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'I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.
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candy corny jokes ;)
Why wouldn't the skeleton cross the street?
He didn't have any guts. Why aren't ghost good liars? You can see right through them. Why are ghost good cheerleaders? They have spirit. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite. Why can't ghosts have babies? They have hollow weenies! HAPPY HALLOWEEN ALL! ~W |
HO HO HO
What do you get if you deep fry Santa?
Krisp Kringle Why are Santa's helpers depressed? They have low elf esteem. What do you call people that are afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic Why doesn't Santa have any children? He only comes once a year and that's down the chimney. ;) ~W |
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
He had no body to dance with Where do Santa's helpers go when they're sick? The National Elf Service |
Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own?
It was TWO TIRED! |
Did you hear the one about the corduroy pillow?!
It made headlines! |
What did the blonde say when she gave birth?
"Is it mine"? ps. I have nothing against blondes, this is a joke. Only. |
told to me by a resident yesterday...
bus driver opens the door and sees a 3 eyed, armless, one legged person wanting to get on.
he says: eye, eye, eye. you look armless enough, hop on! |
Quote:
I say, Tell the same joke, but replace 'blond' with 'black'. How does it sound now? |
guy jumps off Empire State Bldg..On each floor as he goes by, people can hear him say " So far so good."
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Birthday Jokes for Mopsie
What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
A birthday pheasant! What did one candle say to the other? Don't birthdays burn you up? What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake! Happy Birthday Mopsie! ~W |
Cornier and cornier
What is black and white and red all over?
A newspaper! To Chancie: I promise no more 'dumb blonde' jokes...:sorry: |
Do you know why you shouldn’t tell jokes to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things- literally ;D |
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One says to the other,
"Does this taste funny to you?" |
There was a person who sent 20 different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least 10 of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did. |
<3
What do you call a very small Valentine?
A valentiny! What did the farmer get his wife for Valentine's Day? Hogs and kisses. Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? Yes, they're very scent-imental! |
What is orange and doesn't belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
http://i1306.photobucket.com/albums/...psca7072cb.jpg lmao, the joke cracked me up and when I saw the picture I died all over again! It's all just so ridiculous. |
What does a mermaid who likes math wear?
An algae-bra! |
Someone stole the toilet from the police station.
The cops have nothing to go on. |
Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay it would be called a bagel! |
How do you carve a big piece of wood?
wittle by wittle |
An oldie but a goody
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine. |
Practice having a safe lunch......use condiments!!!
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What does a piano player dream about?
Sheet music. |
Some bacon, eggs and toast walk into a bar, and the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"
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A really hot butch asked me for my number today and all I had to do was hit hys car with my car. :p
When a femme wears leather, a butch goes crazy and gets weak in the knees...she smells like a new truck! :rrose: |
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Daft Joke
A bloke goes to a fancy dress party naked with his girlfriend on his shoulders, they get there knock on the door and the bloke who answers says "what have you come as", the guy sez " a tortoise", the first bloke sez and who's that on your shoulders"...the guy sez "thats michelle"
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joke
Bad Spellers UNTIE
I have a black belt in origame. |
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Unfortunately, putting a bow on your head does not make you gifted.
A truckload of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins. What a turtle disaster. Insulting me gets you nowhere. Plus, it makes you look fat. The best way to get a youthful figure is to ask a woman her age. I'm not that bright. The only way I'll ever get to say "Checkmate!" is if I eat at a restaurant in Australia. :p |
This thread is cracking me up. :lol2:
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Daft Joke
A burgler breaks into a house, after he has gone a couple of steps he hears a voice..."Jesus is watching you"
he looks round and the voice sez again "Jesus is watching you" he looks round and sees a parrot in a cage, so he walks over, "was that you saying that". the parrot sez " yep it was" the burglar sez " wots your name" the parrot sez "Clarence" the burglar sez " that a stupid name wot silly fucker called you that" the parrot sez " the silly fucker who called the rottweiler Jesus":blink: |
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