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Sometimes there is nothing left to say except REALLY?!
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You are about to become a strange smell in the attic.
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If I give you $20 will you leave me alone?
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If I rub you with Preparation H...... Will you shrink and become less irritating?
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Inhale the good shit~ Exhale the bullshit
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I might not be the sharpest knife in the light socket, but at least my elevator goes all the way to my tool shed.
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Let's just start with the assumption that I am right and go from there.
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I am tired of idiots so therefore all idiots who approach me must form a line to the left...no your other left...that is why you are in the line.
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why does toothpaste fall off your toothbrush so easily, but when it hits your sink it turns into some epoxy, resin type crap that u can't wash down the drain?
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Some people wait their entire life for their ship to come in, not realizing that they are standing in an airport.
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Just about the time u see a light at the end of the tunnel....u realize it is a train.
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Please take a number, I will piss you off shortly!
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And the list goes on..........
Thank you for your anticipated cooperation in this matter.
Your lack of planning has now become my responsibility. Let me drop everything I am working on to fix your problem. |
Crabby Bitch is just part of my charm........
Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours.
Looks like someone had a EXTRA bowl Bitch flakes this morning. |
If wit was shit, you'd be constipated!
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Stu: you are literally too stupid to insult. Alan: thank you.
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Sometimes... You just gotta treat life like a bad lay... Make funny faces and pretend you're having a good time.
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I'm so in the mood for this thread tonight (problems with my biological family, not my BFP family)...
"Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date." "You do sure have a lot of Well-wishers. They'd all like to throw you down one..." "He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe." "I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?" Take a vacation; go to Club Dead." "Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!" "You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to." Whew, that felt good! :D |
attempted to 'dance like no one was watching', but someone happened to be watching, and mistook my dancing for a seizure and called an ambulance.
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"I'm trying to see things from his point of view, but I can't stick my head up my ass that far."
"A few more brain cells and he might be dangerous. " " Don't go away mad, just go away ." |
Fashion 'statements'...
"Poor dear, she went hunting for fashion, and didn't shoot a thing."
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" Well suicide is always an option."
" Life is difficult, it's even more difficult when you're stupid." "Don't worry, only the good die young, you have another 100 yrs or so. " |
"She's the type who'd kill her own parents , then plead for mercy because she's an orphan."
" The #1 leading cause of divorce is marriage." |
I like it
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Quote:
Who pissed in your Post Toasties this morning? |
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
Don’t be humble. You’re not that great. If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out. Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world. Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable. |
I would love to have a battle of wit's with you but I can clearly see you are unarmed.
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Sarcasm! Almost as much fun as Orgasm but you leave your clothes on...
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Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper.
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A Butch is as young as the woman she’s holding!
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. |
Sometimes I need what only you can provide, ABSENCE
I'm smiling, that SHOULD scare you Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm I'm not a complete idiot, somethings are missing Pitty party for 1 today? |
"Once I was...
...pure as the driven snow - now I'm just driven."
~May West |
If you're that A-hole that honks the second the light turns green, I'm that shit head that will sit through that green light & update my Facebook status.
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I'm currently taking applications for an evil sidekick. Must be willing to follow directions and occasionally participate in witty banter.
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On the advice of my attorney, I plead the 5th on EXACTLY what I did for a Klondike Bar.
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I'm fully qualified to not care
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Some days there are just not enough swear words in my vocabulary!!!
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Sometimes you just want to ask people if they own a mirror!
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never argue with an idiot they drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
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