I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I kinda wasted most of my younger years drinking and partying, job-hopping, not thinking at all about the future and what I needed to do to prepare myself. My spouse and I both partied and danced and lived it up, and never planned for the NOW. Here I am 47 yrs old with no 401k, making good money as a CNA Team Leader but would rather just clean up after dogs and do commercial cleaning, but knowing that won't pay the mortgage. I'm going through a mid-life crisis, according to my family doctor, because of my hormones as I'm starting menopause. I look back and say damned why didn't I go to school, learn a trade, do something?????? Why did we wait so long to buy the house?? Why didn't I stick with the job closer to home???? All this coulda, shoulda, woulda crap is what's on my mind right now. Oh and the grandkids and all their drama, and my stepson's pending divorce, blah, blah, blah. I just wanna run away to the islands for a few months!!!!:|
Anybody care to join me??????? LOL!:jester::jester::jester::jester::jester::jeste r:

Haha! I will join you and your spouse to the islands. Y'all sound like fun people. Dancing and partying youth away. I did the same thing. I went to college in my late 20's so I have played catch up all this time.

Hang in there, you will get it all figured out. Take things one piece at a time. Definitely get a 401 or other retirement plan as soon as you can.

Chad

The news alert that just came to my phone - 3 Baton Rouge police officers dead - 3 injured - in an ambush mirroring Dallas as it happened right outside police HQ as well.

Sad but true, this will not stop - until the policemen that are killing unarmed black human beings are brought to justice - as they should be - as they should have been LONG before they were caught on cell phones, etc. This is not something that just happened overnight.

Wake up, America.

I'm terrified for the future that is being created for my grandchildren....

How can a transman be a misogynist?? I was driving along with a friend who is trans and he was displaying a bit of road rage. Whenever a bad driver got in front of him he would speed up to check and then sneer 'yup, figured it was a woman.' Is that not sheer craziness....? I would say so!

My friend who had a stroke is finally home from the hospital. I will soon be traveling to see them after my doctor appts are over. Wish I could go now. She and her daughter called me asking for my help. I feel guilty for having to postpone.

Paying my bills.

Apparently I've become the talkative southerner that northerners can't wait to get away from...

Fine..

Not fine.

Meh

Every time I see a racist, homophobic, pro-Trump, or sexist post pop up on my news feed as posted by my supervisor (happens quite often), I harken back to the time that I intended to text a fellow colleague and instead sent a text to my supervisor that read "(Supervisor's Name) is such a damned ignorant prude!"...as she was sitting in the room directly across from me loudly complaining about her child being exposed to a family-oriented LGBT television show.

At the time I was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D. Nowadays the memory just brings a smile to my face. :)

Part of Yesterday and today have been rough for me. For reasons that I do know, I have been emotionally all over the map. Easily aggravated and irritable. (And no it's not hormone related lol). Hoping a little thinking followed by sleep will help.

Sometimes it seems the things placed upon our hearts, that we want to do or feel we ought to do.....are beyond our ability to do.....frustrating...and yet, I feel compelled to ask myself why would it be on my heart if it is not for me to do? Which then quickly leads to more questions......Who placed it there? What purpose would (if I could act) it serve for me? others? Not just on the surface, but digging deeper...
to get to the heart of it.....and there yes, there it is....the answers. The why....

and....

what glorious freedom can be found in the answers.....

On my mind
 

My lunch, that leftover conference sandwich looked a little sketchy. Good thing that I only took a couple of bites.

:doh:

Right now I am thoroughly confused. :|

Work. Getting ready to start another marathon weekend.

Gonna eat my Wheaties, paint my face, put my shoulder to the wheel, and get this party going.

:bow:

This coming weekend and not being able to sleep more than a couple hours at a time.

My lil dachsie.....Heidi Grilla
 

My mind?
 

I hate when I second guess myself. It is like I say or do something and then think -- should I have? I get inside my head so much about it that it ends up making me feel foolish and from that --out of sorts. Bah. I guess I also need to work on having expectations --which is not always a good thing--sometimes it is like setting yourself up for a letdown. Bah, again.

My diabetes and lack of success with my new fast acting insulin. I'm getting frustrated.

kittens are too damn cute...

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...57429e1137.jpg

Little Guy received an exam this morning and continues to improve and show great progress. The eaglets flying skills have become more coordinated and is using both feet to land and no longer favorites the right leg.

As part of his rehabilitation, the eaglet will continue to receive daily conditioning and live prey training (will spare you the video's of that :)

Once he successfully completes the live prey training, a release will be scheduled.

On my mind: I have realized that I do not do rudeness very well. (right now you are likely saying "well, duh") but it is more than that. I am a pretty low-key person. That is to say I can let things roll off me--and I consider the whole picture (meaning: does this person impact my life in any way?, do I hold them dear?, etc.) before I make comment on the situation at hand.

However, when it comes to just blatant rudeness --the kind that just happens for no reason at all other than the person just wants to "be that way" and hands it out as though it is a nicely wrapped Christmas gift --and then when you catch the rudeness and question it-- they either ignore you-- or better yet-- respond as if they have no clue what you are talking about --At the very least --OWN your rudeness.

Yes-- I do not do rudeness very well and find that I have less of a "let it roll off me" stance anymore.

Sometimes, it makes me want to get more intro versus extro -verted.

(end of the vent)

Interesting above post and I do not do rudeness well either! Well to say that I don't handle rudeness when someone is rude to someone else and I witness it I guess I should stipulate!

More than once, I'v stuck my nose in when I felt someone was being rude to a retail clerk or some other similar situation and perhaps some day I may get a bullet between my eyes but I just can't stand back and not speak up!

Lil Guy to return to the wild soon.
 

Lil Guy has been cleared for release by CROW's veterinary staff and will be returned to the wild in the near future.

He has been successful during live prey testing and continues to improve on the skills needed for catching live fish.

His stay at CROW was extended to ensure vital hunting skills were effectively developed. In Florida, approximately 80 percent of a bald eagles diet is fish, so this will continue to be the focus for the remainder of the eaglets rehabilitation at ‪#‎CROWClinic‬.

We will be filming the release and will share all the details at a later date.

on my mind: life changes
 

I feel like I’ve been in a play and following along with the script and sometimes adlibbing as unexpected action transpired. The show has been running for a long time allowing the actors to grow comfortable with the script to even change things up and to add new a actor to some scenes.

Then one day the play changed. Initially I didn’t realize it; I kept doing my part, playing my role…Once I realized the script was no longer useful I attempted to learn the new lines, to catch on to the action but the other actor wouldn’t share the script. I found myself confused, bewilder and at times rather frustrated. Expressing my thoughts and feelings resulted in blame, anger and no changes.

I asked for some adjustments to the show and the roles being played….but both parties have to want the changes to occur in way that allows the play to continue, if it will or even can….

So I’m leaving the play formally ending my contract. It was not part of the plan, not what I thought I was signing up for that is for sure. It seems the other actor wanted to do a different show altogether than I had thought we’d agreed upon.

I’m starting over and this time I’m going to write more of my own script, have a bit more say in the direction action goes, at least for some of the scenes I’m writing them all on my own…other scenes are going to written alongside someone new…with laughter, love, negotiation and playful banter….

Some of the choices I have made, both in the past and the here and now. The sacrifices my spouse has made for me in the past and how strong our marriage is right now. Her getting sick years ago actually made our marriage stronger. I'm thinking about my lack of help and support from her family. Don't people realize you only get ONE MOTHER in your life???? And when she is gone, that's it.......

Trying to decide whether or not to go camping with friends in a bit or forgo it and work on my book business. I can probably do both if I get my butt in gear. I'm not much of a camper but it's a beautiful area and I know I would have fun with my friends.

how soon I can go back to bed lol...

good cup of java though is making chance of survival til then more likely lol

I hate you.

An over night birthday party in late September....

Sometimes there are just some really special people out there who pop up out of nowhere.

Just got a call from a woman who was an assistant teacher when my daughter was in preschool. My daughter starts college in two weeks- so- that's the time between. She called to tell me she had always had a strong connection with my daughter (She did, in a sweet grandma way- and we lived in the same neighborhood for a couple of years) Anyway- we haven't seen her in over 12 years. She called to tell me she has been setting aside money to give to my daughter when she goes to college and wanted to check our address to send it to. She is widowed now and on her own and has her own art studio in her house. I asked her to make sure she includes her return address so we can send her something in return. It's a lovely re connection and out of the blue true kindness and generosity.

How much longer my relationship will last, things are getting tougher the further along we go.

another step closer to release.....
 

Little Guy has successfully been catching fish during the remainder of his live prey testing. CROW's veterinary staff is pleased to see that he is using both the left and right talon to catch the fish.

He is almost 7 months old and the mortality rate for eagles during their first year of life is greater than 50%. But once they have learned to hunt and forage successfully their chances of reaching adulthood are improved.

CROW’s Wildlife Rehabilitators and hospital staff have worked diligently to ensure the eaglet has the basic hunting skills needed to survive when returned to the wild.

I would like to figure out why the hell I can not seem to get the electric bill in the mail on time. Its not like its not hanging out in my handbag...stamped and all. Just gotta drop it in. BUT NO... I now have to drive the thing to the electric company drop box or its an extra 15. ..Irresponsible cuss.

Pondering taking my new truck on a little road trip this weekend and maybe do a little camping too..... hmmm...

How impatient I truly am.

Halloween and escape plans
 

Halloween is on my mind. I have love/hate relationship with it. Sometimes it's cool and fun, other times it's stupid, racist and hurtful.

The company where I work loves to have party and they go all out for Halloween. There are contests for best costume, best team theme, scariest, hardest to recognize, etc. Most years I've been able to avoid it, but my current manager and teammates loves it, so I've participated a few times since I've been with this group. But they know I'll disappear in a second if I see some shit I don't like (now you see me, now you don't).

Well, we're already talking about the theme we'll use this year. Ghostbusters is the favorite so far. I'm not feeling that so I'm hoping we come up with something else. I'm also coming up with an escape plan... just in case.