Thinking of you
 

{{{Spirit Dancer}}}
 

Thank you very much Wolfy, for friendship and an ear, it's appreciated always.:)

Tommi, As always thank you, yes in time....all things are suppose to be better. My friend thank you.:)

Angel, Thank you for the kind words, they speak volumes.(f)
Pashi~ what a beautiful video, my guess is there's a smile on his face. My friend you are so very special(f)

Children and Grieving
 

Grief has no time limit. And there is not a thing anyone can say or do to take the pain away. Nothing. In fact, it is paralyzing at times. Some people take it with a grain of salt, and others it is like waves crashing on a beach.

I am still grief stricken over the loss of my sister, Jo. She was such a beautiful woman, inside and out. Her husband took down the Caringbridge Website. Thank God. If he didn't it would be me, and his sons going there on a daily basis.
For now we have the disk that was used for her viewing. I am hoping to be able to put that away one day...when I am ready to do so.

The one thing I cannot stand is when someone says something rude or stupid to me like "it was her time" or "get over it" or "move on - she's gone". UGH! I hate it when people say that. They have no clue.

Yes, I know Jo is in Heaven. Yes, I know Jo has recovered fully from her disease. Yes, this is my hope for her, but I miss her. My heart is crushed. That is just how it is. One day we will be reunited. It is my faith, and belief. I just ask people not to take that from me. It gives me hope.

Namaste,
Andrew

Sending a caravan of compassion...without judgement, for you yo take as needed, as often or not as you deem fit.

For my fathers funeral I had the casket spray sent from a florist with card reading.

"May we all now rest in peace._

His child.

Take tears as the cleansing purging of you own needs, and enrich the earth SpiritDancer.

Best regards,

Tommi :paw::paw:

Almost 13.
 

I grieve, yet death has not yet come. I do not know if I can stand it when it does. The last of my blood, separated in childhood, found in youth, and to be lost once again.

my father died last June, 2009 (the best father we could ever have)
my butch died last August, 2009 (the meaning of my life,,, my first & my last)
- me and my butch were together for 15years -

,,, am still crying every night ,,, (f)

Spirit,

When my mother passed I was too young to have the appropriate words or response to know how to verbalize the loss of a parent. Just know in your heart that I can relate and I know what you are feeling and that all is ok to have and feel.

Namaste,

Jedi

.

Dear "Mom" :rrose:

Today is 2 yrs. since you went on your journey. I miss you so much. I know you're watching over me. There is never a day that goes by that you're not on my mind. :rrose:

We didn't always agree on everything but some how those issues do not matter anymore. What's important to me is that you knew how much "I love you" and I knew I was loved as well. :rrose:

Your memory keeps me grounded so your job was well done ... "Thank you Mom" ... for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself and for loving me regardless of our differences. I know and believe in my Heart .. we will see each other again. Please have some homemade cookies baked when I get there... I love you !! :rrose: ~ Karen ~ :rrose::rrose::rrose::rrose::rrose:

:rose:

My Father passed away suddenly of a heart attack in 2000, and my beloved Grandfather 6 wks later. In November 2009 my Grandmother went to join them, and my Mother....my often imperfect, but always loving Mother passed this last Saturday the 22nd.

I have missed my Father and Grandfather every day since they left, but over time it became a warm glow I carried around with me everywhere I went. I honestly can't say if I will survive the latest loss....I know in my head I have to be here for my daughter and spouse, but the grief, the unending pain in my soul.....

One week ago, today - The storms and terrors were too much for my boy. His hips had been bothering him and we were trying new meds. But all the overnight pacing and panic with those bad storms on Tuesday - he couldn't walk Wednesday morning.

From a six week old fluffball with blue eyes to a huge 90 pound horse/dog - he was something else. He was my friend, sidekick, grandpup, a sibling to my kids, snack loving, cookie thief, houdini dog, sammich grabbin', white hair sheddin' hound. We sang songs about him and quite often he sang with us.

The kids didn't live with me as they were growing up. And he loved their visits, evident by the way he would practically recline on Brandon or Dani any chance he could. You could tell he wanted to keep them - just by his facial expressions. "Mom, can we keep them? Pleeaase?"

Oh... and he was a back talker, especially at bedtime - fussing back at me with the kids laughing as I would shoo him downstairs. And being a houdini hound he quite often found his way back upstairs with them.

He would sit on the couch curled up with me after they went back to their Dad's in Wisconsin. Sadness shared.

Anybody that met him, couldn't help but like and/or love him. His size intimidated people, but it didn't take long to see beyond it.

Almost 13 years of memories, stories, lots of laughter and lots and lots of love.

His last few years were more quiet, tried to keep things comfortable for him. And being an elderly boy, he slept a lot.

More than a dog, way much more than a pet - he was a beautiful Being.

And Lord, how the house - is so empty.

grief/loss
 

Scota and others....

I know what is to lose someone that means A LOT to U....

this last Nov 2 I lost my Momma...she was a great woman and very very special to me. She wasn't just my mom..and now I am slowly losing my Dad too. He has was diagnoised w/ alzheimer's about 2 yrs ago and he is slowly going down hill and it is very hard to watch a man who for 22 yrs taught Honors biology at the local high school. Now I have to repeat things to him over and over and over again. Like just now he couldn't remember what month we are in and this is a Great sadness to me. I live w/ him and help him. I know that this is a continuous down hill and MORE to come. IT is just very hard to see.

sooo thanks for letting me post

:watereyes::hanging:

gone too soon
 

What a day. Four months ago, today. :badmood:

I know, he was old. And I know he is at rest and at peace and all that blah blah blah. Damned if I'm not angry though. Want him back. Give anything to hear his big feet stomp through the house in the middle of the night.

And that I made that choice.. to end it for him. Hurts.

Remember my daughter saying that day that it felt like her brother had died. And I told her, "far as I'm concerned, he was your brother."

Some days it just.. hits me.

Sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks.

[QUOTE=JustBeingMe;192689]It's been 9 months since my step father passed and I still have not had time to be able to grieve over his loss. He is a great person that I love very dearly and I miss him. Maybe after next week's crap is over and done with, I can finally take a deep breath, get on with my life, and grieve at this time.

Ruthie, I am sorry for your loss. I wish you healing and comfort.[/QUOTE

please allow yourself to gieve soon. its something that will eat at you until you do.. it did me, no mater how hard i tried to step past it. sorry for you loss as well as the others that have lost a close or loved one its never easy even when you know its coming

I lost my oldest daughter, 2 days before her 32nd birthday, to ovarian cancer, about 4 months ago, and I am deep in the grief right now....Grief can take one's breath away like nothing else can I have learned....I DO NOT LIKE IT.....

An old Sufi Epigram...
 

I am told that I have undergone more than "the norm" of grief of in losing significant loved ones starting fairly young. Have no idea if that is true as I know others that have had rapid-fire, multiple deaths in their lives.

What grief has become for me is a passage to strength and will that I don't believe I would have experienced at such levels in my life without these losses. And being able to say no to the endless trivia I often see keeping people back from exercising the control we really do have over our lives. When I begin to think about changing something in my life and begin with the thought "I can't because....."- I know I need to ask if that "because" is really all that insurmountable- it usually isn't, just not easy to rid myself of or deal with directly. I am simply going for what might be easier rather than what is best.

Grief must be allowed to run its course and is difficult, yet, has been a catalyst for taking better care of myself emotionally and not taking things for granted that I have been blessed with. Separating what does and does not matter.

I lost my Mother in May of this year. I used to call home and check in with her every day at 10am when I had to work. Now, 10am comes and I sit quietly remembering the loss.

I wish I could explain grief so that those that have never faced it would know the devastating SORROW you feel in your very soul....the ache that is never gone, only dulled with time. Flying home from Europe planning what pictures I was going to show her, and what to tell her about the wonderful places I had gone, and then, remembering.......breaking out in tears....sitting on a plane being held by my spouse.

Someone told me that they understood someone leaving him that could not take his grief and responsibilities....it takes someone strong and loving to be there day after day with someone so preoccupied....if they can leave so easily, what does that say about when things REALLY get tough?

Sorry, rambling a bit....

Just my opinion here
 

At the age of 16, i got pregnant for the first time. At my 6 month check-up, they put the monitor on my tummy so we could all hear the heartbeat, as usual. Only, this time there was none detected. The nurse assured me this was common and he probably was just situated so that it wasn't easily detected. The next morning i went for an ultrasound. my mama was with me. They let me watch the screen, and as soon as they started the test i could see him, and i fell in love. i was crying with happiness. But everyone else was quiet. The dr kept moving the thing around, and began poking my tummy harder & harder.

Finally, he looked at my mama and said, "he's dead....he's not alive."

i was in shock. i started crying and i heard my mama tell the dr that she had lost her first baby too (i had had no idea before then).

They sent me to the dr's office to have seaweed sticks inserted to begin dilating my cervix. While there, a nurse talked to me about what i could expect and all the emotions i would go through. i don't really remember much of the talk.

my mama took me from there to the hair stylist's to get my hair cut (i had to be presentable for the hospital stay). The girl doing my hair was making small talk.... "do you know what you're having??". i just mumbled, "no" and was quiet.

The next morning, i was admitted and started on an IV to induce labor. 12 hours later, i delivered my baby boy, Michael, alone in the room by myself. (it hadn't been too long before that they'd checked my progress and i sent my husband to go get the nurse when i felt him actually crown).

As she did the cord cutting and wrapping him up in a blanket, i had my head turned and my eyes shut tight. i felt numb. She gently asked if i would like to see him or hold him. i shook my head no, imagining a monster.... She took him away and my family came in a few minutes later.

They put me in a private room at the end of the maternity ward. i heard babies crying, parents celebrating.... and i cried. my milk came in and they gave me a shot to dry it up.

3 days later (this tells you how long ago it happened....3 whole days i stayed in the hospital!) the dr came in to discharge me. At the end of the visit, i told him how much i regretted not holding Michael. He pulled out a small picture from the breast pocket of his shirt and handed it to me.... it was my baby, perfectly formed. He weighed 14 ounces.

When i got home, my husband tucked me in bed and brought a briefcase in to me. Inside were the hospital bracelets for Michael, along with his footprints, the card announcing his birth weight & name, and the hospital blanket. i added the picture, and after the graveside services held for him, the guest book.

i carried that briefcase with me through my many moves for over 2 decades. An ex had a friend who worked for a gravestone maker, and asked her to make a small granite marker for me, with his name & the date. i moved that each time too.

It was years before i finished my grieving process for him. But i finally did a few years ago. i got rid of the briefcase & marker. i realized no longer needed them, and that ridding myself of them had nothing to do with my remembering him.

i still occasionally think of him. Wonder what he'd be like today, at the age of 26. i have my living son Tony to compare him to, although logically i know that the 6 years between their births made a huge difference in their non-comparable upbringings.

Each year on his birth day, i send him kisses & hugs.

i no longer feel sad, because i know that Mama Nature knew what was best for him, and for me.

i learned, because of Michael, that no one in the world has the right to tell you how long your grieving should last, or that they know what you're going through because they've been there too. They may know some similarities.... but they are not me and therefor they do not know how i felt.

i also learned that i did indeed have to let go. That it was not healthy for me to hang on to him or to my life at that time. The guilt i felt for what i may have done to cause his death was only killing me slowly....there was no purpose for it. It happened as it was meant to happen....Mother Nature knows best.

I lost my Da October 1st of this year. Mam gave me some of his things, hat, clothes etc..
I still reach in the closet and put my face into the shirt was wearing the day before. Smells like him, and I try not to cry, but sometimes I do. Even now just the thought that I will never see him, hear his voice, or hug him, just hits me and I feel myself falling apart.
He was all I ever hoped to be.

I miss you Da!

[QUOTE=MsTinkerbelly;230550]I lost my Mother in May of this year. I used to call home and check in with her every day at 10am when I had to work. Now, 10am comes and I sit quietly remembering the loss.

QUOTE]

I can really relate to this, when my daughter was sick, even when I was at work, if noone else was answering the phone I would walk over and check the caller id and answer it no matter what if it was her number, I still do this,her yahoo email has recently started sending out spam, and it gets me everytime I all of a sudden open my mail and there is one from her addy. makes me shiver...

[quote=Mtn;230613]I lost my brother last week. I'm just beginning this process. I get what you're saying about emails, because facebook keeps popping up with his icon. It takes my breath away. :(

Hang in there everyone.
-Mr. Moon

I lost my partner in an accident in 2003. I still miss her, and I still catch myself thinking about how much better everything was when she was here. I was so overwhelmed with grief for the first few years that it seemed like it would never get better. It did, but I was changed in many ways.

I lost my next girlfriend in Dec of '08. We had 8 1/2 days notice this time. I spent all of '09 crashing every vehicle I could get my hands on, some of them multiple times. I walked away from all of them. I spent all of this year getting moving violations, but I'm no longer crashing.

My friends are nervously waiting for me to find some other way to grieve. I stay very, very busy. I've been funneling my energy into a motorcycle advocacy organisation that I started in the spring of '08. All my time is now occupied doing useful work, which was my goal. I may be a bit too busy and stressed out, though. I recently developed shingles. Ach!

I'm approaching the second anniversary of my gf's passing, and this May will be my late partner's ninth anniversary. It still feels raw and fresh. I wish I could tell everyone how easy it becomes, but that would be a lie. It may not become easy, but eventually the grief becomes a part of your life, rather than your whole life.

Take care of yourselves this Holiday season.

as i sat here reading all 6 pages, i feel for each and everyone of you.

i lost my mom 17 years ago this month, my dad june 06. i havent lost
anyone that close to my heart until today.

we lost my sons grandmother to cancer. she has had it over the last 20 years,
she turned 77 on nov 3rd. she had gone down hill this year, but nothing like the last 30 days. its a mean disease.

i truly dont know how kelle will grieve, but it scares me to death.

Kelle's mom was a great woman, she was standing across from me when kelle gave birth to Avery. it is something that i will never forget. although kelle and havent been together, we share a son, and her family is like my own.

i know we will grieve differently, but i will keep grandmama alive in my son's eyes for the rest of my life.

RIP Annie Ruth Milliken