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It was a really special weekend. Intimate; though not so in the typical physical or romantic sense of the word. It felt...good. I'm not sure I've ever felt so unconditionally accepted and just..loved.
You know, sometimes I think it might be nice to have someone around to share life with, but mostly I just end up terrified of losing all those intangible things that people sacrifice to their "relationship." And I know that in many ways, I've become too comfortable with my aloneness. But overall, I feel good about the path I'm walking these days. I'm not sure where it will lead me, but that is the best part of life - to me, the unknown represents infinite possibilities. It isn't for everyone, but I can honestly say that I can't ever remember a time in my entire life when I have felt more content or more peaceful than I do right now. And I've never had less. So for me, that is what is real. I feel wonderful. |
Anything and everything you can think of, I am an over thinker.
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My uncle was murdered 18 years ago, and he left behind 3 girls. Their mother was less than satisfactory and kept the kids from the family. The eldest, Danyell, was the girlie girl; cheerleading, wanted to be popular. All the things I wasn't. It just didn't interest me. I liked sports, getting dirty. At this time, I didn't live with my mom. My mom had lost me when I was 12, about to turn 13.
Fastforward almost 20 years, it is my Grandmothers 85th birthday coming this weekend. I have dealt with a lot of drama on account of this birthday, thanks to the hands of the family animosity with each other. It seems almost family tradition for each section of the family to dislike someone. my mother and her sister, me and my brother, and now I learn Danyell and her sisters. It isn't unknown to me that my mother prefers Danyell to me. She basically pushed me out of the house one day when I came to visit all because she was on the phone with Danyell. She's the thin girl, the married straight girl with a baby. and all I am is the gay sinner who's going to hell. oh, and i'm fat. Thin equates to beauty in my family. I learned that early on. I wish my mom would just admit it, that she wished Danyell was her daughter instead of me. Just so she would stop yelling and screaming at me every time I say something. last night apparently the trigger was mom"she will need a good night sleep because of her bi polar" me: everyone needs a good nights sleep mom mom: insert yelling, screaming and cussing Always good to know that even if your own mother doesn't want you, other people would love to. |
sleep...sleep....massage...sleep...and Vacation
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Georgia...
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As of today I officially own my own home!
Now the honey-do list... too bad I am the only one to do it. |
Pantyliners and tampons. YAY
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She is, has been a lot lately!
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That sometimes people do not say what they are thinking when they should for their own reasons sometimes self-servingly so, and when they do how it changes your world...and makes you rethink everything you thought before. But also the flip side is true, that when someone does share, and makes it known how they feel and is honest and not self-serving - it makes it real - and possible for you to stand in a brand new Sun.
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Quiet a few things ..............and about someone.
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The fact that I seldom have time to do the things I want to do because I'm always doing the things I have to do...I feel like impulsively hitting the AT and leave the obligations of life and being a grown up...
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That overtly needy people, and instant attachment scares me.
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People that assume things get on my nerves & people jumping from one relationship to another with no time for themselves to recover from the last bad relationship they were in.
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My future...
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What the elite won't talk about....by Jeffrey Lieberman
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A buddy at work who lost her mom Saturday morning.
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A few things.................
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Step three. Add distractions.
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Last Saturday night....hit a great little Japanese eatery on the south shore, then went to see "Old Jews Telling Jokes", then walked through a few galleries, and then had some delicious Thai food on the east side.
The only caveat? By the end of the evening, my false eyelash started poking me in the fucking eyeball....small price to pay, I guess....;) |
Get my Swag on
I was watching a documentary about the CIA. If you really think about it they do not need to use waterboarding anymore as they have several seasons of Glee at their disposal.
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i'm contemplating getting rid of cable TV.
It's good for the History, NatGeo, and Discovery channels, but all too often I find myself glued to crime dramas - Law & Order SVU, Criminal Minds, and Snapped for example. Tonight I'm watching the Law & Order SVU marathon and it just feels a little bit twisted to me to be "entertained" or "riveted" by these sorts of topics - victimization of women, children, and the otherwise marginalized. I can't help but think that for me, it is completely incompatible with my spiritual practice. And I find those sorts of images (whether real or scripted) affect the energy in my home if only in the most subtle of ways. I would really miss the educational programming, though. So I guess I just have to learn to stay away from the garbage. |
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Plus it helps teach you how to get away with murder. In case you ever need to do that. Or dispose of a body. Or two. :cheesy: |
Going to work at the new store, tomorrow. According to the schedule that was written, I see time sheet fraud already. I'll be causing trouble....yes, I'm the new girl!
Ummm...usually procedures are in place for a reason! Stay tuned. |
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An upcoming trip to see friends...I so need it.
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The Past: A moment in time, words exchanged, and then nothing.
The Future: Moment by Moment, whispers, and everything yet nothing. |
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lol, Gemme. I worry about you sometimes. :tease: But, yes; you make a valid case - and that's probably from watching all those courtroom dramas! lol Thank you. I appreciate your feedback. :) |
On a thoughtful friend hoping the rest of her day was better! :-)
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Good things...
Enjoying the ride... Keeping the demons at bay... |
I need to find a way to make my dollars stretch.
Things are getting better... but I'm still walking that fine line I know I can do this! |
A transcript in the mail so I can enroll in web design and get this degree out of the way
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The progression of our relationship.
How I need to progress in my life with God. |
Software tests some PC users are doing today. I'm not a software developer but I'm in a holding position till they're done with their tests.
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the whole FWB gig....
any insight would be most welcome... :) |
I'm thinking about what I'm going to do over the summer, how I usually spend all summer doing nothing but being bored and then groaning when it's over. I wonder how far I'll have to drive to find something fun to do?
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That I just desire that everyone I love and care for, to be happy...above all else.
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time
a distant Thunder
that has become gentler with the passage of Time but no less Sensual... Greco |
So many things....
Life Love friendship Loss My Mom has been gone 5 years tomorrow...sadness Laughter I bet it will be hard to sleep tonight. :passinggas: dang dog! |
Just how much I need these days away
I seem to have lost my motivation |
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