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Firsts...
Seconds.... Chances... Risks.... Awareness.... |
SUPER BOWL SUNDAY !!! YEAH BABY !!!! GOOOO PATRIOTS !!!!
BOOM SHACKALACKA BOOM !! |
Having an ex come back in to my life.
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Pondering the concept of a person tying them self to the couch and wth is fun about that. Lmao
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Given my former occupation, I got into the habit of reading the obituaries. Im noticing how the way they are written is now reflecting societal changes. There is one today for an unfortunate young woman who died from "an drug overdose after living with addictive illness for many years". Overdoses are becoming a very disturbing pattern in this area. Sometimes, acknowledging something makes it very real and helps to erase the stigmas associated with it. There is one where the first survivor listed is her puppy. I can relate to this cuz my cat was the first thing mentioned in my will. There is one where the survivors are listed as her parents - mother, father, other father, and other father. This is the first time I have seen more than two parents listed without the use of "step parent". |
My Doctor appointment with my primary Doc today.. Hope to get some questions answered.. But I am nervous as hell lot of stuff to go over and I know she will be happy with the weight loss but it is the other stuff that scares the hell out of me and after the appointment good or bad I have to go to work..
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Wondering what my new MRI will show on my lower back? It's been 7 yrs since my injury that I had one done.
Worried about my soc. sec. disability review paperwork questionaire I filled out if it will trigger a review from "Their Doctors" whom have never seen me. I worry everytime I have to fill that crap out. I don't want to have a fight on my hands, they already agreed from my doctors reports that I was disabled, and I don't want anything to happen to that decision they made 7yrs ago. Nothing has gotten better. My ptsd, depression, anxiety and back pain are what disabled me in the first place and all that's still there. ugh. I hate having to worry about the unknown. I think I"d freak the fuck out if I lost my disabilty because no one will hire me because everything I know how to do involves using my back. UGH UGH UGH. ps. I think I'm a worry wort. :( |
Morphing my moon tattoo into a dream catcher. I'm finding really intricate ones on pinterst with beautiful partial coloring and it's making me want it.
I've been looking at artists today for my new one and then I found the dream catchers, and it never ends :) |
It's pretty cool to be able to make mistakes and keep going....best skill ever!!!
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Can't sleep. Our daughter's pre-op appointment is today. The weather is not co-operating. I'm so worried we won't be able to go. Worried sick about the surgery, but know it is needed and will start her on her way to being one step closer to better. I know she's scared - I'm scared too - But she'll never know that. So thankful for the love, support and strength we are blessed to have surround us each and every day. Okay - That's all - Going to go back to distracting myself. :waitinggirl: |
Getting out and going up to Niagara Falls today for a hike and to soak in the beauty that is up there. I hope to get some good pictures of the frozen falls. It is one of my favoite places and just kind of needing the reconnect and grounding today. Time to hike and get out of my own head for a while..
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What is on my mind?
The amount of pain I am in. I am sitting here watching last nights ep. of the americans and I am in so much pain from the lovely tumor that lives inside my lower spine. I am just so sick of being in pain! I am also sick to death of talking about it, thinking about it and dealing with it! Grrrrrrrr!
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Wondering how it will feel when I see the "for sale" sign and the lock box.
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thinking about lunch with my baby sister, a baby that turned 46 a few days ago. SMH she sure makes things complicated for herself.
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This song.
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A, B, and J
B is 10 days post op surgery for AFS and she is still not feeling well. These three have endured a surgery and then a death in their family all within 3 days. Today is the memorial service. :candle: |
Sooooo friggin much....its all a blur...
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The upcoming wedding, my family is still fighting and the wedding is a month away.
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My job interview in about an hour
that I am 40 as of yesterday Spring Equinox Solar Eclipse Ostara Super Moon my desire for warmer weather |
My mother's mortality...
With one of her sisters just passed, and the other give. A year (maybe) to live...I can't help but wonder why am so fortunate to have the (thus far) healthy sister for my mom? I feel for my cousins. I can't even think about losing my mother so young (early/mid 60s is young in my book) I've also been wondering if my mom is thinking these things. She is like a still brook. It all bubbles to the surface in its own good time...and I won't rush her with that line of thinking. I do wish she would get a thorough work up done though. |
That this Thursday at 5pm can not get here fast enough.
That I am blessed with a wonderful family. That I have people in my life that truly love me. They not only say the words, but their actions follow. That I need to focus on that instead of letting a bad day unbalance me. |
Being called in for an unexpected doctor visit tomorrow. They better not take long...I plan on being back to the lake before noon.
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Today was my son's birthday. I tried to get him what he wanted and make it special for him. It was a struggle. Last night at 10 pm, my sister's baby was delivered by c section. She already knew several hours prior, that the baby was gone. My heart feels like it's been crushed.
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On my mind...my Dad. He suffers from many things, but what concerns me today, getting a call from my Mom. He has been admitted, once again to the hospital. This ailment, pretty bad. He is a diabetic, and has a very bad infection, stemming from a bed sore on his foot from his last stay in the hospital. This infection, from his ankle to his knee.
I'm afraid, I see the hand writing in the wall on this one. Please, let the writing go away, and have the antibiotics work. |
Just that my life, at this moment, is in this perfect alignment.....and it's a truly beautiful thing.
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I have gotten hooked on watching wild animal baby cams. In particular, there is an eagle family I have been following since Feb. For a city kid, it is kind of exciting to watch them grow, and get to learn some of the habits, rituals, and warnings. The nest has been attacked 3 tmes by predators thus far. An owl before they were even hatched. Another eagle a while back, and yesterday another eagle. I could hear the commotion and by the time I pulled up the cam, this is what I was watching: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...6ab6c8b9b5.jpg https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...ac50d23467.jpg https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...93918fb8ec.jpg Mom, Dad, and the babies are fine. I have now sprouted another patch of gray hair. What a horrible helpless feeling to watch this unfold. Today, I was watching the local osprey cam as mom and dad are readying the nest. Ospreys use weird stuff in their nests. The platform nests have the usual twigs and branches plus, fish netting, signs, and today dad brought in a fishing pole. Not sure if he thought it added to the decor or if it was to give him something to do while sitting on the eggs. osprey cam |
The fates are working in my life, pushing me in new directions. I am listening, I am trying to follow my path and understand the choices that are placed before me.
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Some sleep but I am not that tired, yet!
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quite a bit...most of it is even good..
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Will ICD-10 be delayed yet again? What will this mean for my people and department. How can congress allow the opinions of a relatively small number of physicians, who are campaign contributors, hold hostage the rest of the country from moving forward.
We have already spent billions, can we please just do it and get it over with. I am tired of waiting, the rest of the world has moved to ICD-10, why do we have to be so backwards in the US. So frustrating |
not so much yet....but let me finish my coffee ... lol
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A much loved friend...
She suffered an enormous loss today. My heart goes out to her...but I would really like to hug her right now...sigh |
Just a few things!
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We have decided it's time for me to leave the house of stress. It won't be long now. Working on some salary negotiations, and the the next chapter can begin! I'm nervous and excited.
I'm trying real hard to think of the upcoming summer evenings under the oak trees. The sound of the night train whistle. The scent of the jasmine, I'm going to plant. Being close, laughing, and loving life. Just breathe....it will be here soon. |
Wow! I need an ice bath from my neck all the way to my toes!
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I think that 6 foot round, 2 ft wide, 2 ft deep trench I dug around the huge stump I have to burn has whipped my ass good today. |
I am glad I had some energy today to get some laundry cleaned at the washeteria and that I had enough energy to make a lovely summer pasta salad.
I guess I should go bake out in the sun, for a bit. Get get my dose of vitamin D. Then eat. Then get some beauty rest. Tomorrow is Sunday, after all. : ) |
Thinking over coffee this morning.
That staying in the present is best. To not look behind and to not look forward. In having an epiphany the other day - I realize it is best to not look forward to certain things - to have expectations - because that way one is not disappointed. It is ok to have this presence of mind. But, sometimes it is hard to put it into practice. I need to start. Now.
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