister.I will be getting my "Shit together" tomorrow.I will be sitting at my new counter/island after work in the morning going through all my paperwork i have collected through these months.I made some notes a while ago at work when i had some free time.I will get them in order and pick out the most important things i want to say.The thing is that this will be the LAST TIME i will talk to her in my lifetime.I am sad because i will loose my sister but extremely angry what she has done to me by putting me in the legal system all based on a lie that she truley believes.I will most definately bring that up.The rage inside me is very over whelming.Working on the breathing thing so my chest doesnt tighten up on me.Not a good feeling.

How did it go yesterday?

Hey Miss T,

First thank you for asking.As you well know trying to reason with these kind of people is impossible and it did turn into a "Pissing Contest" if i can say.Think i need another day to post to get my thoughts together.
Surprisingly enough i went into work last night with 2 hours of sleep and was in a good mood and even smiled and laughed.I am on my way to some type of healing.I believe.Feeling a little restless for tomorrow.I have to attend a funeral of my friends Dad.I was not able to grieve for my own dads death because of the living hell my sister was putting me through.Wondering how i will handle the emotion.

s.

Hey Toph,

I have learned alot from this expirence.I have learned to cut my losses and sacrifice a sister to her twisted way of life.My contact with her ended yesterday.This i will struggle with but will enforce it within my lifes journeys.My older sister says she needs a pill.I told her no,there is nothing and nobody that can help her.She is an emptyness of a human being.A way i explained it to her was trying to start a car without an engine.It just isnt going to start.I also tried to explain that she is a target/victum and not a sister.How she sets small goals with each person she needs something from.It is all crazy and heart breaking.Slowly i am getting it.
Thank you Toph.

s.

The Moderator,
 

Last wednesday was kinda tough and nerve racking.Before we even got started i said what i wanted from now on from her.That being said i told her i wanted no contact with her and i do not like her ect..ect..ect..The thing i said at the ending of that statement is that she is dead to me.That was the last time i will ever be in contact with my second oldest sister.I did see a very small,Very Small fraction of a human emotion in her once maybe twice.Very small i will say again.I was very surprised that when i was talking she never intrupted however i did inturupt her.I have zero tolerance for adults that lie.The thing that was surprising the most to me was that she told "her" story of the events that happened to get us where we are today.I was there and i do know the facts to the story.That didnt put one hesitation in the lies she told when explaining the events that happened.She brought up the fact that i still have those 10 days in jail hanging over my head for a year.Kept repeating it and i asked her why do i need to be in jail?She didnt have an answer.The Moderator was a very soft spoken guy and listened to everything.He finally seperated us and heard both sides to the story.I had those pictures sitting infront of me the whole time.They were pictures of her house inside and out.She never put those cats out in life as well as in death.She didnt clean up after them or herself.The guy that "cleaned" out her house said at least 20 cats were in there.The smell was horriffic as well as what i saw.I will never forget what i saw and smelled that day.The Moderator did ask to see the pictures and as he was looking through them he said "You know she has a problem" I said "Yes i know".
Fast forward a little.We were able to see the Magistrate before we left and agreed to the Civil Protection Order i think it is called.He asked my sister how long she would like it on me and she said 2 years.Then i was asked if i agreed to that and i said i would agree to five years and life if i could pick that.She was asked if she agreed to that and she said yeah lets do that,the five year.She of course made it all sound like it was her idea.I think it is pretty sad that the county court system has to tell me to stay way and dont call my own sister.Iwas already doing that for a few years.The only up side thing to all this is that she has to abide to the same rules as i do.I am not as "jumpy" as i was a week ago.I never know when or where she will pop up. There was a time that she did show genuine anger.She mentioned to the Moderator i was not to pick the kid up at school or have any contact with her.He said why?You see she only had her name on that Protection Order and not the kids name like the last one.She was a little pissed that she couldnt control that.I am thinking i will be texting the kid in a few days just to tell her i miss her and still love her.She is 16.There has not been a week or a few days that would go by that i didnt talk to her text her call her or stop by and visit her.I was there when she was born.I saw the color of her hair before her mom did.She is with her dad now and i miss her terribly.I havent had any contact with her in almost 8 months.When i do text her i will not expect a response.That will be ok.I did get some things out of the house for her after the bank forclosed on the house she grew up in.She hasnt seen and knows nothing on the condition of the house at its worst.My sister was given 45 days to get her stuff out and never made an attempt.She was concentrating on getting me in jail.She doesnt know i have what i have and know how her mom was living.
However i am confident my sister will still get me in some way cash in on those 10 days in jail.
I am confident she is not completely done with me and the legal system.
I am confident she will some how and some way find something to keep me away from my niece.
I am confident she will loose yet another job she has had for 2 weeks.Another story.
I am confident i will not have a problem staying away from her.
I am confident i will be ok.

With that being said it is in the past and that is where it will stay.I am going forward with my life and planning happy and fun things to do.
I still have a heavyness in my chest i need to get rid of.I believe i will put myself in counseling.I have also had a few bad dreams i do not want to come back.Had one again today that woke me up.

Thank you all for the support and kind words.None of it goes un-noticed.
A BIG THANK-YOU for reading !!Very much appreciated.

You all have my best.
Sheila.

Ive known people who, according to the standards put forth in this thread, are socio or psychopathic, or at least have socio or psychopathic tendencies.

It's scary how perfectly normal they seem, until they can't hide those things anymore, or a stressor sets them off. Only one out of the few who have been in my life, was truly violently psychotic, the other's, I think, were more borderline personalities. The single most common thing they had in common? Inability to tell the truth. They didn't always straight out lie, but they just couldn't seem to be able to tell the simple truth. Stories changed, whole circumstances changed, sometimes even their "real" names changed. The other common trait? Narcissism. Only they mattered, only their feelings mattered, only their wants, needs and desires, mattered.

In all honesty, it's extremely sad. They will never know what it's like to be truly loved by another person. I am sure they are or will be truly loved, but they are so wrapped up in themselves that they will never know it, feel it, or truly appreciate it. To me, that's sad.