BUMP BUMP BUMP!

Okay y'all more responses, I am anxious to see how relationships with our mom's carry over into the relationships with our partners.

...
 

My relationship with my mom was very special.She was giving and caring. She always said "if you give something.. do not have strings attached".We cared for her for until she pasted 4 yrs later from dementia related issues.I miss her and ALOT of my character traits/beliefs are from her... and yes my dad too.

She had old school politeness and charitable beliefs.

I miss her.

My mom and I have a great relationship. I consider her a friend. We are very much alike in looks and personality.

We take an annual Mother-Daughter trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for the Induction. And usually have a couple other adventures throughout the year.

Our relationship isn't perfect, by any means. And she struggled at first when I came out. We still don't always see eye to eye on the way I dress. But I wouldn't change things for the world.

Whether you are a butch or femme or a polka dotted green alien, families are a shit show.... Anyone in here feels like they're "normal"? I don't ... fucked up shit! lol

In my family I never knew what wasn't disfuntional (?) cause all my cousins has the same issues with there parents as I did, all the siblings from my mothers family had some kind of mental thing going. One minute all was just fine then the next it was hells bells ducking then running for cover, my uncles were the somewhere back in the feudal days 300 years ago, the women were not meek nor mild but had some bad issue with sex that none of us cousins could figure out. It went from "don't touch me ever" or its cause "I have to"
sex was never talked about.My gram had 12 kids and raised 8.
Mom hated men I have no idea how I ever came to be. We had times we got along pretty well but mostly I did all I could to just to stay gone. No matter where I went or who I was with I knew I was going to have to give her a total list of what and where we all went and what went on no matter who did what ever, even what the adults did. It was like there were multiple personalities involved hear, at work or away from home she was a total diferent person it depended who she was with and what was going on. When times were good it was like walking through a mine field wondering what was going to set the next boom off. Thank goodness I didn't get what ever she got.. a beautiful mind was a big waist.

Nope, she was not a good mom. I can only take her in small doses.

My mother is a good enough mother. She chooses to pretend things are always good and has no idea who I actually am. She thinks I'm a terribly selfish person because I chose not to include her in why I do things and let her think what she wants because of it. I needed her when I was in my early 30s - abusive relationship, lost job, 30 year old best friend dying of cancer, money problems, etc. etc. etc. - all she could say to me was she couldn't afford to help me. Thing was, I never asked her for help. Not once. I just needed someone I loved to tell me everything was going to be okay - even if it wasn't. I pretty much realized I had no one to talk to or rely on that day. I've never forgotten or forgiven that, and I doubt I will.

She's more interested in being right than she is in not cutting someone to the bone. She knows I dated men and women equally and my current partner is a woman, but she merely gets this pained look and pretends it doesn't exist and no one will ever find out, so it's all good. What people think matters more to her than most things do. Her mother taught her that.

She was a wonderful mother when we were young. My brother isn't complicated and hasn't had a complicated life. She's a good mother to him still. She loves me. I love her. She's a good enough mother to me now. But that's all she'll ever be - good enough.

Mother
 

I think I had the best mother anyone could ever wish for. I never saw her take more than a sip of wine at special occasions, she never smoked, she never swore , she never hit us and she never yelled at us. My mother and father were married 64 years until he passed. My mother passed 5 yrs after him and I miss them both very much. We had good parents and we are thankful for that every day. When I lost my mother I lost part of my heart and I am blessed to have had her.

My mother is & was a great mother.. As a child she was always there for me cheering me on,conforting me or running me place to place day after day(even while working 2-jobs.) As an adult my mother has still been my number 1 supporter no matter what.. The day I came out to my mom was easier then I could ever imagiane..(trying not to jump out of the moving car) I scaredly told her we needed to talk as I started telling her she looked @ me & said " I love you no matter who you choose to love & I already knew.. So take me to eat im hungry"... I LOVE MY MOMMA DEARLY

Mom
 

My mom is so sweet, she is driving me to and from a little out patient procedure next week. What would I do without mom?


:cowboy:

Right now my relationship with my birth mother is estranged. My adoptive mother is another story, we have our issues which do carry over into my current relationship. I see a pattern but have no clue how to fix it. But my families are a shit storm for sure.

We talk when needed. We also do things for each other when needed. There's no 'I love you's" or hugs since around 10 years old. But we get along okay.

My Mom and I get along better now than we did when I was little, of course we DO live in different states and don't see each other that much....... She has finally accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian, and that my spouse is around her age. We didn't speak for years because of those two things. I was always closer to her Mother, my Nana.

Does you mother have major issues with your partner being around your mom's age?

I am curious because both my mom's didn't like the fact I dated someone who was older then me at one time.

What a curious question. Is the some theory between being butch and one's relationship with mom??

In my case, mom's gone and we never got along. Rhyme unintended. lol No issues re: my being gay ... lots of other family dynamics that created tension and conflict.

My relationship with my mom is fine I guess. She doesn't know I'm gay but I'm sure she has her suspicions. My biggest issue with her, besides her "hate the sin, love the sinner" homophobic facebook statuses, is the fact that she has started distancing herself from me in public ever since I took on a more butch appearance (I shaved my head and I normally wear sweatpants and a t-shirt, so I look kinda butch now).

For example, she now sits in the next chair over instead of right next to me in public. And when she took me to the airport and hugged me goodbye, she loudly told me to text her "or your brothers incase I'm asleep." I know this seems like a harmless comment, but it's unusual for her. She normally tells me to "keep her posted" and she never says it loud enough for the whole room to hear. It was obvious that she was trying to let people know that we're related.

My mother had me very young and looks very young for her age, and even when I was in high school and took on a more feminine appearance, our neighbors still thought we were lesbians. Now that I'm more butch, I guess her paranoia has gone into overdrive. She has always been someone who cares way too much what other people think of her; she's never had a backbone when it comes to things that actually matter. It's what I've always hated about her.

Since I don't plan on growing my hair out anytime soon, I guess I'll have to visit less, which sucks because we were finally starting to get along but I refuse to be treated like a disease. I guess I'm just disappointed that she didn't open her mind like I thought she would. Instead she switched from "kill the gays" to "hate the sin, love the sinner" (while still posting anti-gay statuses on facebook). She has a niece who is gay, so that's who her homophobic statuses are usually about. She sees nothing wrong with what she says and my attempts at opening her mind over the past 10 years have gotten nowhere. It's starting to look like she's not going to be a huge part of my life.

Sorry my first post is a rant. I just needed to get that off my chest.

Sorry just saw this! Yes the age was a big issue for sure.

~
 

As the years go by I realize how many of us have had problems with being accepted or loved for being gay ( lesbian) with our moms. I just want to say , I always loved my mother cause I remember the mom I once had as a young child ~ and right b4 she passed away on todays date 9-1-2000. The last 2 years of her life she reached out ,and I was there for her holding. I thank God everyday that she seen me as who I am :) I would give anything to cook her dinner and share an evening of conversation , hair dying , a few laughs over gossip , and the glow on her face as she talked with my daughters.

((((( Mom ))))) your very much loved and missed with and with out your faults .(f)

No self-pity here (maybe more than a touch) but mostly deep sadness at what never was and never will be.

My dad's funeral is Friday and my daughters and brothers gently suggested I not go.

I realized that somehow my mother has always identified with me and projected herself into me with a boatload of self-hate. She has no insight and always refused therapy.

I got my brother to tell me where my dad's grave will be, I will pay my respects after they are gone.

You must be thinking, "She must have done something awful". No, I never did.

As my mother told me once, my dad cried when I was born because I wasn't a boy.

It can only go downhill from there and it did.

I have pulled away from my birth mother, these last few months, I had no idea and was not told by my half siblings, about who she truly is.

It's kinda sad that she is a bitter, ignorant, racist old woman. I can not associate with this in any shape or form, so I had to pull away.

I loved my mother.

My mom was a whoring drunk.

She was very supportive of me being gay. After I told parents I was gay, my mom got drunk and told all the relatives in the small, racist town where I was born.

I moved back to the city where parents lived and took care of my mom through her extended terminal illness. She passed in 84 at 49 years old. I left no stone unturned in helping her through her illness so I have no regrets there.

That's about all I know about that.

oh well ...

Mother
 

my mother was the sweetest, kindest, gentlest woman I could have been blesses with having for a mother. Although she did not agree with my way of living she was always kind and generous to my gf of 22 years that also got to call her mom as her own mother was an alcoholic. I never saw my mother have more than one glass of wine, never smoked and never uttered a swear word to my knowledge and her mother was the same way. I was very blessed to have had them both in my life as well as a wonderful father. I lost my dad in 2000 and my mom in 2015 , 2 weeks after her 90th birthday , which was a huge bash with family and friends. Thanks mom for waiting for that last big hurrah.

Treat Her Good
 

Mother's Rock!... I love them all.

I miss mine a bunch :laundryday:

We get along. She will be living with me after Christmas.

Much better relationship now than we had years ago. We don't discuss the past anymore. I feel this way: You only get one Mom in this world & when she is gone, that's it. So I try my best to have a good relationship with her.

I have just about completely pulled away from my birth mother. I am grateful that she had me and all but I don't need the bs in my life.

My adoptive mom, we have our days, but boundaries are one thing that she needs to be respectful of.

my mum, my "real" mum, ie the one who raised me: it's always been difficult. But she has the start of dementia now so the entire relationship went through a tough upheaval. She was a very tough, independent woman with two long term relationships and two long term careers. She could be emotionally abusive, gaslighting, controlling and utterly horrible. But she is also very generous, hilarious, protective, gregarious, and caring. She's a human. She's flawed. I can't imagine trying to raise kids and going through all what she did.

I've forgiven her past behaviours, it's a bit late in the game. Her memory is slipping. She's turning into a different person. It was hell for a bit while she tried to hide it and she was terrified and thus was nasty as fuck to everyone around her because she was so scared. But, I might, and probably will, lose my memory at some point in my future. And I won't have a daughter to help me. So, I'm trying my best. We get along pretty good - comparatively - these days. we have our ups and downs, as always. Our fights have always been horrific and gut clenching - they reminded me of the horrific abusive arguments with partners - same weird gaslighting twists in them where you suddenly doubt reality, and my face starts going numb.

But these days I take her around downtown on walks, get coffee, we watch netflix costume dramas, and I listen to the same story 16 times over. I go over and do odd jobs for her twice a month.

My birth mum is crazy in the desert in a trailer. She moved the trailer so, have no idea where she is now.

My step mum is good. It's nice to know she'll be around for a while. She's only 20 years older than me so she's more like an older sister and I like her. I imagine she'll be the only one left after a while. We get along great as we have the same sense of humour and same interest in medical history, travel, socialism, and women's rights.

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP!!!!

:hangloose:

I have no idea whether my mother is alive or dead, nor do I care. I greatly respect that she raised me single-handed after my father died when I was young, and in every way but emotionally, did a good job of it. And also that she was accepting of my being rather unusual, even though she didn't really understand it.

But I will never forgive her for utterly disregarding my wishes, when I was adult, in the most important things in life, like the death of my Nan, her mother. I was halfway across the country, in hospital, and aware that my Nan had taken ill. I was closer to my Nan than my mother. I wanted to be sure to be able to say goodbye to her, and had checked with the medics that they'd be happy to release me for a couple of days to go see her, and they were. I phoned my Mum explaining and asking her to tell me if it looked like Nan wouldnt pull through. She promised she would. No phone call, no letter, so I remained in hospital for another two weeks to return home to find that Nan had died and been buried, where I still do not know.

Mum said she thought it had been for the best. My express wish to say goodbye to Nan despite being ill myself meant nothing to Mum - all she cared about was what she thought was for the best. That wasn't the only time she did that sort of thing to me, but it was the worst - the more important the situation, the more likely my Mum would ignore my wishes and lie to me.

The final straw between me and her came one day when I went to visit Mum, and her first words to me having opened the front door were "are you still wearing that old coat?" - it was a perfectly good coat, I loved it, and I still have it 20 years later again. But no hello, so good to see you, just straight in with criticism. Always the criticisms from Mum, never any praise or respect for me or my wishes as an adult. I just said goodbye, turned around and took an early coach home.

I reckon I must've been an accident, I can't imagine she actually wanted children.

I haven't heard from my birth mother in over 6 months, no birthday call, etc. So it just made it easier for me to pull away.